Right now if I socially transition enough so people stop calling me "she" and "girl", wore a binder and continued wearing boyish looking clothes and having short hair I'd be happy without changing my body.the question is I feel like this could work in college but I'm afraid in the real world I might Need hormones if I want people to see me as a man. I feel like it would be sort of wrong to go on hormones if I'm not doing it for myself. Do you guys think this could work?
I felt the exact same way (still do a bit). Now my thinking is I also want to be a bit muscular and have other male characteristics I can only get on T which would make me happier. I also think people not misgendering me on a daily basis and feeling different from everyone else would alleviate my depression and make me happy. So it doesn't seem like a bad thing I'm doing it mostly so other people can see me how I feel inside.
if you get medical treatment so people will see you as who you are more easily, it still counts as doing it for yourself.
it isn't bad, to want to look like who you feel like, even if you don't feel uncomfortable with your body.
Right now you are asking a hypothetical question. You are also being pretty inflexible, especially for an abstract situation. It is good that you are thinking long term. Life does go on post-uni.
Until you start the experiment, you don't know where it will lead. Seven years ago when I went to my first ever TG group meeting transitioning was the absolute last thing on my mind. A lot changed in the years following that. I can assure you what you feel today will change as time goes by.
Looking in life in terms of absolutes or black & white thinking is a recipe for disaster. Keep an open mind. Experiment. See what feel right. And always remember that if it doesn't feel right Today does not mean it won't ever be right in the future. It only means it wasn't right for you then.
It took me a long time to accept that any social dysphoria that I may have "counted" as "real dysphoria". It is like that question of if you were the only person on a desert island, would you still take T? Some people say you aren't truly dysphoric unless you answer yes.
Although I have had top surgery, I am not in great distress about my lower regions. Would I like to have a penis? Yes. Do I "use" what I have now? No. But, I am not freaking out about what is below my belt. I just pretty much ignore it. I also haven't always wanted facial hair. So, I didn't think I "qualified" as being "trans enough", to consider taking testosterone/to transition. Not being on T and being read only sometimes as female in public has been tolerable. Most of the time I am read as male. However, if I have a conversation, most often they eventually realize I am natal female.
Since top surgery I have been going out more. I didn't realize how much having my breasts removed (even though they could be hidden in a binder), would make me feel more free to go out and do things. Subsequently, going out has resulted in my having that uncomfortable experience of being misgendered, since the opportunity is now there. The social dysphoria has become unmanageable.
Two weeks ago I went on T. Low dose (.25 the normal dose). I don't know the long term plan yet, but I do know that I feel better on it. The low dose buys me time to figure it all out. There is also a health concern issue for me on T, so that plays into long term use, as well.
On pragmatic approach...use the time in college to figure it out. When you hit Senior year consider getting on T (if you are going to transition to male). You can get the name change, gender marker change, etc. over those last 9 months of school. You will graduate with a male name and will hopefully have enough T in you to pass at your first job. Just one option.
I feel like the main reasons I can't pass as male are 1.my boobs 2.my face a binder could fix the first problem but based on the research I've done I'm not sure even T will make my face look male....and if it does it will take a long time.
Quote from: kittylover on September 24, 2014, 07:12:42 AM
I feel like the main reasons I can't pass as male are 1.my boobs 2.my face a binder could fix the first problem but based on the research I've done I'm not sure even T will make my face look male....and if it does it will take a long time.
What do you mean it won't make you look male? Just curious.