Going to the gym and this question popped into my head.
What does being a man mean to you? What kind of man do you want to be?
To me it means being happy and finally being myself. But also to make sure I dont succumb to society's pressure of how I should act and behave
For me it means simply that you are a man. There is really no definition of what being a man means, imo. A lot of times people tend to trot out things like "standing up for what is right" or "taking care of responsibilities no matter what", when really all that amounts to is being a decent person of either gender. Men don't have to act or be a certain way to be men.
I saw a trans guy at the Gender Center, he was in full skin head mode...shaved head, stomping boots, tight black singlet, totally fit bod...and a flower behind his ear. A friend of mine who is a trans guy is totally hippy, long hair, long beard, baggy clothes, outdoorsy camping type with matching boyfriend. So I'd say everything is possible! :)
I don't know the answer to that exactly (never having actually been one), but conversely, I don't worry about what makes me a woman- I just settled into being me. I do not concern myself with adhering to arbitrary societal constructs and stereotypes. I still like sports, fast cars, shredding on a guitar, power tools and other so-called "guy things".
I can just live my life genuinely now, and that means the world to me.
If I want to wear a pretty dress, I just do so. In fact, as I type this, I am wearing no makeup or jewelry, a Def Leppard T-shirt and leggings.
A man is an adult human who identifies as a man.
Quote from: Edge on October 29, 2014, 09:03:25 PM
A man is an adult human who identifies as a man.
Accurate.
Social programming has left me with certain expectations, though. I wonder how much of the value I place on things like physical strength, helpfulness, or confidence is a direct result of growing up with the impression these were expected and good qualities for men to have. It's easy to tell these are actually gender neutral things, but I wonder if I'd want them quite so much without all the little things growing up that said or implied, "This is how men should act."
Given how young I was when it started, though, pretty sure my fascination with facial hair is all me. So, what sort of man do I want to be? The hairy kind.
I want to be a man with a man's body. Everything else I already have/am.
If I were to own up to societal norms and expectations of young women and men, I would say "Rugged! Tough! Beer! Women! Violence! Football!" and other nonsense.
Now if I were to be a real human being with thoughts and emotions I would say, "A person who calls themselves "man"."
I feel society expects us to put gender in a cute little box labeled with boy or girl and give you an instruction book according to said gender at birth. Well somewhere along the way, my mom lost that book so I was saved ;D.
Quote from: Edge on October 29, 2014, 09:03:25 PM
A man is an adult human who identifies as a man.
Yes.
Everything else is qualifiers or adjectives if you will. I'm a guy who likes cute things. I'm a man who enjoys knitting (I'm making one boss scarf right now. In the manliest way possible). I'm a man who happens to have a different body from most.
My husband is a man who loves pizza and Mexican food and beer while he plays video games. He's also gay, Hispanic and is bilingual. He's a man who looks at pictures of baby ducks and squeals in delight. He is a man who wants a house full of puppies, kittens and baby birds, and talks to our pet snake like he's a human child.
All descriptions.
A man is an adult who identifies that way. A boy is a young human who identifies that way. A woman is a woman because she feels that way and it's the same with girls.
Our non binary siblings are who they are because that's how they identify.
Identity is how we feel. That's all it needs. Everything else is a quality that that particular human has.
A man exercises his male strengths and characteristics,
while being kind, compassionate and respectful..
Of course, I agree with others: maleness is defined solely by identification. But I'm actually interested in kinda... idk, discussing this unabashedly. After all, people have been asking for generations "what makes a man" and despite my lgbt liberal viewpoint, it's something I'd still like to hear more about. Actually, I've been thinking about this question a lot recently, so I'm gonna thought dump. Forgive the journal entry:
I've only just realized that the reality of gender & society means that I cannot/do not want to be the same kind of man as I was as a woman. My prime example (and this is killing me) is that, when I was female identified, I thought of myself as a real defender of women -- sword and shield against the injustices of the world, standing for/with all my sisters. I was proud of that. But as a man, it's like. Ugh. Gotta change my whole tactic, because when a guy pulls that white knight crap, it's off-putting as hell. I mean, sure, yeah, I'm still not gonna stand for sexist ->-bleeped-<-, but a man taking on the title of Protector strikes me as condescending, profoundly entitled, and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So I've lost this huge part of my identity.
Now there's a void -- if that's the kind of man I DON'T want to be, then what DO I want? People have been telling me not to turn into my dad for years, but I'll admit, it's not as unappealing as it should be. A doctor and an athlete with great taste in scotch. But I can be that as a woman too. Idk. My brain has a hard time with "man." When I think of myself, I think of a boy. An almost-22 year old child. My hands will always be too soft, too exuberantly expressive to make a 'good American man.' Boyhood clings to me that way. When I think of the future, I think of my career -- and late nights are genderless.
I think I want to be a gentle man. A healer. But I want to be strong, too, firm and immutably grounded. A rock for others. I've always been a smidge too ... Byronic to claim any of those traits. It's hard for me to admit that I've come to associate restlessness with femaleness (the word I'm trying not to use is "flighty"), stability with the male, but. It's a connection I've made. Were I taller, I would love to be the gentle giant. Alas, at 5 ft. 5 and motormouthed, I think "Scrappy Doo" may, unfortunately, be more my niche! Alternately: I get told I remind folks of Johnny from The Outsiders a lot, so I guess dying young is still in the cards.
Whatever. Stay gold, my dudes. :D
I see myself as a boy rather than a man. Being a man is an alien concept for me, much how woman was to me during puberty.
Personally I believe there are no strict definitions of what makes a man. Any definition has the possibility to alienate men who do not fit said definition and it can be damaging.
There are many ways of what makes a man. There is no one way to be a man just as there is no one way to be transgender. :)
Everyone kind of covered it, being a man is...identifying as a man.
But I feel like everyone still has a narrower definition anyway. I mean, you wouldn't want to be a mean drunk man would you? So personally, being masculine means a good work ethic, protecting those weaker than yourself (...as much as you can, lol), taking the high road and mediating arguments, and since I'm a bit old fashioned, dressing properly and not showing off. That's just me though.
Although speaking of, my version of masculinity seems to have gotten corrupted by the way I grew up...the strong silent type of man for a role model. As a result, I tend to not tell people things when I should and don't necessarily deal well with other people's emotions because duh suck it up and be a man. It took forever for me to warm up and be at least a little more human. Emotions are a thing, imagine that. ::)
are we talking Chris Hemsworth or Albert Einstein or a combo
What makes a man? What do you think it means that makes a man? That question had endless answers. What makes a man to me? Strength, not necessarily physical strength but a willingness to protect the on you are with. Self confidence in yourself. BTW, I let guys win games, board or card or any other games we play to instill self confidence. Yeah it is sort of stereotypical or maybe even messed up but I don't want to win. I want him to win. He can brag all he wants. I don't mind. What makes a man? make me feel like a woman. Make me feel safe and secure in or out of your arms. Let down your guard enough to let me feel like I'm the center of your world. That is what a woman wants from her man that she loves. Now though.....
What makes a man. Self confidence. Doing what needs to be done. Being strong with who you are. And the most important thing to us and yourselves. Being you. That's pretty much it. Whether you identify as straight( look above) or gay.
I think what make a man is within you. You can identify as straight and the first paragraph is pretty much what any woman craves. If you identify as gay, I really don't know. If you identify as bi, again look above as long as you are the masculine one in the relationship.
But Marcellow. what makes a man is whatever makes you. Be who you are and true to yourself. I really don't have that much experience with being a man but you can never go wrong if you are true to yourself. IMHO that is what makes a man and a strong man at that. I'm sure you were looking for a different answer but that is just my three opinions depending on who you love, woman, man or just in general.
Great discussion. It's really making me think. I want to weigh in when I get some stuff figured out.
Chris
I see my transition as an adventure in which I gradually discover the answer(s) to this question based on my experiences as a man. I have no (or few) expectations planned in advance.
I already spent the past 29 years trying to figure out what it meant to be a woman. I thought I'd finally found it--something magical awoke within me when I was pregnant, but it just didn't stick. Or maybe something in me clicked and went, "Alright, you've figured that one out! Onto the next lesson: be the man you've always wanted to be."
Quote from: LatrellHK on October 29, 2014, 09:47:08 PM
If I were to own up to societal norms and expectations of young women and men, I would say "Rugged! Tough! Beer! Women! Violence! Football!" and other nonsense.
Now if I were to be a real human being with thoughts and emotions I would say, "A person who calls themselves "man"."
I feel society expects us to put gender in a cute little box labeled with boy or girl and give you an instruction book according to said gender at birth. Well somewhere along the way, my mom lost that book so I was saved ;D.
What about us Bi girls that like beer?
To me and this is just my opinion as a transwoman and a lot of cis women. What I said earlier. We want to feel save with you. We want to feel like we are the most important thing in your life when we are in your arms. Forget society. We are all trans so just be a man. Make me feel special to you at least as a woman. Leaving societal norms out of it trans man or not. The most important thing to me is being treated and feeling like a woman. Make me feel like, secure in my femininity and good about being a woman I will gladly make you feel like a man and proud and secure in being a man. Not in a sexual way but in a way that will reinforce the man you truly are are.
Boxes suck. Sound kind of like a prison cell. Just be who you are and screw societal norms.
Quote from: Jess42 on October 31, 2014, 01:48:22 AM
What about us Bi girls that like beer?
To me and this is just my opinion as a transwoman and a lot of cis women. What I said earlier. We want to feel save with you. We want to feel like we are the most important thing in your life when we are in your arms. Forget society. We are all trans so just be a man. Make me feel special to you at least as a woman. Leaving societal norms out of it trans man or not. The most important thing to me is being treated and feeling like a woman. Make me feel like, secure in my femininity and good about being a woman I will gladly make you feel like a man and proud and secure in being a man. Not in a sexual way but in a way that will reinforce the man you truly are are.
Boxes suck. Sound kind of like a prison cell. Just be who you are and screw societal norms.
I gave a happy middle finger to those norms years ago.
Idk I guess you're fine if you drink? I was just giving as example of what I hear females say and what people seem to associate with men.
I was just thinking about this the other day.
What are real men and real women?
Just people who aren't afraid to be who they are. People who are real to themselves.
If a man were to pretend to be this societal conformed roaring, raw masculinity and that isn't at all who he is, he'd be a fake instead of himself. Then that doesn't seem like being a real man anymore.
In the end, we are all just trying to be ourselves, and whoever can own up to that, he is a man to me.
Some NSFW language in the video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=851BqHMCaeM
If you ID as a man then you're a man.
Quote from: Nygeel on November 01, 2014, 09:57:43 AM
f you ID as a man then you're a man.
Yes I agree with this one.
--Jay
I gotta put this video in. But I agree with all the other opinions in the thread basically.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64)
Quote from: Maleth on November 01, 2014, 09:25:49 PM
I gotta put this video in. But I agree with all the other opinions in the thread basically.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64)
Best part of the whole movie. That was my anthem whenever I did my shots the first year.