I'm just wondering if any of you (I'm pretty certain there will be several) have remembered certain events since beginning your transition - by that I mean memories that are related to ->-bleeped-<-.
Things keep popping up in my mind from childhood that were seemingly insignificant at the time but must have had an effect on me considering they have suddenly come to me out of nowhere.
For instance: I suddenly had a memory of watching a trans woman on TV and my grandmother looking away with a repulsed expression on her face and saying "ugh. That's disgusting."
Also, I remember running around in my garden playing 'it' with a friend and absolutely screaming my head off, to which my dad responded "stop screaming like a girl." I couldn't understand it at the time, but I remember it making me feel deeply upset. That memory was apparently buried in my subconscious until I began accepting who I am, where it decided to leak into my conscious thoughts.
Anyone else have any interesting memories which only seeped into your thoughts once you began embracing your transgender identity?
Thanks and eagerly awaiting your replies,
Natalie xx
my whole childhood was like that
Yes many, many memories of times.
Having stuffed it for many years has built up many of them.
I have a lot of memories like that and they came rushing back as I stopped trying to repress them and with the help of my therapist. There was one of my two best friends who kissed me after high school graduation, and me thinking I wished I could be his girlfriend. He turned out to be gay, but I didn't want to be his boyfriend, but rather his girlfriend. Having the same exact thoughts about my other best friend. Asking my grandmother to buy me a dress when I must have been about 5 years old or so, and the look of sheer horror on her face as she gently tried to chide me away from that. Lots of such memories.
Thanks for all your responses so far...it helps me remember that we are all on this journey together. And experience similar highs and lows.
Love to all,
Natalie
X
My memories were not hidden so deep, they did not seem to be of consequence at the time but when the first time I could articulate what is my problem they started to make sense.
I had all kinds of stuffed toys and I really liked to play with them and cared for them very much, much more than any of the boys I knew, I would have been very upset if anything happened to them.
At one time when I was going home from primary school I told one of my classmates that I have pain in my hips(I think) and his response was 'Maybe you should not walk like a girl...' I was surprised at his response but from that point on I made sure I walk like a tough boy.
When I was hurt I cried a lot, which was not very common among boys so I learned to repress it as much as I can so they would not tease me about that too.
I remember I could not understand how does behavior of other boys come naturally to them, I tried to be like them and failed.
There are a lot of memories when somebody wanted to take a picture of me and I tried to avoid it, I hated to see myself.
I remember when I was in primary school (elementary school for the Americans), and I used to go around to a girls house and play with her barbie dolls with her.
I've actually been having a lot of fond memories from my early childhood with my biological Mom out on the Rez. My Mom never pushed gender issues and let me wear what I wanted to, and play with who I wanted to. Innocent happy memories. My thanks to the OP for posting.
Ali :icon_flower:
"Stop waving your hands around, that's what Italians do" (!)
And much later: "You get too emotionally involved!"