I just don't want them their and because they allow you to have what name you want on your diploma and the fact that ill be on T by then makes it so I really don't want them their. And it makes it makes me mad and alittle hurt for saying that but my mom is dumb and I wish she wasn't I wish she supported me its fustrating.
I'd rather them not being there too. I will graduate high school this year, but they probably will. That sucks a lot especially because it's an important date and I want to wear make up and dress how I want to and I don't care about them feeling ashamed of me. So yeah I understand your feeling but try to talk to her first.
Quote from: Emily29 on September 24, 2014, 07:34:36 PM
I'd rather them not being there too. I will graduate high school this year, but they probably will. That sucks a lot especially because it's an important date and I want to wear make up and dress how I want to and I don't care about them feeling ashamed of me. So yeah I understand your feeling but try to talk to her first.
Nah no point in trying she's never gonna accept it no use.
It's too bad things are the way they are, but it's not bad to only want people there who support you. Makes perfect sense.
Being a blood relative, no matter how closely related, doesn't guarantee any kind of healthy relationship. Maybe in time she'll come around, but until then there's nothing wrong with wanting to surround yourself with support.
My mother only came to the very end of the graduation day of the first year of my apprenticeship. It was a mutual thing really, she didn't want to be around people call me Alex and using male pronouns, and I didn't want her there making a scene and spoiling it. She came at the end out of a sense of duty and because I was moving from the residential training centre to my flat the other side of the country. It would have been very difficult to do that via train, and she'd already promised she'd do it. She missed the whole day though, literally just turned up to collect me.
Although I don't regret basically engineering it so she didn't turn up, there's no pretending that it didn't hurt like hell. Seeing everyone with their parents, happy and excited to be heading (in most cases) home after 9 months, introducing their new friends, parents saying they were proud, and doing whatever else it is that families do. I thought I was over it after a lifetime of them never showing up to events, but it still hurt. It's not easy knowing that everyone else's family cares, and in my case my father doesn't speak to me and decided not to come, and my mother came out of a sense of duty. I had to get away.
Quote from: lxndr on September 25, 2014, 08:05:20 AM
My mother only came to the very end of the graduation day of the first year of my apprenticeship. It was a mutual thing really, she didn't want to be around people call me Alex and using male pronouns, and I didn't want her there making a scene and spoiling it. She came at the end out of a sense of duty and because I was moving from the residential training centre to my flat the other side of the country. It would have been very difficult to do that via train, and she'd already promised she'd do it. She missed the whole day though, literally just turned up to collect me.
Although I don't regret basically engineering it so she didn't turn up, there's no pretending that it didn't hurt like hell. Seeing everyone with their parents, happy and excited to be heading (in most cases) home after 9 months, introducing their new friends, parents saying they were proud, and doing whatever else it is that families do. I thought I was over it after a lifetime of them never showing up to events, but it still hurt. It's not easy knowing that everyone else's family cares, and in my case my father doesn't speak to me and decided not to come, and my mother came out of a sense of duty. I had to get away.
Yea I know it's gonna hurt like hell honestly.
In my opinion... Its not a bad thing.
your mom and her side have to realize its not their life to live.
since I'm home schooled I don't have graduations..only parties.
my mom is actually coming over and back to being more accepting. However, her mom (My grandma) and her sisters (my aunts) don't want a nephew/grandson anymore.
And since they do not respect my enough to call me by my right pronouns/name.
I told my mom I don't want them there and we both are in agreement of that.
your mom and her side need to respect you and except the fact they have a grandson,nephew and a son.
it sucks you literally have to cut people out like that especially in the most important times.
Quote from: AquaWhatever on September 25, 2014, 04:29:16 PM
In my opinion... Its not a bad thing.
your mom and her side have to realize its not their life to live.
since I'm home schooled I don't have graduations..only parties.
my mom is actually coming over and back to being more accepting. However, her mom (My grandma) and her sisters (my aunts) don't want a nephew/grandson anymore.
And since they do not respect my enough to call me by my right pronouns/name.
I told my mom I don't want them there and we both are in agreement of that.
your mom and her side need to respect you and except the fact they have a grandson,nephew and a son.
it sucks you literally have to cut people out like that especially in the most important times.
Right It fustrates me to the fullest on so many levels that they can't accept me.
I don't blame you at all. Intentional misgendering is unacceptable... If I were you, I wouldn't want them there, either.
I don't know if my parents will be at my graduation at all. I plan to move in with my fiancé as soon as possible, and I'm not sure what the situation will be.
Just remember that when it comes to family, it's not blood that matters- it's the people who love you, support you, and understand you who matter. If those people are with you to celebrate and be happy, then you have your family there. If your mom and her family come around later, you'll have other times to celebrate other things together.
Quote from: Rom on September 26, 2014, 12:15:12 AM
I don't blame you at all. Intentional misgendering is unacceptable... If I were you, I wouldn't want them there, either.
I don't know if my parents will be at my graduation at all. I plan to move in with my fiancé as soon as possible, and I'm not sure what the situation will be.
Just remember that when it comes to family, it's not blood that matters- it's the people who love you, support you, and understand you who matter. If those people are with you to celebrate and be happy, then you have your family there. If your mom and her family come around later, you'll have other times to celebrate other things together.
Yea that's true.
While I wasn't out at the time of my HS graduation I wore a more feminine shirt and pants. Seriously my family couldn't get me to wear any "nice clothes" as I'm very uncomfortable in female clothes and if I'm looking back correctly those clothes weren't that formal. In a sense make it clear to your dad that you want to wear male clothes. Your moms family may just have to deal with it because:
Clothes you wear aren't that visible under the gown and pictures can be taken with the gown on to hide clothes that may bother them.
Makeup doesn't really change much as the thing that is being celebrated it you accomplishments.
After graduation you can change clothes.
Unfortunately for you your mom's side cannot willfully gender you correctly as this is in my opinion is the most hurtful thing.
Quote from: David27 on September 26, 2014, 07:55:47 AM
While I wasn't out at the time of my HS graduation I wore a more feminine shirt and pants. Seriously my family couldn't get me to wear any "nice clothes" as I'm very uncomfortable in female clothes and if I'm looking back correctly those clothes weren't that formal. In a sense make it clear to your dad that you want to wear male clothes. Your moms family may just have to deal with it because:
Clothes you wear aren't that visible under the gown and pictures can be taken with the gown on to hide clothes that may bother them.
Makeup doesn't really change much as the thing that is being celebrated it you accomplishments.
After graduation you can change clothes.
Unfortunately for you your mom's side cannot willfully gender you correctly as this is in my opinion is the most hurtful thing.
My dad accepts me and has no problem with me getting the male cap and gown or wearing the suit under it, he actually helped me pick my suit for homecoming and is also helping me for prom.
Quote from: Brandon on September 26, 2014, 08:44:52 AM
My dad accepts me and has no problem with me getting the male cap and gown or wearing the suit under it, he actually helped me pick my suit for homecoming and is also helping me for prom.
I'm glad to hear that at least your dad is on board with your transition. Maybe your mom will come around soon, hopefully? Have you asked your dad to try and talk to her about it?
Quote from: Maleth on September 27, 2014, 08:47:01 AM
I'm glad to hear that at least your dad is on board with your transition. Maybe your mom will come around soon, hopefully? Have you asked your dad to try and talk to her about it?
He has tried to but she just doesn't listen, thats why he told me to come and stay with him at 18 so we can work on T and everything else.
It's totally understandable you don't want her there. I feel for you, it's really painful to not have that support. I am glad your Dad is supportive.
Quote from: christopher on September 27, 2014, 12:14:59 PM
It's totally understandable you don't want her there. I feel for you, it's really painful to not have that support. I am glad your Dad is supportive.
Yea true.
I don't think thats bad at all. Its your day. Why would you want all that negativity around you?
Quote from: GnomeKid on September 27, 2014, 12:56:38 PM
I don't think thats bad at all. Its your day. Why would you want all that negativity around you?
That's also true.
It's your day do what you need to in order to enjoy it and don't worry about the rest.