Just starting and for the most part not depressed or anything but. When I watch some of the transition videos they do inspire me yet when they do I see myself as having that potential and they I can get really depressed.
Anyone else ever feel like that?
I have an idea it maybe just me accepting me and getting over it so to speak but all I can do is listen to music think cry and settle down I just pray it does not lead to more harmful thoughts. As I have stated just starting so maybe when I go on HRT which thinking more likely now then ever that will help. Perhaps that is my major dysphoria trigger? Still happy for those that have posted such videos since they do inspire I myself can never do that I don't really have pictures of self but eh to dream of better days!:)
For me, when I watched the transitioning videos they gave me hope. Hope that someone like me at my age I was able to still have the opportunity to transition even at such a late age. I had long thought that I was way beyond help with HRT and felt more and more depressed that I had missed my chance at a younger age to transition, but watching some late transitioners gave me hope. I was also inspired to see such dramatic changes in people's physical forms from male to their female. Dramatic weight and muscle loss, changes to faces especially without FFS. All of this obviously gradual but noticeable through the timelines. Without any of this I probably would have spiralled into a deep depression before ending it.
Thank you Leila that sums up a lot of what I feel too save the I get depressed or maybe its the fear of change I have to get over. Not young either but some of those videos I feel I might transition better then some physically of course wont go on mental part:) Perhaps the fear is not unwarranted either definitely not a walk in the park but then again nothing worthwhile is easy either:)
initially they gave me hope, but now they kind of bother me, probably because I've seen so many and I've experienced my own process, I simply have no need for them and the stories are very similar.
While i'm fully transitioned I love watching those videos.
I love seeing the sadness in the eyes get washed away and this amazing person smile.
I just wish there was youtube when I first started, I would have done so much on there.
I'm still waiting to see a time lapse video taken in the same spot everyday from the hips up, think that would be amazing to see the changes that you don't really notice.
they drive my dysphoria soaring to new deadly levels
When I first started, they were the impetus for me to begin transition, because for the first time they showed me that even someone as masculine as me, and in my late 20s, could still get hormone results good enough to look more or less completely female. Once I knew that, there was no stopping me.
In early transition, they were still an inspiration, because as I was getting depressed about my lack of progress, I could look at them and say "okay, here's where they were at ___ months on hormones, and they're not much more feminine than I am now. Chill. It will come.
In late transition, they did nothing but trigger me because I was lagging WAY behind schedule, and it seemed like every single one of them ended up looking completely naturally-female to my eyes, while I was stuck feeling very mannish and unpretty.
Now, I don't watch them at all anymore. No need. I get all the validation I need in my daily life now. At best I use them to inspire others, at worst they're still making me depressed because I'm jealous of how beautiful others turned out.
They made me uncomfortable and discouraged before transition, and when I was early in transition I didn't have a computer that could play them, and now that I'm consistently read as my target gender they aren't usually interesting to me. The bits I've seen lately are usually youtube stuff I look up to get reminders about injections (demonstrations of different sites/methods or just to prove to myself that I'm not an alien for having to use external hormones) and it still triggers some dysphoria to see how hairy and confident some transguys are.
I try to keep in mind that most people uploading videos are doing well and at their best, which is not a reliable barometer for what I should expect personally.
For me the are two things , the show that we can achieve much if we just put our shoulders under it.
The do depress me in a way, because it prove that we do not care about the person, but the looks.
As a dear friend of me say "do not judge a book by its cover" .
I have to admit yes it is what they look like but and a big but from my perspective is this. Yes it is all visual but if they add some words or at least a general story of where they came from to where they are it is both inspirational as well as could be that you may see what they went through not just on the visual aspect. What I mean is you may be able to read between the lines so to speak and see how they grew into their target gender. Yes I do not judge by the cover but it can help a little to know some aspect of that person to a degree. Better to judge thyself before thou judge others:)
I guess in short it is merely a glimpse into their life and can be only taken for what it is a glimpse not the whole story.
Quote from: Jen72 on August 14, 2014, 10:54:28 AM
Just starting and for the most part not depressed or anything but. When I watch some of the transition videos they do inspire me yet when they do I see myself as having that potential and they I can get really depressed.
Anyone else ever feel like that?
I have an idea it maybe just me accepting me and getting over it so to speak but all I can do is listen to music think cry and settle down I just pray it does not lead to more harmful thoughts. As I have stated just starting so maybe when I go on HRT which thinking more likely now then ever that will help. Perhaps that is my major dysphoria trigger? Still happy for those that have posted such videos since they do inspire I myself can never do that I don't really have pictures of self but eh to dream of better days!:)
What videos?
They were helpful to me most during the beginning. I can see how some would experience dysphoria watching them later on, it is too easy to compare your own results with that of others.
I made a video at 5 months and I received lots of thanks for it, but I also received some comments that lead me to believe it was also triggering people with more dysphoria which I did not like.
I've always thought about making a second video, but I kind of stopped taking selfies after a while and decided to live my life!
Wow, never thought about the triggering aspect they could have on people but I could understand how it could occur. For me, I found most videos and timelines incredibly liberating; first that real results are achievable and that diversity in age/build and characteristics do not exclude the ability for transformation. Prior to seeing timelines and before/afters I believed I could never transition; that assumption has proven very incorrect.
Quote from: Carrie Liz on August 14, 2014, 11:41:28 PM
When I first started, they were the impetus for me to begin transition, because for the first time they showed me that even someone as masculine as me, and in my late 20s, could still get hormone results good enough to look more or less completely female. Once I knew that, there was no stopping me.
This was the same for me. I knew a lot about transition but really had no idea just how much HRT could do, and I was terrified of being a guy in a dress. But when I found the transition videos, suddenly that excuse was out the window.
Pretty much just envious, it's nice though, gives me hope and a sense of "it's all going to be ok"
A constant reoccurring thing I see in pretty much every timeline is the increasing look of happiness and confidence the further someone gets to fully transitioning. Which again is a wonderful "it's all going to be ok" message
As to what videos I cant recall pointing to exact ones but ones that have messages and music. Basically ones that yes give me hope but then that hope can lead me to now that I think I guess fear of change and what I can truly wish to become. Really its probably the fear of how the hell can I afford this financially (unemployed at the moment), have to get healthier (smoke/overweight) and of course the acceptance of others. On last part I have come out to mom and I am sure what friends I do have (not many) shouldn't be to bad but I think I need to leave the town I live in and was born in. Its a very cliquey town and meet people I haven't seen in years or people I don't even recall come and say hi. I guess I have made an impression whilst not knowing I have to many people and yet always been private/introverted/shy person. Funny how life is. I do notice for the most part the videos provide really hope which is good but I guess for me it has lead to the fear of change and fear is a nasty beast and one for me to slay:)
I think only the young and attractive girls have the confidence to upload these, and when i compare myself to them i feel quite inadequate and upset. This is stupid of course, i know i have it easier than some girls, and there is a slim chance i will 'pass' in the future, which suits me fine.
On a side note, i really don't like the music choices people go for, it's too Hallmark. Maybe i'm just mental. I should do my own one some day, to the tune of Tiny Tim :laugh:
I am both inspired and intimidated. Yes, they are a trigger.
However, when I was self medicating, the initial changes I saw and felt were pretty mind blowing. I'm thinking that when I do finally find the place and time to fully transition (it's inevitable at this point) I will see good results. My mom is... well, "well endowed" as are all of my female relatives. One of my daughters looks almost exactly like me but in a feminine way. So if done right I may end up looking like her somewhat. I'm good with that. In fact I've been looking hard at my childhood pictures and they look like her as well.
In addition to SRS I may end up doing some amount of FFS and definitely VFS (probably Yeson or similar) but no BA.
I tend NOT to watch the slideshows, but I watch more the conversational types of transition videos. People like Natalie Sweetwine in particular have been an inspiration.
Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on August 14, 2014, 11:35:30 PM
they drive my dysphoria soaring to new deadly levels
They do the same with me now.. when I first began to stop fighting myself, hiding.. I was watching them all the time, finding hope, like Nicole said.. finally watching them begin to find happiness. Harley/Haley.. the most.. but now, as I'm 10, almost 11 mos in.. nearly all the ones I see, are girls much younger than me, and they look amazing, I'm so happy for them, can not stop tearing up, or just outright sobbing for them.. happy tears for the most part. But many, are 2yrs or more in, I'm not even a year. They are much younger than I am, so their results, tho I know I cant directly translate how I will end up, it hurts tons knowing their youth is working FOR them, while my age is working AGAINST me. There are very very few 50yr or older girls on YT.. so, I cant judge how I will turn out.
So, it hurts, like Brianna does..
I have come to accept one thing..
The only one who matters how pretty, or.. passable I'll be.. is me.
[/i]
Right now, I cant pass, in a dark room, with you blindfolded.. (laugh for the day)
This may sound strange but I can relate to you Paula well sort of in a different way. I think I was having a sort of that time of the month thing and ya I know that is strange considering I am not on hrt nor am I female in body. I just happen to see how I would feel watching them again and not nearly as emotional especially to one video by Sona Avedian. She kind a fits me in ways of course in others not. I realize that I am perhaps different then her or anyone else really we are all unique in some way. Basically I am overweight smoker that needs to get arse in gear and I get the feeling that besides that this dysphoria will not end unless I do something about it. In relation to that video no I have not entered anything like military nor gone hyper masculine yet the inspiration of hey this is possible that I can get my but in shape and blossom into something greater I guess has hit a nerve in my heart. I guess I seem to be at a state of omg how can I do this... May we all find solace within ourselves and our real friends and family:)
They are a double edged sword. They empower me, and they make me feel hopeless sometimes. I say, "you can do this" and/or "you're not even close to looking that good". The things I can take away from them are I know I'm not the only one in this struggle, I wasn't the first and I won't be the last, and they're instructional sometimes. I see them a lot more positively nowadays though.
They make me feel horrible about myself to be honest...
After watching a transition timeline video I'll usually go to the user's channel to see if they have any other videos. Pictures can only show so much. Voice, mannerisms, and overall presentation are the difference between passing and not. So I watch their other videos to see what they're like in person. It gives context to the transition video.
Does anyone else do that?
I watched them as inspiration that there's hope for me and with just 5 and a half weeks left until I start my own physical transition, I've been watching them more frequently. I get jealous, sure, but I know I don't have to be because I'll just be like one of those people someday.
I'm odd I guess. I don't watch them because it makes everything worse.
They make me extremely happy for the transitioner and even happier that I was not the one putting something so private out there for the world to see. :icon_clap:
I don't get depressed, but for some I have been moved to tears. They make me think, "Oh my god, it's not just me!" Both FTM and MTF ones alike.
There was one in which the girl had a female voice say to her one day, "Hey! Let me out! I'm tired of being trapped in here!" or something to that effect. I was shocked to hear that, because for the past few years I've had a wise male voice in my head, and one day he finally said, "Hey, listen...I'm you." I wonder how many others come to the realization that they're transgender in this way.
katiej, I do that sometimes. I like to see their recent videos, to see how far they've come since the one I just watched.
I watch them for educational reasons to see what's possible. I also know that a lot of the videos don't apply to me because, well let's put it bluntly - most of them are white women. I'm not. That's not to say the principle is not the same but I am different. I do seek out transition videos of people with similar skin color and features as me. I guess I'm a bit blessed that my mom and aunts are pretty well endowed in the chest department and have a really nice hourglass shape. But it also probably means that I won't be able to hide for long. (I have small boobs and a female-ish waist, some from previous HRT but I've always had the waist).
I also have a few trans friends but I never discuss transition with them because they don't bring it up. I probably will at some point if they notice what I'm going through.
Kate... it might be an idea to let them (your trans friend) into your world.. you will need a good supportive team, both trans, and non trans friends.. they will become closer as they may feel you're really sharing yourself and you value them. Plus, their own experiences, depending how far along they are, can help you in your journey also.
I discovered something when I came out to two bff's I had known for abt 5yrs.. it turns out they are actually trans women and thot I was outting them! I had no idea abt them, and they had no idea abt me.. well, we are a LOT closer now, and they are now watching out for me, and how I'm doing. Anyway.. just an idea. I hope your journey goes well!
Paula
Thank you Paula. I do plan on getting them into my world. I guess courage is something I need to get into my world too. :)
I find them awe-inspiring. Some of these transformations are beautiful.
I find them inspiring and daunting in almost equal measures though I don't watch them so much these days. I generally prefer the videos of trans girls just talking about various trans issues. I particularly like Violet4151's videos.
For those finding them depressing because of how good these girls look, Brae C has an excellent video where she points out that many are very made up. She then proceeds to take off all her make-up and hair extensions to show how she looks normally. She still looks good of course, but it's quite a startling difference. Worth checking out. Think it's called "Must watch for beginners"
Yeah fixed-image photos don't really show things like mannerisms, expressions, speaking etc that are way more telling to the success of one's transition than just looks.
Quote from: Rachelicious on September 11, 2014, 04:45:40 PM
Yeah fixed-image photos don't really show things like mannerisms, expressions, speaking etc that are way more telling to the success of one's transition than just looks.
This is true, but mannerisms, expressions and voice are much easier to change than looks. To me, if you can change the look you can definitely do everything else, and you can definitely pass.
Depending on how I'm feeling that day they can make me feel a number of ways. Usually they give me hope, and often they can bring tears to my eyes to see people achieve the potential they've dreamed of. And to know that maybe, just maybe I can do the same.
I've enjoyed viewing lots of transition videos. There's a lot of great stories out there; especially the ones where people were open enough to let the world know all the low points and how they got through them. Some of them just show pictures so you have no way of knowing what cosmetic procedures they got unless they're very obvious, but the transformations are always incredible. There's nothing wrong with using them as inspiration and for keeping your spirits up, but it's never good to compare their results with your own. Some of them were extremely lucky to have all the money they needed, and they're not going to tell you that part. We all have our own journeys to endure, and whether or not we have a ton of money we will always find a way. Better to have a transition at bare minimum than none at all. :)
Depends on the video, i find watching those of people a lot younger than myself can depress and upset me, more so when they havent had to endure the damage or male puberty, those who are a similar age to myself often give me hope and cheer my up when im having concerns