I really feel that transitioning from male to female is the right option for me, and am currently seeing a therapist to talk it out. Yet, I get extremely nervous when talking about the topic, among others generally related to gender, sex, and sexuality, which makes it very difficult to speak to anyone regarding those topics. This is a problem, as it makes conversations regarding my feelings of wanting to be female all the more difficult. Does anyone have some tips for calming down a bit, and thus making it easier to talk and express my feelings?
Practice, I guess? I was a hot mess the first few times I talked to a therapist. Now I feel completely comfortable telling her anything.
Breathing deeply. Trying to calm down and relax. Accept that they are here to help you rather than to judge you. They will be interested and motivated to help. I also found that it sometimes helps to write down your questions, your feelings and why you feel a certain way. It doesn't have to be perfect but it can sometimes be a good memory aid. In one case I actually wrote it down and handed it to the therapist before the session started so the questions were less awkward.
Funnily enough this nervousness quickly goes away. There is enormous relief in being able to finally share your fears, thoughts and dreams with someone who listens, who cares, who doesn't judge and is there to help. I found that in being heard and understood, I felt in turn more validated, less self conscious and more confident. Now it is hard to get me to stop talking. :)
Aisla
Thanks for the ideas and encouragement, maybe I'll try out writing things down and see how it goes. I hope I can get over this soon! My next meeting isn't for a couple weeks, so I should have some time to prepare.
Yeah I can totally identify with you, having been in the same spot not too long ago. It felt like I needed to spill everything out. Like I was holding some big dark secret. But like with all fears, I guess, it becomes manageable with practice.
What worked for me was to remember that I don't have to share everything in one go. You can, but you don't have to. Another trick I use with coming out of the closet nowadays is to remind myself that if I want to get something worthwhile out of my friendships I'll have to show myself at some point - and now that I've come out to several friends, I've noticed that I've enjoyed our time together a lot more when I don't have to hide myself anymore. Or maybe just start by naming the topic in a side sentence to test the waters if you're unsure of your therapist's attitude towards LGBT folks. It works differently for all of us. We all have our own style, even if you don't know what's yours yet, and you evolve over time. Therapy is an excellent setting to find out what works for you when you're ready for it.
I wish you strength and courage with this!
I know how you feel, also having been there not long ago. I am finally finding it a bit easier to talk about these things. There is good advice above. I will just add that you can either face your fears ( speak about this to a therapist and others) or you can spend your life running from the fear. Even when the fear grew largest I knew I would rather face them down than be controlled by this fear for the rest of my life.
Take a deep breath and be courageous. Its worth it!
Your feelings sound very normal and I for one can certainly relate to them..
It's hard for us because its a secret that we have been holding since childhood and usually our biggest insecurity as adults. You feel like if you let it go (or loose control of your secret) the world will end, or you will burn in a red hot fire. But this couldn't be more opposite, its actually freeing.
Your therapist is the perfect person to start opening up to, they are professionals and there for YOU so make the most of it, you owe it to yourself. If its weird to talk about for you, tell him/her that. The more sessions you have and the more you get used to talking 'out loud' about this the easier it will get.
I would also advise telling a good friend of yours that you trust if you can muster up the courage, having that one friend that knows you and can support you through the early steps is very helpful for nerves. For me it actually made some friendships stronger. Trust me, down the track remembering feeling like this will be laughable to you.
Some other methods to cope with nerves is when i feel my heart going, i really do stop and take deep slow breathes which really does help. Usually followed by my last thought which is "F*k it, I'm doing this!".
Good luck! x
Being trans is something to be PROUD of. We face obstacles other people can't imagine, and we quietly overcome them.
Hold your head high and speak PROUDLY of your struggle.
Being a shy and basically a non-talker about anything I sure can relate to the anxiety about talking to someone about "important" things, especially things I've felt totally ashamed and guilty about. It ain't easy. But....
Think cheap - You are paying them to help you. They can't help you unless you open up. If you don't open up you are wasting your money.
Practice makes perfect. - I got my practice during my TG support group meetings. Being totally floored by being in a room filled with others whose stories were just like mine made it far far easier to open up and talk. Especially when you feel totally safe and in absolutely no way being hated for being trans, vs a total stranger where the Earth just may open and swallow you up. You never know.
Think outside the box - For me this was embracing my inner salesperson. A role this shy introvert engineer got thrown into a few times with needing to tag along with a salesman to a customer or worse, a trade show. Talking is easier when you look at as acting a part. If you are a typical T, you know all about that "acting a part" thing. I may have walked in thinking embracing my inner salesperson but in like no time it was more like embracing my inner scared little girl.
It is extremely difficult. I found myself leaving sessions feeling happy and one hour later, totally exhausted and often low. It is years of avoidance, shame, fear and loathing slowly escaping. It took a good 6 sessions before the offloading started to create some clarity. Anything worth doing is going to have a level of difficulty and is really worth persevering. I can't say my own journey is over but, following on from therapy sessions, I was able to quite happily talk about my gender identity with my gp.
Hope it goes well for you!
X
Sorry!
To add...writing is definitely a good idea. Even if you write pages and destroy them. I found the physical act seems to help somehow and gave me a clearer way to express feelings to GT.
:-)
Quote from: Ozzter on October 09, 2014, 02:19:31 AM
I really feel that transitioning from male to female is the right option for me, and am currently seeing a therapist to talk it out. Yet, I get extremely nervous when talking about the topic, among others generally related to gender, sex, and sexuality, which makes it very difficult to speak to anyone regarding those topics. This is a problem, as it makes conversations regarding my feelings of wanting to be female all the more difficult. Does anyone have some tips for calming down a bit, and thus making it easier to talk and express my feelings?
Firstly, understand that it's okay to be nervous. That's probably the most important one, too. Because many times we start the self-hate and questioning
why we're nervous, and that just fuels the process. So try to understand that it's okay to feel the way you do. But also that your feelings don't have to control you. Remember, having courage isn't about not being scared, it's about being terrified but not letting it control you.
It makes you feel vulnerable. And when someone feels vulnerable, the mind is all "oh my god, no! I can't have that, we might get hurt. Quick, emotions, inject a dose of fear. STAT!! Stop them doing the thing that might hurt us!" Part of overcoming it is to see that being vulnerable, opening yourself up, is how you get to explore how you feel. And how you can act on those feelings. It's hard. Damned hard, sometimes. But part of it is trusting that the person you're talking to isn't going to hurt you. Someone who will not judge you.
To that end, talk to your therapist about other things first. Get a feel for the person you're talking to. How they make you feel. If they make you feel at ease and comfortable talking about yourself, then that in itself may lessen some of the nervousness you feel and allow you to open up.
Good luck. *hugs*