So last week I offered my spare bedroom to a trans girl that is a refugee, she has only been in Canada for 1 week didn't have anywhere to stay so I offered her a room and took her into my home.
Since then I learned that she used to support herself as a trans call girl, I'm not one to judge people and not knowing her previous situation I thought the past is the past and it's the future that counts.
Last night she admitted to taking a customer, she did not bring the customer to my place or anything but I still feel uncomfortable about the situation, I don't want to enable her and see her take up her old profession but at the same time I don't want to throw her out on the street or make things worse.
Any advice?
If she does it because she enjoys it, let her live her life. However, if she does it because she thinks she has to, assure her that that is not the case.
She told me the guy was pretty gross and that she is doing it for the money, I'm not giving her any money but the government gives her a stipend to live off until she finds a job, granted it's not a huge amount but since she pays no rent and I've got a well stocked fridge and my place is close to the subway I think it's more than enough but it's obviously not a glamorous lifestyle.
Quote from: Brooke777 on July 27, 2014, 11:50:23 AM
If she does it because she enjoys it, let her live her life. However, if she does it because she thinks she has to, assure her that that is not the case.
It's ultimately her decision to sell herself, and your decision to either throw her out, let her stay, or give her an ultimatum. Of course, she could just lie or stop telling you. If you are taking care of her lodgings and food, and she has a government stipend, what does she need the extra cash for? Could she be supporting a habit?
I was a homeless trans girl a few years back, and while I never turned tricks, I had some pretty sketchy ways of making cash. Even when someone took me in, and even when I had enough food I kept panhandling and doing other dodgy behaviors to feed my addiction. Could there be more to the story you don't know about?
I wouldnt like to be dragged in to a sketchy escort/abuse life. Does she have short term goals to improve her situation and move out if possible?
I'm pretty sure she isn't doing any drugs or such which is a really good thing, I think she might just be attracted to the glamorous lifestyle.
She does say she wants to start fresh and leave that behind but now I'm getting worried that she might not have the patience to build a new life, it's not going to happen over night so ....
She want's to get a place and a job but it's yet to be seen if she has the stamina and dedication to turn her life around.
Quote from: antonia on July 27, 2014, 12:36:09 PM
I'm pretty sure she isn't doing any drugs or such which is a really good thing, I think she might just be attracted to the glamorous lifestyle.
I hope you're right. It's not all that hard to hide though. Drugs can often go hand-in-hand with the glamorous lifestyle. Again, I hope you're right.
The most you can do is encourage her, and try to nudge her in the right direction. It sounds like you're doing that already. Keep up the good work. In time, she'll show whether or not she's serious about changing.
Thanks for your good advice, I think I'll have a talk with her tonight and explain that the way things work here in Canada she will have to decide her path and that it's impossible for her to have a normal life and take clients. That the two social groups don't mix and probably never will.
Is there any penalty from the law about having a call girl living in your house?
I know with drugs one can lose ones house as drug money considered payment by the law. The parents of a drug user moved their son to the Grandmothers house so that the change of venue would get him off of drugs. Where the son sold drugs. Even though the Grandma did not get any money from the selling of drugs + her not knowing what her grandson was doing. Her grandson cost her home.
As far as I understand the law as long as she is not doing her work on premises there is no penalty and since I have not taken any money or such I should be OK, the more I think about it the more I lean towards asking her to leave ASAP, I really don't need this in my life and I feel like I've already given her a chance and that she blew it.
Quote from: janetcgtv on July 27, 2014, 03:44:14 PM
Is there any penalty from the law about having a call girl living in your house?
I know with drugs one can lose ones house as drug money considered payment by the law. The parents of a drug user moved their son to the Grandmothers house so that the change of venue would get him off of drugs. Where the son sold drugs. Even though the Grandma did not get any money from the selling of drugs + her not knowing what her grandson was doing. Her grandson cost her home.
Honestly, it's her right to do what she wants with her life. Of course, you don't need to support it or allow her to live with you under these circumstances, but it's understandable how people fall into this stuff. When I was unemployed, it made me really appreciate the difficulties others must have in less fortunate positions. Without a family to help out, I could have been doing the same stuff. Maybe talk to her first? See why she is doing this and come to a full understanding as to why she is doing this. If she doesn't plan on changing, which is her right and decision, then you should do what makes you feel most comfortable.
Quite simply your home, your rules. If they can not be followed ask her to leave. If she has a bad experience at "work" it could follow her to your home putting you in danger. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 27, 2014, 06:23:41 PM
Quite simply your home, your rules. If they can not be followed ask her to leave. If she has a bad experience at "work" it could follow her to your home putting you in danger. :)
agree with Jessica. Its up to you how long your going to give her a place to stay. It's definitely not a good life style especially for trans. There are very nasty people out there if they found out where she lived, plus are you always at home or is she have access when your not around. Remember you really don't know what she's all about. It's great to help your fellow humans ,but your own safety is number1.
Well she left the house this morning and now I find out she has been taking customers, I'm afraid thats the last straw, I've researched a good trans friendly shelter and I'll give her the information and tell her she has to leave.
She has food, shelter and a stipend from the government but that's not enough it seems, I guess she just wants the lifestyle and money and I don't want to be a part of that or enable her.
I think that is a safe and responsible decision! :)
Good for you for recognizing your needs and safety. I once had an amazing friend in the exact same situation, her roommate kept bringing clients home and she would witness them being abusive and making a mess all over the apartment. Eventually she broke down and ran away... and the rest of the story is memorably tragic.
Hope that both of you will be okay. Did the talk go alright?
Some unusual and downright worrying advice in this thread...
In case anyone isn't aware of the following things:
1. Prostitution is a serious crime.
2. Prostitution, especially trans prostitution, is extremely dangerous from a health perspective (drugs, diseases, etc.) and a violent crime perspective (assault, murder, etc.)
If someone you know is a prostitute, they need help, not someone who enables it. "It's her life, she can do what she wants," while in theory absolutely correct, is irresponsible.
Am I way off base here?
Antonia, you did the right thing. You found her info about a more appropriate place to stay and you're not getting yourself involved. Sometimes, discretion is the better part of valor. It's so easy to get in too deep in these kinds of situations and do more damage than good.
Good for you.
You made the right decision. It was a tough decision for you to make.
I have a proverb: When in doubt,Better safe than sorry.
Well, I'm still waiting for her to come home, she did text me and say she would not be coming home last night but I'll have to wait here until she gets home and then have the talk.
It breaks my heart that between good people supporting her and the government refugee program assistance she got the perfect opportunity to turn her life around, but you can't help people that don't want to help themselves.
I hope she does not become confrontational but I'm prepared in any case, I'll keep you posted as there are further developments.
Good luck antonia, hope she's reasonable
Don't know if it helps or not, but I agree with the others. You gave her a chance, (...one I would almost kill for when I finish college!...) she's blown it. If you're not comfortable with what she's doing and she won't stop, you're within your rights to have her leave. You tried to help someone in a desperate situation, and that makes me admire you a lot. But they've got to respect your wishes while living in your home to get on their feet.
Hmmm, I know quite a few t-girls who have been or are sex workers. There isn't much glamorous about it. Guys who are working out a fantasy with a pre-op transsexual are not looking for a call girl. It is hard, mostly unpleasant work.
An awful lot of us don't come here undamaged. I'm one of the lucky ones with an education, a job, a life. I know you're not judging and your home is your space. Thank you for taking the time and treasure to help out even if it didn't work. That you were willing to take the risk says a lot. Ontario has some very cool people and Antonia, you are one of them.
Shalom,
Julie
Well she finally came back at 1AM last night, I sat her down right away and explained that she can't both be a sex worker and live a normal life, and told her that she had to move out in the morning. I printed out information on a hostel ad a shelter which are trans friendly and came recommended by friends.
She did say she only did it out of need and that she was between a rock and a hard place but at this point I just don't agree and not sure what to believe.
In any case she's packing her bags now, I'll store them here while she goes to her immigration class this morning but after that she's picking them up and leaving.
Thank you everybody again for your advice, it really helped to have someone to talk to about this.