I am just 18. I completed them yesterday. I feel that a world of opportunity has just come, but at the same time I'm soooooo scared.
I mean I have 0 support network. If my mom finds out I'm taking HRT I don't know what will happen. I'm not taking anything yet. But yes, I am plan to. But imagine when I start growing my breasts and my family is like wtf. I already have feminine features such as voice and I dunnowhat is my hormonal levels, but would bet low testosterone because I have no beard, null sex drive, young-ish face.
My dad surely will hate me. Actually he already despises me. He doesn't really care. He never did. He thinks I'm too feminine and my voice annoys him. He's the classical prototype of absent father. But he's glad with that. After my parents separated, we spent a weekend on at his house. He wanted it this way, to see us only occasionally. And he said, while comparing us to our half-brother, my dad has been married before, that he had no dad by 5, and that we had no dad by 16 and that it made a huge difference. I was so blindsided, shocked, blocked, I didn't say anything, but I should have had.
I cannot predict how my father. But I honestly fear for myself. I believe he could turn violent or disown me.
I sooo want this, but at the same time, I sooo not want the war that's gonna emerge.
I was disowned by both my parents. It hurts, you think about it a lot. Its a year after they disowned me, I still think about it about everyday, sometimes lots, but sometimes it goes away for a while and it's not like I can't function it's just a -wow that really sucks- thing. You will be good I believe.
Hugs x
sounds like your father is a lost cause , but there's a lot of people on this planet, so there's lots of hope
Hi Aurora
Congratulations on turning 18 - yippee!!
Honestly I think it's too soon to predict how your parents will react. I totally believe in being realistic but also in being positive and optimistic. My father never understood me when I was a boy. As a girl I make much more sense to him and it's better.
You can easily grow your support network. Maybe it might not be so easy to have people all around you, but I will bet that you have a few friends who will be 100% supportive. And you've got us, at Susan's.
I'll be in your city at the end of October, and if you want, we can try to meet up for a coffee. Send me a PM...
Hugs
Julia
Time for a self assessment check.
Big issues first, you have absolutely zero support network in place and that's not good as transitioning is filled with stress, good moments & bad moments. Having a support network to lean on for help when you need it is paramount. Second big issue is that you face a mountain of family issues with the real possibility of becoming homeless if things don't work out at home with your parents.
Do you have a job and are you able to support yourself?
Number 1 priority needs to be stability in your life. That means having a job, a place to live and the basic necessities needed to support life where you are in control of all decisions that you make. Transitioning needs to happen when you are really ready for all that comes from the process. Start building up a real support network of friends and allies. Not having those three things in place with some sort of stability to be maintained once you do start transitioning can end very badly.
You know that you want to transition and right now is the perfect time to start planning out on how you will do so. I wish I had gotten this advise when I was 18 so I could have started saving up money and preparing for the eventual transition to happen instead of what I did instead, live in denial & fear.
I would have loved to transition when I was 18, but that was never going to happen as I was not in the right place back then to do so. I was still living under my parents roof and I didn't have a support network let alone any idea how to get started even though I knew I was transgender. I was also terrified to even tell anyone about me being transgender and I was certain that my family would murder me and burry my body out in the woods. Highly unrealistic fear but it was one that I had and believed to be true. Fast forward through 12 years of denial and trying to live as a person I just never was and I start transitioning at 30 years old where I now have all of those things in place. I'm doing very well even though it has been touch and go with my family, in the end me being 100% independent made a huge difference in being able to transition and explore myself without having to worry about ending up homeless if my family did disown me in the process. They have come around a lot, use the right pronouns and even though they still have some hang-ups on their part they see that in the past year I have drastically changed in a very positive way. I can smile, I am comfortable with myself and most of all I want to live to see the next day and so on. I have now lived full time for nearly 3 months and I couldn't be happier as I have built up a rather large network of friends that I look to when I need help through the bad times and that I am still able to support myself, have a roof over my head, a steady job that supports my transition in the workplace, and the ability to maintain my current level of transition of getting the medical care I need and HRT. I still struggle with trying to come up with how I'm going to pay for the surgeries but right now I'm at least on the right track to being authentically me. I still kick myself in the rear end thinking about how easily I could have saved up $50,000 over the past decade of my life to fully fund my transition when I was ready to do it but that's the past and I can't change it now.
Congratulations on your 18th birthday!
I agree with Megumi. Please try to get your own life in order and develop those support contacts to help you when you do begin to transition. Financial stability, living in your own place, and having supportive friends will make a huge positive difference in your efforts to transition successfully.
Thank you so much for all the caring responses,
Megumi, thank you for your incredibly insightful post. As it turns out, I'm going nowhere without my family's support but at least I already have control over some decisions I make for myself and my body, such as shaving/waxing, what accessories I want to wear. Obviously I am not wearing anything girly yet or taking hormones because I really can't. But I will start moving myself in ways towards my objective. I will probably end up hiding some things from my mom and dad, like earrings. I still have to decide if I'm going to grow my hair out. I think that'll depend on my parents' reaction.
Orchid, thank you soooo much! That has got to be sweetest thing somebody has ever said to me in these forums, so thank you :) I agree with you that my safety is first. To be honest, if I could, I'd transition now, become a pretty girl, be popular... that just sounds so shallow, but it's who I would like to be. But it isn't reality. But I do have other things I live for. I'd love to volunteer myself to some African or Asian country. I am not at all just focussed on myself. I want to help others. As long as I live as boy, I feel like I can't be my true self and it sucks.
Quote from: Auroramarianna on October 05, 2014, 12:02:51 PM
But I will start moving myself in ways towards my objective. I will probably end up hiding some things from my mom and dad, like earrings. I still have to decide if I'm going to grow my hair out. I think that'll depend on my parents' reaction.
Yes, little steps, gradual ones, are a good idea.
Oh heavens, the earrings. I wanted them when I was 6. I got them done secretly when I was 13, not as a fashion statement, but absolutely as an identity symbol. I stopped wearing them for over a decade when I was married. And now, they're here to stay!!!! :D