Hey all, so I've been feeling extremely alone and I need to talk to someone about this.
So I've been with my boyfriend for a little more than 2 years now. I found out he feels like a woman a lot about a year ago. He also told me though that he would never take hormones or undergo any plastic surgery for personal reasons. Now though he grew out his hair and he dresses more gender ambiguous. I love him more than anything but now I don't know if I'm still attracted to him. I am a straight female which means I'm attracted to men. Now when we have sex, I see him as a woman and it's alarming. Not many of our friends know about his transition so I have no one to really talk to about how I'm feeling. Nonetheless, I've never talked to someone who knows exactly what I'm going through or what I'm feeling.
Any words of advice or just knowing someone is listening would be great. Thanks guys <3
I am on the other side of the fence from you so to speak. My wife of 16 years feels the same way as you do, and it is a hard place to be. I know my feelings are for my wife to just do what comes natural and if it works out then good and if not then just try to be supportive and a good friend. I would love for my wife to just love me for me but there are so many other things that get in the way, primarily societies beliefs and pressures.
In the end is all I really want is to be loved for who I am not what I look like, but if you, like my wife, are not attracted toa woman then he should be willing to accept that as much as we ask you to accept that we are who we are.
Best wishes and hope this helps you out. Just remember all anybody wants is to be loved for who we are.
Quote from: newyorkgirl on October 13, 2014, 01:02:38 PM
Hey all, so I've been feeling extremely alone and I need to talk to someone about this.
So I've been with my boyfriend for a little more than 2 years now. I found out he feels like a woman a lot about a year ago. He also told me though that he would never take hormones or undergo any plastic surgery for personal reasons. Now though he grew out his hair and he dresses more gender ambiguous. I love him more than anything but now I don't know if I'm still attracted to him. I am a straight female which means I'm attracted to men. Now when we have sex, I see him as a woman and it's alarming. Not many of our friends know about his transition so I have no one to really talk to about how I'm feeling. Nonetheless, I've never talked to someone who knows exactly what I'm going through or what I'm feeling.
Any words of advice or just knowing someone is listening would be great. Thanks guys <3
This is definitely something that you have to figure out on your own. Sorry newyorkgirl but you have to decide. We have to decide who we are, I just happen to be bi and am sort of lucky in that I guess. ??? I mean there are two types of attraction one is physical and the other is emotional and still yet a mental attractions so there is three. And then intellectual attraction so that is four.
I'm definitely listening. As for advice, again sorry hon. The only thing that I can tell you is to think what first attracted you to him now her in the first place. Chances are that this has been a part of the personality for a long time. Could have been one of the things you fell for. But that is for you to decide.
My so is just starting her transition to MtF and it's been a hard time but still good.
I still have moments when I'm not totally sure how I will feel being with a women and physical stuff with a woman but I also know that I can't be without her.
I look to how we were before she was honest with me about this and I hated it. The feeling of never being let in and what why won't they ever let me in.... Since then, I've been much happier, confusing yes but happier.
We are still working on us and what long term holds for us but we know we can't be without each other in our lives.
It's a great group on here to talk to or just to read about different views and experiences.
I'm here if you ever need to chat.
Ill ask my wife to reply when i get home from work. Replying now so i remember. Im several years in hrt and present female so further than your mate.
Welcome! I'm bisexual, so I'm not in exactly your situation, but I hope it will help to know that there *are* women out there who are - who self-define as straight and are involved with trans women - so it's hardly unheard of. With that said, you can't control your attractions, and if you are not attracted to someone who presents as more feminine (and he's not willing or able to compromise), you're going to face a tough choice. You have my sympathy.
Im to keep bottom as a deal breaker but she loves me. She knows i didnt choose this so is helping me survive. We've been married 28 years.
This is perhaps the most common relationship issue that comes up on this forum and always saddens me. When you went into the relationship you fully expected to be with an entirely male person. That's perfectly reasonable and you have every right to have disappointment at this new situation.
I've seen many go through this before and it really only has two possible outcomes. One is to break up and the other is for you to stay with him, tolerating him rather than feeling passionate about who he is. It's sad because there are women who have a great appreciation for males like your boyfriend. While it might be possible, I've never known of a woman like you who really became one of those after a partner decided he was feminine.
I'm sorry to say, but things probably can't go back to being the way you thought they were when you went into the relationship. How you deal with the change is up to you.
I'm right here with you with a very similar situation. My husband of 3 years came out to me just a few months ago. Although he has begun to take hormones and has also grown his hair out and started dressing more androgynous, We have an agreement that he is still going to stay in the husband/male role in the relationship but is taking hormones to achieve a more androgynous look overall. This is not a pleasurable or comfortable situation for us as the SO's. I also struggle with being physically attracted to him with all of the hormonal changes happening. My therapist has been telling me that attraction and intimacy doesn't always have to be solely physical or sexual. Intimacy can be achieved through cuddling, hugging, watching a movie together, and even having a good conversation. I'm not entirely confident that our relationship will always be as a husband/wife but if that happens I can see us being really good friends. I don't know if any of this is helping or could help you. I just wanted to reply to your post to let you know that you are definitely not alone in this. But I will suggest confiding in a friend that you trust because as much as you can vent here you need strong support from someone who is close to you. I think I would have gone completely crazy if I didn't reach out to my best friend and another SO from my husbands support group. You can also PM me if you want to talk to me directly or ask me any questions. I'll try to help as much as I possibly can.