I still cant figure out how the hell to come out to friends and family. I kind of want to just keep slowly start dressing and acting more feminine until it become so obvious that people start outing me. I feel like I'm getting pretty close to that as I'm letting my hair grow for the first time ever, i wear eyeliner and black nail polish, women jeans and some androgynous looking shirts. I feel like i was almost outed today, i was with friends and there were a couple of women talking about cloths and I was standing near them kind of eavesdropping and one of my friends said "for a second I thought you were part of their conversation" I just smiled and everyone else laughed it off, because why would a guy be interested in talking about women's clothing! I really need to come out but I cant figure out how and want to just wait until others figure it out on their own. Is that a good aprooch or should i just suck it up and come out myself rather then letting others figure it out?
I think you should start with a good Therapist preferably with gender experience. I believe myself that coming out would do more for you than being discovered. After that you will have to talk about it anyway. You should respect those in your life and tell them personally I believe as it shows respect and you will be able to answer questions at that time. :)
I think that happens a lot, either by intentionally not saying anything, or by being Outed by someone else..?
If you just gradually transition until people say something, you may want to have a very well thought out and rehearsed explanation or message to tell them the details in a very positive way, so they understand without unanswered questions how you feel..
Waiting to be outed might work for you. I'd say it's probably not the most popular choice, and takes a lot of control out of your hands (which is kinda bad in a lot of ways, but maybe some people need that push?)
I'd agree that it's a good idea to talk about with a therapist.
I'm thinking about just waiting and not mentioning anything to certain members of my family, but I'm already out with some groups of friends and slowly coming out to the relatives that I feel ready to trust. Being prepared with answers to their questions has been helpful - there were a lot of misconceptions to clear up, and I wouldn't have wanted to enter the conversation without some planned talking points. Even if someone else had been the one to bring it up.
I do have a therapist I've been seeing for about 3 months and got an appointment with an endo in a little over a month from now so I'm pretty sure I'm going to start hrt I just over think everything and i feel like i need to know exactly what I'm going to say and how I'm going to answer every question. but I honestly dont know what to say. I also kind of feel like waiting till after i start hrt because i have the fear that ill come out as being trans then after taking hrt for a month or 2 I'll be like oops guess i was wrong I'm going to stay a guy. I dont think that will happen i just dont want people to think that I'm just flip flopping or i dont know, I just think too much.
The potentially bad thing about being outed by someone else is that they get to tell what their story of you is, their impression, their assumptions, and possibly their prejudices. Outing yourself means you get to tell people who you are, why you are doing it, what it means for you and how you would like them to treat you. Based on my own experience, once people hear someone they know is trans it moves through the grape vine quickly and you often have no idea who knows and who doesn't. That happened to me during my first attempt at transition, this time I decided to own it, and not let other people write the story about who I was.
Well, I would definitely bring it up with your therapist and tell them your plan on coming out to see what they say, see if they agree or have any suggestions to improve it. They would definitely know you better and know more about your situation than we do so they can probably offer better advice.
However, it is your journey, your life, and you can do it however you'd like. There isn't just one way to do things, you can do it anyway you'd like, whatever is more comfortable and best for you.
I totally get what you are saying though cause I totally thought about doing that too, letting others just sort of figure it out and approach me about it. I was thinking about it all the time, about how I would say it, to whom, and what kind of questions would they ask and what I would say in return until I just got to the point where I like literally HAD to tell someone so I did, a few actually in a pretty short period of time. I always over think things too and found out I was guilty of it again because none of those conversations were anything like what I had thought they would be like when I was playing them out in my head.
As for the others that I haven't told yet? Having gotten that need out to tell someone I like no longer feel the need to tell anyone else atm so I ain't lol. I have had a few people call me out recently on some changes that I have been making, weird looking facial hair thanks to laser, shaved body, longer hair and basically just told the truth when asked bout it but so far nobody has added everything up and popped the question so I haven't told them yet, but I will if it comes up.
If you are not sure yet or not ready to do it then don't, there is no hurry, it is not a race, just take your time and do it when you are ready and want to.
Speaking from experience, I would say a big fat NO. My boss and my aunt both outed me before I was ready and against my will. It made things... messy.
Not sure if this will help but yet another youtube video I found that might be relevant here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaQlQdQUI_Q
At work so I haven't watched this yet so please forgive me if this isn't helpful.
See a therapist 1st before you DO anything.
The ancient Greeks had a saying. "Once the rain has fallen from the sky, nothing can put it back in the sky". From the 300 Spartans when Elias told Phylon why she didn't want to have sex before their marriage. They loved each other as little kids. The Movie where Richard Egan played King Leonidas.
In other words, you tell some one else your TG, you can't later tell them you are not. Because in the very least they will think you are crazy as you would give the impression you don't know who you are.
Being TG is normal for us , due to what happens while we are in the womb.
I don't think you are so easily outed. There are many men into women fashion. Most fashion brands for women are actually made by men. The best stylists are usually men. If anything people might think you got gay tendacies going on.
Don't worry about it so much and just be yourself. I literally wear women clothes every day now (no dresses though or such) and I am still not accused for being transgender xD.Just as weird :P.
Quote from: Kirey on September 09, 2014, 07:12:00 AM
Don't worry about it so much and just be yourself. I literally wear women clothes every day now (no dresses though or such) and I am still not accused for being transgender xD.Just as weird :P.
So true! I am almost 16 months on HRT and out only to chosen circle of colleagues at work. All I get is compliments about my looks from the rest. I was hoping someone might add 2+2, but apparently that wont happen.