Hey everyone, Tori here and I need a bit of advice. I just discovered that an mtf girl joined my college last week, and I really want to talk to her about personal experiences with transitioning in my area. But here's the thing; I'm kind of awkward around people, and I haven't told anyone about my gender dysphoria yet. So how could I start a conversation? Should I talk to her?
Any help would be really appreciated!
I would suggest that you respect her privacy, and seek answers to your questions from a therapist in your area, and also look for a transgender group meeting nearby.
Is she out to everyone? If not, I wouldn't press her into telling you her experiences because they might be triggering and she isn't your friend yet for you to be asking such personal questions.
It would seem impolite to approach someone and talk about such a private personal subject unless you and her were already friends and shed talked about it before with you..
There should be info online that could help you in the same way, and there is a wealth of awesome people here at Susan's that may be able to answer some of your questions as well..
:)
Just try to strike up a friendship first-say hello and try to have a chat. Then let it go from there. That's what the girl I'm helping out at my school did :) Yeah, it can come off as rude, but I personally love the feeling of helping other people like myself, so it's certainly worth a shot. Don't feel like you have no choice but to avoid this topic like the plague...Be sensitive and polite for sure, but if I were in your shoes I'd certainly give it a shot.
If you must talk with her, do so as a potential friend. Don't raise that you know she is trans until she offers that herself. For most trans people it is mortifying to be called out by someone like that even if it is a fellow trans person like yourself - it could mean "everyone knows" and/or "I don't pass at all".
You have questions about transition and local knowledge is useful, I understand, but you're on this forum so you can ask plenty of awkward questions here without anyone judging. As suggested above, find a local support group, maybe she goes there too!
Are we really that insecure? Maybe so, but Tori, if you know that she is trans, then I am assuming that she is out. If she is out, then going to her for help is exactly what you should do. If she is not, then be a friend - the opportunity to talk and to learn from each other will happen both naturally and quickly.
When I was first getting to know Julie, I would have given anything to have someone else to talk to, share a meal with, to learn from. I didn't and so blundered about seemingly forever. I don't blunder as much any more, I have friends in both cyberspace and real space. I would not trade anything for any of them.
Peace,
Julie
Thanks for the advice everyone :) . I forgot to mention it before but she is out to everyone at my college.
If she's out-go up to her and ask to talk! I don't know if the older genderations will agree with me here, but we LOVE feeling helpfull :)
Make friends and bring it up casually and privately. If she's out she probably wouldn't mind one bit and would probably be happy that other people are like her.
I had that kind of experience today and it was rather pleasant for both of us. I was killing time having a cup of coffee this morning at a hospital cafeteria waiting for the pharmacy to open. I noticed the trans woman sitting in the booth directly in front of me. She had seen me take my seat behind her earlier and eventually she turned, made eye contact and smiled. I told her that I had been admiring a little floral tattoo just below the back of her neck. It became obvious that she wasn't intimidated about conversing so I moved ahead to her table and we had a nice friendly conversation.
I think that eye contact and a smile or a nod is crucial to determining when it's ok and when it's not. If the other person looks away and avoids eye contact then it becomes obvious that they want to be left alone and it would be inappropriate to say anything.