Once upon a time...
I was a cis female. I was straight. I had fantasies about being a boy. I had fantasies about being with a woman.
And then I was in my early twenties. And I met a woman who wanted me. And I wanted her. And it was good. Except I felt dirty and wrong after the first time. I didn't tell my parents when I sneaked off to be with her for weekends.
And then I started telling close friends. And I said "gay". And it felt good. Those close friends were like "yeah, we know".
And then one night I came home and my Mom was drunk. She confronted me in the kitchen about my lifestyle, and asked if I was gay or straight or what. I was robbed of my coming out. She laughed and said "can't you make up your mind?!?" when I told her I was bi. She demanded that I tell my kid sister, or she would tell for me. I was forced to come out. My little sister (in middle school at the time, 8 years separate us) said "yeah, that's fine." It felt good.
And now I'm in my early-mid thirties. Those fantasies of being a boy aren't enough anymore. Being seen as "one of the guys" isn't quite enough anymore. Wearing men's clothing isn't enough anymore.
Transgender. Say it. Transgender. Its not a dirty word.
I talk to people. Close friends at first. Then regular friends. Classmates. Co-workers. Most understand, or try to. They ask questions because they want to be supportive. Most of them. Some don't get it. That has to be ok. Not everybody can understand hating yourself so much that you want to be someone else, or have someone else's body.
I want them all to know. The ones I care about, the ones I don't give a damn about. The ones who wont understand, the ones who will. I have to say it. I WANT to say it.
National coming out day is Saturday 10/11/14. I want to do it. I want them all to know.
I want to make a video. I want to put it on my Facebook page. Possibly my Youtube channel, which currently has only videos of me in Martial arts competitions. I told a friend about my plan. She said to be careful, and that I will get some negative backlash. I know that. I feel like I will be okay with that. I want to get it out there in one fell swoop. I'm ready. I've admitted it to myself and I don't see why the rest of the world shouldn't know.
I want to let that little boy out. He's screaming. He wants the world to meet him, and for the people who can love him to love him.
He's ready. I'm ready. I think I'm going to do it.
I want to live happily ever after.
-Bear
I have kicked around the idea of coming out on facebook on Saturday as well, but I am scared ->-bleeped-<-less. Not even going to lie.
I'm so not afraid that its weird.
However, I am planning on visiting my family this weekend as well. I already told my Sister I need to tell her something big and she will probably say "yeah, okay" just like last time. My parents.... thats what I'm nervous about. They have mellowed in the last ten years, but I feel like I am going to hurt them....
I was thinking of coming out to my sister. I have been putting this off and think I need to be honest with her and myself. She kept me safe when I was younger and means very much to me. She is very religious and she and her husband are involved in a political party not known for tolerance.
Political parties represent a "big picture", but not individual stances. For instance, I have some very right-wing views on some topics, so people in the LGBTQ community often get in MY face because I am not part of the "right party". I also know some people who come off as republican who explore bisexual and gay feelings. My current partner is on the right side of being a libertarian. Yet he has a poly family which I am a part of. He loves me for me, including the little boy. He has been incredibly supportive about me exploring trans feelings, hormones, surgeries and body hair growth. You may be surprised is all I'm trying to say. Good luck. (So say we all)
-Bear
Good luck on coming out!
I came out on Facebook the same day it was announced at work that I'd be presenting as the person that I really am and that I was transgender. I lost about half of my friends but gained many more in the process. It's a tough step to take but you need to do what's best for you on the path you want to take.
Debated on it, but since I'm not on HRT yet coming out then doesn't sound like the right time. I'm not scared to, just seems like a bad time. I'll wait till I'm ready because I certainly don't want to stir things up any more around my household.
So, Brother Bear...
How did it go?
I'm really bummed out about the course of events this weekend.... :'(
I was supposed to have some alone time with my sister Saturday night. I had told her there was something important I wanted to talk to her about, and that I wanted her to sit down with me and my parents on Sunday sometime. (I feel like it might be easier with a wingman.) Instead, she got home over two hours late and, due to massive influxes of hormones from being pregnant, she got super pissed at me because I got insulted from an ignorant statement she made in the first place. I mean, HOW does that even make sense?!?!? YOU insulted ME, how do you get off getting upset because I got insulted????? Ugh. (Side note: I was supposed to sleep up in her bed with her, but got banished to the couch downstairs in some sort of twist on the you're-in-the-doghouse routine.)
SO instead, we went out on Sunday morning and I told her over breakfast. She was fine with it, especially after I told her about a lot of the details, showing that I have clearly thought about this a lot and researched the facts. (Side note, as I'm telling people, they tend to say something like "well, make sure you've really thought about this before you do anything permanent" Are you kidding? Do you think this came out of the blue and I have not been thinking about it, in some way shape or form since I was old enough to even understand gender?) She said two things worth noting: 1. That she doesn't think that my parents will be supportive (to which I responded there are different levels of support. Will my Dad ever refer to me as his son, probably not. Will they disown me? Probably not) and 2. That she won't be able to call me Bear, because its not a "real name". I have given this some thought, by the way. Lots of boys names are attractive, but friends have actually been refering to me as Bear for almost ten years, since my birth name is so god-awful girly. Why change something that fits?
By the time we got back to my parents house, they were in full-scale-flight-of-the-bumble-bee-cleaning-for-company-mode. You know, the one where you want everybody to be doing something and you disagree with the cleaning method or pace of everyone around you. Tension was high in the household and I just didn't feel like it was a good time. Guests arrived, we ate and put the game on, and then I left because I had plans with friends.
I have fully prepped the video and am ready to film it and put it out there. I just have to wait till after my parents hear it from me, as opposed to hearing about it from someone who saw it online.Sucks, since I only get a chance to go see them every few weeks. So my mega-coming out is on hold....
>:(
Bear, you're big day will come.
:)
Today, today, today...
Do it, do it, do it...
Okay well I tackled talking to my Mom today. My Dad will have to wait till some other time.
My Mom wasn't super surprised. I haven't hidden any of my Facebook posts about the subject from her, so that was the only thing that got her a little weepy, that she was seeing stuff, but not hearing it from me. I told her I have been trying to muster up the courage to talk about it. Other than that, she was fine. She said she doesn't know how she/they will go about accepting changes in my body, pronouns, etc. I told her that I'm not worried about that right now, and that we should just go one step at a time and the first step is talking about/accepting it.
She was able to make a joke, actually. She said I'll have to choose a middle name, so that when she's mad at me, she can call me both names (which she does now). How freaking cool is that? Its something I hadn't thought of. And since both she and my Sister both said that "Bear" isn't a name, I guess it would give me the opportunity to have a "normal" boy name, too... Nothing really cries out to me at the moment, but there are a lot of good names out there, maybe something will come up?
She also said she would try to think of a good way to approach my Dad. She doesn't think he'll take it well, especially since he's just not a super progressive, open guy...
I am glad your Mom took the news well.
William or zac are possibilities of a name. Those are the name I thought of when I saw your avatar.
I always admired the name William, but my manfriend (like a boyfriend, but a bit older than me and the term boyfriend feels weird) is name Bill. His son is Will.
Zach is cute. I was thinking of something with two syllables, since my birth name and middle name both have two...