Calico is one of our most beloved post-op trans women who unfortunately has been beset with one of the most unusual and debilitating diseases, she is still very young and so we must concede that life can be cruel and unfair at times. This is a letter intended for all of us that she sent me in hopes that I'd post it. You can PM me for the link if you wish.
I had unfortunately been out of the hospital only a week to return for another two week stay, due to being severely sick and with my disease indeed deciding it wanted to be very much a part of my life. I am finally home and trying to recover but it has not been easy and today seemed to be worse for my mental capacity and had me wanting to give up, but thankfully my boyfriend actually fiance at this point was there to pull me back to the fighting stage, without him I very well may have been checking out, my heart hurts so much, and I am very much tired, I never thought I even could of predicted the toll this disease has placed on me. It's late here so I will leave a link with Shantel as I have decided to open my heart and let people see more than I usually do, it also tells a bit more in detail of what is happening to me.
I have a terrible fear of going to sleep, which unfortunately has hit me since this last hospital stay, as well as fear of eating, :( with that being noted I am going to try and see if I can sleep, it more than likely is the reason for my moment of wanting to give up, and again thank you for being there as well, and no I'm not giving up and am still in the fight at least for now
With hugs
Calico
Try not to fear sleep - it is restorative of our inner energy. Having been through 10 days of 3 hours sleep (max) I know how hard it can be to reset ourselves. But it is possible - and help - whether pharmaceutical or through traditional healers (reiki or similar) can be a great aide. Sometimes we need to say yes we are strong - but now we need to accept help to break the cycle.
Thinking of you and hoping you can find a positive way through this
Hugs Melissa
I'm pulling for you, hon!
Hugs, Devlyn
Best wishes
Quote from: Monkeymel on October 20, 2014, 11:21:10 AM
Try not to fear sleep - it is restorative of our inner energy.
Well, I had this very same issue before. I had a problem with a non trans related medical issue a while back. My Ventriculoperitoneal shunt had come undone and that absolutely terrified me. I was convinced that if I went to sleep, I was going to die. I went for a long period of time where I would go two and three days with zero sleep. On the days I did sleep, it was only two or three hours at a time. I was having horrible panic attacks. It was terrible. So, I can relate to someone having these types of fears based on a medical issue.
sorry your having this problem, I hope it gets better soon.
Life can be cruel, can't it. Hugs Calico, thanks for sharing it Shan.
Calico has a fund raising site and will send you the url if you ask. The expenses she's incurred have far outstripped her ability to meet them, yes I know we cannot solicit from here, but if your heart so moves you, let it.
Julie