I'm not sure why. I just hate myself these days. I wish I didn't. I feel shallow and superficial. I am so concerned with looks, like I shouldn't but I am. I wish I could be a pretty girl. But I can't even get on hormones. People tell me I have potential to be a pretty girl and I don't even know if I should feel bad or good, because uh yeah I can't get on HRT. And even if I do, only low doses cause my mom doesn't agree at all. she's not gonna help me.
I have a very high voice and I'm somewhat short, or small-built. Dunno. Just not that uber-masculine, thankfully. I so want to get my hormone levels tested, but my mom will deny it. She denies all my problems. It's always everything in my head. I don't know what to do.
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=15wfqqv&s=8#.U7w6MqO3BEM
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http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=296i1zs&s=8#.U7w6uaO3BEM
Yes, this is me. I have no idea where I stand. I wish I could be good looking. I don't know what to change my appearance, but I'd appreciate suggestions. But hormones aren't on the way. I think I am kinda deluded. Like, uh, I resort to my looks to prove my self-worth, but I am not even good-looking.
You certainly go have good potential-I'd try to get on hormones ASAP since I...lost a lot of my potential between seventeen and eighteen, but your chances of looking good are better than most, for sure! Your hair and eyebrows need a bit of work, but you have a really good starting ground.
Yep, my mother did that too. You need to push the envelope a bit more-mine came around with time.
Thank you
I'm not even sure why I made this post, because I'm an attention w...?? I am just so lonely.
Baby, if I can go from the photo below to my current avatar you will have no problem at all. You think I wasn't worried at all? :)
Aww, Jessica, thank you! You did have feminine features before, though!
I just doubt everything about myself. I know ridiculous beauty standards are imposed on women. I can't help but internalizing them. I know I am also being creepy. Oh god.
Have you looked at your pictures? You are all ready to go girl! You have to get these impossible standards out of your head right now. If you can't see femininity in your pictures, you never will and must have a totally unrealistic expectation of yourself. Quit comparing yourself to others as you are an original person with a look only you have. You should be more concerned with easing your Dysphoria not how you may or may not look in the future. I say you will do amazing and surpass even your expectations. Listen to the people here, they will not steer you wrong. If they say you look and should do well then believe it. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 17, 2014, 12:06:01 PM
Have you looked at your pictures? You are all ready to go girl! You have to get these impossible standards out of your head right now. If you can't see femininity in your pictures, you never will and must have a totally unrealistic expectation of yourself. Quit comparing yourself to others as you are an original person with a look only you have. You should be more concerned with easing your Dysphoria not how you may or may not look in the future. I say you will do amazing and surpass even your expectations. Listen to the people here, they will not steer you wrong. If they say you look and should do well then believe it. :)
Thank thank you :) Lol, I know I am very dysphoric. But hormones. I can't get on them for now. I am really frustrated. Also my mom isn't going to come around any time soon. she's had 3 years to prepare herself and she still doesn't get it. she's had a clue I am trans since my 14, and now I have told her.
I think I am gonna grow my hair out, shape my eyebrows and uh just condition my hair to get it long and straight. I think it'll ease my dysphoria. I already shave my body.
Sounds like a plan!! :)
Quote from: Auroramarianna on August 17, 2014, 12:11:17 PM
Thank thank you :) Lol, I know I am very dysphoric. But hormones. I can't get on them for now. I am really frustrated. Also my mom isn't going to come around any time soon. she's had 3 years to prepare herself and she still doesn't get it. she's had a clue I am trans since my 14, and now I have told her.
I think I am gonna grow my hair out, shape my eyebrows and uh just condition my hair to get it long and straight. I think it'll ease my dysphoria. I already shave my body.
Good plan! There's a lot you can do before getting on hormones anyway, so don't waste the time just go for it!
Quote from: Auroramarianna on August 17, 2014, 11:58:14 AM
I just doubt everything about myself. I know ridiculous beauty standards are imposed on women. I can't help but internalizing them.
And you will surpass many of them, you'll see. You actually are one of the lucky ones; you've a small frame and features to start off with, and your young which is helpful with what looks like a very thick head of hair. I too suffered with a non supportive family and in the end, they really never did come around. Some parents do like LTL's have, and some don't. As others have pointed out it's not right and it's not fair, but it is a sad reality many of us eventually face. However even in some of the worse parental situations, I've seen parent's come around after their child has transitioned and they saw how happy they were.
Just do what you can until you're able to become independent, and have some sort of income. You've a nice long life ahead of you, and it's my hopes you live it happily as who you really are. Please know we're here to support you whenever you need us. You have great potential, and I almost can't wait to see it come to fruition.
Best Wishes :icon_bunch:
Hugs :icon_hug:
Ali :icon_flower:
Quote from: Auroramarianna on August 17, 2014, 12:11:17 PM
Thank thank you :) Lol, I know I am very dysphoric. But hormones. I can't get on them for now. I am really frustrated. Also my mom isn't going to come around any time soon. she's had 3 years to prepare herself and she still doesn't get it. she's had a clue I am trans since my 14, and now I have told her.
I think I am gonna grow my hair out, shape my eyebrows and uh just condition my hair to get it long and straight. I think it'll ease my dysphoria. I already shave my body.
I think you'll look great with longer hair. Your small frame can be a blessing. Don't worry too much about where you are now--just start, and things will begin to fall into place. Do what makes you happy.
As for having straight hair, this is your choice, of course, but I hope you don't think it needs to be straight for you to pass/have less dysphoria. So many beautiful women have thick curls. Also, straightening hair can do damage to it over time (not irreparably, but it can be noticeable for a bit), so be careful there if you do consider going back to your natural hair later on. I can say from experience that curly hair is a lot of work, but it was a lot more work for me trying to "fix" it the one time I straightened it.
Whatever you do, though, you definitely have potential. Good luck!
Yeap you do have a lot of potential...
as others said though , t will ruin in if you dont do something about it , pls try and get hormones or blockers as soon as you can,,,
Try and compromise with your mother such as starting T blockers for time being or to go see a psychologist therapist that specializes in transit issues all the best never give up.
Xx
You don't necessarily need to be on hormones to pass. I'm not on them and I pass quite well.
Let me go to work on you. I could make a girl out of you, and I don't even consider myself an expert by any stretch of the imagination. Or what would be more fun for you would be to learn to do it yourself. There's great potential there, yes. Develop it. It's lots of fun. And you can't imagine the satisfaction involved when you finally get the results you want.
I had a mother who was the same unfortunately if you want you can private message me
Sweetie, you are super pretty already. Once you get on HRT, you will be smoking hot.
Aurora, my reply is very simple and to the point with you. Do you know the actress Anne Hathaway?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi57.tinypic.com%2F2psf5ec.jpg&hash=c80307f5e848a9326327ff16d240daa35f09eef0) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi59.tinypic.com%2Fezpyqp.jpg&hash=76c03a0055bfbc05aeae3275c8960b5576d63533)
Cheers
Yes you do, I don't even understand how you can possibly pass as otherwise ;D
Yes you do have potential (keep in mind that passing is about more than looks though, but if think you're well on the way). What your mother doesn't realise is she's playing a losing game, you will be able to start HRT soon enough you just need to have that as your goal and the remaining time will pass.
Thank you so much all for the comments
Ally, just to make clear it was never about being prettier or "more womanly" than other transgirls and women. It's just that I kinda doubt myself as whole, not only in looks department. And yeah, I really hope my mom comes around. Thank you so much :)
Gabrielle, oh the straight hair! I actually don't know for sure. I just want long hair, I'll test the waters and see what complements best my face. :) I may keep it wavy.
Thanks Kassie, Foxglove, Princess, Juliett, Evelyn, Emily and Ms Grace
I don't feel that that pretty, but maybe uh yeah. I don't know. Those are just pics. In real life you would think different. I know I have features going for me, but I am far from super model pretty. And no, I don't consider myself a Anne Hathaway, I just can't compete with her :D but thank you, anyway. Ugh my eyebrows are so overplucked in that picture. I really to sort them out. I don't need to be pretty to be happy. I guess I'm just ranting. I don't even know. But thank you all
The majority of women in the world are not super model pretty - and the few of those who are are so freaked about losing their looks they spend god only knows how much $$$ and time trying to keep themselves looking that way. I think you will transition to a pretty woman, and that is more important than looking like a super model. :)
Quote from: Auroramarianna on August 17, 2014, 04:31:28 PM
I don't feel that that pretty, but maybe uh yeah. I don't know. Those are just pics. In real life you would think different. I know I have features going for me, but I am far from super model pretty. And no, I don't consider myself a Anne Hathaway, I just can't compete with her :D but thank you, anyway. Ugh my eyebrows are so overplucked in that picture. I really to sort them out. I don't need to be pretty to be happy. I guess I'm just ranting. I don't even know. But thank you all
^^ You have to give yourself a few points over Anne. Don't forget she's wearing makeup. You're not. She would look more boyish without. ;D
Trust me, I don't say this a lot, but you have TREMENDOUS potential. You have a feminine facial shape, a feminine hairline, and a small build. You could probably pass right now if you had a feminine hairstyle. Plus you're young, so you're probably going to get very good hormone results on top of that. All of those things are way more than just about any of us can say.
Quote from: Ms Grace on August 17, 2014, 04:37:01 PM
The majority of women in the world are not super model pretty - and the few of those who are are so freaked about losing their looks they spend god only knows how much $$$ and time trying to keep themselves looking that way. I think you will transition to a pretty woman, and that is more important than looking like a super model. :)
Thank you Ms Grace :) This is really important. Being pretty is really enough. And I could turn horrendous. It's hard to predict. It's what the inside that counts, I know. But society doesn't work that way, and it's sad. I wouldn't want to be super model pretty, because it is more of a curse than a gift. To be valued only for you looks. Constantly having to prove you're more than just a pretty face.
I guess I just feel so empty that I need to resort to this to prove my self-worth or stroke my ego. I dunno. Maybe I'm just so dumb I'm trying to overcompensate for the empty head I have. Dunno. Or maybe it's more due to with being lonely. I am constantly left contemplating, and it's affecting my mental health and it's probably the reason why I think sh** of myself in general. So uh yeah. But I'll overcome this. I know will. I just need time to heal.
Loool Evelyn, I am still sure I couldn't compete :D but it's a huge compliment comparing me to her. So thanks a lot!!!
Carrie, thanks again :) I sincerely appreciate your sincerity (honesty), ehehe circular much??