idk if anyone else ever experiences this, but since a young age i've always felt inferior to cis males because i lack their body shape, genitals, face shape, and in my case even height. i feel that as a trans person i'll never be "on their level", experience things the way they do or lead a "normal" life. these feelings are often mixed with envy and self-loathing. i'm not quite sure how to overcome it or if i ever will, but if anybody's got some advice, that'd be pretty great.
Since you explicitly asked for advice:
Psychotherapy. This is the sort of thing that therapy is for.
Even if you transition, you'll still need to deal with your feelings of inferiority -- as you point out, they wouldn't go away. Not to mention that, if you do transition, you'll probably need someone to help you through it anyway.
FWIW, most cis men don't feel like they're on the male "level," either. Male posturing (e.g., machismo) is mostly just a way of covering up their feeling of being inferior to those mythical "real men." So feeling like you'll never be "on their level" means you're actually leading a "normal" male life :) .
I agree fully with Asche. I know that feeling- it was really related a lot to my own self esteem issues besides that. Something that may not be super helpful but was to me when I realized it: just like Asche said, a lot of cis males also feel like they're not "real men" a lot of the time. You're as much of a man as anyone- "man" is a social construct, and you have as much of a right to it as anyone else. You shouldn't have to copy or live up to cis men- that doesn't make you less than them, and you should help set an example for them and yourself by declaring yourself a real man to the world, and to yourself. Nobody decides how "real" you are except for you, to be honest.
I get it. To be honest, I feel inferior to pretty much everybody in some way. As a transwoman, I feel that about other women too, but I also feel inferior as a person. It's more a self esteem problem for me than a trans problem.
Never have I ever seen a more relatable post.
This is so true for me. Around guys I tend to feel very inferior as you described.
In fact, sometimes I prefer to hang out with girls just because it makes me feel secure about my masculinity. (And plus I don't enjoy all the boy activities. For example, I'd rather do something artistic then kick a soccer ball.) Even then, though, I know I still have a desire to socialize with boys...
I think that our brains are designed to adapt socially. I think that eventually you will gain self-esteem and security as will I. It's natural — We will find people whose company we enjoy and whom we feel comfortable around :)
Quote from: Asche on July 27, 2014, 04:26:48 PM
FWIW, most cis men don't feel like they're on the male "level," either. Male posturing (e.g., machismo) is mostly just a way of covering up their feeling of being inferior to those mythical "real men." So feeling like you'll never be "on their level" means you're actually leading a "normal" male life :) .
^^This!^^
Quote from: learningtolive on July 27, 2014, 06:19:07 PM
It's more a self esteem problem... than a trans problem.
^^& this!^^
Well I will put it this way, I know some guys that are 5'4" but have a 10' tall attitude and the self confidence that is extremely overwheling.
chaotic, it's not as much about the gentals, height head shape or anything else. It is all about self confidence, self esteem and feeling larger than life. I know guys that are shorter than I am and feel intimidated because of the attitudes. A little turned on and find myself attracted to them but still a little intimidated.
I have this in reverse. I feel I will never be as feminine as women who lived their whole lives as females, and that they have some life essence I'm missing.
It's true, I never will.
OTOH, they'll never know what it's like to see both sides of the gender barrier. I've gone through things they can't even imagine.
True, for you too, right Chaotic? You've seen and experienced things that cis guys haven't even dreamed of. You know more about life than they could ever hope to.
welp. sorry to take a while to respond. thank you guys.
Quote from: Jess42 on July 27, 2014, 09:42:52 PM
Well I will put it this way, I know some guys that are 5'4" but have a 10' tall attitude and the self confidence that is extremely overwheling.
chaotic, it's not as much about the gentals, height head shape or anything else. It is all about self confidence, self esteem and feeling larger than life. I know guys that are shorter than I am and feel intimidated because of the attitudes. A little turned on and find myself attracted to them but still a little intimidated.
oh i know, it's just that knowing i won't ever reach anything even close to resembling a cis male is a little disheartening, at best. thank you though.
Quote from: noah732 on July 27, 2014, 07:50:01 PM
Never have I ever seen a more relatable post.
This is so true for me. Around guys I tend to feel very inferior as you described.
In fact, sometimes I prefer to hang out with girls just because it makes me feel secure about my masculinity. (And plus I don't enjoy all the boy activities. For example, I'd rather do something artistic then kick a soccer ball.) Even then, though, I know I still have a desire to socialize with boys...
I think that our brains are designed to adapt socially. I think that eventually you will gain self-esteem and security as will I. It's natural — We will find people whose company we enjoy and whom we feel comfortable around :)
haha, i do too prefer to hang out with girls for the same reason, though they're all still taller than me so it's a bummer. thanks, and i hope you manage to overcome this problem as well.
I don't get feelings of inferiority but I do get envious of females quite a lot. Truth is, you're not inferior at all. You are a man and I know it may be hard right now but I think with time, therapy and hrt your life will improve by a lot. I do recommend seeing a therapist if you can, they can be very helpful. I know mine has and I don't know where I'd be in regards to transition without her.
Chaotic
I don't believe that feelings of inferiority can be assigned to being trans*. Perhaps envy, insecurity but not inferiority. My view of trans* is that it provides you with a unique and much richer perspective, a duality and a connectedness with both binaries that is denied to cis folk. To me this is a blessing and not a curse.
But language is everything. See the positive and affirm this with your language and this becomes your reality. Alternatively focus on the negative and confirm this with your language and this becomes your reality. Your choice.
As Asche says this is where therapy comes in. Most of us need new tools, techniques and support to shift our learned behaviours, reflex responses, internalised beliefs and emotional state. A good therapist will help you transform your life and your journey, taking you to the life that you so rightly deserve.
Safe travels
Aisla
I must say I feel inferior to most people as well :(
And I am envious of cis-females to boot :P I know the fact that we have to go through this gives us as the trans* community a unique viewpoint at what it is to be either a man or a woman or possibly neither but sometimes I can't help but feel envy for cis-girls with uteri (I think thats the plural :P) and ovaries.
It's something I can't change, and tbh, I think it makes me a better person to assume that other people are better than me, until they prove me wrong.