I had another talk with my mom yesterday, I figured out she's pretty much just in denial and doesn't know how someone becomes homosexual or transgendered even though I've tried explaining it. She did however give me two bets :if I can give up anime and stuff for 30 days, she'll give up. (She thinks it's the problem) and if I where a dress to school, she'll give up. I think I could easily do the dress after some shaving. First I need to know if by "give up" she'll let me transition.
I bet that she wont give up. From that approach and perspective that she gave... it does not even sound as a serious statement with far-reaching consequences.
You could call her on this. If you think both bets are doable then go for it. You have a chance to get an early transition under your belt, even if it is with a sceptical mum by your side. I presume to lose the bet you would have to wait till you are able to leave home before starting anyway, so either way you have nothing to lose should you fail and everything to gain if you win the bet.
Although as Emily has pointed out, if she is so sure that she'd believe you would fail what's not to say that she has other roadblocks up ahead once she sees you passing these bets.
It sounds like your mum is not taking you seriously at all, and will keep throwing these doable bets at you to make you jump through the hoops. Until you reach the stage you are frustrated enough that you even you decide to forget about transitioning. (and we both know that won't happen).
While they are doable and you should go for it, please be prepared for some heartache if she is still in denial at the end and still unsupportive.
Quote from: Aus76 on August 22, 2014, 08:40:38 AM
I would resist making any sort of wager like this. To her, maybe it is a "diagnostic" tool--ie, when it's not anime, it's gotta be something else. It doesn't seem to be a good situation to establish as a precedent for your interactions. Rather, maybe turn the table and say that if she can be accepting for X # of days you will engage her in pleasant conversation?
I agree. Let's say you do this. She'll just move the goalposts and demand you do "X" then "Y" then "Z". She's not trying to work with you; she's trying to manipulate you.
Quote from: Aus76 on August 22, 2014, 08:40:38 AM
I would resist making any sort of wager like this. To her, maybe it is a "diagnostic" tool--ie, when it's not anime, it's gotta be something else. It doesn't seem to be a good situation to establish as a precedent for your interactions. Rather, maybe turn the table and say that if she can be accepting for X # of days you will engage her in pleasant conversation?
Good point. I don't really expect anything, but it's worth a try. I only have a year left here, so there's no loss if she doesn't hold up.
Quote from: LizMarie on August 22, 2014, 09:13:36 AM
I agree. Let's say you do this. She'll just move the goalposts and demand you do "X" then "Y" then "Z". She's not trying to work with you; she's trying to manipulate you.
Def a manipulation technique. But, it could also point to what stage in the grief cycle she is experiencing. Leaving anger and heading into bargaining? I say go for it, but you gotta get anime off the table.. thats just cruel! :eusa_snooty:
imho, being trans *or* gay (or cis or straight or anything on the spectrum) is the very essence of identity...to make a bet which risks identity over what are merely hobbies is to sell your soul.
Identity is not negotiable.
What I f you had her put the 'bet' down in writing. If she refuses to do that then it's pretty certain she has other roadblocks in mind.
Also what about upping the bet to show how determined you are. Like maybe no tv shows at all for 30 days. Keep in mind that doing research on transition is a really good distraction.