Okay. Here's the situation:
Currently I'm not out at work, with one exception. The only person who knows I'm trans is the head of HR. I probably wouldn't have come out to her if it wasn't for the fact that I was thrust into an HR situation that made me extremely uncomfortable and worried about my future. (Just to note, the situation had absolutely nothing to do with me. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and happened to witness something that I shouldn't have.) So I went to her about this and we had a discussion about it. I asked what the current policy was about trans discrimination, and she said that they didn't have any beyond the standard non-discrimination clauses they have, and they would treat it like they would as if I fell under the GBL umbrella. Which is okay, I guess, but I'd feel more comfortable if they had something explicitly written out in their policies. I asked her if there was any other trans employees in the company and she said that there weren't any to her knowledge, which led me to ask her if anybody had transitioned to work, to which she said no. We agreed that we're going to need to come up with a plan and set some policies for when I do transition at work when I get closer to the point when I seriously start thinking about it.
Well. That time has come. Seeing as I'm going to be the first openly trans person in this company, and the first person to transition, and the person who's going to be helping set policy, I don't really want to ->-bleeped-<- this up (excuse my language) for anybody else who comes after me. I really want to set the precedent of inclusion and safety for us and to make sure that we do this right. However, I have no idea where to begin or what kind of resources I can use.
Please, if anybody's had any experience like this, let me know how you did it, and how it went.
Thanks!
So I'm kind of in a situation myself.
I am going to come out at work and soon. At least to HR.
And since I'm pre everything people will obviously know when I go full transition.
Daunting? Hell yes. Up for it? Hell yes! I don't know why but I feel confident to make this bold step... more about this than anything else in my life! I am usually so timid and afraid, but this seems like a piece of cake... at least until reality hits?
Also don't worry about discrimination. NJ's laws are very strong. Discrimination can happen of course but it certainly wouldn't be legal.
A little bit of advice? Mind your Ps and Qs. Companies are notorious for finding ways to get rid of you that even if it is discrimination, they cover their butts so good it is so hard for you to prove. But then again negative press is bad for them too. But just be careful. And then again it depends on the company.
Hi Shodan
I was the first person to transition in a multinational company of 120,000 people. I prepared a roadmap document for HR explaining my situation, what my plans were, and how I wanted to interact with the company as I moved through the process. I am happy to share this with you. This is generic enough.
Key issues were to minimise the work for HR, giving them a solution rather than a problem. The other is simply practical, sharing your status with some senior people who are likely to support you and provide you with alternatives if, for any reason, your existing position becomes untenable.
As for setting policy, I have been asked to participate in defining part of our LGBT approach. We have not started this yet, but I think it can be set out quite simply in a document of only a few pages. It does not need to be complicated- we are, after all, trying to normalise our situation and foster acceptance.
Feel free to pick my brain as you see fit.
Julia
Quote from: Julia-Madrid on October 21, 2014, 05:57:14 PM
Hi Shodan
I was the first person to transition in a multinational company of 120,000 people. I prepared a roadmap document for HR explaining my situation, what my plans were, and how I wanted to interact with the company as I moved through the process. I am happy to share this with you. This is generic enough.
Key issues were to minimise the work for HR, giving them a solution rather than a problem. The other is simply practical, sharing your status with some senior people who are likely to support you and provide you with alternatives if, for any reason, your existing position becomes untenable.
As for setting policy, I have been asked to participate in defining part of our LGBT approach. We have not started this yet, but I think it can be set out quite simply in a document of only a few pages. It does not need to be complicated- we are, after all, trying to normalise our situation and foster acceptance.
Feel free to pick my brain as you see fit.
Julia
If you could share that with me, it would be quite awesome. It may not fit my exact situation but it will give me a starting point.
I might as well just use this thread to kind of document my journey with coming out at the workplace, instead of creating a new one. That way we can all have just one place where we can look at this (and if anybody else want to chime in with advice and such, feel free. I can use all the help I can get.)
First of all, many thanks to Julia-Madrid for sharing that document with me. It's helping immensely. So last Monday I had another chat with HR, to let her know that now that I've kind of settled in, it's time for me to move forward. Since she and I don't have any experience with this, we both agreed to just kind of make it up as we go along. I'm still working on my own roadmap, and it's a bit harder than I thought. I wish I had a definite timeline. It would make things a heck of lot easier. Since then I've set up an appointment to speak with my direct supervisor this Wednesday, and I'm trying not to be a nervous wreck about it. Wish me luck.
Very interesting thread. Thanks for starting it, OP. Employer's take on transition is def. one of my biggest concerns.
It's very interesting to see how different work colleagues react to this. In my company, HR assigned a colleague to help, specifically as the interface with our health insurance company. She has been very supportive. All my managers and dotted-line managers have been similarly supportive.
I did give people plenty of clues, and this was deliberate as well as necessary for me personally as a way of asserting a changing identity: I started dressing in a much more androgynous manner little by little, also tweaking the appearance of my eyebrows, and added a tiny bit of makeup. Since I was already know as the gay boy, many people noticed over time, but never said anything. By the time I announced it to my immediate group of colleagues it wasn't really a surprise to them.
The key things I can advise are to make it a simple, trouble-free process and make sure that people know this will be the case. HR doesn't want the extra load, and colleagues don't want a nutty, psychologally complicated person to deal with. All perfectly possible.
Very interested in everything here. If anyone has formally written things to HR to help set policy, would you mind linking or sharing privately?
I work for one of the larger branches at my company (and we still only have 5 people in our office ::) ) and part of my position is day to day operations, to include all HR functions. I know we don't have any LGBTQ related policies at any of the offices. I'm not even really sure if we have non-discrimination ones other than the government ones that we're bound by. I haven't come out as trans yet at work, so I'd like to get some things together so that our branch owner and I can piece together something reasonable.
Sooooooo.
Talked to my supervisor yesterday and explained things to him. Pretty sure I knocked him for a loop, but he said that he'd be supportive in my transition. So. Progress.
UPDATE!
So, last week I finished my roadmap and sent it to my HR rep and my supervisor. In it I pointed out that gender expression and gender identity wasn't covered in our anti-discrimination clauses, and while this wouldn't be an issue for me since it's covered by State law, it does open up a loophole for anybody who follows me who's transitioning in a state where it isn't explicitly covered. This morning I got this email:
QuoteThank you for your email. As I have indicated to you in our prior conversations, we are working with you to provide the most seamless possible transition for you; and as an organization, we are sensitive to the workplace issues of all of our employees, including those related to gender identity and expression. In the new version of the Associate Reference Guide (which we expect to be out soon) gender identity and gender expression will be specifically identified in the Anti-Discrimination Policy. We have already spoken regarding specific workplace questions and issues you have had, and I remain available at your convenience to have further communications on these matters. You may reach me at the contact information below.
I still tear up whenever I read that.
These big little victories are so important. It's great to see that some companies truly believe in some ideals for how they recognise diversity in their workforce.
Good on ya!
xxx
J
Arise! Thread Necromancy!
So, everybody has to do mandatory training for Code of Business Ethics and Conduct. I was surprised that they had already altered the courses to include Gender Identity and Gender Expression. Shows that they're really listening to me and willing to work with me on this.
Faith in humanity: Restored.
Apparently at least one of the girls that came before me did screw it up. The HR lady said that initially everyone was supportive of her. However she was very back and forth. Her indecisiveness was making people uncomfortable. In my case I've been very focused and its worked 'twords my advantage. Basically I'm trying to say don't worry about the people that come after you. Just worry about what's right for yourself.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on December 22, 2014, 11:09:24 AM
Apparently at least one of the girls that came before me did screw it up. The HR lady said that initially everyone was supportive of her. However she was very back and forth. Her indecisiveness was making people uncomfortable. In my case I've been very focused and its worked 'twords my advantage. Basically I'm trying to say don't worry about the people that come after you. Just worry about what's right for yourself.
Still. There are things I can do to make transitioning easier for anybody who comes after me. Like making sure that Gender Identity and Expression is expressly stated in the guidelines, and trying to have our insurance provider cover transition. Everything else is pretty much lead by example. I have a rough idea of when
I want to go full time, but I'm also trying to make it clear that it's my timeline and that your mileage may vary.
Though, currently, I am in a bit of a pickle. Apparently somebody in the company found my Facebook profile and came to the Regional Manager about it. (He's not my manager since I'm in IT, but he's the manager of the physical location that I work in.) He was next on my list to come out to, so I wasn't really expecting to have the talk with him when I did, since I wanted to wait until after the holidays. Still, this means that the cat is out of the bag, and instead of generally informing people closer to my date of transition, I'm going to have to get an email out that kind of announces it to make sure that any rumors are quashed.
I mean, things are still going well. The regional manager is supportive, just like everybody else I've talked to here, and despite the pickle, it's a pickle of my own making. I knew it was going to be a risk when I went public on Facebook, but it was a risk I was prepared to take. And to be honest, I'm not that bent out of shape about it. It just means a slight adjustment of the order in which I do things, but the end result is going to be the same.
Quote from: Shodan on December 22, 2014, 02:11:23 PM
Still. There are things I can do to make transitioning easier for anybody who comes after me. Like making sure that Gender Identity and Expression is expressly stated in the guidelines, and trying to have our insurance provider cover transition. Everything else is pretty much lead by example. I have a rough idea of when I want to go full time, but I'm also trying to make it clear that it's my timeline and that your mileage may vary.
Though, currently, I am in a bit of a pickle. Apparently somebody in the company found my Facebook profile and came to the Regional Manager about it. (He's not my manager since I'm in IT, but he's the manager of the physical location that I work in.) He was next on my list to come out to, so I wasn't really expecting to have the talk with him when I did, since I wanted to wait until after the holidays. Still, this means that the cat is out of the bag, and instead of generally informing people closer to my date of transition, I'm going to have to get an email out that kind of announces it to make sure that any rumors are quashed.
I mean, things are still going well. The regional manager is supportive, just like everybody else I've talked to here, and despite the pickle, it's a pickle of my own making. I knew it was going to be a risk when I went public on Facebook, but it was a risk I was prepared to take. And to be honest, I'm not that bent out of shape about it. It just means a slight adjustment of the order in which I do things, but the end result is going to be the same.
Yes,unfortunately there comes a moment where things are just rather porous, and it doesn't make sense to do very much by way of information limitation, or damage limitation. My experiences are that people are basically in awe of us for such a decision, and are largely supportive. Yes, there is some inevitable gossip, and Facebook and Linkedin will get some notable hits once it becomes general knowledge, but hey, as Oscar Wilde said, "There's one thing worse than being talked about..." :D
By the way, if it might help Shodan, here's the text of the email I used to tell the people in my professional ecosystem at work:
"Dear Colleagues
It is time to tell you some news that is important to me. recently I took the step to recognise something that I have known consciously since the '90s and subconsciously for much longer- that I am transsexual. Since January I have been carefully putting many pieces into place so that I may transition to becoming a girl and living as one. Join me in celebrating a weird but joyous event!
Outside my work environment I made the change some months ago, and from today I finish the change at work as well. From this point onwards, to all practical extents I will be a girl. Yes, I'm keeping my name, as it's gender-free in most places, and has some lovely meanings.
Our business relationship does not change – I am fully supported by our company and my role continues. Share this news as you think necessary, but please be a little discreet. And get used to calling me "she" - you can start this already!
You will meet me in version 2.0 from 11th of July, and you can see how I look on my Lync or Linkedin photos.
Questions are welcome.
Warm regards"I hyperlinked the part "that I am transsexual" to this place: http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/transsexual
Thank you for your example. The more of these I get the easier it is to write my own. However, I'm not really ready to transition at the workplace. The idea is that now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, to be open about it to the people that I work with so they know what to expect when I do decide to transition. Basically going from a 'You don't need to know right now' standpoint to 'Since you might be hearing something, let's have an open conversation about this.'
Quote from: awilliams1701 on December 22, 2014, 11:09:24 AM
Apparently at least one of the girls that came before me did screw it up. The HR lady said that initially everyone was supportive of her. However she was very back and forth. Her indecisiveness was making people uncomfortable. In my case I've been very focused and its worked 'twords my advantage. Basically I'm trying to say don't worry about the people that come after you. Just worry about what's right for yourself.
It is *so* very important to wait until you are absolutely sure about transitioning before coming out at work, and then once you have made the final decision don't look back or be wishy-washy about it. Employers and colleagues will support one transition, but if you later decide to de-transition or otherwise show indecision it will not be well received. I knew this so while I was still deciding I was very careful not to let too many clues loose at work. Because of this some people were quite shocked when they found out :laugh:
My own company previously employed a TS person but I was the first employee to transition in place. Our CEO is female and she made sure that adequate training was in place for the staff (at my suggestion) and she has made it
very clear to everyone that any tomfoolery toward me will not be tolerated. So far to my knowledge there hasn't been any.
I had a few chats with the HR lady and my "boss" (He's more like my boss's boss) before coming out. We wanted to make sure we were all on the same page. She could tell that I was confident about my transition. One of the previous girls was not. She also informed me that they were working on adding transgender specifically to the non-discrimination policy. This was before President Obama signed the executive order. If they weren't going to add it before, they have to now. However there is a difference between protection under the law and company policy vs protection under the people in charge. Having my "boss" on my side personally was a big help. I still think it would have went well without his support, but I think it would have taken longer to get where I am today.
Quote from: Shodan on November 10, 2014, 09:18:10 AM
I still tear up whenever I read that.
I wasn't here when this thread first showed up, but fwiw, it nearly teared me up when I read that. Definitely a few shivers... that is so awesome!
Quote from: Eva Marie on December 23, 2014, 10:36:40 AM
It is *so* very important to wait until you are absolutely sure about transitioning before coming out at work, and then once you have made the final decision don't look back or be wishy-washy about it. Employers and colleagues will support one transition, but if you later decide to de-transition or otherwise show indecision it will not be well received. I knew this so while I was still deciding I was very careful not to let too many clues loose at work. Because of this some people were quite shocked when they found out :laugh:
The only thing I was being wishy-washy about was when the date for my transition at the workplace is. At this point, barring any unforseen circumstances, I'm going to be making the leap this April. If I don't set a definite date I'm just going to waffle about indefinitely. :/ And you know what? For the most part, I'm ready. The only thing I feel that I'm really missing (besides an extensive wardrobe) is knowing how to hide the beard shadow with makeup. There's a place not too far from here that gives lessons, so sometime early January I'm going to go there. Then I have no more excuses.
QuoteMy own company previously employed a TS person but I was the first employee to transition in place. Our CEO is female and she made sure that adequate training was in place for the staff (at my suggestion) and she has made it very clear to everyone that any tomfoolery toward me will not be tolerated. So far to my knowledge there hasn't been any.
What did the training consist of? Can you point me to any online resources that can give me something of an idea? I'm not only the first person to transition here, I'm also the only TS person we know of in the company, so this whole thing is new to all of us.
Here's the letter I wrote to some 500 employees at my work when I came out. I did not talk to HR first. I called my mom, came out to her, walked back inside my office and drafted and sent the following email.
Hello friends,
Today I am sending this email to clarify some things personally, as well as potentially benefiting other trans* (transgender, transsexual, ->-bleeped-<-, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, gender->-bleeped-<-, genderless, agender, non-gendered, third gender, two-spirit, bigender, trans man and trans woman) folks moving forward.
Please take some time to read over this email as it is a very important subject.
What are PGPs?
PGPs are "Preferred Gender Pronouns" and are very important to many people including the trans* and non-gender conforming communities. Not to say that gender pronouns are not important to those folks who identify with how they were assigned at birth, but it is much more prevalent for a trans* person to get misgendered.
What is misgendering and why is it bad?
To misgender is to refer to a person using terms (pronouns, nouns, adjectives...) that express the wrong gender, either accidentally or on purpose. There is no correct PGP other than the ones preferred by any one individual. When someone is misgendered it can not only have an adverse affect on productivity, self-esteem, but the overall state of one's mental health.
This being said, for me personally, I find it rather hard to concentrate on being productive at work or productive in general when I am misgendered since I spend more time thinking about how to get folks to not misgender me than actually being productive.
If someone you're very close to needs you to use new pronouns to refer to them, your bond should be important enough to you that you make that effort.
If someone you're not very close to needs you to use new pronouns to refer to them, you barely even know them and it's not difficult for you to make that effort.
If you've noticed that this is a catch-22 where the only option is for you to make an effort to use trans* peoples' pronouns that's because it is.
Which brings me to my next topic. I have begun to transition to living life as the female identified person I am, which means I am currently most comfortable going by feminine pronouns/nouns (She/Her/Hers/Sequoia). Should anyone ever find themselves in a situation where they feel they may be "outing" me as a transgendered woman, feel free to use neutral pronouns/nouns (They/Them/Their/Sequoia).
Also, never feel scared to ask a new person their PGPs or say "I'm sorry." should you slip up and use the wrong name/pronoun. I understand that change is hard, but this is something that is very important.
Thanks again for all of your support, I truly feel honored to work in such an open workplace with so many amazing people. Feel free to ask any questions you might have about my situation specifically since I can't really talk for all trans* folks.
I know that this might not work for everybody, but this is also something that spawned a quarterly email from HR talking about PGPs and why they are important. I hope this helps you :)
More updates!
I hope that people are finding this, at the very least, educational. This whole process is new to me, so by being totally open with what's going on here, I'm hoping that people can learn from my actions (both my successes and mistakes) and to get some good feedback on it. So this week we had to do mandatory training for "Code of Business Conduct and Ethics" During the course on discrimination and harassment I had noticed that they had updated the verbiage to include Gender Identity and Gender Expression like I suggested. It was even in the boring monotone voiceover an everything! Yay! :icon_joy:
So here's a letter I sent out in regards to the whole Facebook Fiasco:
QuoteGood morning everybody.
I hope the holidays have treated you all well, and I'd like to give you all an update to my transition.
HEALTH INSURANCE
Currently Cigna does not fully cover me. In the EOB it states that "transsexual surgery including medical or psychological counseling and hormonal therapy in preparation for, or subsequent to, any such surgery" is exempt. It is a common misconception that surgery is the desired end in a successful transition. This is not the case and In fact many people choose not to undergo such surgery. However, this limitation does mean that hormone replacement therapy and psychological counseling is explicitly not covered. It also doesn't list which surgery is excluded. For example, if a transgender man gets uterine cancer and has a hysterectomy, is that covered? For most insurance companies, it is not. It is additionally problematic because there is no real way to prove that hormone therapy and gender counseling isn't in preparation for surgery, which makes it very easy for insurance companies to deny coverage to transgender patients. While they are covering my medications right now, as soon as I start making the process to change my gender marker (both within the company and legally) I will no longer be able to slip under the radar, so to speak, and will most likely end up having to pay full costs. I'm not entirely sure how to go about changing this. Usually a change of this magnitude is effected by mandates from the federal or state government and not by individuals.
TRANSITION DATES
I've thought long and hard about this, and I've decided that I want to fully transition by the end of April. I needed to set a hard and fast date for myself or else I'll just keep on waffling about it and never get any closer to actually doing it. This will give us a good four months or so to come up with a solid gameplan on how we want to handle this transition.
COMMUNICATION
It has come to my attention that a fellow employee has found my Facebook profile. This is a little problematic since I'm fully out to my family and friends there, and have even changed my name to reflect what I prefer to go by (Katherine.) This lead up to a very good conversation that I had with Paul about it, and he assured me that this will not be a problem. However, there are some lingering doubts that once the cat is out of the bag, you can't get it back in. Fortunately, I haven't seen any change in behavior towards me from my fellow employees, which means that either Paul's assurances are founded, or I'm completely oblivious. Again, I'm not entirely sure what to do at this point. Do we want to send out communication to my fellow employees here in New Jersey that explains the situation? Or do we want to wait until the end of April when we start the transitioning process? Please let me know what you think about this.
Thank you,
To which the VP of HR replied:
QuoteErik,
I am in receipt of your email. I hope you have had a great holiday season.
With respect to health insurance, you should work directly with Cigna or our Lennar benefits director, Melissa.
To the extent you would like some sort of formal communication to the others in the office, please contact me with your preferences on what you would like communicated and when. We will be as cooperative as reasonably possible with your wishes on this to the extent allowed by applicable law and company practice.
Because Facebook is a public forum for social media expression, we are not able to limit who has access to the pages of associates. The company will expect that all associates govern themselves according to the expectations as set forth in the Associate Reference Guide and based on your email it sounds like associates are complying.
So. Progress I guess? At least I set a firm date on my transition to full time. That'll give me a concrete goal to work for instead of 'whenever I feel ready,' because let's face it: I'll never feel like I'm ready.