I start transitioning VERY soon....
I'm scared.
I haven't come out to my family nor job.....
I'm so scared......
I want to throw up from being this nervous.
I hate the fact that when I have the time to have
the guts to transition, my mum barks at me for not
being female enough....when I'm not trying to be.
But knowing how I'm trying to wait to move out to talk
to her about it, is killing me......
I really want to curl up and barf right now....
=~=
As we all have had to do when it came to the coming out day was take it as it comes.
Do not force the issue and work close with your therapist on making your plans on what to say.
Hugs and rant all you need.
You can do it. It's terrifying at first, but you can face that fear and conquer it. :) Good luck.
Of course you're scared, of course you're nervous. This is a big deal. You're 21 years old and making decisions that will affect, if not change, the rest of your life. That is heroic and brave. Are you seeing a gender specialist yet? If not, get thee hence! This is why counseling is such a big part of transition, and in my view ought to be a prerequisite for everyone who is at that crazy cusp of fully becoming an adult.
You are okay. Breathe, In for a count of three, hold for a count of three, release for a count of three. Do this until the panic is gone.
Mothers sometimes bark. It just is the way it is, but you are in control of how you spend the rest of your life. You are in control of how you relate to your own body and spirit. There is beauty in living authentically, there is joy in seeing yourself become who you really are. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes courage. It is something that many of us simply have to do.
This is neither wrong nor voluntary. It will be okay
Breathe.....
Julie