This weekend I had a lot of time on the bike, which meant a lot of time to be alone with my thoughts.
My therapist recently made a suggestion: that I allow myself to grieve the loss I felt from having SRS.
I realize now that this is something I really didn't do. As soon as I began to wrestle with the feelings I faced anger from a lot of people (including many people I had thought to be friends at the time) over it, and a form it often took was "just get over it!" What that did was make it about the legitimacy of my right and need to grieve and I've spent more than a year fighting that instead of grieving.
The truth is I suffered a very personal loss in so many ways during my transition - a loss of bodily integrity in multiple ways. There isn't any way that can ever be right as such, but I may be able to find a way to be okay. However, it won't happen if the grief is locked away in my psyche.
Agent_J, I am glad you are making progress with regrets. I hope you can have a more normal life in the future.
Hugs
I hope you find your peace
*hugs*
Grieving is always important in any healing process, and I'm glad you're finally allowing yourself to. I hope you're able to find the peace with your body that you deserve.
You have been through a lot and it does take time to deal with trauma and with hurt. It doesn't help when folk tell you to just get over it. Unless you have had similar pain you cannot really understand and even then it is best just to be there for those in pain. Listening and support is needed when you are grieving, not argument or criticism. In any case we are here and we feel your hurt. While you may never get to the stage where you feel 'completely right' I hope that after grieving you find yourself in a better place.
Be well
Aisla
"It's not right but it's okay" is a good place.
Thanks for the support. Adding to the fun was dealing with clinical depression for much of the time, which so many people also felt was one of those things you can just decide to not have anymore. I'm only now getting out of it and, when I occasionally run out of HRT, I relapse into it for a while.
Thanks. The biggest factor at this point is never again running out of HRT. I do not get why that is such an issue with so many doctors!
You seem to keep having that revelation over and over; it might be worth it to you to save some of these posts to remind yourself.