Tomorrow I board an airplane and leave California, the place I have called home for the last 16 years. I have very mixed emotions about this. I am not leaving on my own terms, I am leaving because with the hand that life has dealt me I have no other choice. I am fortunate and grateful that there are people in the world who care enough to step up and help a person in need.
I am grateful for the opportunity to start over. The last three months have been the most challenging in my life. We don't think about it, but we can loose everything we cherish in a heartbeat. I never imagined that I would wind up homeless. I'm sure most people believe it can't happen to them.
To be totally honest, the last year and a half to two years or so have been a rough ride. If someone wrote a movie about the chaos that has happened in my life no one would find it plausible. As my addiction and mental illness deepened I caused a lot of destruction and hurt a lot of people. I know that words can never make up for my behavior, but I am truly sorry for the hurt I have caused. I am especially sorry for hurting the children that used to be a part of my life.
For my California friends, thank you for sticking with me and being my friend. I will miss you all. I have spent a third of my life here and it has seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. I have learned and grown a lot. It took me until I was 45 years old, but I learned to finally like myself.
To my New York family and friends, I am happy to be near you all again. I have changed a lot in the last 16 years, both physically and spiritually. I hope that you will be as accepting of me as my California friends have been. I realize that some of the changes I have been through are difficult to understand, but I assure you that I would not be here today if I had not made them. While my situation is certainly not ideal, I'd rather have the rest of the world hate me than have me hating me.
All the best Allison!
Safe travel and keep us up to date on progress.
Transition does make us stronger persons.
good luck. good bye earth quakes, hello ice and snow
Be safe Allison good fortune awaits you with your family.Keep in touch ,you know where I am. :)
New York is great. I was born there. Enjoy your exciting new life!
I'm sorry that life uprooted you in such a rough way but starting a new life in New York is a fresh beginning for you, and a chance for new & exciting things to happen - you are walking through the open door. Seize that opportunity and make something outstanding from it. And you can always return out here to visit your friends.
Fair winds and calm seas.
Wherever you go, you take the growth you've found with you. Addiction and mental illness are sneaky and always want to escape the confinement of remission, so connect early and often. I hope you find support, acceptance, and happiness. We will all be here for you no matter what.
I also hope you see some amazing theater. Hard to miss, just walk through Central Park on a sunny day ;)
Slalom,
Julie
I have made it safely to the east coast. I staying with a friend in Binghamton NY. She does not have internet service, and the closest wifi hotspot is over four mile away. I won't be online often, but for the first time in three months I feel safe and know where I am sleeping tomorrow night.
Glad you made it safe and now feeling safe.
Work on your future. I see it as bright.
Hugs
Hugs :)
Fair Winds and Calm Seas now and going forward.
j
Be safe and stable first work on the rest later.
Wish you well Allison - NY is not that bad a place to be - At least there is a roof over your head now so you have a chance to grow a support system
by the way Julie it is "Fair winds and following seas" - wind and calm seas do not go together
be well everyone
jennifer
Allison, I am sending good thoughts to you.
I hope your new location does well by you.
Thank you for all the well wishes and kind words. I was very hesitant to come back to this part of the country because I didn't know what type of discrimination I would face. Binghamton might as well be on a different planet than New York City the two cities are so different. I've been here five days so far, gone to public places, coffee shops, grocery stores, and restaurants and have not had any issues whatsoever. I haven't been misgendered once and have even been called "ma'am" or "miss" pretty much everywhere I have been. I must pass better than I thought.