Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello. I'm new here and just recently began contributing. I'm a 19 year old trans person (Saying man feels so weird. I'm still adjusting) and am about to begin HRT. I've been seeing a therapist on and off since last September-Octoberish and it's through these sessions that I really realized to be happy in life, I need to transition (My mom and sister note that I'm a very pessimistic, snappy person). However, now that my T prescription is filled and ready to be picked up, I'm slightly nervous and apprehensive about beginning. My main thing is having to deal with family adjustments in terms of pronouns, names, and I have a strong fear that they will view me in a negative light. The same goes for my place of work. I also have a strong fear of regretting my transition and wanting to detransition when it's too late (i.e. 1+ years on T). I'm an overthinker by nature so this doesn't help. I'd love some insight and advice from those who have dealt with this. A little about my situation

-Sophomore in college living at home (but trying to move out)
-Live with religious grandmother who might not be accepting
-Dealing with Social Anxiety
-Attend school with kids I know from high school.

Any help on whether this is normal or not and how to overcome it will be helpful. I'm currently seeing my therapist regularly again as I'd fallen off.

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Sometimes family and friends can surprise us. Just work with your therapist to get through the good and the bad as you move forward.

Transition is a very hard thing for us to do for ourselves. But there is truly a light at the end of the path.

Safe passage on your path
Mrs. Izzy

I came out to my parents when I was 19, winter break sophomore year. My family was not supportive at the beginning and did not believe that I could really be a man. Then I started T and got top surgery without them knowing. Eventually they noticed that I had not called them in months (due to the voice change) so I came out again about my transition status, which was a big shock to them. My mom clearly said she could not accept all this. From that point, i started to share more of my life with them, showing them how happy I have became and they started to came along. When I went home again the next winter break, my parents had become a lot more acceptive, partially because they realized that I am actually a man, and the T could make me look like one. At this point, they are still unable to understand anything LGBT related, but they knew this is the only way their child can live, so they offer as much support as they can.
As for work, I am grateful that I have a group of amazing coworkers that are supportive and celebrate every step of ky transition with me.

Quote from: JourneyFromConfusion on August 04, 2014, 12:36:25 PM
Hello. I'm new here and just recently began contributing. I'm a 19 year old trans person (Saying man feels so weird. I'm still adjusting) and am about to begin HRT. I've been seeing a therapist on and off since last September-Octoberish and it's through these sessions that I really realized to be happy in life, I need to transition (My mom and sister note that I'm a very pessimistic, snappy person). However, now that my T prescription is filled and ready to be picked up, I'm slightly nervous and apprehensive about beginning. My main thing is having to deal with family adjustments in terms of pronouns, names, and I have a strong fear that they will view me in a negative light. The same goes for my place of work. I also have a strong fear of regretting my transition and wanting to detransition when it's too late (i.e. 1+ years on T). I'm an overthinker by nature so this doesn't help. I'd love some insight and advice from those who have dealt with this. A little about my situation

-Sophomore in college living at home (but trying to move out)
-Live with religious grandmother who might not be accepting
-Dealing with Social Anxiety
-Attend school with kids I know from high school.

Any help on whether this is normal or not and how to overcome it will be helpful. I'm currently seeing my therapist regularly again as I'd fallen off.

You transition for you - not for others, even if you live with them.  Transitioning isn't easy - it's rare to find someone whose entire transition has been one smooth ride with everyone accepting them and having no issues at all.

However, I worry that you may be considering detransitioning.  Did you discuss this with your therapist?  Because you can't reverse all of the changes once they begin.  It's why they recommend that people see a mental health professional to understand the seriousness of medical transition before starting T.  What makes you think you will want to detransition?

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on August 05, 2014, 03:53:08 AM
You transition for you - not for others, even if you live with them.  Transitioning isn't easy - it's rare to find someone whose entire transition has been one smooth ride with everyone accepting them and having no issues at all.

However, I worry that you may be considering detransitioning.  Did you discuss this with your therapist?  Because you can't reverse all of the changes once they begin.  It's why they recommend that people see a mental health professional to understand the seriousness of medical transition before starting T.  What makes you think you will want to detransition?

I don't know. I've read about people who detransition and am just scared that that will happen to me. I've begun seeing my therapist regularly again so yes, I'm talking to a medical professional and am fully aware of all the permanent changes along with possible health complications. If I do detransition, it'd be because of people I live with/know now. I don't like upsetting those whom I'm close to, which is why I'm most nervous at the moment. I don't adapt to change (in this sense. I'm ready for the changes on T) well at all, which is something I need to work on

Quote from: JourneyFromConfusion on August 05, 2014, 09:36:57 AM
If I do detransition, it'd be because of people I live with/know now.

You get one life. Anyone who's worth consideration wants you to do what's right for you, and disregarding your needs for someone else's superficial comfort is a fast route to resenting them anyway. Unhealthy all around. Figure out what you need to be healthy/happy, whether that's transition or not, and the people that matter will support that.

Welcome to Susan's, JFC.

Quote from: JourneyFromConfusionAny help on whether this is normal or not and how to overcome it will be helpful. I'm currently seeing my therapist regularly again as I'd fallen off.

It's not only normal, it's healthy. It would be more worrisome if you didn't have any doubts or fears -- that would be a sign that you had unrealistic expectations, or were looking at transition as a "magic bullet" that will cure all your problems.

By all means, talk to your therapist about this and any other concerns you have -- that's what therapists are for, and they'll take it as a sign of maturity on your part, not that you're somehow not serious or "not really trans." It's fine to wait to start T until you've looked more closely at these feelings; it's also fine to go ahead, and see how you feel -- you won't grow hair on your palms overnight, or anything.

The family stuff is very scary; but they may surprise you, and in the end, you have to do what's right for you -- you're the one who has to live in your body.

Do what you feel you need to do. Being transgender is not easy, and you will come across family and friends who just won't understand. Sometimes we get lucky, and someone will stick by our side from the beginning. That was my sister. She didn't even bat eyelash when I told her. Nine years later she is still my biggest supporter and my best friend. Others who you thought would never come around, eventually learn to accept you. Those are the people who realize that that they would rather have you in their lives than push you away. It was a long struggling journey with my dad who just wanted me to be a lesbian. I think he was mad at me for a long time, and we hardy ever talked despite living literally across from each other. He refused to call me Kyle and by male pronouns. Then one day, slowly, he started to come around. I don't know what changed, maybe he just couldn't stand that we weren't talking.

As for the Social Anxiety thing, I've been there. I don't know how bad your case is, but I found that transitioning actually helped a lot with mine. Sometimes I felt I couldn't even function properly around other people. It's still not perfect, but better.

Keep talking to your therapist, and make sure this is something you want.