What uuuuup party people :D Haven't been on here in a little while. Not sure if any of you remember my last post about being head over heels about a guy and being married to my wife n all that stuff. Well whether or not any of you are curious for an update, i just thought id fill you in.
So, I discussed my feelings with my wife and after much long discussion, we agreed on having an open relationship. Since then, she's been with another guy, I've hooked up with a guy and been talking to people (though currently I'm talking to another transgirl that really has my attention... isn't that ironic? We opened up our marriage so we could both be with men and I end up smitten by another transgirl lol go figure) and last night we kind of discussed how we've been feeling lately and we came to the realization that for a long time now we've behaved more as best friends than as a couple.... now, this might sound depressing, but we were actually both comfortable about that... because honestly, in the end i walked into this agreement under the precipice that she might find someone she likes better, someone who makes her wanna be the best her she can be, and i mentally prepared myself for no longer being married to her ~ having said that, I still feel like monogamy doesn't work (for me i mean, its just not for everyone, just as polyamory isnt for everyone either), and even though me and her are slowly drifting apart as a married "couple" we still remain the same best friends that we were since the first time we fell in love, and I could not ask for anything better. Something she said to me last night that made me smile was this: "Even though we've been together so long and have gained so much together, accomplished so much together.... i feel like if we were to break up that the last 7 years have been an adventure and a learning experience that has made me a better person, rather than a waste of time." and this is something that made my heart flutter with joy because it was one of the things that tormented me during my changes in sexuality... the fear that the last 7 years had been a waste of time, a loss of time we would never get back.... but after last night it felt good to know that we both feel the same, that we both feel like we want to be in eachothers lives, but that it doesn't necessarily have to be maritally.
Some of you might read this and think im selfish or throwing away a rare treasure, but honestly I knew she wasn't happy with me and i knew she was not getting everything she deserved from our relationship and even though she swore on her life that she was totally satisfied; i knew with all my heart that she was just not getting everything she deserved... and she later came to realize this too when the guy she is with brought back feelings she hadn't felt in years, motivations she hadn't felt in a long time, and while i opened up our marriage in hopes that we would be able to remain together while finding our satisfactions elsewhere, I embraced the possibility that she might find a better happiness. The thing is that I'm effectively poly and she's not; she cant invest serious romantic emotion into 2 people, so when she becomes attached to someone romantically; they become the priority. As strange as it might sound or as hard as it may be to grasp, ive always been able to invest romantic emotion into more than one person at a time (im special that way) and it wasn't until i transitioned that i learned to accept my relationship type. I love her with all my heart and i am still IN love with her, but i love her enough to let her chase happiness now that I know that I wont be alone for the rest of my life.
Having said all this, Ive often noticed that sometimes as transpeople we feel like we will be alone romantically, but its simply not true. Since opening up my marriage I've literally been contacted by many guys AND girls who have been interested in me as a woman, regardless of my genitals, regardless of my past. Straight guys, Bi guys, Bi girls, Lesbians, etc. There is someone out there for all of us, we just have to know where to look and keep our heads high. Had i not met the guy who I went head over heels for, i would've remained caged in my desperation to hold on tight for the "only relationship i'll ever have successfully" because i never thought anyone could love or be attracted to me as a woman who was MAAB, but I was proven completely wrong. Keep in mind that i'm only 6 months in... my body is still primarily the same and my face has become more feminine, my presentation is the only thing that has truly 360'd and for some people that's woman enough for them to see me as female. The right people are out there, don't lose hope.
In the end, i maintain that a mutual comfortable separation of romance interest is always better than an abrupt "**** you, good bye", So while i may be losing a rare treasure of a partner who decided to stay with me after transition, I'm also gaining a best friend and a lifetime friendship, as well as my own happiness and the joy of knowing she is much happier.
I am having a hard time not knowing whether to be happy or cry after reading this. It is kind of bittersweet, but if you are both happy and still truly friends I suppose I will smile. Good luck Sis! :)
I'm guessing only here, but she has probably been seeing this other guy for awhile now... But seriously, how sustainable is an 'open romantic relationship'? Is a divorce in the works?
I'm glad you were able to find some resolution in this situation, especially when it turned out as positive as it did. Hopefully your life will be filled with lots of positive events moving forward