I am Sara, and 22 years old, I am transgender male to female and currently an exchange student in Spain. My experience so far has been of coming out and going back in. I've had times where I just feel I need to be me, but I do not want to lose people who I like and those I love, so for there sakes I feel I shouldn't. I've told a few people, but am very shy about it and feel like I'd upset them if I was suddenly to change. It has been difficult, and I'm sure familiar for people here too. I have always felt I wasn't a guy, and even in my early youth recall wishing I was born a girl, and too this day if I were to cut ties with everyone I knew and started again I'd just begin to transition. However, with so many social circles and people I care for, I don't think so far I can put their wants to below my needs without feeling selfish.
Being in Spain for the next year I have already told the people I live with that I am transgender, I thought it'd be fairer and easier to get to know me for who I am straight away. In the UK, I'd have to change peoples impression of who I am which could be messy! Even here I feel a bit shy, as I don't want people to feel uncomfortable around me, as the majority of the time I still present male in the day (I couldn't bring my closet with me and girls clothes here are a tad to revealing for me ). I want to go to a doctor and do something about it now, but in Spain I have no idea about the system. If anyone is familiar with that btw let me know!
Overall, I'd class myself as being a bit too concerned about others, because even though it shouldn't matter, it really does too me. I do feel until I'm ready for to start the full immersion (or I should say before I transition to a point I feel happy at), I'm messing with peoples heads still mostly being a guy.
It is not all bad though honestly, when I'm able to come home and not suppress myself for others I feel right in body and soul, if that is understandable. Its not happy or joy, its maybe a wholeness I suppose.
I hope here I can see others experiences and be part of what already appears to be a strong vibrant community, see you around. :)
Sara.
Welcome to Susan's family
As you get deeper in your transition you will come to understand that you have to always put your self first. No one else will. They have there own lives to live and if they will not understand then that is truly there loss. You are you and always been. Take it a day at a time and live for Sara.
In the meantime pull up a chair and give a look over the following links for the site info...(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femoticons%2Fobject%2Fchair-3-smiley-emoticon-emoji.png&hash=f6de189a088518c5de131e0c9ce29661e7a52a55) (http://www.sherv.net/)
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Safe passage on your path, popcorn?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi62.tinypic.com%2F33a6ouf.jpg&hash=70038a414397cf8547aa00ee9064953fc318e096)
Izzy
Hi Sara and welcome to Susan's.
:)
Hello Sara and welcome..
I love the above comment, "live for Sara".!
I'm sure your a wonderful person either way, and very welcome here, where there are good friends to help you in your journey..
So nice to meet you.!