well this honestly doesnt suck but stuff like this happens all the time so its not really surprising. i found out my endo no longer does cross sex hrt thus why she said to go see someone else. my old self would be wallowing and saying life is unfair and that i should just disappear, but because i gave up on my emotions right now just to get through the day ( its actually working because from the time i wake up, it seems like the day just disappeared and i started setting my clock for 10 am for the purpose of training my internal clock for when school starts up) thus my dysphoria is chained to the ground. so now i'm just waiting and i'll head over to the callen lorde at the end of the month. i wont need to wait long seeing as i got everything done already so it would be a matter of an appointment with one of their doctors.
Yes, it does suck about your Endo - but the big story here is you have your feelings about this set back under control. That's a great personal achievent Brianna and one you should be commended for. :)
thnx. you know, i should just change it to Brianna's outstanding achievement. getting caught up in the emotional struggle has done nothing but get me frazzled anymore. you see, i do listen. its being a hands on nature that gets me in trouble
oh and yes, i'm around but just for today. kinda missed all the chatting
Great achievement Brianna. Nothing like being back in control of your own life. Congrats and good luck in school. :)
my new favorite saying now is "just let it go" after these last couple of weeks and my reaction to an upsetting disappointment, i've learned another valuable lesson. sometimes things just dont work out but such is life. if life hands you lemons, i say screw it and throw them laughing. i found whinning, complaining and just wallowing in a hole tiring. the only is i've become more apathetic but thats the price i must pay just to keep myself from losing what little energy and sanity i have left. dont want a repeat what happened 2 years ago when i literally lost all control. so this chapter is closed. yea me, achievement #2.
achievement #3: i was actually being compassionate and realize just how deep my loneliness is. seriously! usually i wont care about people nor would i want them around but now i would rather be surround by people. i hate noise or crowds. though its late, last week when i went on a surprise outing to NY and at the most crowded time of the day, at night, i felt that ping as if all the feeling of being alone just vanished. of course i blew it off and said i hate crowded noisy places but i was happy. ugh! you know, never make a wish because it always backfires. i wished that i could be in control and no matter what happens i wouldnt put myself back in the wallowing hole but geez, the backfire is i actually started caring. Blah! well thats it for my ranting. oh and forgot. i was walking home and i heard this kid yell at someone to let him in since they locked the door. i felt like i was about to call the police. not something i normally would do which is scaring me now
I see you've stuck your head up out of that wallowing hole you like to be in...
Hah! You're just like one of those big transparent colorful balloons you see every so often.
And then you deflate yourself. For no good reason other than to keep yourself in that damn hole.
Stop that! It's easy to see how you put yourself down. No pity for this round.
It's always easier to ask if you can stay in your wallowing hole, rather than get out of it.
I'll give you this: We can see you peeking out and looking around. Keep it up.
It's looking like you just might make it all the way out.
We're still waiting...
Achievement #1: Ready to hose you down and dry you off and make someone who can be proud of themselves enough to never go back in that hole again.
Achievement #2: To see you off on a journey of life, rather than being stuck in that hole.
Achievement #3: To see you become someone who can be proud of themselves for making the changes they need to move forward.
Patiently waiting for you. I know you know that you know you can do this.
Ativan