To begin, I live in a conservative family, so then don't want me to be TG but I still want to secretly wear a purse in school. The main question is how to buy it? I of course have the money but I do not have a credit or debit card. How would I go about secretly buying a purse? School is coming up, and I want to have a large purse before school starts. Would I be able to purchase things online and ship it to a friends house? Just how would I do it without a credit card?
I am really frustrated, so I will end this right now. Thank you in advance!
P.S. Noone in my family are willing to help me.
Check out your local thrift stores?
Or you could give your friend money and have them order it for you to their place?
Seriously though, I would check the thrift stores first. Soooo much cheaper.
Hi there ,
I am sorry that your family doesn't help you , it is sad that for so many of us , our families are such a huge obstacle in achieving happiness .
I don't know where you live , but here you can order things online and pay them when they are delivered . Also you could ask a friend who owns a credit card to pay online and pay them back with cash .
About delivery , I think you can ask them to ship the purse anywhere , they are only interested in money .
You could go and buy it in a store too , you will get the shopping pleasure beside the purse , too .
Well, you could always buy it at shop and say you are getting it as a present for 'a girlfriend'. Just say "she dropped some big hints about this one"... :)
Quote from: Ms Grace on August 16, 2014, 07:09:48 AM
Well, you could always buy it at shop and say you are getting it as a present for 'a girlfriend'. Just say "she dropped some big hints about this one"... :)
This along "with it is for my
'mother' or
'sister'" where my two defualt go to responses if people questioned me on anythimg I bought when I was younger.
You could buy one of those prepaid visa/mastercard credit cards from a store and use that to purchase it online as well. Buying one at a thrift store is awesome because they are so cheap!
Quote from: immortal gypsy on August 16, 2014, 07:53:11 AM
This along "with it is for my 'mother' or 'sister'" where my two defualt go to responses if people questioned me on anythimg I bought when I was younger.
I did this as well a few years ago, before I began going out in girl mode. If you already have some idea of what you want but don't come across as too picky, and if you can do something like briefly compare the bags you're looking at in the store to one your "mother" (or whomever) has already, you should be able to get the purse without exciting any suspicion. I used to just pretend I felt awkward when I was buying women's items in guy mode with an employee's help, and by laughing it off in front the store attendant and giving her a little bit of information that sounded like it might be true (she usually wears brown bags with long straps; I saw her watching an ad for this brand or that brand last night and she said she liked how thing thing looked, etc.), I got what I wanted.
Embarrassing in retrospect, but hey, it worked.
Quote from: Jennygirl on August 16, 2014, 07:06:38 AM
Check out your local thrift stores?
Or you could give your friend money and have them order it for you to their place?
Seriously though, I would check the thrift stores first. Soooo much cheaper.
This! I use my local goodwill outlet usually, and my primary purse was only $2. If I want something a bit nicer, I will probably look at the local secondhand clothing stores, since they usually only buy really nice brands and won't buy something too worn out and sell reasonably cheap.
What would be interesting:
Is just after you had told the clerk that it is for your sister or a girl friend , a woman standing behind you which you do not know is there heard what you said to the clerk. She knows that you do not have a sister or knows that you don't presently have a girl friend as she is your Mom.
Be on the safe side and say it is for an existing family member. That way if the family member in question is behind you and you don't want her to know that it is for you, you will have a way out.
We are a sneaky bunch, aren't we! ;)
I always did ebay and had it shipped it to a PO Box.
Okay guys!! My friend said she will buy a purse for me!!
I hope that one day you will have the courage to buy your own purse
Quote from: SilentRain on August 17, 2014, 09:40:06 PM
Okay guys!! My friend said she will buy a purse for me!!
That's cool.
Quote from: janetcgtv on August 18, 2014, 02:15:06 PM
I hope that one day you will have the courage to buy your own purse
Well, I can't really fault her for the whole thing. Hell, when I was in my teens, I gave up on pretty much everything, like cross dressing, planning on coming out, etc. I was just distracting myself with music, drugs and booze.
Once I moved out, I did buy a purse of my own, but I didn't have it for long. I was so nervous that I know that I totally gave myself away. Oh well, that's the way it went.
One of the great days in your on-going process is when you get up the courage to just go into a shop and buy what you want. I think virtually everyone I've talked to on this issue (and that would be a lot of them) agrees that sales assistants don't care in the least who's buying what. If they find something odd about it, they almost never actually say anything. They keep their thoughts to themselves.
Stuff I bought when I was in guy-mode before I went full-time female? As best I can remember, that would include shoes, skirts, tops, dresses, ladies' slacks, lipstick, eye-brow pencil and all other sorts of make-up products. And then the time I saw a trench coat that was made for me. I didn't care. I tried it on right there in the shop in full view of anybody who wanted to watch. And then I went over and paid the lady for it. Her comment? "Isn't this a lovely coat?" And I agreed that it was.
You get to the point where you simply don't care what anybody else thinks. I'd say about the only thing I couldn't get up the courage to buy when I was in guy-mode was a bra.
The only negative experience I can recall was when the guy I was paying for some lipstick gave me a dirty look. But he didn't actually say anything. I think everybody's scared silly at first. But bit by bit they get used to buying what they want, and it makes things so much easier.
And it becomes even easier and lots more fun when you start shopping in girl-mode. Like I did today. Got on the train and went to a nearby (and bigger) town and got all sorts of things for the up-coming cooler weather. Great fun. Three years ago I never would have dreamed that I could do something like that. But I did. You get over your fear bit by bit.
Laura Squirrel:
I was that way too in my teens. Back then one could be killed and no one would have even investigated that homicide.
It's a better time we live now.
Quote from: Foxglove on August 18, 2014, 03:14:47 PM
One of the great days in your on-going process is when you get up the courage to just go into a shop and buy what you want. I think virtually everyone I've talked to on this issue (and that would be a lot of them) agrees that sales assistants don't care in the least who's buying what. If they find something odd about it, they almost never actually say anything. They keep their thoughts to themselves.
Well, I had a few times where that wasn't the case. I remember buying some long skirts very early on in my transition at a shop in the mall down the street. (That is now gone. The entire mall may be gone soon as well) But anyway....when I brought them up to the counter to pay for them. I was already feeling like crap since I was directed to the men's changing rooms. (If I hadn't said anything and just looked for them I would have been fine.) But my voice really sucked back then. I remember her saying, "That will be x amount of money, SIR!" and she had this smirk on her face. I paid for my stuff and walked away feeling like complete crap. I'm sure the stupid skank thought pretty highly of herself. Hopefully, karma gave (or will give her) a good kick in the ass one day (if it hasn't already). People like that make me sick.
Quote from: Foxglove on August 18, 2014, 03:14:47 PM
One of the great days in your on-going process is when you get up the courage to just go into a shop and buy what you want. I think virtually everyone I've talked to on this issue (and that would be a lot of them) agrees that sales assistants don't care in the least who's buying what. If they find something odd about it, they almost never actually say anything. They keep their thoughts to themselves.
Stuff I bought when I was in guy-mode before I went full-time female? As best I can remember, that would include shoes, skirts, tops, dresses, ladies' slacks, lipstick, eye-brow pencil and all other sorts of make-up products.
This is exactly where I'm at in the process right now. I've come to the conclusion that I have a right to look at and buy whatever I want. It's still not 100% though. I was in Nordstrom Rack last week and the womens section was super busy, and I just couldn't bring myself to jump in there and mix it up with the ladies.
Just like you I have yet to have a sales associate say anything negative, and I've bought just about everything on your list there. One time I was buying a pair of red flats, and the girls said, "ooh those are cute." And I said, "yes they are." ;)
Quote from: katiej on August 18, 2014, 10:45:06 PM
I was in Nordstrom Rack last week and the womens section was super busy, and I just couldn't bring myself to jump in there and mix it up with the ladies.
I'm sorry you didn't. You'd have been in a position to verify something for me--or perhaps not.
One thing I noticed about women when they're shopping: they are very focussed, focussed exclusively on what they're looking at or looking for. They pay no attention to the other shoppers around them. Which is why a guy can just jump right in with no worry because nobody will notice him.
One time I was looking at some cosmetics on a display and the woman standing next to me moved over and bumped into me and didn't even seem to notice that she had. She went on looking at whatever she was looking at on the display. Now that's focus.
And one time I was in Penney's and found some shoes I wanted and really wanted to try them on. Very busy Saturday, the place was packed. So I just sat down and very casually tried them on. I knew nobody would be paying any attention to me. And a quick glance around confirmed that for me.
My experience has been that women shoppers are like sharks: they're only looking at their prey and they don't let anything distract them. I wonder if anybody else would agree or disagree with this.
Quote from: katiej on August 18, 2014, 10:45:06 PMJust like you I have yet to have a sales associate say anything negative, and I've bought just about everything on your list there. One time I was buying a pair of red flats, and the girls said, "ooh those are cute." And I said, "yes they are." ;)
Yeah, my experiences shopping in guy-mode were always positive. But as Laura just mentioned, some people will have negative experiences. Now I believe that such negative experiences are fairly rare, but if other people jump in and start giving me lots of negative stories, then maybe I'll have to change my mind on that.
Quote from: Foxglove on August 19, 2014, 03:12:00 AM
Yeah, my experiences shopping in guy-mode were always positive. But as Laura just mentioned, some people will have negative experiences. Now I believe that such negative experiences are fairly rare, but if other people jump in and start giving me lots of negative stories, then maybe I'll have to change my mind on that.
I have had no trouble buying cosmetics - the sales associates look on money as money. Other things? It has been mixed. This is a rather provincial, remote, area and some of the sales associates are in the dark ages. In a bigger town there is less of an issue. I get a LOT of my stuff online and there is no blow back at all - some even specialize in trans*.
This is one of those things where YMMV...
Erin
Quote from: Foxglove on August 19, 2014, 03:12:00 AM
I'm sorry you didn't. You'd have been in a position to verify something for me--or perhaps not.
One thing I noticed about women when they're shopping: they are very focussed, focussed exclusively on what they're looking at or looking for. They pay no attention to the other shoppers around them. Which is why a guy can just jump right in with no worry because nobody will notice him.
One time I was looking at some cosmetics on a display and the woman standing next to me moved over and bumped into me and didn't even seem to notice that she had. She went on looking at whatever she was looking at on the display. Now that's focus.
And one time I was in Penney's and found some shoes I wanted and really wanted to try them on. Very busy Saturday, the place was packed. So I just sat down and very casually tried them on. I knew nobody would be paying any attention to me. And a quick glance around confirmed that for me.
My experience has been that women shoppers are like sharks: they're only looking at their prey and they don't let anything distract them. I wonder if anybody else would agree or disagree with this.
Yeah, my experiences shopping in guy-mode were always positive. But as Laura just mentioned, some people will have negative experiences. Now I believe that such negative experiences are fairly rare, but if other people jump in and start giving me lots of negative stories, then maybe I'll have to change my mind on that.
In my experience, most women aren't paying much attention to the people around them when you're shopping in a large store, but I have certainly seen some women cast lingering glances on people in those same stores. Some women will evaluate people around them and/or what is being purchased, and if they see you and suspect something is up, they might glance at you a few times. I have had this happen to me in Kohl's, Target, and in an H & M.
I have had some negative shopping experiences. Sometimes, this comes from employees paying too much attention to you in a place where they normally don't pay much attention to customers. In the same Kohl's, where the employees rarely come up to customers to ask them if they need anything, I once saw a shop attendant staring at me while I browsed. I moved away, worried I had been read but trying to play it off. A minute or two passed, and then she came to me and asked if I was finding everything all right. She was staring at me in a puzzled way. I said "mmhmm" in as neutral a way as I could, but my voice is deep and I'm sure I confirmed her suspicions. I continued to shop, then went into the women's dressing room (the one on the women's side, though the rooms are technically all unisex, I think) to try some things on. No one else was in the stalls, as far as I could tell. The same shop attendant followed me into the dressing room, paused outside my door as I changed, and then knocked on my door and asked if I was all right. I answered her, she said "oh," and left. When I went to pay, she looked at me as I walked to the cashier. The cashier I had was sweet, but that other employee gave me such a weird vibe. I felt like I was being watched, like she thought I was in the wrong place.
Most of my experiences have been neutral to positive so far, but some employees either just don't understand us/haven't received training or don't want us around (like that infamous former employee in Macy's who told a transwoman she couldn't enter a woman's dressing room).
Quote from: Foxglove on August 18, 2014, 03:14:47 PM
One of the great days in your on-going process is when you get up the courage to just go into a shop and buy what you want.
You get to the point where you simply don't care what anybody else thinks. I'd say about the only thing I couldn't get up the courage to buy when I was in guy-mode was a bra.
^^ this!!! I first started a slow, disinterested stroll thru Goodwill, up and down -every- aisle, occasionally picking at one thing or another, like I was waiting for someone else to finish shopping.. I'd stop in the women's tops, short or long sleeve aisles, pick something out, and half-look at it.. put it back.. like I was a guy just thinking ""gawd I wish she would hurry so we can leave".. glancing around to see if I was being watched.. you know.. no one was looking.
I picked a pair of girls jeans, and went right to the fitting rooms and tried them on, as, at that point, yeah I was nervous, and crazy scared, but if I didn't try it, I never would. That was December.. now I walk right in, head for the tops, or jeans section and look at them like I'm on a mission!
Clothes are one thing.. SHOES, are def another! There is just no hiding looking at, picking, trying on shoes.. I'm a boot girl.. no slip-ons or slingbacks fer me.. I've got like.. 6 pairs of calf boots, one kneehigh, and I'm looking now for ankle boots. I wear my girl jeans when I go, so there is some sense of "hmmmm, girl, maybe?" who cares.. funniest moment, I was looking at some heels and a 70-something yr old woman was next to me.. I had a pair in hand already and just glanced over at her, she smiled, really warmly, genuine.. no glare, no uh-uh looks.. At this point.. I don't care anymore.
You will get to that point too, even being younger, and no credit cards yet.. getting prepaid cards.. best idea. Shipping it? Ask a girl friend if you can have it sent to her house. If you're not out to her yet, say its for Moms b-day and you don't want it shipped home, as she'd see it.
Maybe, one thing to suggest, and it might be for another thread.. do you have a really good girl friend, one that you could share with? Let her into your circle, into your life, let her know what's going on with you, you might very well find an excellent friend, mentor, tutor (makeup, clothes), sister. If she is a true friend, she'll want to help you! I've let a bunch of girl friends into my circle now, and many want to take me shopping, teach me makeup and fashion. I wasn't expecting the support I have received, but am overwhelmed at the capacity they have to just accept me, and want to help me open up, and grow.
I would really like to be able to carry a purse but it is not acceptable for men or anybody appearing to be a man to do.
messenger bags
all styles that are female but can cross for men's messenger bag.
just saying.
Depending on your local culture, I agree that we are moving toward greater androgyny in style with plenty of straight guys carrying a bag. it is simply a practical device and makes sense. OMG i had such trembling fears when I fist went shopping and literally held hands with my wife or helpful friends. It quickly changed as I saw what others have noted to be mostly indifference to my presentation. The truth is most people don't care about us and how we look, it's our own insecurities working against us. If we focus on fear it will grow. A smile and nurtured sense of confidence do wonders.