Just curious if one parent is taking the news of you being transgender harder than the other parent since you came out.
My dad is certainly acting in denial of it and taking it harder than my mom.
My mom and I are really close so she did not take the news well. We'll see how she reacts when my actual transition begins. I'm definitely not looking forward to that part.
Both of my parents are fully supportive. It's my mom who has a much more difficult time with using my requested pronouns. Could be partly because of a stroke. And age. Both my parents are in their 60's and I've only asked them to switch from she/her/hers to he/him/his after 42 years, so I do not blame them at all.
I think my dad had a harder time.
My dad has had a harder time.
My mom was afraid and tried to use her religion (which I have no faith in) and everything else at her disposal to talk me out of it. We're at least talking though, and she is starting to become less historical about it. I think she's starting to realize that her love should be unconditional. I appreciate that she's trying, even if she's struggling. My father, on the other hand, hasn't spoken (or typed or written) a word to me since I told him. We used to talk all the time, too.
My Dad definitely!
My Dad has passed and my mother, just said that she loves me and who i am will never change that.
I haven't told any of them but I honestly couldn't predict.
My mom likes to panic about stuff. She really had a cow when I met this wife for several reasons - she's older than me, is of a different nationality (but same race, as if that really were to matter) and has two kids previous to us meeting. But she got over it after I pretty much just stopped talking to her, because of all the insults.
My dad - much more accepting of me, BUT he is a super macho backwoods type man.
So I honestly have noooooo idea whatsoever.
I guess I get to find out soon?
My parents are good with me now that they've seen me as a happy, outgoing, friendly, sweet person for the first time, and our relationship is better than it ever was. We were practically estranged for almost 20 years.
At first, when the initial shock wore off, my mother said, "Well, your father and I discussed it and we have decided not to disown you."
Gee, thanks. At that point I almost disowned them!
My mother has a doctorate in biology and a masters in physiology though and did her due diligence by researching the transgender phenomenon and saw the most current studies that suggested that this occurs in utero. I believe she partially blames herself now because my brother also had a testicular abnormality. I think my dad was relieved that my lack of masculinity and inablilty to play sports (yes, I throw like a girl) was not because of a failure on his part.
I think they now look back and feel bad for how I suffered so long and why I was such an unhappy person that never quite fit in.
My dad...
He definitely took a lot of pride in introducing me to other people as "This is my boy..." and he's never been the most empathetic, but he's trying at least.
My mom accepted me almost immediately, and she was crying going "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I saw you suffering for so long, and felt like the little kid I knew was dying and I didn't know what to do, but now I finally have you back. Thank God..." and she's been my #1 fan ever since.
My father is deceased and my mother is coping. She doesn't know I am looking at full transition though, so it will get worse for her.
It definitely would have been more painful for my father. He would have blamed himself, somehow.
My mother is the only one who knows. I'm only out to her because she asked me directly. I think that she'd spent some time processing the idea before she asked me about it, though, because there was a long, tearful, "I love you no matter what" spiel that came with it. Although, it did follow a conversation where she begged me to "tell her I wasn't trans."
I'm very lucky to have parents who supported me when I came out as bi, and who will stand by me when I come out formally as trans, probably. My mom reacted pretty similarly to both sets of news: a lot of tears, a lot of fussing that life will be hard for me, a little worry that it was her fault. Growing up in Iran, she sometimes has trouble with LGBT issues, but it's usually a good natured screw up, born of ignorance and not hate. A few weeks ago she even drunk texted me to say she "loved her little boy" which was mortifying, but extremely sweet.
I'm very scared to tell my dad, though. I know he won't disown me, but I think it'll be a lot harder for him. We've always been very close, and I've followed in his footsteps in a lot of aspects of my life. But a lot of our relationship has been rooted in the father/DAUGHTER thing, and he's so bad with change. He'll try to understand bc he loves me, but I feel like he'll deny it, pick it apart, and ignore any bits he doesn't like, just like he did when I came out as bi. He's the rigid, hyper efficient, structured type, and he doesn't like anything that doesn't fit nearly into boxes. Which I often don't, unfortunately. I'm supposed to be the Good Kid who always does things right, and I know he doesn't want a son.
i haven't told my parents that i am, but i think my dad will go nuts, but i think my mom would understand to a point.
but im getting everything ready before i tell them or at least tell my mom first.
Both of my parents have been super supportive since I told them.
It took some coaching and explaining for them to understand that my "coming out" speech was to tell them I was trans* and not a crossdresser, something they had gotten confused about in the process.
They just want me to be myself and be happy with a job so I can pay my bills.
They have both been doing well with the pronouns and name and while they may slip up every once in awhile they pretty much always catch themselves so I don't give them any grief as I know they are doing their absolute best to change. (It has been 32 years, I can't expect it overnight, especially living in separate provinces).
I love them so much for support! :)
My mom is pretty ok with it, all she wants is for me to be safe and happy with my decision to transition. On the other hand, my dad has the hardest time accepting, he's trying, I'll give him that much but we still fight over it from time to time.
My moms taken pretty well, my dad on the other hand does not know yet because we don't speak . But seeing as he told me multiple times growing up that he would shoot me if i turned out gay, well, you can tell whos gonna take it worse :P
It's really difficult to tell. Both parents have expressed their support, but I only ever see my mom. I talk to my dad on Facebook from time to time. My mom still calls me "son". Of course, before my decision to transition, that didn't bother me as much. Now it does, because I've embraced the real me, and anything male-oriented just stings.
My dad actually wrote this to me after I asked him what he thought:
"Hey there, just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you for coming forward with your approaching changes...I have to be honest and say that it threw me for a loop. However, with that being said I have had sometime to think about it and reflect on my own issues of accepting myself as myself and not some character I played for the benefit of others. I know personally how difficult it is to carry that other person, the true self, around with you and not be able to let it out. So, anytime you would like to talk to me about it I'm ready. Just please understand that as this is a transition for you so it is with me. I love you so much and there is nothing in this world that could ever change that. I have my concerns, mainly medical and your health so I would hope that we can be open and discuss these things. Mostly I'm just ready to listen. I'm making dinner so not now..lol. I love you!"
My dad is bisexual and has worked at many gay bars as a bartender, so this really isn't a big deal for him. My mom, though, is probably still very attached to having a son, but the sooner she starts using the right pronouns the sooner everything else will come easier. My dad intends to ask me a lot of questions, which I've encouraged everyone to do. My mom, unfortunately, has developed some psychological dysfunction in the past few years, and is far quicker to change the subject. I guess I won't really know for sure until I go full-time.
At first my dad was comfortable with it but my mom just couldn't tolerate the idea that her 'son' needed to be a woman more than a man. Even though I've been going through this for the past 31 years she still doesn't want to see me as a woman. ???