Well, I'm truly annoyed.
Came out to my mom. She says she supports me and has agreed to take me to see a gender therapist, which is good. The bad part is that first off she doesn't believe I'm transgender, she just thinks I want to be so I can play with the girls or something, not for the real reasons that have been eating me up inside. She also told me I'm not allowed to go on any of these forum sites anymore, even know she hasn't even so much as taken a LOOK at one, or bothered to care how much they have kept me from going to drastic measures. However, I will simply ignore that and still come on here every day. And I'll gladly tell her that I am and why I am if she asks.
Really, I just feel like she says she supports me but really doesn't. And that look she gives me is just awful... Ugh.
At least I'm going to a gender therapist. Any recommendations for the PSL, Florida area? I don't want to see someone who has little to no experience.
-To Be Named
I am very sorry you have to go through this. It makes a complicated situation that much harder. Good luck.
She doesn't sound very supportive and more just tolerating until she can get you to a therapist, where she probably believes she'll be told she is right and you are wrong. I'm sorry you have to endure this. Hopefully the therapist can make a diagnosis then convince her of that diagnosis as well.
Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 03:29:46 PM
Well, I'm truly annoyed.
Came out to my mom. She says she supports me and has agreed to take me to see a gender therapist, which is good. The bad part is that first off she doesn't believe I'm transgender, she just thinks I want to be so I can play with the girls or something, not for the real reasons that have been eating me up inside. She also told me I'm not allowed to go on any of these forum sites anymore, even know she hasn't even so much as taken a LOOK at one, or bothered to care how much they have kept me from going to drastic measures. However, I will simply ignore that and still come on here every day. And I'll gladly tell her that I am and why I am if she asks.
Really, I just feel like she says she supports me but really doesn't. And that look she gives me is just awful... Ugh.
At least I'm going to a gender therapist. Any recommendations for the PSL, Florida area? I don't want to see someone who has little to no experience.
-To Be Named
Sorry, I'll say a prayer for you. I came out to my parents when I was eleven. They came around when I was fourteen, and they let me take hormones. My dad is more accepting. I transitioned eight years ago, and my baby sister is eight years old. She sees me as her sister. Your mom will come around, give her time.
-Jaz
Edited for request of personal information.
It's not uncommon for parents to be supportive only to the degree of believing "you are going through a phase and will get over it/can be fixed". Given that young people can often have a "thing" one week and something completely different the next it's easy to understand where they get this notion. What they don'y understand is that the feelings that go with gender identity dissonance don't go away with time, and if left undealt with only get worse. Once you've seen a counsellor a few times your mom may come around.
Well, my mom never mentioned the word phase and I did tell her that I've felt this way for 5 years. However, she did not seem to care. :/
That's rough, but getting therapy is a huge step. You just have to show your mom that you mean business by going all the way with this if it's really what you want. I'm sure she'll come around. Good luck!
She might not have mentioned "phase you are going through" but I can pretty much guarantee that's what she thinks... ("just want to play with the girls" was a pretty good sign of that!! ;) )
So sorry. Sometimes parents want to be supportive but in actuality aren't really that supportive and like someone else said they believe its a phase. Well it is a phase, you figured out you were trans, and one that will not go away but will likely get worst in time. At least she is taking you to a gender therapist and after a couple of session and you figure some things out, both you and your mother may want to attend a session. Usually when it is solidified from a mental health professional it hits home.
Thanks! Although, this gender therapist thing is a little nerve wracking because I used to have a regular therapist (not a gender one, just one to figure out why I was so anxious - and still am - and a few other things) who was terrible. We met in private, he wrote my answers, then mixed them up and lied to my parents about what I was saying. The gender therapist most likely won't be a jerk like him (the other guy literally verbally abused me) but I just have bad experiences with therapists, so I'm a bit anxious. Time can only tell.
Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 08:37:28 PM
Thanks! Although, this gender therapist thing is a little nerve wracking because I used to have a regular therapist (not a gender one, just one to figure out why I was so anxious - and still am - and a few other things) who was terrible. We met in private, he wrote my answers, then mixed them up and lied to my parents about what I was saying. The gender therapist most likely won't be a jerk like him (the other guy literally verbally abused me) but I just have bad experiences with therapists, so I'm a bit anxious. Time can only tell.
>:( That really ticks me off. I don't normally say this about people because I think employment is hard to achieve these days and most people deserve it, but I hope he gets fired. As a therapist two of the biggest traits you should have are trustworthiness and honesty. I'm so sorry you had an experience like that. I'm sure your gender therapist will be a million times better. Plus, I'm sure your gender therapist will be happy to discuss your anxiety if you ask them.
I don't think she understands what being transgender is and what exactly it's doing to you. Why would anyone choose to be transgender just to play with girls? Keep coming back here please, she seems to be in denial and is afraid of the truth. Go see the gender therapist and they should be able to help you out with your Mum as well. Best of luck!
edit: Wow! The fact that any therapist would even do such a thing sickens me. I'm sorry you had that experience, that's just so wrong. Don't let that turn you away from the idea of therapy, he had no right to treat you like that and I'm pretty sure you can report that if you haven't. A therapist should be there to listen and help you and you should be comfortable talking to them. As Ashlotte said, I hope he gets fired and I'm sure the gender therapist will be much better and be more than happy to help with your other problems too.
Yeah. After I stopped meeting with him we looked up his website, it was just plain sad... Disorganized, little to no info, terrible reviews. I just wish we saw it before contacting him. But no more about that, it's in the past. Anyways, I hope what you said is true... That's exactly what I was hoping for :)
My last post is directed towards Ashlotte btw.
Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 08:37:28 PM
Thanks! Although, this gender therapist thing is a little nerve wracking because I used to have a regular therapist (not a gender one, just one to figure out why I was so anxious - and still am - and a few other things) who was terrible. We met in private, he wrote my answers, then mixed them up and lied to my parents about what I was saying. The gender therapist most likely won't be a jerk like him (the other guy literally verbally abused me) but I just have bad experiences with therapists, so I'm a bit anxious. Time can only tell.
A therapist really shouldn't be sharing anything you say with anyone even your parents. What a therapist or Psychiatrist writes is actually your property and you are free to access their notes at anytime. Any therapist shouldn't share anything that you talk about with anyone without your consent. Unless you are suicidal or homicidal and so on. So maybe question the next one, check what they wrote about you and so on. I'm really not sure of age limits and so on, but what you tell them should be in complete confidence.
Thanks Valleyrie :)
Jess: Yea. And I even asked him to keep it private unless I approved. But I did admit to almost committing suicide once to him, so idk if that falls in the category as suicidal? I was 9 I believe on the
night I almost did it, so... Glad I didn't, since I'm not psycho or anything - I had the common sense that a sucky life was better than no life at all.
Although I'm about to go crazy because I've been hearing a spider just makin a bunch of noise, idk where it is, AND ITS REALLY ANNOYING lol
For like 2 hours now
Ahhh, you're going to make me paranoid. I hate spiders lol. :3 Jess is right but I'm glad you're still here. Suicidal thoughts are probably more common than you think and doesn't particularly make someone a psychopath so don't worry. :)
Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 09:08:06 PM
Jess: Yea. And I even asked him to keep it private unless I approved. But I did admit to almost committing suicide once to him, so idk if that falls in the category as suicidal? I was 9 I believe on the
night I almost did it, so... Glad I didn't, since I'm not psycho or anything - I had the common sense that a sucky life was better than no life at all.
Yeah it may very well be. But still as long as you are not suicidal now. It would probably be the therapist's call on that and then that should have been the only thing mentioned to your parents. Believe me Psychiatrists and therapists, if you are homicidal or suicidal can have you committed to the hospital for 72 hours.
How old were you then compared to when you were 9? Usually 9 year olds don't think about suicide. But still, the therapist shouldn't have said nothing more than you may have been suicidal at one time when you were 9. But still a therapist that understands Gender issues will probably go a long way. So don't be too anxious.
Well I meant I would call myself psycho if I did do it, not just bc of suicidal thoughts. Now, about that spider paranoia. Let me find some very creepy very scary poisonous spider documentary for you... Sounds fun, eh?
When I told him I was still 9 and I still had suicidal thoughts at the time. He only made it worse. I asked him not to tell anyone, he swore not to, then the next day my parents are asking me about the thoughts, and when I asked them how they knew, they told me the therapist told them :/
I wouldn't care about that if it was his job to report it to them, but I did care because he SWORE not to tell anyone. He broke his promise 15 minutes later. (When he emailed them)
Oh, fair enough. :) Hmm... I think this is the part where I log off and never come back! :P
Hehe. I won't torture you... For now ;)
It's been 51 minutes... I FEEL SO ALONE xP
Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 08:19:25 PM
Yep. Edited out like I expected. Sorry. :3 Just know that I'm young, Jaz.
[/quote
Got it! However is your dad around? My dad is way more understanding, the only reason is because he goes to my doctor appointments.
Yeah. But I'm not sure he'd be very supportive, which is why I came out to my mom first. I'm just nervous about talking to him... :/
I can't decide how to go about it.
-To Be Named
Ah, crud. I forgot to update my diary over the last few days... oops
=3
Oh, I had a question... if anybody is strange enough to know the answer.
If somebody hacked your computer and forced you onto a porn site, then would that be some time of abuse? (like, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, etc. etc.)
Because this happened to me back in 2012.. I havent told anyone; I didnt even know it was porn at the time.. I just realized it was porn a little while ago. I was just wondering... Cuz my mind just thought of it... I think of it every once in a while, because it was just so... nevermind.
So, is it considered abuse in any way or something?
Thanks
I don't know what that'd classify as but that is forcing you to do something against your will depending on what the circumstances were, especially since you're young from what I've read (pretty sure that's illegal for someone to do that to you). I don't know, sorry. ;X
Yeah, I'm very sure it's illegal... But I have no way and had no way of reporting it, cuz I met the person via a video game and they convinced me to download Teamspeak, which they used to hack me. I havent been hacked since then, but I think he still has the ability to do so... But idk any name, appearance, or anything so. o.o
Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 11:11:02 PM
Oh, I had a question... if anybody is strange enough to know the answer.
If somebody hacked your computer and forced you onto a porn site, then would that be some time of abuse? (like, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, etc. etc.)
Because this happened to me back in 2012.. I havent told anyone; I didnt even know it was porn at the time.. I just realized it was porn a little while ago. I was just wondering... Cuz my mind just thought of it... I think of it every once in a while, because it was just so... nevermind.
So, is it considered abuse in any way or something?
Thanks
Most likely yes it is some type of abuse. The person is very sick, spiritually too for even going on those sites. Its probably some pervert. However, you are young, you have a life ahead of you. Right now you need to think about yourself? What can you do now for yourself?
Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 11:29:35 PM
Yeah, I'm very sure it's illegal... But I have no way and had no way of reporting it, cuz I met the person via a video game and they convinced me to download Teamspeak, which they used to hack me. I havent been hacked since then, but I think he still has the ability to do so... But idk any name, appearance, or anything so. o.o
Sorry after reading this, you need to report it! Let the authorities figure out who it was. Why the heck would someone do that! And if they can still hack your computer, that's just frightening.
Quote from: Ms Grace on August 23, 2014, 08:23:28 PM
She might not have mentioned "phase you are going through" but I can pretty much guarantee that's what she thinks... ("just want to play with the girls" was a pretty good sign of that!! ;) )
Grace, I played with the girls a lot in fourth grade at about age 10. They thought it was a little strange, but a group of about 3 or 4 of the "popular" and "normal" girls from my class many afternoons for many months, let me play jump rope with them, and hang out with them in their front yards, no boys within several blocks in our suburban neighborhood. We didn't play with dolls, but we played some other sorts of girl games and had girl talk conversation typical of 10 year old girls.
I felt super great with it. Some of my male friends from school wondered where I was, like why wasn't I playing baseball or football with them, but I spent most of fourth grade with the girls group after school.
Some of the girls teased me just a little about it, but most important they ACCEPTED me as their female-type friend, and I got along great with their 10 year old girl talk.
In fifth grade, my girl self got suppressed by boy sports, and stayed suppressed until a little bit of feminine expression at age 16 but that is a story for another time.
Then, 39 years of mostly suppressing and denying hwo I really am, and like you Grace, finally this time I had my greatest moment of clarity day before yesterday...
I AM FREE.
I AM ME.
I AM FEMALE.
Johanna.
Quote from: JohannaJohn on August 24, 2014, 12:05:45 AM
Grace, I played with the girls a lot in fourth grade at about age 10. They thought it was a little strange, but a group of about 3 or 4 of the "popular" and "normal" girls from my class many afternoons for many months, let me play jump rope with them, and hang out with them in their front yards, no boys within several blocks in our suburban neighborhood. We didn't play with dolls, but we played some other sorts of girl games and had girl talk conversation typical of 10 year old girls.
Well, when I was a few years younger, before we moved, there was a girl only a year older than me who lived across the street. I would play with her a lot, we even played with dolls and My Little Pony type stuff. Nobody ever questioned it as far as I know.. (tho I was only like 8-9 at that time, I dont remember much from then) But, yeah. I remember that being my favorite thing to do; to go ever to her house and really, all we did was girl stuff. I dont remember ever doing something a boy would do until she was in 6th (and I was in 5th).. that's when she started to sort of 'ignore' me, until we moved the next year.
Oh and congrats on your little breakthrough Johanna :)
Sure...and I hope you enjoyed playing with the girls, too...sounds similar to my experienced in 4th grade, at age 10.
Johanna.
Okay, so this morning I got sorta annoyed with my mom.. and didn't tell her. First off, she kept calling me mister. Mister this, mister that. I would've been fine with it if somebody else could hear us, since I don't know about coming out to anyone else atm. But nobody could hear a word she was saying or a word I was saying; we were completely alone. And she just kept calling me mister.
If she doesn't feel comfortable using the proper pronouns, then I'd rather she just call me an it than male pronouns. It wasn't a big deal.. just annoys me.
Oh well... I still need to find a darn gender therapist in my area.. :/
~To Be Named~
Oh, forgot to mention. My moms birthday is tomorrow... not sure how I feel about the timing.
Quote from: mac1 on August 30, 2014, 12:56:15 PM
How did your mother react to your announcement?
Please read this entire thread over again. You'll get it.
~A
Quote from: iiMTF on August 30, 2014, 12:58:55 PM
Please read this entire thread over again. You'll get it.
~A
I wouldn't count on very much support from her. At least she didn't reject you or resort to some more drastic measures.
If I would have ever dared to tell my parents that I felt like I should be a girl the consequences would have been rather drastic.
Quote from: mac1 on August 30, 2014, 03:07:42 PM
I wouldn't count on very much support from her. At least she didn't reject you or resort to some more drastic measures.
If I would have ever dared to tell my parents that I felt like I should be a girl the consequences would have been rather drastic.
Yeah, I'm very lucky she didn't resort to drastic measures. I was smart enough, tho, to ask her her thoughts on transsexuals and stuff the day before. Unfortunately, she knows next to nothing about transsexuals, so it wasn't very easy to get how she felt about it.
~A