My trip to the Pride event got postponed until tomorrow and not wanting to wait to go out as female I decided to go out last night if only to the store and to pick up my roommate. It was late, around ten o'clock. I went causal but still very female. I left my apartment, locked the door and thought I would make it out of the building without being seen but then as I hit the last step down the stairs and passed the last apartment in the building the door opened.
There she was, a woman maybe in her forties getting ready to walk her little Shih-Tzu. The door to her unit opened and she went to say "hi" but then realized what she was looking at. She blinked twice and responded "Oh.....oh....." There I was in my women's jeans, slip on tennis shoes, wearing a T-shirt from The Mountain which specializes in new age designs. This design had a pretty fairy on it complete with wings. I had make-up on and was carrying my purse over my shoulder with my very female pendant hanging around my neck and a woman's hairband holding back my hair. There was no getting out of this, the gig was up. Not knowing what to say I said "I guess the cat's out of the bag now, huh?" She told me that it was okay and to have fun. I'm not sure if she thinks it's okay or not as I have noticed that today the outside of the building is strangely devoid of children who normally play out there all day long.
So I got in my car and went to pick up my roommate which required waiting in a parking lot. This was probably the most embarrassing moment. These two women three spaces down were talking to each other and then turned their attention to me. I don't know what they were saying because I don't speak Spanish but it was clear they were talking about me. The first one pointed and they began laughing. Then the second one came up to my drivers window, bent down, peered inside and began laughing even harder. At this point I just waved figuring they would leave when confronted but instead the woman who was still in the car with her door open pulled out her smart phone and started trying to take pictures of me. You have to love small towns who have never seen anything "exciting" before. I'm sure I'm still a topic of conversation in their house today.
We stopped at a convenience store on the way home. It was very busy on a Friday night but no one there said anything to me. After the parking lot incident I was certain some customers would harass me. After that I returned home. Less than two hours had passed from the time I left but in that two hours my entire life had changed. I was now out of the closet at least in my personal life. I'm wondering what this will bring my way. Seeing that someone who lives in the complex works with my family members I am sure news will travel to my family who have never accepted my being trans. There is no going back now. Everyone here knows the real me. I'm scared but also happy. At least when I use the complex laundry I will no longer have to worry about people seeing my unmentionables as I put them into the machine. :laugh: I wish people were more accepting though. I'm not out to hurt them. I'm not the spawn of Satin either. I'm just someone who got the wrong body.
sounds like a familiar story. Its always a big moment when you go out for the first time. I was so hyper sensitive that it was a crazy rush. Its great you did it. it will take some time to get used to it though. I still stand at the door sometimes and have moments of anxiety about weather I can do it. Your bravery will serve you well. its ok to go out dressed and you now have some real experience to go on. The parking incident is not normal. That was just bad luck. We are beautiful people and you should be proud of yourself for taking the plunge. best of luck. Jxxxx
That sounds somewhat mortifying, but kudos to you for being proud and strong enough to press on regardless. Keep in mind the majority of people may initially think you are cross dressing rather than trans. I have no idea of how far along you are with HRT, if at all, but it does get easier with further outings.
Pandora is out of the box now! You will soon find that being yourself is the most addictive thing on the planet. Go girl and kudos on the courage to be you. :)
What part of NC are you in? just curious...
Thanks everyone for your support. :) I live in a town not too far east of Charlotte.
I lived in the area around Charlotte quite a bit, north of it as a kid and then mostly just east of it as an adult. I'm at the coast now.
I feel like I've found more acceptance where I live now in a very small town than I would have in larger places like Charlotte.
Christy, you are very strong, congratulations.
You did it! It sounds like it was rough but you got through. Hearing about those ladies taking pictures and all makes me mad. I wish I'd been with you to offer support and send them on their way.
The girls with the smartphones - just WTF? As you rightly say Christy - what dull little lives they must lead to find your clothing so super interesting?!
I think the parking lot incident is one of those rare things....I certainly hope you don't come across many incidences like this again.
From my relatively brief experience of the last six weeks or so - I think when we are stationary is when we tend to get most noticed; just bustling through town raises barely an eyebrow. Of course, going shopping and talking to shop assistants is another challenge again.
Congratulations to you - the cat is out of the bag! :)
Congrats on being brave enough to go out! That forty-year-old woman with her dog may well have had the most interesting night she's had in a while. I'm really sorry about what happened with those women laughing and taking pictures. That's really absurd and humiliating, though coming from a small island myself I understand this kind of small-town/small-world mentality. Ignore them, and continue doing what makes you happy, and hopefully you will cease to be of any interest to those silly people. It happens--and very often, as you learn more and become more confident, it will happen less, or be less noticeable.
But be careful in a small community, as well. Going out with friends until you become more confident is always helpful.
Good luck next time and the time after! :)