For the past few years I've identified as genderqueer, though moving city and being more immersed in a queer scene, I've actually felt a lot more like myself and I'm presenting in a way that makes me feel more comfortable.
I don't want to go in to the whole "how I figured it out" type stuff (that would take too long), but I'm on the gender clinic waiting list (it'll probably be two years plus) and I'm looking to transition, but there's a few things that really bug me...
1. I consider myself quite a politically and socially aware kind of guy and I'm quite a militant feminist (not a TERF obviously) and I take huge issues with a lot of lad culture, the way in which women are treated, with the fact some guys feel entitled to access to women's bodies and so on. The word "man" kind of makes me whince a lot in the way it's used... "Man up" for example, or a lot of things attached to being a man which involve things I don't feel comfortable with. In fact, the whole culture of masculinity pretty much alienates me...
2. I feel like I can't find much stuff on trans guys which isn't like... Quite typical gender stuff. I mean like the local meetup here play football and pool. Even if I could do these (I have a disability which makes coordination difficult), they again seem too boyish and maybe in environments where I wouldn't feel safe.
3. I feel like the gender services and people would still see me as a girl. I'm baby faced, but I just don't do macho... I'm worried they won't take me seriously because of who I am... Because I'm not "man" enough... But I don't want to be a "lad" or massively masculine, but I need this treatment to feel OK with my body... Can I be me and me accepted as a guy?
Quote from: Peacebone on October 22, 2014, 12:07:15 PM
1. I consider myself quite a politically and socially aware kind of guy and I'm quite a militant feminist (not a TERF obviously) and I take huge issues with a lot of lad culture, the way in which women are treated, with the fact some guys feel entitled to access to women's bodies and so on. The word "man" kind of makes me whince a lot in the way it's used... "Man up" for example, or a lot of things attached to being a man which involve things I don't feel comfortable with. In fact, the whole culture of masculinity pretty much alienates me...
Many cis men could say the same. Oddly enough, some people will even accuse a cis man of not being a "real" man if he doesn't fit their personal ideal of a hypermasculine image.
Quote from: Peacebone on October 22, 2014, 12:07:15 PM
2. I feel like I can't find much stuff on trans guys which isn't like... Quite typical gender stuff. I mean like the local meetup here play football and pool. Even if I could do these (I have a disability which makes coordination difficult), they again seem too boyish and maybe in environments where I wouldn't feel safe.
Not sure if it's 100% at the same frequency as cis men, but many trans men are geared towards culturally deemed masculine activities. For both groups of men some of that is innate, some of it is societal pressure. Trans men have the added pressure/double standard that if they don't present as extremely "butch"/manly/hypermasculine some folks are more inclined to give them crap.
That said, again for both groups of men this is somewhat self-perpetuating. The more men who
aren't hypermasculine be themselves around others, the more people become aware there's more than one way of being a man.
Do these groups only play football and pool? Do they have any kind of discussion meetings, or anything else? If so, you could give those a try and if you don't like it, nothing says you gotta go back.
Quote from: Peacebone on October 22, 2014, 12:07:15 PM
3. I feel like the gender services and people would still see me as a girl. I'm baby faced, but I just don't do macho... I'm worried they won't take me seriously because of who I am... Because I'm not "man" enough... But I don't want to be a "lad" or massively masculine, but I need this treatment to feel OK with my body... Can I be me and me accepted as a guy?
(Underlining mine)
Anyone who knows what the hell they're doing in this field is going to pay attention to THIS. This is what matters. Not what someone's interests are, how masculine or feminine they are. Feeling comfortable in one's own skin and not having that horrific disconnect between what one's brain says should and shouldn't be there, and the rest of the body.
That said, there's still a lot of BS out there and people who believe it. Unfortunately that includes professionals (psychiatrists, etc.). Some people who are stuck in a gatekeeper situation will lay it on a little thick to get the treatment they need (not advocating for or against this, just stating a fact). Some people are in a position, and are willing, to keep looking for a doctor who knows what they're doing and will pay attention to a patient's needs rather than how well they fit a stereotype.
I don't think of myself as at all "manly". Not sure re: masculine, because I consider that word a little more of a, well "what's masculine?" type word. I would just be who you are and not worry at all who the heck you are. There are cismen who are authors, dog trainers, pianist, TV news people, etc etc. AND who are feminist, socially aware, all that who value being fathers, all that. There are all kinds of men. I know our society doesn't tend to say that, but it is true.
--Jay