So I am nowhere near a point where I have to worry about my wedding day, but regardless, I've been doing some thought lately. One of my friends on facebook is a big fan of Offbeat Bride, which I find very interesting, but not very helpful. Even on a site which is supposed to contain more fashions and stories from gender-whatever newlyweds and spouse-to-be's, I'm still seeing the same pattern over and over again.
"Traditional wedding attire? You'll want a feminine white dress for women and XX genderqueer individuals, and a masculine black tuxedo for men and XY genderqueer individuals.
NON-Traditional wedding attire? Okay! Let's throw out a couple options: feminine white pantsuit or masculine jacket-less tuxedo for women and XX genderqueer individuals, and a masculine white tuxedo or something traditional without pants (but still SUPER MANLY or excused from any femininity they might have because ~tradition~) like a kilt or indian wedding attire.
What? All of those options are still extremely binary and stereotypically gendered and completely uncreative and none of them even get close to something you want to wear on your wedding day? Well, sucks to be you, doesn't it, Msr. Picky McDowner?"
In other words, I keep running into the roadblock of "masculine" being assumed as gender-neutral, unless you phenotypically pass as male, in which case you only need to wear anything but pants in order to be assumed as dressing "neutrally" (even if your outfit is still very masculine: for example, the kilt).
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I hate it when people complain and don't have any ideas to offer up as a solution (which I do, a little bit, and I'll get to that in a second) but I think that this is something that I would really like to trade ideas with you guys about. Am I really the only person who has ever been bothered by the lack of gender variety in fashion and options for more gender-neutral wedding attire? Is there some hidden corner of the internet where people actually make unique gender neutral clothing for once without exclusively falling back on binary scripts (to either follow or flip, never to blend) and I just haven't found it yet?
If there's anybody else out there as frustrated as I am, I would love to hear your ideas. But in order to accurately describe what I'm seeing in my head I need to show you the only clothing I've ever seen to date that has even come close. And since I don't think I can post links or too many pictures here, I'll just tell you how to find it yourself.
go to steampunk-and-junk's tumblr, and put "/post/94697823227/new-shirts-in-stock-kincs-web-shop" at the end of the URL. Alternatively, google "New shirts in stock @ kincs web shop" and look for steampunk-and-junk's tumblr among the results. It SHOULD send you to a post with multiple vests of different colors and angles like this one:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F31.media.tumblr.com%2F7b6d9cf1acca1573abcf58d5ea2650eb%2Ftumblr_naa0hvTmoM1rmhbmqo5_1280.jpg&hash=8f2fd3f49f273d7dc3b605f7d59132b2255262bf)
(hoping this works...)
My vision for my wedding day is this: to wear a TRULY gender-neutral dress, possibly with a vest similar to that one. The first time I saw that vest on my feed I practically fell in love; I am not sure if it's because it is so perfectly balanced between masculine and feminine, or if it is because it is TOO balanced between them to the point where it has neutralized itself and is emitting an agender aura, but either way, I like it, and really think there should be more clothes in the world like it. (It should be noted that the one I linked is the most feminine coloring of the three; the other two are darker, and also definitely options.) I am thinking in order to achieve a truly gender neutral wedding outfit which does not include pants, the base could possibly be a conservatively layered white wedding dress inspired by a white button-up shirt (a MAN'S/"UNISEX" white button up shirt, not the crap they throw at us in the women's section where it's sewn to look like an hourglass and the first button doesn't show up until at least 1/4 of the way down the shirt). The top of the dress would literally be indistinguishable from an average (male/unisex) professional white button-up shirt, but as you go lower, it would layer out into a dress. Then, on top of this, would be a vest similar to the one that I (hopefully) linked above, except with a complete back (rather than a laced one) and without the very large collar. This would allow the collar on the shirt-dress to be visible over the vest just as it would be if you were wearing a tuxedo. Of course, it wouldn't be complete without the right bow-tie and POSSIBLY a jacket, although as of right now I can't picture a jacket with the outfit I am envisioning without more accidental visual aids to help me along.
And then I was thinking, if you wanted to have a gender neutral outfit that was kind of the opposite, as in still (ACTUALLY) gender neutral but with pants instead of a dress, the balance could possibly come from a more feminine top half of the outfit, or maybe very long tails that create a train?
what do you guys think?
Well when I got married I was dressed as a steampunk sky pirate. It's probably not as gender neutral as that top, which is awesome, as I was wearing an open fronted bustle and an un boned under bust corset. I'll post pictures tomorrow if you'd like. I definitely think gender neutral is possible, just not in the traditional wedding paradigm.
Thats an awesome vest, I love it..! ;)
Here are a variety of ideas that might get your imagination flowing. http://www.pinterest.com/paperandlacenz/a-l-t-e-r-n-a-t-i-v-e/ (ftp://www.pinterest.com/paperandlacenz/a-l-t-e-r-n-a-t-i-v-e/)
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/10/ask-dapperq-androgynous-not-masculine-wedding-attire/ (ftp://www.dapperq.com/2013/10/ask-dapperq-androgynous-not-masculine-wedding-attire/)
It's hard to find any specific fashion pages or shops without knowing more about you, but there is lots of great styles out there to choose from..
Good luck, whatever you choose, I bet you'll look awesome..! :)
How about wearing both a wedding dress and a tuxedo? As in wearing the jacket over the dress, with or without the bow tie and shirt? Just not the pants, or I suppose you could wear them under the dress.
Quote from: VeronicaLynn on September 19, 2014, 09:17:34 PM
How about wearing both a wedding dress and a tuxedo? As in wearing the jacket over the dress, with or without the bow tie and shirt? Just not the pants, or I suppose you could wear them under the dress.
Something tells me that would clash. I definitely like where you're going with that idea, but it would probably need to blend more as a complete outfit, not as two outfits mashed together.
Although... If you were a bigender soon-to-be-newlywed, the stark contrast of two completely different things coexisting in one outfit could maybe fit you very well!
Quote from: ethereal-ineffability on September 19, 2014, 10:26:22 PM
Something tells me that would clash. I definitely like where you're going with that idea, but it would probably need to blend more as a complete outfit, not as two outfits mashed together.
Although... If you were a bigender soon-to-be-newlywed, the stark contrast of two completely different things coexisting in one outfit could maybe fit you very well!
Would it blend better if it was an all white tuxedo and tie, maybe a custom one with lace trim?
Quote from: Mark3 on September 19, 2014, 09:06:45 PM
Thats an awesome vest, I love it..! ;)
Here are a variety of ideas that might get your imagination flowing. http://www.pinterest.com/paperandlacenz/a-l-t-e-r-n-a-t-i-v-e/ (ftp://www.pinterest.com/paperandlacenz/a-l-t-e-r-n-a-t-i-v-e/)
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/10/ask-dapperq-androgynous-not-masculine-wedding-attire/ (ftp://www.dapperq.com/2013/10/ask-dapperq-androgynous-not-masculine-wedding-attire/)
It's hard to find any specific fashion pages or shops without knowing more about you, but there is lots of great styles out there to choose from..
Good luck, whatever you choose, I bet you'll look awesome..! :)
Thanks so much, I'm looking through the first one right now! The second link, while it's not quite what I'm looking for given that the OP definitely wanted no part in any possibly added skirt (even an open-front one over dress pants, which is an idea that another non-binary friend of mine had for their own future wedding) but man... some of those looks really do work!
and Dread_Faery, pictures would be awesome if you felt like posting them!
@VeronicaLynn: It might! Lace has never really been my thing, though... waaaaaaay too feminine. But I could see someone else rocking that idea
I am kind of liking Yolan Cris's approach, especially this one:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthebijoubride.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F01%2FOrlando.jpg&hash=e532bb8bceb4ef83405e743de856e6645f81d0fb)
now I'm wondering if something similar to the skirt of that dress might work with the vest/button-up/bow tie top that I was thinking of or if it might be a bit too overpowering? I wish there was an app or something where you could mix and match these things and see what they'd look like!