If you don't mind, in the absence of a therapist, I'd like to get a few things off my chest. I welcome any response.
Well, it's almost a year since I realized I am transgender. On 25th August 2013, my wife was away and I decided to sit down, with a bottle of wine and write my 'coming out' letter to my wife . I was determined not to quit until it was finished — both the letter and the wine! The next morning I re-read what I had written and decided it was perfect, brutally honest in what I wrote but with some of the more shocking items omitted, maybe to be told at a later date. So that I wouldn't be tempted to amend or delete sections I vowed that the next time the document was to be opened my wife would be doing it.
The 'perfect' letter hasn't had its 'perfect' moment and remains unread.
There never seemed to be a good time, I've come to realize there never will be a 'good' time. My wife works away and our time together is precious, I can't hit her with my news as soon as she returns home, likewise, I need to leave time for the fallout before she has to leave again. Throw into the mix, relatives coming to stay while she's here. It's easier for me to keep quiet.
I've a feeling things will be coming to a head soon though. All is very quiet on the bedroom front — we haven't made love for over six months and I know it's bothering her even though she says she's fine with it. I haven't told her what's really wrong, she thinks it's normal for 40-somethings to lose interest. I would love nothing more than to get intimate with her once again.
The problem seemed to develop along these lines: my wife would get horny after drinking, we'd jump into bed and get started with kissing and me masturbating/going down on her. I could happily do that all night long, however, she'd get impatient and would want penetration. I wouldn't be ready, she'd get annoyed and call the whole thing off.
I've never been never been that bothered about penetration and much prefer 'lesbian'-style sex, I have even faked finishing (using a condom) to get it over a done with. I now think that this was probably dysphoria. Following a few occasions where this happened, I found myself avoiding sex and staying up watching TV until I knew my wife had gone to sleep. Since this happened, my wife has totally given up alcohol and I'd like to think she may be more patient with me, although without knowing the true reason for my reluctance, I would imagine she'd be more frustrated than tolerant.
So, there we have it, desperate to come out, jealous of those of you who have, really jealous of those of you with a supportive wife / partner.
What to do?
There never is a good to time to come out. You just have to do it.
What makes you think that your wife won't be supportive when you haven't given her the chance not to be?
Very true.