I am gonna have a birthday soon, and I have some friends I could invite to a party or a lunch, but they don't each other and it's awkward. I feel so alone, I am probably gonna spend by myself :( or just do something to spoil myself. I can't believe this is my 4th year of loneliness circle.
This birthday is such a special occasion because I'm finally not underage. I didn't want to waste it, but it's probably what's gonna happen. I actually understand why people wouldn't come, itd be so awkward they don't even know each other, I'm not against them. One friend just said she couldn't this whole week cuz it's the day before her and her bf do 7 months together. I feel so alone.
I'm so bipola, I just made a happy topic and now suddenly.
sorry. needed to get this off my chest.
And to anyone who says I should have tried more, be more outgoing, talkative, I swear I really tried. I tried a lot. I went out of my way. I tried but I FAILED, everytime. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Sweetie they are never going to know each other without meeting each other. This sounds like a wonderful opportunity to do that. Take the chance and you may be surprised. If nothing else I will be there with you so you will not be alone, how's that? :) We can have a PM Birthday party if nothing else. Either way you do it you win and will not be alone! :)
I shall wait for my invite! ;D
I get what you're saying. But you know, one of my friends already cancelled. They are 4 at best, and idk what I would do and most don't know each other. It's not like I see them often anyway. I just feel so bad.
My dad went on vacation without telling me where he'd go, my parents are divorced, and he just left. I can't tell you in words how much I am disappointed. It's the second time he goes and doesn't even invite us. Actually just before he was gonna enter the flight, he phoned us telling where he would go and so we wished him a happy holiday, I guess?? He's gonna be here for my b-day, but I don't feel like he has to. He could just send me a message or something, it's what he always done, riiiight??? Just don't bother, dad, you don't need to.
My heart seriously goes out to you sweetheart. :icon_hug: I am so sorry you have so much pain and loneliness in your life. Actually I am crying right now wishing I could give you a big hug and make everything better for you. Please promise you will PM anytime you need someone. :'( :'(
life can get challenging I wish you well and happy B-Day.
Thank you for caring. It means a lot to me. Your kindness is very very, very much reciprocated.
My advice? If you really want to be sure of having a night that makes you smile do something with your best friend, you will have a fab night because you know each other so well.
In the company of the right confectionery and liquid refreshment even a night in on your own can be a pleasant one.
There are hundreds of days a year, try not to get hung up on one of them that really means no more than the rest, a good day is a good day, a birthday is just something to keep the greetings card industry busy.
I'm a bit like you in this regard. Just because extroverts have big parties doesn't mean everyone has to. Personally I prefer to have lots of little things to celebrate - lunch with the family, dinner with a few friends, drinks with some other friends, a catch up for a coffee with others, etc. I know it's not the same as one big event but I always feel overwhelmed at big social functions, even if they are my own. I find it better to go for lots of manageable things.
I am sorry for always making this sad maybe in a way silly topics. I think it's my way to cope with pain, it's the way I try to heal myself. I try everything. Forums, therapists. So please I am not trying to IDK victimize myself just for everybody's information.
Ms Grace, I know know, I wouldn't have a big party, what hurts me is that I'll probably end up doing nothing because nobody can and no one wants to go to an awkward 5 people where nobody knows anyone. It's not like these people I say are all my friends, unfortunately. I rarely see my friends.
I tried to be more outgoing, to establish relationships with my peers in high school, but I just end up here alone and nobody genuinely cares. It just hurts so much being so young and feel like I've wasted my life and that it is my fault because I wasn't this enough, that enough, because I'm dumb, and all that goes through my mind. I feel a lot of guilt for not fighting harder against the social rejection I underwent at school, and especially my class. I have even removed myself from the group on facebook.
Basically my loneliness eats me away and I'm at the point where I don't know what more could I have done to overcome.
omg please don't edit this. I am going to be and no real friends, connections, no social events invite. I am here in my bubble, watching the world outside evolve but unable to touch it.
Quote from: Auroramarianna on September 28, 2014, 04:03:53 AM
Ms Grace, I know know, I wouldn't have a big party, what hurts me is that I'll probably end up doing nothing because nobody can and no one wants to go to an awkward 5 people where nobody knows anyone. It's not like these people I say are all my friends, unfortunately. I rarely see my friends.
As someone, an outgoing friend, once tried to explain to me - it may be your party but ultimately people don't care about that, all they want is an excuse to have a good time. How do you know these people won't get along with each other? You're just making that assumption on their behalf. If they all know you they at least have one thing in common. Probably more. It's not like you're hosting a party at the Oscars, it's just a small get together for an hour or two but it sounds like you're trying to make way more complicated than it is. Look I understand, I get the same way myself every time I think about organising a social outing. It drives me nuts. Nine time out of ten I abort the idea, but every time I see it through it always goes great so I don't know what my stupid problem is.
QuoteI tried to be more outgoing, to establish relationships with my peers in high school, but I just end up here alone and nobody genuinely cares.
Can you tell me, what would it look like if somebody "genuinely cared"? What would they say or do?
QuoteIt just hurts so much being so young and feel like I've wasted my life and that it is my fault because I wasn't this enough, that enough...
You're 18, that means you've got a whole heap more living to actually do. The only way you'll end up wasting your life is if you're still thinking the same things when you're 80. If you think you're not "something enough" what can you do to change that?
Quote...because I'm dumb...
Repeat after me... "I am
not dumb." What you are is depressed and feeling overwhelmed by life. Please don't write yourself off because of that.
I went through what you're going through at exactly the same age. It took me years to work out that if I was too needy or too aloof or too morose then people wanted little to do with me. Likewise, it took me forever to realise that friendships are 50/50 - I had to genuinely care about them because of who they were not just because I hoped they'd be my friend and be nice to me. It was a hard, hard thing to get my head around, I never really socialised much as a kid because my gender issues meant I avoided playing with boys but generally wasn't allowed to play with girls - so I was socially inept. These things take time to learn, overcoming shyness requires confidence in yourself that you in fact are a person worth knowing. Maybe you won't be there by your birthday, but you could be there by the next one. A good start could be to ask a few of those people if they'd like to have dinner with you. :)
Quote from: Ms Grace on September 28, 2014, 07:20:33 AM
As someone, an outgoing friend, once tried to explain to me - it may be your party but ultimately people don't care about that, all they want is an excuse to have a good time. How do you know these people won't get along with each other? You're just making that assumption on their behalf. If they all know you they at least have one thing in common. Probably more. It's not like you're hosting a party at the Oscars, it's just a small get together for an hour or two but it sounds like you're trying to make way more complicated than it is. Look I understand, I get the same way myself every time I think about organising a social outing. It drives me nuts. Nine time out of ten I abort the idea, but every time I see it through it always goes great so I don't know what my stupid problem is.
Can you tell me, what would it look like if somebody "genuinely cared"? What would they say or do?
You're 18, that means you've got a whole heap more living to actually do. The only way you'll end up wasting your life is if you're still thinking the same things when you're 80. If you think you're not "something enough" what can you do to change that?
Repeat after me... "I am not dumb." What you are is depressed and feeling overwhelmed by life. Please don't write yourself off because of that.
I went through what you're going through at exactly the same age. It took me years to work out that if I was too needy or too aloof or too morose then people wanted little to do with me. Likewise, it took me forever to realise that friendships are 50/50 - I had to genuinely care about them because of who they were not just because I hoped they'd be my friend and be nice to me. It was a hard, hard thing to get my head around, I never really socialised much as a kid because my gender issues meant I avoided playing with boys but generally wasn't allowed to play with girls - so I was socially inept. These things take time to learn, overcoming shyness requires confidence in yourself that you in fact are a person worth knowing. Maybe you won't be there by your birthday, but you could be there by the next one. A good start could be to ask a few of those people if they'd like to have dinner with you. :)
Thank you so muuuch Ms Grace. One of my other friends has already cancelled. My two big friends can't come. So I'm most likely not doing anything at all. But maybe I'll attend a party before my birthday, it's a university party and some people I know are probably gonna attend.
I swear I'm not the kind of person to be nice to others just so they are nice to me and become friends. I don't like when others pity on me or treat me condescendingly, ugh I probably just spelt this wrong. But I have probably become more aloof, that's right, and think it's because it's a defense against my environment, albeit, a very unhealthy one.
As for someone who genuinely cared... Someone who I could trust who, who likes me, who I like, who's my real friend, who takes me places, who I take to places, whom I can rely on, and them rely on me. I think I'm defining a friend, which is ultimately who I'm needing now. I'm texting this guy who I find interesting, so I'm noty doing just because I need someone :), and we'll see what will happen.