My SO reads a great deal these days on TGs and transition and she brought a story to my attention regarding an older TG MtF who after 10 months decided not to transition due to the inability to mentally handle the flow of emotions. As she does not live in the same country as me she is trying to understand if I have any emotional issues, she worries about me.
I have been following this Forum for well over a year and I also notice that many participants have new found emotions and many don't feel comfortable with them. All my life I have had female emotions. I cry at movies, saying goodbyes, love hugging people etc., the only additional factor since HRT has been a new perception of life and a great increased empathy which actually are good emotions for me. I love my emotion.
What is the norm for this in our group, are most happy with this new found emotions ?
I'm happy with mine!
Most of my life I had to hold my emotions back because I was expected to be such a stoic male. I felt frozen and like a zombie. Also experiencing emotions of any sort would lead to depression.
Now I can have emotions without depression.
I love it!
-Sandy
We're women, "emotional issues" are our prerogative.
I guess the issue of emotions is highly subjective and strongly dependent on each person and her psychological makeup.
Some report major changes, floods of tears, emotional fluctuations and more. That was a key thing they wanted to check at the gender clinic a few months after I started HRT.
In my case the changes were more subtle- all emotions are slightly amplified, but not greatly. I am closer to them but they do not rule me, and that's the way I want it to be.
You own your emotions, they don't own you. HRT will most likely help you feel emotions more readily and with more intensity but it needn't be something that controls you. It's probably not bearable for some but it can be worked through with the right support and insight into the cause of the emotion.
My emotions have been richer and deeper on hrt. But one of the reasons that I have stayed on low dose hrt was that I felt overwhelmed and 'fuzzy' in my thinking when dosages were increased. I need to stay sharp and this didn't work for me. Subsequently I have been told that my brain would have adjusted and normal clarity would have returned in due course.
For me, so far anyway, I haven't noticed a great shift in my emotional makeup though I've always been a pretty emotional person. If anything, they're maybe a little more amplified than before but that's about it for me.
Puppies, kittens, Disney movies.... the list goes on..... you name it I've always cried at the drop of a hat. The cool part is now I don't have to play it off like something is in my eye or turn my head and exclaim "shut up!" to whoever notices! :)
I've kind of wondered about that a few times, like where are the emotional changes?! But then I'll look back on my life and realize "oh yeah, I've always been like that."
Edit, another thought: my anger level is greatly decreased, my fuse is MUCH longer than it used to be so yeah, I really am thankful for that part. I've always disliked that side of me, because it's not me or who I want to be.
The only big change I've found is the complete inability to get angry. I can get irritable, but not truly angry. Its wonderful. When I stopped hrt a few times, I found I could get really angry, even more than before, like there's some kind of bounce back up to a higher level. Not that I have a problem with anger, just that it was noticeable.
For the rest I'm much calmer, and quite steady. Its possible that because I started low dose there wasn't too much change in the early years, and I have forgotten what it was like before. Also my life is really boring, so not much scope for getting excited.
I'm a bit puzzled when I read about other peoples big emotional swings, since I don't get those. I guess its either personal makeup and/or swings in E levels (which I assume I don't have due to using implant). I'm quite excited by the prospect of increasing my levels.
Quote from: warlockmaker on August 26, 2014, 04:42:11 AM
My SO reads a great deal these days on TGs and transition and she brought a story to my attention regarding an older TG MtF who after 10 months decided not to transition due to the inability to mentally handle the flow of emotions.
It's just worth maybe noting that there could be many reasons why this person couldn't cope. Late transition, excessively high HRT to make up for "lost time", social acceptance, unstable psychology could all be contributing factors.
I feel great with nice estrogen & removal of nasty t stuff. It is so nice to be more emotional, it feels so normal for myself. Sometimes a good cry feels good.........For others maybe just enjoy the new emotions & be grateful to feel more.
I am only a month in and have gone completely mental with the emotions thing. I complain about it, but secretly it feels like breathing for the first time. I love my crazy.
I frequently feel emotionally constipated. I'm hoping HRT will change that.
I think one of they key factors is not to rush the HRT, take it slowly and don't go over the recommended dosages.
Some of my cis friends have shared their experiences when it comes to mood swings around the menstrual cycle, I imagine poorly regulated or overly large doses of HRT can be much worse.
It's like I've found my very own emotion chip and had it switched on.
Before starting HRT I was an emotional dessert. I was lacking empathy for tales of misery and briefly barely happy at someone else's good fortune.
Since starting HRT, my emotional range has greatly broadened and deepened. Watching the horrific stories on the news I run the risk of tearing up at the injustices faced by many people. I find I can no longer bare to watch acts of oppression or bullying whether they are real or staged. Happy moments in films or tales of random acts of kindness make me lift up my spirits. Even some cute situations make me go aww.
I also find that my mood can change very quickly and I find I can feel happy then sad then happy in a short space of time. Watching some films can really feel like a rollercoaster of emotive states for me. Pre-HRT I was pretty much mostly feeling 'meh' or in a rage with something or someone for most of the time.
It seems to vary so much. In my expierence it feels like my ability to resist emotion has lessened, the emotions themselves haven't changed. Like I was always going to cry at a sad movie, but you know those really sad commercials about abused pets with the Sarah McLaughlin music? I used to be able to resist emotions long enough to get thru those without tearing up and now, I cannot pay attention to it without tearing up lol.
I feel no more/no less emotional than when I began this journey; I may be more willing to express those emotions than before but for me that comes from finally being comfortable with myself and no longer being ashamed of my emotions.
Quote from: Leila on August 29, 2014, 06:22:12 AM
It's like I've found my very own emotion chip and had it switched on.
Before starting HRT I was an emotional dessert. I was lacking empathy for tales of misery and briefly barely happy at someone else's good fortune.
Since starting HRT, my emotional range has greatly broadened and deepened. Watching the horrific stories on the news I run the risk of tearing up at the injustices faced by many people. I find I can no longer bare to watch acts of oppression or bullying whether they are real or staged. Happy moments in films or tales of random acts of kindness make me lift up my spirits. Even some cute situations make me go aww.
I also find that my mood can change very quickly and I find I can feel happy then sad then happy in a short space of time. Watching some films can really feel like a rollercoaster of emotive states for me. Pre-HRT I was pretty much mostly feeling 'meh' or in a rage with something or someone for most of the time.
This was also my experience.
Before HRT: About as emotional as a brick
After HRT: Where are the tissues?
I seem to be getting a better handle on my emotions too. When they first hit me I was like a hormonal teenage girl and I constantly went off on emotional tears. 10 months into HRT and it's a lot less like that; i've learned to control my emotions when I want or need to.
The emotions can be tuff at first... but i got use to it... and accepted them as part of being a woman.
as male I never really showed emotion, now as girl i am very emotional... i cry while watching sad movies
I remember in the beginning, a has mood swings.. but that calmed down
I feel lots better on HRT. Off it, it feels like I cant access my full range of emotions and it feels really frustrating. I also find it hard to focus on tasks and I dont want to get up in the morning.
I've never been ashamed to cry in private at least, but I can't in many cases. I feel it and then it gets blocked. It actually hurts worse when it gets blocked. I've heard is a possible issue with testosterone and I'm hoping that starting HRT will knock down my emotional walls at least in private. I still don't think I really want to cry in public.
Quote from: Handy on August 29, 2014, 08:22:07 AM
I feel no more/no less emotional than when I began this journey; I may be more willing to express those emotions than before but for me that comes from finally being comfortable with myself and no longer being ashamed of my emotions.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on August 29, 2014, 04:05:13 PM
I've never been ashamed to cry in private at least, but I can't in many cases. I feel it and then it gets blocked. It actually hurts worse when it gets blocked. I've heard is a possible issue with testosterone and I'm hoping that starting HRT will knock down my emotional walls at least in private. I still don't think I really want to cry in public.
Just carry tissues in your purse.
It is a girl must supply.
I've become less aggressive, and the generalized, diffuse dysphoria (which is how my gender dysphoria manifested for many years) is almost completely gone now.
I used to be angry, forceful, and violent. I was constantly defensive and on my guard to keep from being hurt, and a lot of the time I was thinking along the lines of "better to hurt them first than let them hurt me." It got so bad right before I transitioned that I really was afraid I might hurt someone else (I was so distraught at the time that I didn't care if I hurt myself).
After more than a year, I feel like my emotional centers are running the right "fuel" now and it feels really good! I'm not breaking down crying at every little thing or wigging out at small remarks people make. I'm just me now, my true self and not the defensive, angry, violent person who was trying too hard to be a man.
From a male POV, pre HRT I would say the same. I have emotions, I cry, I like hugs etc.. The best analogy I can offer that is much the same as saying "I went into the ocean today" after you walked across the wet sand and the occasional wave tickled your toes.
With some authority I can say about the only emotions I really felt back then were the crocodilian anger and fear. Well, TBH likely subconsciously allowed myself to experience. Fortunately anger and fear have now switched places with all the rest.
Early on, the first few years, HRT combined with getting in touch with myself, my fears, my dreams, all my feelings, was a brew for wild emotional swings. I had for the first time ever in my life some very down and dark times. I also finally allowed myself to feel many other things and finally routinely experienced joy. Found peace within myself, with being myself.
YMMV
I'm still pretty much emotionless. Well I've been told I smile more lately but aside from that I'm still a stone statue huehue :3
I handle them just fine I just wish Birkin wouldn't keep testing them. Grrrr
I have always been an emotional person. I cry more than some girls.