Hey girls
So I'm kinda faced with the full time struggle now.
I absolutely detest being gendered as male being called sir or dude etc.
I want to take the leap onto full time.
With halloween coming up I figured it might be a good oppourtunity to do so.
I just fear others reactions more than i care about my own happiness.
I fear I will lose everyone and folks will be disgusted in my personal and work life also facing harassment etc while my work life does shield me legally from everything my personal life doesnt come with such.
I just want to know how you girls did it.
What made you just pull switch and do it.
with me my hand is on the switch but my fears wont allow me to pull it.
I've been on HRT for almost 6 months its getting really hard to present as male now.
I haven't had any male fails yet except one I was on the phone with someone who gendered me female.
how can I find my idgaf switch dress up how i want put makeup on do my hair etc and go out and just not care.
Or fear being clocked : c
Hey Alysinspace,
as "fresh" one who live in FT i will say.
Fear about being clocked is always here, sadly, its like a little devil sitting in our head and trying to destroy our self-confidence.
I will not lie to you i lost many so called "friends" but to be honest they never was true friends if they react like that, now i know lots of new people, most of them know i'm transsexual and they are totally fine with it, i was never anything else for them than normal woman.
I just take leap of faith and jump when i was going FT myself, thank to support from community here, i just decided i don't want to live as person i never was anymore and that was best decision in my life.
I wish you to find strenght in you to do that and i hope all will go smooth for you :)
Sorry for my english :)
Hi. Going full time certainly is one of the big struggles in transition. Some seem to show contempt for the fear and jump right in, while others like me wait until it's impossible not to.
It's not that the desire or motivation wasn't there, but fear was holding me back from going full time. Instead, I took a ~3 month detour through a horrible no-mans land. I was presenting male-ish, with long hair and boobs. I was getting looks from everywhere, and occasional comments and s->-bleeped-<-s. I was already being occasionally gendered female in public by that time... It was truly horrible. Right up until the day the fear lost it's grip, and I made the plunge. It was actually even planned for a month after I went full time...
So while there are no rules about it all, please don't let fear hold you back. Practice with your look, deportment, makeup, and your voice.
It's not being carefree ( or a idgaf switch as you say ) that enables you to go full time, it is confidence overthrowing fear. Care and tend to your confidence. Push your boundaries a little, find the confidence in being able to cope. Show yourself that the fear isn't justified...
Good luck girlfriend. xx
I've been full time for about 5-6 weeks now.
How did I do it? It was a gradual progression from knowing I was different, to trying to figure out why I was different, to accepting I am trans, to going on low dose HRT and liking it, to joining online forums and learning and making friends, to trying dressing up and makeup... all leading to a night when I stepped out in 4" heels and met some friends in the San Diego gayborhood for drinks.
Each step reinforced what I was starting to learn about myself - that I am female and that if I went out in the world representing as such the world kept spinning and no one really cared :laugh:
That realization led to some serious thinking.
Meanwhile my drinking had ramped up and I was on the quick path to an early grave. I finally accepted that I needed professional help and since I had recently moved to L.A. area there was professional help to be found. I located a great therapist and she helped me to get to the conclusion that I already knew.
I am a transsexual.
That was very hard to accept because I knew what was going to happen, which was basically that my wife was going to say "screw that" and walk out - which she eventually did - and that I was headed toward the waterfall of transition.
Talk about a sobering moment.
But here's the thing - I was happy for the first time in my life. That happiness had started snowballing that first night out in San Diego, and it kept right on snowballing up to the present moment.
So I transitioned.
Was it easy? Nope. Was it hard? Definitely. Was it scary? You betcha - that hit really hard when I was walking to the CEO's office to let her know my plans - no one even had a clue what was about to happen, and most people were shocked. I could theoretically lose my job. But I walked into her office anyway and made my announcement. And I survived.
Was it worth it? Absolutely.
Have I been accepted? For the most part - yes.
Did it fix all of the problems in my life? Not remotely. But it did get rid of the dysphoria I had been living with for most of my life which has allowed me to move forward with my life.
Has living as a female been challenging? Yes and no. i've found it somewhat challenging to undo 50 years of male socialization and switch into fill time female mode - you find that you are always "on" and your appearance and voice and mannerisms are constantly being judged, whereas before you could dress out of the dirty clothes pile and walk out the door unshaven and slovenly and no one cared. It is a completely different experience, and frankly it takes constant lot of work with your appearance, voice, and mannerisms. But the female world (at least to my experience) is compassionate and I have made some very close and tight/emotional connections with other women. It's way more intense (and complex!) than hanging out with the guys, but I like it.
I've heard it said that life is what happens to you while you are making other plans. I never planned on this and some days it's very surreal. But it beats my old life hands down.
Many could argue that I've been full time since I was 14 but I honestly don't feel like I've been full time until about 6 months ago. I have always worn girls clothes (yes, including skirts, dresses, & panties), makeup, done my hair, etc. but the one thing I felt like that really somewhat helped keep me sane in my dysphoric state was the absence of a bra. I didn't wear a bra until I was absolutely forced to by the hormones. I wouldn't because I didn't feel passable enough & although everything down to the shoes were all female, not wearing a bra helped me cope with my dysphoria by somehow believing I was only "androgynous"? This probably has to also do with the fact that I came from a religious family & my mom doesn't support my transition in the slightest. I guess leaving the bra out also helped me cope with the 'clocking' factor since not wearing a bra was basically my giveaway to society that I was indeed a male with long hair in women's clothing & makeup. Thinking back on it now, it was so preposterous to even think the absence of a bra really did much of anything since I was basically already 90% into my transition. I say, just do what makes you happy. Transition takes a very long time & it isn't going to come quickly. There's a lot to re-learn from living as a previous gender for so long. One thing to remember is that the sooner you start, the sooner the process can begin. :) Just stay confident & know that just like life, transition is a learning process. Good luck on your journey! :)