Hi everyone. Something happened here a couple of days ago to me. I will not get into specifics, but it hurt me deeply and I do not believe it will allow me to stay with you anymore. I thought the problem was resolved last night, but on waking today I found it is only worse. Effective today I have resigned as a Global Moderator and feel I cannot stay here any longer. You have no idea how hard this is for me to say. I have given a very substantial part of my life to this family the past year and always tried to do the best I could and offer safe advice and courage to those who needed it. I have tried to be a living positive example of the life that transition can give everyone and that your dreams are there for the taking. Bear with me as I am crying uncontrollably right now. I feel like a part of me is dying and I suppose it is. When the body has a tumor (me) it is removed for the sake of the body (you folks) so it may go on and live longer. Lately I have had my judgment questioned a lot and decisions in moderating have been over turned for me being judgmental, intolerant, well you name it. I never once intentionally set out to hurt people and if I did it was through ignorance or misunderstanding at the time. I would never knowingly hurt any single one of you here as I value all because of our unique bond. I might check in or lurk once in a while, but I feel I am no longer a part of this family. I really tried to do good here so please never doubt that for once. For those who have given me positive love and support I thank you from the bottom of my heart and will remember you always. This good bye is even sadder than my daughter disowning me last week. That should tell you how much I value this community and all in it. I am lost now and have no idea what to do or where to go from here. Nothing else will ever fulfill me like this great family has and no attachment will ever be this strong. I love all of you!! Now, the saddest Good Bye. :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Love you Sis,
Hug
Isabell :(
Thanks Izzy!
I will definitely need your support post op. I will stay in touch. :'(
wow, so sorry I wish I knew what to say :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Always be there.
Just remember the girls.
Hugs
I don't even know what happened but see you.
Noooooooooo! Say it's not so, Jessica.
I am so sorry about this. As far as I'm concerned...
You're the top!
You're Mahatma Gandhi.
You're the top!
You're Napoleon Brandy.
You're a dress from Saks's,
You're next year's taxes,
You're stratosphere!
This makes me so sad.... (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Ffrown.gif&hash=ee4b80b254a8a04b1b56983ae88680c8223a3a60) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Ffrown.gif&hash=ee4b80b254a8a04b1b56983ae88680c8223a3a60) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Ffrown.gif&hash=ee4b80b254a8a04b1b56983ae88680c8223a3a60)
So sorry to hear that you must leave. Take time to see what happens. It may not be all that bad.
Remember you can't please everybody all the time. We all make mistakes. it is how we handle the situation and move forward.
It is probably not too late for you to reconsider.
Being a moderator is the toughest and least thanked job on a website. There may have been times where I might have disagreed with you other times I did agree but never once did I consider you a bad or hurtful person. I would hope that you stay with Susan's maybe try without being a moderator. Susan's is a place for people involved in the trans world to find help, you are no different.
You are a very valuable asset to this community, Jessica, and I would hate to see you leave. :( At the very most, just take some time off for yourself, and then come back. We all need a break from time to time, and that's okay. You are loved here.
Jessica, I'm sorry about what transpired. Please keep in touch and don ' t hesitate to call on us when the need arises.
:'(
Very sorry to read this Jessica as I consider you a positive poster, supporter and moderator. Yes, take a break but come on back and hang out. You remain family to me.
Sorry to hear about this, Jessica!!
There are tears and there is anger now too.
Lady Jess, if there is any way I can persuade you not to cut loose from your support family here on Susans - the family that unconditionally loves you, forget anyone that doesn't, if there is any way than I need to try and push your buttons.
Living transsexual is not a walk to be done alone, and being cut off is like being served up to the enemy of our souls. IMO. If the giving and the doing of the moderation thing is getting difficult, or catty, or whatever else that very difficult walk is, then by all means, drop it. Drop the baggage. But Jessica needs to take care of Jessica, and we who are loyal to you need to take care of Jessica too.
So however you need to handle it, you need to know that you are NEVER NEVER EVER ALONE, that there are friends here that are real and don't let go, and that we face a common pain and know what it means. There is always an instinct to run and hide, especially if you feel embarrassed or ridiculed, but is that really the solution?
There is a saying in the military about it. Never let the ba----rds win. I am not saying that those who disagree with you are malicious, but I am saying that as survivors of trans, we stick with each other, sometimes to the bitter end.
So I beg you do not throw that out, leave us a way to stay in touch, or don't leave us at all. The emotions may be too heavy to do the moderating, maybe even to stay on the forum threads, but you are still family, and girl, you can't change that. Not in my family you can't.
Now I've got the darn tears. Stay. How dangerous was it for me when I had the first breakdown, who was the one that would stay up all night with me? There were others, but you were key that night.
The stakes are too high.
Rest if you must, but don't leave please, if this stubborn ex drunk has anything to do to influence that. I feel like it may be a losing cause, but I do not want to see you pull out of here.
You are at risk girl, you need us, even if its through PM's for a while.
If anyone is screwing with her head, cut it out right now.
Nails out, and praying for a miracle.
I know I am on break from the forums, but I wanted to wish you the best and tell you how much you will be missed if you leave for good. If the issues you're referring to are related to your position as a moderator, perhaps it wouldn't be stressful for you if you stay here as a regular member. Your decision is yours alone to make, but I hope you reconsider leaving entirely. Though we may have had a disagreement the other day on Suzi's thread, I would truly miss you if you left, and there are many young girls here who look up to you. Regardless of what you choose or what happened to trigger this, know that you are deeply loved.
:(
This is really sad news. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like you need to get away from here, and I just hope that you can find yourself in a better emotional position soon. I also hope you feel ready to come back someday. We love you, Jessica!
Jessica:
DON'T you dare give up. Your advise is very important to all of us here. You are a major cog here and you are greatly needed. So you are having a rough time about some of your opinions here lately. I offer advise too and so far not many have thanked me for trying to help them out.
I saw a sign in the boys locker room when in 7th grade(1955) which said:
"A winner never quits and a loser never wins."
Please stay a winner and plug away on your keyboard here . SO that you can help others.
Hugs,
Janet
I'm sorry that I so recently joined, it would have been really nice to have been able to get to know you better...
Best of luck and blessings..
Miss you terribly already Jessica! Rest up and come back to us.
NOOOOOO!
Jessica - I think I understand how you are feeling since I have had the same feeling before. Don't do anything rash - take some time for Jessica and stay as a member. No one doubts your sincerity and maybe being a mod was just too much for you - that's ok, we understand. We need your cheerful face and your helpful advice here - please make peace with whatever happened and stay as a member!
Otherwise I will have to come see you and straighten you out!!
~Eva
Eva I cant wait to meet and give you a big hug in November. I will not lose contact with you and I will check in (lurk) to see how everyone is doing. :(
I will 2nd, third, fourth (I lost track) what others have already said. Can you just stop being a mod and continue as a member? I've been a mod before and you cannot help but piss someone off no matter what you do or how well you try to handle things. That's very stressful on anyone. You musn't beat yourself up over things people say in reaction to mod decisions. You really can't please everyone. It's nigh impossible. It seems you're judging yourself by an unreasonable standard.
Quote from: dalebert on August 25, 2014, 04:04:41 PM
I will 2nd, third, fourth (I lost track) what others have already said. Can you just stop being a mod and continue as a member? I've been a mod before and you cannot help but piss someone off no matter what you do or how well you try to handle things.
Yeah, I agree with the bolded part. Also, I've been staff before and frankly, it sucks. You always run across someone who will whine and moan about something that you've done or said. It's not worth the trouble.
I would just add that I have declined being a moderator for another site and I would not want to do it on a support site. It's an even harder job in which you must step ever so more delicately. It makes me respect the mods here all the more, including yourself, for taking that on. That said, if you're really stressed out and upset, it's a good time to retire from the position and just enjoy the site and the wonderful people here with everyone else and let someone else try to tackle that challenging task.
Jessica, you are one of my favorite people here. You mean a lot to me and a lot of us here. Losing you because of someone else's bullsh*t is unacceptable. Nobody wins and everyone loses.
Being a mod here is a tough, time-consuming, thankless job. Sometimes you're just damned if you do and damned if you don't and sometimes you are going to get shat upon by somebody no matter what decision you make. Don't let them wreck it for you or the rest of us.
I would like to applaud all of the mods here for doing what they do and thank them all from the bottom of my heart.
Think about all of the people you have helped and the lives you have saved.
Big hugs to Jessica and all of the staff here who do this every day without any thanks,
Jill
Jessica,
I haven't been here long, but I have been here long enough to know that I always look for your posts. You combine wisdom with understanding and compassion. Your strength has been a big part of making this a safe place for me. As I am in such an indecisive place, I've come to think of your posts as anchors in my confused spinning world. Know that you have touched many people. I'm definitely one of them. Thank you for that.
Chris
Hi Jessica
You are one of the inspirational people here. If you feel a need to pull back and contemplate the trees and meadows for a bit, this could be a good thing for you. But please don't leave.
I'm wishing you strength and love as you work through the things you're working through.
Hugs, lots of 'em
Julia
You are all making me cry! Every time I try to sign out I get yet another supportive post, PM or E-mail begging me to stay. I never knew you all felt this way about me. I will stay as a member only if it is what you want. I am not perfect or indispensable though so be patient when I mess up. I may be a little off for a few days as a lot has happened both here and in my personal life. Yes, I have the same problems most of you have and it hurts me just as bad. Thank you for showing love I have never felt before and accepting me flaws and all. I apologize for the drama and never intended it. I just didn't want to leave without saying good bye and I love you. I will try to be the positive influence once again you all deserve. Are you all in sales? Because you could sell ice in the Arctic circle! Love and *huggles* all! :icon_hug:
Jessica .. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
But I respect your decision.
And I just put on MASCARA.
Noooo!
I like having you here! If being a moderator is too much, step back and take a break. Don't leave us!!! We love you.
I will stay, but only as a regular member. I never knew so many cared. I hope I don't let you down again.
popcorn?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi62.tinypic.com%2F33a6ouf.jpg&hash=70038a414397cf8547aa00ee9064953fc318e096)
After this week you have anything stronger? ::)
Donuts!!!!
I am staying! I might as well as it would take three or four years anyway to answer all the PMs of people wanting me to stay. Thank you all for your love and support. I SURRENDER!! :icon_help:
Maybe will help
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Quote from: mrs izzy on August 25, 2014, 07:51:04 PM
Maybe will help
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.clipartpanda.com%2Fwine-clip-art-freewineclipartpicturemc4.gif&hash=78132a0ec19fb8b8573d170285d2d62042662f2d)
ARGH! So close and yet so far! I need that.
I am glad you are staying Jessica. You are totally awesome and I'd miss you if you were gone. While I know you were a good mod, I understand your decision to step down in order to keep yourself feeling OK. As long as you stay with us!
Quote from: Liam Erik on August 25, 2014, 08:03:19 PM
:icon_drunk: :icon_hug: I'm so happy you're staying! We love you :icon_hug:
Hard to say no. I have never had this much love and support from anyone. You guys are making me cry again. With that and Spiro I am probably going to drop dead from dehydration now. If so I will haunt everyone here. BWA HA HA ;)
Well this is very good news Jessica. Apart from being distracted by work and whatnot I haven't had a chance to write anything about this yet but was in the process of composing a lengthy message to you that was in equal parts sad, frustrated, loving, annoyed, hopeful and concerned. I'm glad I don't have to write it now. You are going through a rough time in your life at the moment - I can't even begin to imagine how recent developments with your family must be affecting you, it can't be easy dealing with it. You probably need the forum right now as much as it needs you so I'm very glad you are staying. Hugs.
Jessica I sincerely mean this when I say I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. ;D
You're a beautiful human being. Glad you decided to stick around. Don't let us go. :<
So glad, Jessica. I was totally freaking out for a bit there.
:icon_dance: :icon_joy: :icon_dance: :icon_joy: :icon_dance:
Hurrah!
:icon_hug:
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 25, 2014, 07:41:48 PM
After this week you have anything stronger? ::)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.healthytravelblog.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F05%2FAlcoholic_Drinks.jpg&hash=c0fff9495d7c403d00a8ba23298139b82e8f0f25)
help yourself. so glad you are staying.
Yay! I am so glad you decided to stay! You were a big part in my decision to transition. You seen to have realistic opinions of what actually happens so you were one of the first people I latched onto and followed on Susans before I made my account and started my transition.
Thank you so much, and welcome back from your (ever so brief) sojourn!
Quote from: christopher on August 25, 2014, 09:50:57 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.healthytravelblog.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F05%2FAlcoholic_Drinks.jpg&hash=c0fff9495d7c403d00a8ba23298139b82e8f0f25)
What's the blue and green drinks?
I can't say I know you well, but it seems like you contribute a staggering amount of wisdom and compassion here and I'm delighted you're staying.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 25, 2014, 07:47:17 PM
I am staying! I might as well as it would take three or four years anyway to answer all the PMs of people wanting me to stay. Thank you all for your love and support. I SURRENDER!! :icon_help:
Does that mean you are staying on a moderator, too? HOPE SO
hmmm.... umm.... a blue lagoon and.. ummm ...welll... hmmm . aha! a green devil
us bad boys know these sorts of things. yep.
glad you decided to stay :)
take this sister, may it serve you well: (and leave a wee dram for me will ya?)
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Hi Jessica, I'm glad that you've decided to stick around. I'd hate to see you go, you're a great asset to this community and have helped so many people (myself included). I'm not sure what it is that has caused you to feel this way but you have the support of me and many others. No one is perfect, even as a mod I'm sure there's always misunderstandings that you can't solve yourself. Maybe your moderating hasn't been so great lately (not saying it hasn't!) but I'm sure you don't do it intentionally. You'll always be apart of this community, whether that's as a mod or not. There are many people who value your contributions to the site and you seem like a really great person overall. You're always welcome here. :)
I'm glad you're staying! I like your insight.
We are all valuable to this community.
I'm sorry my good friend that it's taking me so long to respond. I've been crying my heart out over this happening to you so much. And then there's the fact is I've been selfish, I just didn't want to say goodbye. You have been my rock when I needed an anchor, and a very true friend. I thought I was going to lose you and I didn't want that to happen. I'm so so very glad to hear different.
I'm glad you have decided to stay on as a member. Though we could have stayed in contact outside of Susan's, This wonderful community would have suffered a great loss. I can stop crying now that you've decided to stay.
Big hugs girlfriend :icon_hug:
Ali :icon_flower:
I'm really happy that you decided to stay, I feel like you do a great job at moderating the forum and your responses to the topics are always ver informative and you're a really nice gal!
I will go out and buy some champagne as soon as possible and toast to you, Jessica!!!! :) :) :) Welcome back!!!!!!
I'm glad you're staying, Jessica, it would be sad if you had left. Whether you're a day one member or a 5 year moderator, you can still give and get advice/support/reassurances. It would be illogical for anyone to leave (unless they no longer required support) since this is the one place on the internet where you'll find a significant number of people who are here for the same reasons. Can a walk in support group offer our numbers? Not likely.
Now, drink up (liquid courage... mmmmm) and wipe your eyes, there's still plenty to do around here.
All the very best.
Thanks for staying!
You've got a lot of beauty and value that can enrich all of us, even if it's in a non-moderator role. I am so glad we'll see more of you. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 25, 2014, 07:39:05 PM
I will stay, but only as a regular member. I never knew so many cared. I hope I don't let you down again.
Jessica
Let's get one thing straight. You have never let us down. You and your fellow mods are angels. You support us, you guide us and you care. You cry with us, you celebrate each success and you pick us up when we fall.
You are family. We care deeply for you. Be kind to yourself and feel our love. It is real and it is so very, very deep.
Just so glad that you are staying :)
Safe travels
Aisla
You want something stronger? I got it but there are no labels on the bottle. ;) It's clear and really smooth and legal from a legitimate distillery.
I am so happy you are staying. Are you staying moderator too? I know that has to be a pain in the butt job and I have never read any bad advice you have ever given anyone. I just have to say a couple of things, sometimes the truth hurts. As much as it may hurt we may actually need to hear it sometimes. I myself would rather hear the truth than sunshine and rainbows and if it hurts, it hurts.
You have to be one of the sweetest, most caring, loving, genuine person that I have ever met and I don't even know you in person. So if you ever have to kick me in the butt, just know that I won't hold it against you. Or if you tell me something that hurts my feelings and makes me cry, I probably really needed to hear it so I won't hold that against you either. :laugh:
Jessica, we are trans women! We are intrepid! We have to be to survive and thrive in a world where we are all too often misunderstood and maligned.
We lose so much in our drive to be simply true to ourselves. Please think long and hard before cutting yourself off completely from a community that gets as much (or more) from your presence as you get from that community.
The greatest healing force in this world is forgiveness... and forgiveness always begins with forgiving ourselves.
Be well.
Miharu
Oh, hey, guess I went off half-cocked there. I read your original post and reacted before reading the rest of the thread. ::)
I'm pleased to hear that you'll be sticking around. Just sayin'. :)
You've been so nice to me in your comments. I don't know what to say, than if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. If you like email me whenever. I'll say a prayer from the bottom of my heart. God bless!
Well Jessica honey, looks like you have loads of friends who love you Boo-Boo Girl (FYI - baby talk for beautiful) So now that you have decided who your friends are let's have a party! :icon_dance: :icon_drunk: I make delicious Cosmopolitans and super Manhattans. Glad you're squished toes are feeling better, you are truly loved by all!
Argh. I'm not around here often enough. :(
I'm glad you decided to stay. You've been an island of sanity in my crazy world, I can see I'm not the only one that feels that way.
Just wanted to add my own love and support. :icon_flower: :icon_hug: :icon_woowoo:
Quote from: Shantel on August 26, 2014, 12:34:51 PM
Well Jessica honey, looks like you have loads of friends who love you Boo-Boo Girl (FYI - baby talk for beautiful) So now that you have decided who your friends are let's have a party! :icon_dance: :icon_drunk: I make delicious Cosmopolitans and super Manhattans. Glad you're squished toes are feeling better, you are truly loved by all!
She just really doesn't know what she means to us, does she Shantel. BTW I like Long Island Iced Teas, you gottta' recipe for that?
That kind of breaks my heart tha she don't know we all love her and I am truly offended. I am going to have to report her to a Global Moderator.
Jessica, you are so mean so I am reporting it to you. ;)
Quote from: Jess42 on August 26, 2014, 01:14:39 PM
BTW I like Long Island Iced Teas, you gottta' recipe for that?
Bit off topic but better yet premixed by the party boy himself "Captain Morgan"
Seriously glad your staying Jessica, your someone I looked up to before I even joined this site when I was lurking. Someone who definitely gives me inspiration. Love ya girl!;D
Quote from: Jess42 on August 26, 2014, 01:14:39 PM
Jessica, you are so mean so I am reporting it to you. ;)
Fine! Just don't knock over the Mojito with lime I want Shan to make me! *giggles* ;D ;D
Thank you for all you did. It's easy to get burned out because in a lot of cases it's the same questions over & over again. Thank you GF.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 26, 2014, 07:53:23 PM
Fine! Just don't knock over the Mojito with lime I want Shan to make me! *giggles* ;D ;D
shouldn't the title be changed to the happiest helllo
Quote from: stephaniec on August 26, 2014, 08:09:10 PM
shouldn't the title be changed to the happiest helllo
I though we were not supposed to drink and type? ;D ;D
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 26, 2014, 07:53:23 PM
Fine! Just don't knock over the Mojito with lime I want Shan to make me! *giggles* ;D ;D
You got it baby doll!
Not a very girly drink, but after this week keep em coming! *giggles* ;D
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 26, 2014, 08:21:05 PM
I though we were not supposed to drink and type? ;D ;D
well, if you drink tequila its more a desert fruit like kiwi or that's how I look at it. Isn't kiwi Australian or Chinese or New Zealand and maybe not desert fruit, but tequila is good,
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 26, 2014, 07:53:23 PM
Fine! Just don't knock over the Mojito with lime I want Shan to make me! *giggles* ;D ;D
That would be alcohol abuse and your would just have to ban me for that. :laugh:
Glad you are feeling better and back.
the party is still going? wow.
I'm glad that you have decided to stay Jessica - that saved me a long trip to your house to straighten you out! :)
I think we need to go sailing with Shantel and Captain Morgan to celebrate!
Quote from: Eva Marie on August 27, 2014, 11:03:38 AM
I'm glad that you have decided to stay Jessica - that saved me a long trip to your house to straighten you out! :)
I think we need to go sailing with Shantel and Captain Morgan to celebrate!
EECK! :icon_yikes: That is scary because you DO know where I live! I would love to be sailing three sheets to the wind right now. Come get me!! Don't forget to pick the others up in between you and I. :)
Hey girls, I see Christopher stumbled into this den of drunk party girls. Think he has any chance of survival? *giggles* :laugh: :laugh:
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 27, 2014, 12:11:45 PM
EECK! :icon_yikes: That is scary because you DO know where I live! I would love to be sailing three sheets to the wind right now. Come get me!! Don't forget to pick the others up in between you and I. :)
Hey girls, I see Christopher stumbled into this den of drunk party girls. Think he has any chance of survival? *giggles* :laugh: :laugh:
Christopher is gonna get smooched with lots of amorous snuggles for sure after a few more shots of Party Boy.
And me stuck a couple thousand miles away. It's just not fair. ;D
j
bottle of wine, make me feel fine,
when you gonna let me get sober
Quote from: Shantel on August 27, 2014, 12:41:13 PM
Christopher is gonna get smooched with lots of amorous snuggles for sure after a few more shots of Party Boy.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 27, 2014, 12:11:45 PM
EECK! :icon_yikes: That is scary because you DO know where I live! I would love to be sailing three sheets to the wind right now. Come get me!! Don't forget to pick the others up in between you and I. :)
Hey girls, I see Christopher stumbled into this den of drunk party girls. Think he has any chance of survival? *giggles* :laugh: :laugh:
Oh my. I can't decide if I;m happy about this or terrified
Quote from: christopher on August 27, 2014, 07:34:43 PM
Oh my. I can't decide if I;m happy about this or terrified
You would be VERY happy until the terror kicked in! ;D
Hmmm well, unless all you lovely ladies plan to get me drunk I .will wander off now