I was going to remove this but I think I will leave it. So please do not read if it is a trigger for you
Hi,
Tonight I was myself for the first time in 9 years. It was then that hormones kind of killed my appearance and so I cut my hair and heed from myself, dressing like other males, had sex with a girl just so I could have children and started going to University.
However as I said tonight I was me again.
I spent 10 minutes using foundation, primer, setting powder and sled on my hair extensions. I put on my tight black jeans, my leather (almost knee height) boots, a black satin plunging neck blouse that reaches just below my sternum and my light blue knee long Egyptian cotton coat. I felt pretty and sexy like I could take on the world. I got in my car and drove 50km from my home town to a nearby township with a nice coffee district and went walking listening to my ipod. I walked for over 2 hours stopping, sitting to watch people walk by, my confidence grew, and no one stared except to smile and I smiled back. I felt free. I felt like me and not him as a listened to my music and drank coffee.
It was getting dark and people drifted away and so I got scared and scurried back to my little pink and silver Hyundai getz. On the way, some men spotted me in their car and started whistling. They were in their mid twenties and I just kept walking with my head down, keys in my hand, and they chucked a few laps by me wolf whistling. Then I walked in a park like a stupid fool and got lost in the dark.
In the distance I seen car lights and could hear the same guys yelling. I kept my head down and started to speed up. They jumped out and started yelling do I want a big dick and do I want to be a Lebanese meat sandwich. I screamed and ran as fast as I could. They ran too and one grabbed my wrist and tried to kiss me, while another started to rip off my coat.
I punched him in the neck first and he dropped. Then I lashed out at the other and did not look back, I just ran. I finally got to my car and drove as fast as I could home crying and thinking every car that went past on the highways was them chasing me. I stopped at a truck stop 20 kms from my home and cried my eyes out, not over them but over my coat like a silly little girl!
I wanted to go straight to the police but I am not out and I work in my small community helping youth so I cannot risk it. Instead I rang the police on a public phone and give the number plate and their description adding they chased and tried to grab a tall blacked hair woman in a park. The officer said police were in the town now and she kept me on the line. Ten minutes later she had calmed me down and announced that they had the car and had arrested five drunk Lebanese men. I thanked her and hung up on her. I drove less then a few kms down the road when a Police car drove by towards the truck stop. I did not stop I just fled.
I am utterly petrified and my beautiful coat it ripped to pieces. I just had to speak here to let it out. I was so happy tonight being me again and now I am to afraid to leave my house and every sound is their car to me. I called my sister to inform her that I might be late as my two kids are on holiday with her and I need to drive 500kms to get tomorrow. I pray I feel better in 6 hours as I miss them dearly and they can not see me like this as they only know dad not the real me.
Lots of love
Sarah.
Hugs Sarah. Sounds terrifying. I know the coat means a lot to you. I hate when things I love get damaged. You can never fully replace them.
That being said, I am SO GLAD that all that was damaged was the coat.
A coat can be replaced what is important is you are safe.
Hi Sarah!
I'm sad for you that you had such a traumatic experience. You actually handled it quite well and calling the police on them was the right thing to do. This could have happened to any born woman, so you shouldn't feel isolated about what had happened and perhaps since we all know that we can't change the predatory nature of men in packs, you will consider your personal safety in terms of time and place in the future. This wasn't your fault so don't let it hold you back from being who you are and venturing outside en femme. xox ~Shan~
thankfully your all right and you called the police but please stay out of dark places at night.
*hugs Sarah holding here tightly, while supplying ourselves with hot chocolate*
As much as we don't like to admit it sometimes and we should be free to come and go wherever we wish. There are some idiots out there that like to attack anything with a higher I.Q. then them, and once they get into groups the problem increases. SO NEVER THINK YOU ASKED FOR THIS OR IT WAS YOUR OWN FAULT
Many things are replaceable in life unfortunately our lives not so much. While you rightly mourn your beautiful coat, your children would also mourn the loss of their Sarah (even if they haven't met or know of her yet).
Step outside today and feel the warmth of the sun on your body. This happened at night in the day there are less shadows for them to hide in. You may have trouble stepping outside at night for awhile (this is relative), but that is natural your kids don't need to know the why. You love them and that's what is important
It's perfectly normal to feel fear right now and (personal experience talking) sadly you may find some little things months or years later bringing up the memories of last night again. Fear is normal it is what keeps us alive.
I'm sorry that a good time by you was destroyed by a bunch of idiots. Please don't ever let it stop you again
You gave a prefect example why women everywhere should not go alone after dark. You were just going to your car and a group of a*holes decided it was OK to attack a young lone woman.
You got them arrested and off the streets. Yes, you lost a favorite coat, but it can be replaced. You, my dear sister can not.
Thank the gods you are safe.
Think about it this way; you could've done nothing, just gone home and felt bad, but by calling the police you caused these men to be taken off the streets even if just for the night. Who knows what could've happened, they might have gone on to attack another woman who might not have got away with only a torn coat. So be proud of yourself.
I understand how terrifying this must be for you. Back in my student days, when still presenting as male, me and a friend were attacked by football fans after a night out. I was nervous in public for around a month afterwards. But it will pass, and you'll be OK. The coat can at least be replaced. :)
♥︎♥︎**Extra big hugs to you!**♥︎♥︎ :(
I'm sorry you had to experience the behaviour of some inhumans hun. As the others said - this isn't your fault. Know that I'm sending you all my love right now ♥︎ :(
Mental note: add pepper spray to handbag inventory ;) ♥︎
Big hugs. A terrible experience no one should have to go through. It is unfortunately how women, cis and trans, have to frame our interaction in public space. Kudos to you for getting in a punch to his neck (if it connected well that would have hurt), doubt the @$$hole expected that level of resistance. Double kudos for calling the cops and getting them arrested, that would have really ruined their night. Stay safe.
I have nothing to add as others have covered this so well, just so so glad it was a coat and not worse. YOU got yourself out of that, jeez my heart was almost stopped till I got to the end. I just never get tired of seeing how people here rally around their brothers and sisters to ease their pain, what a place this is. Dani
Everyone has made good points, but yes the main thing is that you are safe and in one piece, Sarah.
I understand from your posts that you're in SA, but you might want to check this link out. It's for NSW, but they may be able to put you in contact with an equivalent in SA: http://tavp.org.au
All the very best to you and hope the meeting with the kids goes well.
Hugs!
How horrible! Glad you kept your wits about you and made it home unharmed, physically, anyway.
Well done Sarah :) What's already been said is right. Also remember they attacked you believing you to be female so while this was a horrible experience I hope it won't prevent you from going out again as that would be worse than losing your coat if you lose your confidence in being you. They picked on the wrong woman and hopefully have paid the price. (At least the driver getting fined for DUI)
Hugs
Sorcha :)
So many hugs for you, Sarah! You were very smart in this situation! I doubt I'd have the wherewithal to even get somewhere if such a scary thing happened to me! So glad you're okay!
Thank you everyone for your kindness and good wishes I appreciate it. I had to take two days of work because I have PTSD from my childhood in Belfast and this event exacerbated it causing some old fears to resurface again. Luckily I was able to have some downtime and regather my thoughts. In terms of the guys it was in a local newspaper and they were charged with drink driving, assault police, resisting arrest and for carrying offensive weapons, including a meat cleaver, a steel rod with nails wielded onto it and prescription drugs used for date rape.
After reading this in the paper I made contact with a rape councillor in Adelaide who works with rape survivors for SAPOL (cops) and was able to supply my story anonymously insofar as she knew I am transgender and that I live in a rural town. Therefore my details were taken and my info will be kept private due to the sensitive nature of the accusation's. A plain clothed female officer met me in the nearby town I visited on the night and she took my details also, the ripped top and the photos of the bruises on my wrist. It was explained I was not out again and presenting as female on that night, as well as that I felt in danger if it was to be made public or common knowledge with other officers. She explained that it was only going to be seen by the prosecution, her the arresting officer and a detective.
I am still scared I suppose but I am resilient by nature and the fact that these men had date rape drugs, bindings and weapons in the car is enough evidence she stated that they will face time with my report. I was shown photos and picked out the guy I struck and one other.
I could dwell on the negatives but as a mental health worker I tell my patients look at the positives and so I have. I made a list of them and figure I might share them.
The positive thing I got from this was that:
- I survived
- My PTSD from being homeless and a child soldier in Belfast, while a horrible experience it was helpful as it engaged my fight/flight in a way that aided in my survival
- I had the courage to speak out
- The officer was polite, empathetic and non-judgemental. This gave me hope for our community and that at least a few of our officers are accepting and willing to fight for our rights
- They can not hurt anyone else
On a side note the officer stated of the record that she was pleased with the punch I used on the perpetrator. She explained that it damaged his throat in such a manner that it left him unable to speak for 48 hours and he had a easily recognisable bruise which helped identify him.
Quote from: Sarah leah on October 14, 2014, 03:28:27 AM
On a side note the officer stated of the record that she was pleased with the punch I used on the perpetrator. She explained that it damaged his throat in such a manner that it left him unable to speak for 48 hours and he had a easily recognisable bruise which helped identify him.
Sweet! So, some good came out of this. I'm glad to see that.
Wow.
You were very lucky and courageous.
I also had a similar incident about 10 years ago in a suburban area of the US. At that time, I did not reported it to the police, and in a week I regretted it as I heard from a local radio station that a woman was raped at the same place and I was sure the same man did it.
Anyway, becoming a woman means a lot more than we expected. Going out alone is an example. In my case, I could not run as I was wearing heels. This became a double whammy. I noticed that girls go out together even at day time in the U.S.
Fortunately here in my country (S. Korea), it is almost safe for women to walk alone at night, except some remote, rural areas, as there are always some people around.
barbie~~
Quote from: Sarah leah on October 14, 2014, 03:28:27 AM
In terms of the guys it was in a local newspaper and they were charged with drink driving, assault police, resisting arrest and for carrying offensive weapons, including a meat cleaver, a steel rod with nails wielded onto it and prescription drugs used for date rape.
I'm
so glad you got away. Hopefully these five "heroes" will get the required sentence.
From what you've said it sounds as though the SAPOL have been very professional and compassionate in their handling of the matter.