Hi there. It has been a long time since I posted on this forum. I am now 14 months on HRT, and have my voice pretty much mastered, and am a bit pleased with how my appearance is turning out. I still have issues with being called "man", "sir", "gentleman" quite frequently. I came to realize that I had forgotten to pay attention to learning body language.
That said, I am at a complete loss, I have no idea where to begin and have nobody at all irl or in my circle of online friends to ask. Are there, perhaps, instructional videos or, guides I can follow that may help me on the right track? Especially for the walking and moving around aspects... at least to start.
Anything will help.
Thank you!
-FC
Hey FC,
I hope you don't mind me bumping in from the ftm side! First of all, you'll find very diverse body language in cis people, so I'm trying personally not to get too hung up about it. BUT, of course, we are trying to give cues to others as to our gender, and I, too, try to use body language to this effect.
Have you considered just sitting down in a cafe somewhere and watch people? I "study" guys walking ahead of me to get a feel for how they move, etc.
Also, have you considered doing something fun and dancy in terms of workout/exercise (idk, Zumba maybe?) I'm sure there are a lot of videos online - I think what this kind of exercise can do for you is give you a better/different feel for your body and posture, and generally more control over it.
I second sitting in a food court of a busy mall and just watch how other interact (without seeming like you are spying on them!) - I would also walk a distance behind women (a fair distance so it didn't seem like I was following her) and if no one else was around I would try to match the way she was walking - arms, hips, sway, etc. Actually helped a lot.
Is there anything I can do from home? That is way scary for me. :/
The way I got a general feel for how girls walk was wearing heels and staying postured up. I guess a way too duplicate that at home is to stand barefoot with your heels off the floor. Then keep your toes pointed in and walk forward with one foot in front of the other (keeping the toes pointed in). Your hips should naturally sway, but it may be a bit exaggerated. But otherwise heels up, toes pointed in.
From my own observations and practices, the main body-language difference is the body language of dominance versus passivity. Learn that, and you're golden.
The basic premise is that men tend to use dominating and standoffish body language. They take up a lot of space when they walk and when they sit. Legs wide, arms wide, and they use more powerful body language that basically says "I am in control of this space." And they tend to not stand or gesture too close to others. They can be very defensive and closed-off with other people, in a "don't get too close to me" kind of way, with body language that's like "I'm in control of my space, you're in control of your space, let's keep it that way."
This may just be my own personal observation too, but self-confidence is a more masculine thing. Whenever I listen to guys talk, all I hear is "yeah, I did this and this and this, I'm pretty awesome." :P They sound more like they're bragging when they talk.
Women use more passive and welcoming body language... while male body language is very outward, women's is more inward... crossed legs, arms in closer to the body, and much less of the dominating "establishing a personal bubble that you better not cross" behavior. Slower, more fluid hand motions and gestures are more feminine, as well as gestures that, in a way, reach out to the other person as if to include them in your conversation. (Watch a woman speaking in front of an audience and you'll quickly see what I'm talking about,) while blunt powerful gestures are more masculine.
Also, when women talk, it's kind of girl-code to play down your own accomplishments, and preface things with "I don't know if it's any good, but..." and other things that, rather than directly having pride in something, leave space open for the differing opinions of others just in case they disagree with you. Saying "yeah, I did pretty good" is a more male thing, where "I think I did a decent job" is more feminine, because you've added in the "I think." Women speak more as if things are completely just their own opinions, their own interpretation, rather than making generalizing confident statements that directly or indirectly imply "I know I'm right."
I'm just scratching the surface here, but that's the main one, is the dominating behavior versus passive behavior. Taking up space and expecting others to get out of your way, versus taking up as little space as possible and hoping that you're not offending anyone else.
I just do a lot of observation of other women in everyday life. There are also some videos on youtube. if you really want to learn to walk in heels, you can watch some fashion runway shows, this is obviously a bit over the top, but its like THE feminine walk.
Body language is tricky, but I agree with taking up less space, and be more passive and softer and fluid. I try to avoid putting my hands in my pockets when im standing around as it comes across as pretty typical for a guy to do. But again just observe all the time.
I totally agree with Ms Grace. Go to a busy shopping mall. Find a place to sit down and then observe. Don't do it for 5 minutes. Sit there for an hour. For walking in heels, I practice one hour a day (every day) walking in high heels. I have a long mirror which I put at the end of a corridor at home or down the end of my path up against the fence and I practice walking towards the mirror concentrating on putting one leg in front of the other and with a gently sway. Importantly pull your shoulders back, breasts out, tummy in and head up. Have a look at my posts on here as one of them has a link to a video which shows how you should stand and walk in heels.
JudithLynn
Some tips:
* Elbows in closed to the body.
* Wrists and hands relaxed as you gesture
* Knees together when seated
* Avoid taking up more space than you need to.
* Smile
Good luck FC. I hope this helps.
Hi,
Could I recommend http://feminizationsecrets.com/feminizing-body-movements/ (http://feminizationsecrets.com/feminizing-body-movements/) ?
I think it's a helpful site. I learned a few things there. :)
Have fun.
Jess
For body language in general, I just kind of lucked out. Always acted this way. Everyone thought I was gay most of my life. Walking though I put some effort into.
I found it very hard to concentrate on all the things to fix at once. I eventually figured out three things to pay attention to that fix most of the walking.
One is to stand up straight, no slouching. Not military posing, just not slumped forward. This tilts your pelvis forward.
Second is to walk while making sure that your toes point forward , not necessarily in front of the last foot, just forward.
And third is to make sure your torso doesn't move from side to side while walking, only up and down slightly. Doing this makes your hips absorb the motion of lifting up on each step and creates a natural sway.
Don't know if that will work for everyone but it worked for me.
Quote"Walk across the room like Naomi Campbell," Beyoncé orders in "Get Me Bodied," a shout-out to the gait that has made Campbell a fixture on runways for Dolce & Gabbana and Chanel—and one of the longest-working (age 15 till...pretty much now, a mind-blowing 29 years later) runway models. Campbell broke down her famous walk for us.
• "It's more elegant to take a longer stride rather than what I call pony steps, which are short and hard. Think of it as a glide; it's not bumpy."
• "Keep the arms still, because they can take away focus from what you are modeling. If you have to swing them at all, keep it to a minimum."
• "I focus on being as elegant as possible: my back straight, my shoulders back. Move your hips, but not so much that the clothes look out of place."
• "Walking on a runway is like a performance, and walking down the street is not. It's completely different. On a runway, I try to look like I'm walking on water. I try to be as light and airy as possible. On the street, you should think about your posture when you walk into a room and walk with elegance, with your head up, a pleasant face, and a direct look. Be confident."
Source: http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/blogs/daily-beauty-reporter/2014/10/naomi-campbell-runway-walk.html
Quote from: Delsorou on October 19, 2014, 10:58:29 AM
For body language in general, I just kind of lucked out. Always acted this way. Everyone thought I was gay most of my life. .....
Same here. Everyone though I was gay (they were sort of right being that I always felt like a lesbian). I just started walking and acting how I felt naturally. It was completely automatic to me.
Naturally here as well especially hip swinging and hands, and my carry angle goes with it too.