Are you able to go out with other trans friend or other members of the LGBT community or have you always just gone out with a significant other or non LGBT friends. Just curious because I been pretty much solitary for a long time except for the people I know from my local coffee hang out. I know a few people but not on a going to the bar or movie level. I've been invited to a barbecue by friends that I haven't seen since High school and don't know I trans yet, even though I might reply by telling them. I suspect I won't go to the barbecue because I have the feeling it will all get focused towards me and it's not the position I particularly care to be in. I really don't no others from the LGBT community other then Susan's. It's probably why I post a lot. There's recently been other posts about the loneliness and not having other trans friends to talk to. Just kind of curious how widespread in the community is this problem.
I've been out with and met up with a number of other trans people, no problemo! Some of them I have met through Susan's, others via other means. Sydney has a big trans population (relatively speaking) so it's not to hard to meet up with others, would be much harder if it was in a small town I imagine.
I think it's pretty wide spread. I spend most of my time out with my spouse partly because we enjoy each other's company and in equal part because I haven't exercised good sense with two former friends both trans women and I am not entirely at fault but am on a short leash just the same. I won't go into details other than to say that for some reason the real needy nut cases are drawn to me and I've had more than enough drama to last a lifetime.
Best place to meet other trans folks and make a few friends is at transgender support group meetings. I used to attend one in Seattle that met bi-monthly and go out later and have a few drinks and go dancing at a trans friendly gay bar. Been thinking of a revisit soon with one of our FtM guys just for old time sake.
I found a wonderful real life support group. We usually have 18 or so members meet every week and the center is the 5th biggest in the world. I have made friendships which will last my whole life. It is amazing how much something like this can make transition so much better and enjoyable. I have met a couple of girls on this site in real life as well and I value all the members here. I could not be as successful without both Susan's and the real life group. You just never feel alone. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 09, 2014, 07:37:48 PM
I found a wonderful real life support group. We usually have 18 or so members meet every week and the center is the 5th biggest in the world. I have made friendships which will last my whole life. It is amazing how much something like this can make transition so much better and enjoyable. I have met a couple of girls on this site in real life as well and I value all the members here. I could not be as successful without both Susan's and the real life group. You just never feel alone. :)
yea, It's probably would be the best thing to do to join a T-group. Transitioning with non-T people is totally difficult because they just don't comprehend. That's why I think I'm going to wait awhile before attempting a close encounter with old non trans friends. I've definitely change beyond the being not noticeable faze. There is a large LGBT community here in Chicago so it's an option.
I'm mostly a major homebody outside of work. I do visit with other people(you know, the normal ones...) occasionally. There is another transwoman in town, but her and I really don't have anything in common outside of being trans, so I don't bother.
I'm there with you, I don't have any LGBT friends. All of my transitioning activities so far have been stealth, so none of my friends know yet. I have come very close to going to local trans meetings the last two months, but chicken out. If it were a handful of people, i would have no problem going, but there are like 15-20 people. That just seems overwhelming. Im not good in large groups where i dont know people to begin with, i cant imagine how out of place i would feel going to one of those gatherings. Wish they had something to ease people in.
I don't have much to do with other trans people, but I am friends with a bunch of cis lesbians.
Frankly I think my problem is that I have too many trans friends. I've met so many local trans girls my age that I've had a blast hanging out with... my whole social life is with other trans women now. I could frankly use a few cis friends to balance it out. :P
Hmm...I'm not sure how to say this without offending some here, so I'll just say it.
I used to hang out with trans people all the time. But in my experience...I have found them to be a bit too....crazy? I don't know, I just find it to be frustrating to find another transgender person to have a straight head on their shoulders. I used to have an MTF girlfriend but she went all crazy on me and left me...I've also had a few trans friends who continued to complain about things without feeling the need to do anything to help themselves. I've got few friends in life, and much fewer trans friends whom I will really hang out with. I've seen so much judgement without our own community which is rather ironic considering. As a result, I have been resigned to pretty much sitting on the sidelines.
^^ It sure does seem a lot of us have "issues". I wouldn't mind having a few stable transwomen friends to hang with. It would be so reaffirming. But the "issues" just turn me away.
I consider myself pretty normal FWIW ;D
I guess in all facets of life, "It's hard to find good people."
I don't have any friends that I hang out with, cis or trans.
I'm not sure if I would want to hang out with someone who only had the trans thing in common with me and nothing else. That seems really pointless to me. Now, if I met some trans people that were into the same music, or whatever? That would be cool. But, I can't even find any cis people that I have anything in common with. So, for a town of this size, finding a transperson in the same boat would be even more unlikely. I suppose I could go visit the local LGBT group. But it's been years since I checked them out and I would probably be just as bored there now as I was back then.
Quote from: Jaime R D on August 09, 2014, 08:32:40 PM
...I really don't have anything in common outside of being trans...
I think this is a big issue. I generally prefer to talk about anything except trans issues when I go out and always try to steer the topic of discussion towards everyday stuff. If all the person can talk about is trans problems I'm not that interested. Fortunately haven't met many like that.
But it does seem it's either all cis or all trans, would be nice to see a little bit of a mix sometimes!
Well in the last year I have been out with Cindy in Adelaide; Grace, Catherine, Aisla, Roisinstraya (all in Sydney), Eva Marie in Thousand Oaks California (and again in North Hollywood) , JillF and Eva Marie in the Hollowood Hills celebrating JillF coming of Age party and Breanne in Banning Beaumont in California. All great friends I met at Susans. I also had a real blast of a weekend in Bournemouth (United Kingdom) with a TS friend from the UK, met up with Padma in Exeter (Susans - United Kingdom), another TS friend in London and Kay (Susans) in Melbourne Australia.
So you can tell I love to meet people. I also love to talk about fashion, make up in fact anything remotely "Girly"
Judith
I have a lot of local trans friends, like with any other groups the level headed ones seem to form their own social groups which tend to be harder to get into than the more adventurous ones but once you know one person the odds are he/she will introduce you to a group of similar thinking people.
I also feel you have to be a bit picky about who your friends are because it's easy to get sucked into the darker side of trans existence if you are not careful.
Curious, has anyone ever gone to a trans group meeting and got approached by someone, "Hey I know you! From Susans, [insert name] right?"
How did that awkward situation work out? ;D
Hi,
I have a few trans people as friends very few infact and a few dresser,s mostly its through the forums though i do meet a very few when im over in Austraila dfor 6 weeks ,
I dont meet any here in New Zealand any more im not part of any groups thats over because of a few issues in Christchurch earth quakes and i,v lost all contacts , dont get me wrong i did for a number of years and things have changed,
my self im not trans or a dresser , im an intersexed female and so my life is with female,s / women and has been for many years im part of society and our community here in Waimate where i live allso a member of two Brass bands Oamaru and the Sally Army , 30 members together,
plus two in Austraila Tasmania , Glenorchy and Clarance City Bands with 70 members ,
Im a member of a number of other groups and society,s so im well known and with in our groups members some 1500,
In many aspects of my life what you have to realise is would i fit in to the trans community and my issues and concerns if you like are they the same and would my acceptance be the same as a normal woman in my many communitys im a member of,,
i had been told that no i would not be accepted , i thought that was rather a swift kick in the rear and a hard hit in the stomach, and this was from the States , wow,
So as i thought about this some more i had to realise im a female and life is quite different for us of cause i dont doubt there are some things that are the same ,
Of cause im not trying to be a woman or like one , i am one allso how i dress is not to blend in or pass as is often quoted , i dont fit the , i look like a female so why would trans people wont to be around me as i have found out ,
I did try to get on with in the community just i found out we really did not have much in common after all , in a strange way i had more in common with those who are dresser,s ,
This of cause comes to i spent a lot of time talking with trans people and took time to get to know them and understand who they are and about thier Lives, so its not i dont know many of them , its a bit like why i dont have much time for or with men only a few,
Being intersex is from birth and for me its about being a female as well ,
And im well accepted by those who know me and yes i meet many 100,s of people and to most im just another woman who just happens to be well known ,
Hope this gives you an idear of, because some of us are different theres no reason why we cant be part of society like other people i proved time and time again you can, just, you have to do your part as well and get out there and show others about who you are and and youll be accepted , with the right attitude it can be done,
...noeleena...
Quote from: Evelyn K on August 10, 2014, 12:53:12 AM
Curious, has anyone ever gone to a trans group meeting and got approached by someone, "Hey I know you! From Susans, [insert name] right?"
How did that awkward situation work out? ;D
Hasn't, but I expect it may at some point. Wouldn't be too awkward - would indicate they're either trans themselves, gender questioning or a lurking ->-bleeped-<-. I'd say "yes, are you you a member there too?" and take it from there.
I do not have many friends, trans or cis. I am just not that social and it probably shows to those that know me. However, every now and again I catch up with Rosie (H,H,H Honeypot on susans) for a coffee and a bit of cake and attempt too put the world to rights. Mostly, I end up going everywhere with my wife with whom I have done pretty much everything with as she was my best friend before we got married. Also, I am not stuck with non T friends as I do not tend to categorize people I associate with. I tend to associate with those that are happy to accept me for who and what I am. Anything else is just too much hastle.
Nikki
Friends? What are those? It's probably just as well though, pretty much every time I speak I feel like punching myself in the throat (due to my voice).
Sadly none at all in my town, although I just move a few months ago into a bigger country town in South Australia. So perhaps I might meet someone to chat with but I doubt it as this area is full of bigots.
When I was in Adelaide in late July seeing Dr Lyons I got chatting to a really attractive girl in her early twenties. She was very funny and must have noticed that I was looking mildly scared in the waiting room, so she came and sat with me. We chatted about social issues, how cold it was and I explained I was reading a book on gender and sexuality in todays society she then said "She was transgendered." I kind of guessed on a subconscious level given she to was talking to the staff about Dr Lyons. Although on the surface it really was not something I was thinking about at the time. I was going to get her email but I was to shy. Although there is a conference in a few month in the city I want to go to so who knows.
The only concern I have is I might get seen as a creepy ->-bleeped-<- as I do not look feminie at all and could not go as myself given how I present. Still It would be nice to meet other people and get a chance to just chat.
I have very few trans friends IRL. The ones that I've had are either too busy, not especially interested in me, or not especially interesting to be around.
Kira & Evelyn, I relate to what both of you have said as I've been friends with and frankly overwhelmed by two drama queens in the past who are gone now thankfully. However I have met up with a few gals from Susan's who are nice and seem to have their heads screwed on properly.
I attend Chameleons meetings in Leicester and Nottingham. When you first meet someone, trans/crossdressing stuff is the icebreaker but we often branch out into different topics. In that sense, it's like any other social occasion.
Outside of meetings, I'd like a regular group of friends (trans, cis, whatever) I socialise with often either as James ir Kimberley. I'm not making a point to find such a group until I move to Nottingham.
Quote from: peky on August 10, 2014, 09:57:58 AM
I went out with two member of Susan's. We (three of us) visited a museum once, and the second time we (the two of us) took a tour around the big city, they were both lovely experiences.
All of my friends are heterosexual (to the best of my knowledge) so called cis-folks. I would not mind having a transsexual friend nearby.
I purposely avoid places where LGBT folks tend to hang out as I deem those places inherently dangerous.
I think they can be potentially dangerous, no doubt someone here will dispute that comment, but then not everyone here is as cognizant as you and I are about such things. I used to frequent a GLBT friendly bar following trans support meetings, it had a great dance floor and sound system and all the patrons were a friendly and colorful lot. I was accosted by a violent panhandler outside in the dark which left me with uneasy feelings about the place. Since then a few folks have been viciously attacked by skinheads and some Muslim man set a gasoline fire inside the place hoping to rid the world of GLBT folks for Allah. So though I enjoyed my times there I don't intend to return even though these are probably isolated instances.
My socializing with other tgirls comes and goes for me. Depending on the person and if we have things in common. It does not bother me if they 'pass', are stealth, or whatever. There are periods when I socialize with only not-t because that's how it happens to be. I simply enjoy interesting people and enjoy listening to everyone's life stories. I even socialized with one in spirit - haha. In middle school, high school and college I had numerous tgirl friends. Some of the cis-girls would skip school with us too; but in particular we all enjoyed the company of Mercedes -- she was cis, she was very tall, had the body of a goddess and loved to show it off -- and we would catch her ricochets. My best friend growing up was transsexual and she lived one street over. We both knew we were 'not right in that area' because of both our sisters (we both had large families). Even before I was born there was another tgirl in my neighborhood. My mom told me about Bobbie who lived across the street from our house and how Bobbie loved to wear bobby-socks (it was the early 50's). My mother told me she was a girl with my physical situation. Bobbie was one of my mom's best friend and planted a Jacaranda tree in my mom's backyard. I never knew Bobbie, but I loved that tree because I could envision her in those trademark bobby socks planting it. Bobby passed from an untimely death many years before I was born, but after learning of her story and tree, I would fertilize it and take care of it. When the University bought out the entire neighborhood and turned the area into parking lots, they saved certain trees. Among those was Bobbie's Jacaranda tree. If only she could see it now. It drapes itself in gorgeous purple grape clustered flowers and they perfume that entire area of the university grounds.
I do not know where you are located, but if you ever want to just talk, feel free to reach out to me.
I only know one other transgender person in real life.
My hangout is a little dive bar that is very open socially. So, it's not a big deal when I show up. Usually many people (straight/gay) all come up to say hi on my way to the pool table. Sometimes I will get some static from ignorant guys, but that's their problem.
I don't make it a point to hang out with trans women or cross dressing ladies. I try to be as stealth as possible. If I bump into them I'm cordial and say hi in passing. Some of them are performers at the gay bar down the street, so when they do show up it's obvious that they are in drag because of how over the top their make up and attire is. I don't want to get clocked if I can avoid it, just because I don't want any dumb questions. But it is what it is.
I'm surprised at how many transitioning folks there are in my town. Both mtf, and ftm. That's encouraging though. I've had a couple of younger trans women in the last year come to me for advice on transitioning. Very humbling. I've been praised by some leaders locally in the LGBT movement for being out there and representing trans folks in the way I have. I have a local friend that is looking at running for Mayor of this town (highly Republican). He's a university professor here. I told him that if he decides to run, that I would volunteer my help. He said that he would hire me if he does run.
Just to add to that, I think activism is naturally in my future. Better late than never.
Yes. I once used to go out with heels and skirt alone, then later with my cis-friends. Yes. Being with friends is far better, especially for avoiding any harassment.
Nowadays, I do not have such an issue of 'going out', as I always wear skirt and feminine sandals, with my toenails painted. At local restaurants, some workers there know that I am a dad, as I sometimes visit there with my wife and kids. Others do not know, and I do not care about it.
barbie~~
Quote from: herekitten on August 10, 2014, 11:05:28 AM
My socializing with other tgirls comes and goes for me. Depending on the person and if we have things in common. It does not bother me if they 'pass', are stealth, or whatever. There are periods when I socialize with only not-t because that's how it happens to be. I simply enjoy interesting people and enjoy listening to everyone's life stories. I even socialized with one in spirit - haha. In middle school, high school and college I had numerous tgirl friends. Some of the cis-girls would skip school with us too; but in particular we all enjoyed the company of Mercedes -- she was cis, she was very tall, had the body of a goddess and loved to show it off -- and we would catch her ricochets. My best friend growing up was transsexual and she lived one street over. We both knew we were 'not right in that area' because of both our sisters (we both had large families). Even before I was born there was another tgirl in my neighborhood. My mom told me about Bobbie who lived across the street from our house and how Bobbie loved to wear bobby-socks (it was the early 50's). My mother told me she was a girl with my physical situation. Bobbie was one of my mom's best friend and planted a Jacaranda tree in my mom's backyard. I never knew Bobbie, but I loved that tree because I could envision her in those trademark bobby socks planting it. Bobby passed from an untimely death many years before I was born, but after learning of her story and tree, I would fertilize it and take care of it. When the University bought out the entire neighborhood and turned the area into parking lots, they saved certain trees. Among those was Bobbie's Jacaranda tree. If only she could see it now. It drapes itself in gorgeous purple grape clustered flowers and they perfume that entire area of the university grounds.
I do not know where you are located, but if you ever want to just talk, feel free to reach out to me.
that's a beautiful story about bobbie.
Quote from: nikkit72 on August 10, 2014, 05:22:11 AM
However, every now and again I catch up with Rosie (H,H,H Honeypot on susans) for a coffee and a bit of cake and attempt too put the world to rights.
Oh now you've gone and done it. That's shredded whatever scraps credibility I had left. ;-).
As Nikki says, we go out for cake and coffee now and then. What she hasn't mentioned is my reliance on her knowledge of cars to stop my poor old workhorse from seizing up for which I am grateful. I have had some tea and cake with someone else I met through Susan's but we had little in common so it was a one off.
Whilst I can rub along well enough with most people the shared experience of dysphoria and the lack of the need to explain 'things' means I value Nikki and my trips to the various cafes in the area. Don't tell her mind- it'll go straight to her head.
Rosie
Quote from: H, H, H, Honeypot! on August 10, 2014, 01:11:25 PM
Oh now you've gone and done it. That's shredded whatever scraps credibility I had left. ;-).
;D
Glad I could be of service.
I don't understand why the thread poster seems to think we all only want to hang around with other trans folk. I don't have that many friends but the friends I see and meet up with on a regular basis are non-T. I don't seem to get on with other T's and I much prefer non my T friends.
Most of my friends are gay/bi men. And the ones who didn't give me grief about transitioning have remained good friends, even if I had to end a number of "friends with benefits" arrangements. :(
It is always best to have friends if they are GLBT or non. Keep the ones who treat you well. The ones who don't , then those can be on Pluto as far as you should care. In non GLBT friends if you haven't communicated with them lately. Then are they really friends? If you have communicated lately, then test them somehow and then respond what is best for yourself.
Me: I don't go to my high school reunion(graduated in 1961) as most of the people that I knew have passed on. And I have no desire to see the survivors.
Quote from: Naturally Blonde on August 10, 2014, 05:11:10 PM
I don't understand why the thread poster seems to think we all only want to hang around with other trans folk. I don't have that many friends but the friends I see and meet up with on a regular basis are non-T. I don't seem to get on with other T's and I much prefer non my T friends.
The poster I think was just curious to the extent of interaction with other trans not any mandatory sense of obligation to do so
I've heard Sacramento has an active trans group and I've thought of wandering down there someday to say hello.
This small country town in the hills I'm in isn't really the best place in the world to be "different", different can mean being a non tea party member, black, brown or Asian :(
Kinda why I like running over to San Francisco for the day to shop or just wander around.
Quote from: Michelle G on August 10, 2014, 06:56:22 PM
I've heard Sacramento has an active trans group and I've thought of wandering down there someday to say hello.
This small country town in the hills I'm in isn't really the best place in the world to be "different", different can mean being a non tea party member, black, brown or Asian :(
Kinda why I like running over to San Francisco for the day to shop or just wander around.
Small towns are nice, but not the place to be different as everyone will know your personal business in short order!
Isn't that the truth!
I've seen what some of the locals like to do to harass some folks,
granted it's not all bad here though and there are enough Bay Area transplants to add some acceptance and friendliness
Quote from: Kira Phoenix on August 09, 2014, 11:34:59 PM
Hmm...I'm not sure how to say this without offending some here, so I'll just say it.
I used to hang out with trans people all the time. But in my experience...I have found them to be a bit too....crazy? I don't know, I just find it to be frustrating to find another transgender person to have a straight head on their shoulders. I used to have an MTF girlfriend but she went all crazy on me and left me...I've also had a few trans friends who continued to complain about things without feeling the need to do anything to help themselves. I've got few friends in life, and much fewer trans friends whom I will really hang out with. I've seen so much judgement without our own community which is rather ironic considering. As a result, I have been resigned to pretty much sitting on the sidelines.
Quality over Quantity has always (and always will be) way more important!
Only went to one trans social event ever.
Outside of susans, I have little to do with the trans community. Would love to catch up with a few of the Aussie girls here sometime, but I don't do organising social events well at all. :P
I have promised a certain member here I'd say hello if I was ever in her neck of the woods, but it may be a while before that happens.
I haven't met anyone from the trans community apart from one or two briefly in the endocrinologists waiting room. Why are Drs always running late even when your the first appointment of the day?
Anyway I do have several cis girlfriends with whom I go out to restaurants, movies, shopping, and drinkies of course.
I don't even think there is a support group for Trans in Wellington, or none that I have found, and I have searched. Seems to be mainly tied in with the Gay community here, not that that is a bad thing, and I guess its to do with numbers.
It can sure be a bit overwhelming for those starting their journey as there is no obvious or targeted support at all that I am aware of, apart from the medical fraternity of course.
I guess I am a lucky one in that I just decided to go it alone, and am now just waiting for surgery when I have saved up the money. Sometimes glass doors need to be broken down rather than opened.
All in all its still darn lonely at times. Its what you make of it I guess.
So far I go for lunches with a transwoman friend. So far she's the only other trans I know personally. But here in Prague there are monthly TS events organized by the community so I'll probably visit it eventually. The only problem with that is my poor navigation as it's quite out of hand and I'm capable of getting lost even on a straight street (yes, that really happened :-) ).
I'm not worried about harassment or odd looks at all. From my experience (early girl mode before HRT) and what I heard people absolutely don't care here.
The gender " support" group i went to wanted nothing to do with me in fairbanks as im too old and ugly for them and in anchorage was told by one trans i knew to give up and just kill myself. Most are petty and judgemental looking at clothes, makeup and or hair to try and get perfect for the "pass". Way too much drama for me so i go our with my wife and we talk about our kids, our money and what fun we'll have at home. Platonic girlfriends we talk about their dating or cry over their lack of...or ill go by myself and sip a martini and see who wants to talk to me. It usually doesnt take too long.
I don't know any trans people, and don't get out of the house much either. This isolation is probably not very healthy, but somehow I've slipped into it over the years. I should do something about it one of these years...
Last October I went to our local pride even with a lesbian couple that are dear friends of mine. I walked by the trans support group and got bad vibes. Why I don't know. I've been to a handful of their meetings but never got anything out of it. Pretty depressing.
Like other have said here, most of my friends are CIS. That's ok with me.
I live in a suburb outside of Chicago, Chicago has a large LGBT community with a center in an area where I use to work. There is a whole foods attached to the center and you can buy things and eat in the center in an area with tables and chairs. I use to go there all the time after work and sit and eat and people watch. The problem I have is that a lot of the t's that are obvious at the center are young street kids or young adults. I definitely wouldn't fit in. I know there a whole range of ages involved in the center , but before transitioning I was in denial and now after transitioning I'm a little leery mostly because of the density of the street kids who need a place to get help, but it might be like going from the frying pan to the fire. I just don't know other trans except one that I really didn't know .but always said hi to me on the street.
I found the trans community where I live to be very "cliquey", backstabbing, gossiping and a popularity conteat.
And lots of jealousy so I don't know any trans people anymore, I don't like them. There are some good people around I'm sure but have yet to meet any so I hang with the cis crowd and they assume I'm one of them so I'm happy enough with things the way they are
I have one trans girl friend, gorgeous beyond words, and very sweet. I love her as a good, close friend, but with my mom getting so forgetful and no longer driving, I haven't spoken to her in more than three months. I've passed for virtually the whole time I've been living as a woman, and haven't felt the need to interact with other MTF women, and that's alright with me. I also have an S.O. I love very much so I don't have that much time to make new friends with. That said, all I've ever wanted in life was to be female, a woman and a wife to a good man.