I took a break today and looked up an old video I made about five years ago. In the video, I said that I could understand the concept of being trans and relatively happy, but I couldn't see how anyone could be happy about being trans. I also noted that my therapist had said that being trans can be a gift but that I just didn't see it that way. I said that I hadn't fully accepted being trans . . . even after twenty years of knowing what I was and trying on different labels and even recloseting myself before coming out for the final time.
Five and a half years later, I still feel the same way about all of these things. I keep thinking, "What's good about being trans? Why do I need to accept it or embrace it?" I mean, I've accepted that I'm trans; there's no escaping it. But I'm still not fully comfortable with it, and I certainly don't celebrate it.
In a way, it's as if I haven't made any progress at all. But if I say that, I have a pretty blinkered view of progress. Just because I don't adhere to a common belief that in the future I will, and should, embrace my transness and be happy about it, I feel as if there's something wrong with me. WTF? Why should I be happy about it? What's wrong with not being okay with it, even if I feel that way for the rest of my life? Intellectually, I think that my view is perfectly valid. On a different level, I feel as if I'm still broken. Maybe I've been exposed to the party line for so long that I can't achieve my own point of view without being suspicious of it.
But the fact remains that I still hate being trans even though I love being a man. And I hate it when other people consider that to be a problem.
Me the tipping point came when I accepted the fact I had GD (trans*) and just moved forward living as female.
That's me and how I found it happy to be trans*. Just live.
I sort of get where you are coming from. I had to learn to accept the things about myself and society that can never be changed no matter how much surgery I get or hormones I take. I know I got dealt a pretty crappy hand, but I know now that I am way better off having transitioned than I was before. Having my brain running on the correct hormones is like night and day and I am no longer indifferent as to my expiration date. Being trans still trumps being dead in my book.
Hugs,
Jill
I am reasonably happy, but I can't say I am particularly happy about being trans, I am much more happy about being able to live as myself: A woman.
I have thought about this for some time, and I too cannot see being trans as some sort of gift, on the other hand, since being trans doesn't really stand in the way of being happy, I just felt that it doesn't matter too much. I move forward with my life, dealing with all the trials and tribulations that any woman would, plus a few extra due to being trans.
What I am going to say sounds so stupid and even egotistical.
I would have loved to have been born my gender, have a family, be me, look after my kids, my family. my world.
I wasn't. I was born with male genitals, brought up as a guy, suffered through it as we all have as trans*
I've trie to make the best of it. Be proud. Be me. Help others.
I was called by a radio station the other morning, they wanted a comment about transgender kids using appropriate toilets. They got in touch with me as I had done media before.
I listened to a few bigots, mothers of trans*kids who understood their child's pain. The radio presenter who was worried about her young girls and 'boys' walking in to the toilet with them.
I told them what it was like being trans, I told them of the depression and suicides.
I told them that they would never understand, but they had to accept what being trans* is, the life we never have.
I got a call from the female presenter of the show later, she who had feared for her young girls and boys walking in to the toilet with them. She thanked me and said she sort of understood. She asked if that anytime that they had a question about trans* issues could she call me. I said yes of course.
I'm not happy that I was born 'odd', but I am proud of being trans*, of placing myself in the line of fire, off being me and for being a supporter of human rights.
So I am proud of being trans, I am proud of being me.
I am ashamed of my ego - but I will face the world I am forced to live in and I will be a proud transgender woman. I will not be ashamed of being me.
Sorry for the soul searching post
I never wanted to be trans. I view it as a path I'm taking for the part of me that isn't a woman to become one.
For me it has been a great experience, despite the issues surrounding all of it. Most people who aren't trans don't value their body. They take it for granted, waste it, abuse it, and sell it for cheap thrills. I think we take nothing for granted, and can be happy about the little changes. Every step in my transition was magickal, slowly becoming who I am. I am just post-op, and I now finally feel complete. Everything has clicked into place so far. I created myself from nothing, while cis-people got it for free. I worked for it, so that I can enjoy it. The wish to be have born female is no longer there. I also have a male past, which I cannot deny. I learned to integrate this into my identity. Besides no one ever got happy from being superficial. Looks only count to extend of superficiality, it will never bring happiness. True happiness lies within. The body decays anyway, all everyone will be left with in time, is our mind, spirit, soul and personality. And the older one gets, the less important the outer appearance seems to become. I truly believe that everything we as humans need is already inside of us. Peace, harmony, happiness and love come from the inside.
Quote from: Arch on October 30, 2014, 12:50:27 AM
Why should I be happy about it? What's wrong with not being okay with it, even if I feel that way for the rest of my life?
It bothers me too when people insist that I have some particular mood. For me it's the other way around - I tend to be calm in the face of terrorist attacks, epidemics, etc., and people say "how can you be happy when..." It's the opposite of what they say to you, but the issue is the same, right? The attitude that there is only one feeling appropriate to some particular circumstance.
The whole thing about positive thinking really gets on my nerves. Sure, thinking positively is good in some situations. Being realistic is good in others. Being pessimistic is good in still others. It irks me whenever someone takes me to task for being negative or realistic.
Individual experience likely play a lot into how you view being trans. I know I got a lot of support and coming out reafirmed a lot of my exisying relationships. It became a positive thing that I really don't mind so much. Sure I have some probablems because of it but since it isn't a source of pain (disphoria aside) I can't say I really have an issue with it. I could see how for the many who it does cause pain it would be hard to truly want something that has hurt you.
Happy to be trans? Well... I can't say I'm happy that I missed out on a childhood as my correct gender, or that I now have to live in a body ravaged by the wrong hormones, with the wrong genitals, that would require so much effort, time and money just to be perceived as the gender it should, but... Like everything in life, our experiences make us who we are. Who would I be today if I were born cis instead of trans? If I had never been forced through the trials that allowed me to develop my strength and character? Would I still be me? Would I be living a less meaningful existence if I had never known those hardships? Would I be less compassionate, no longer being able to relate to the pain others go through?
I guess I'm starting to see being trans the same way I see my hellish relationship with my ex. No matter how much I hate her, how many nightmares and anxiety attacks she caused, and how much I had to work to repair the damaged psyche she left me with, in the end, I have to recognize that if I hadn't went through what I did with her, the events that followed, which slowly but surely turned everything around and put me in a better place than I ever had been, wouldn't have occurred either.
That's how I feel about being trans. I will never be happy that my body isn't 100% the same as a cis girl's, and I will never be happy about all the pain that caused me and how hard transition is, but... I do believe I am a better person for having gone through these struggles.
Am I happy to be trans? Yes, I am happy that I have found who I am because I feel a lot happier, freer and more secure in who I am now that can't be a bad thing can it? The nice part about being transgender is I do not see or feel things in black and white anymore. I see a whole spectrum of colors and feel the whole spectrum of emotions that I never felt before. It's a rainbow that I love being on, my perception of life has expanded since coming to terms with the fact that I'm transgender. I kind of relish the fact that I'm not like everybody else. I now have more confidence, strength, resilience and love. What's wrong with that? I relish the fact that I'm transgendered. Because I get to experience life from both sides of the fences. Not many people in this world get to experience this. I am a determined, sensitive, strong, independent woman and I am happy to say that I know not everybody feels this way. But then again, there are a lot of people that don't feel this way, that were born, cis, I will stand up and fight for the lives and rites of everybody in this community. I just feel it's something to be proud of. I wish you all the luck in your transition and the happiness you deserve.
Hugs,
Melissa Ann
Quote from: Cindy on October 30, 2014, 07:15:30 AM
What I am going to say sounds so stupid and even egotistical.
I would have loved to have been born my gender, have a family, be me, look after my kids, my family. my world.
I wasn't. I was born with male genitals, brought up as a guy, suffered through it as we all have as trans*
I've trie to make the best of it. Be proud. Be me. Help others.
I was called by a radio station the other morning, they wanted a comment about transgender kids using appropriate toilets. They got in touch with me as I had done media before.
I listened to a few bigots, mothers of trans*kids who understood their child's pain. The radio presenter who was worried about her young girls and 'boys' walking in to the toilet with them.
I told them what it was like being trans, I told them of the depression and suicides.
I told them that they would never understand, but they had to accept what being trans* is, the life we never have.
I got a call from the female presenter of the show later, she who had feared for her young girls and boys walking in to the toilet with them. She thanked me and said she sort of understood. She asked if that anytime that they had a question about trans* issues could she call me. I said yes of course.
I'm not happy that I was born 'odd', but I am proud of being trans*, of placing myself in the line of fire, off being me and for being a supporter of human rights.
So I am proud of being trans, I am proud of being me.
I am ashamed of my ego - but I will face the world I am forced to live in and I will be a proud transgender woman. I will not be ashamed of being me.
Sorry for the soul searching post
I just have to say that is probably one of the most Effed up arguments that can be had about the whole subject. This is one of the things that is bugging me the most and frustrating me to no end here in the US. Everyone seems to think or assume that we are sexual deviants. Well sexuality has nothing to do with it. Not to put our other siblings in the LGB equation but a lesbian or gay using the same restroom as a young female or male child, WTH is the difference? If someone wants to hurt and destroy a child they are not gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered. I bet if studies were to be made on it that LGBT had nothing to do with it. I will go so far as to stake my reputation on this, what little if any reputation I have. These are true monsters in our society. I won't even go where I so want to go with this but some of the most trusted people, most highly trusted in our communities have molested more of our innocent children and forced them to see monsters than anyone with the LGBT title. I mean who can be attracted to children other than monsters? In the true sense of the word. I just can't buy that a MTF wanting to use the women's restroom or a FTM wanting to use the men's restroom especially dressed as their preferred gender is a deviant danger. ::) I mean even between consenting adults, and you can quote me on this if ever need be Cindy, what kind of freaking romantic value does a nasty, usually dirty public restroom have in romantic value? If people get turned on in a nasty public restroom, they have bigger problems than being transgendered, gay, lesbian or bi. they are just nasty. That is just my opinion and I'm sure I'm not the only one that shares this opinion.
So if I am dressed in a skirt or dress in full on makeup, I feel it is more dangerous for me to use the men's room. So I would prefer to use the women's restroom and as for any sexual stuff, ewww. Who would find a public restroom romantic? When bad things do happen it is usually not the LGBT community. I bet if there was a true study done, instead of shrimp on treadmills, it would be really deranged people that did things unspeakable in the public restrooms to children would have nothing to do with the LGBT community. It is an argument and needs to be studied. A child molester is a monster not LGBT. They may claim the title but I am a bi trans woman and would never hurt and definitely not attracted to a child. Not even attracted to the under 30 crowd.
Quote from: suzifrommd on October 30, 2014, 12:05:18 PM
It bothers me too when people insist that I have some particular mood. For me it's the other way around - I tend to be calm in the face of terrorist attacks, epidemics, etc., and people say "how can you be happy when..." It's the opposite of what they say to you, but the issue is the same, right? The attitude that there is only one feeling appropriate to some particular circumstance.
The whole thing about positive thinking really gets on my nerves. Sure, thinking positively is good in some situations. Being realistic is good in others. Being pessimistic is good in still others. It irks me whenever someone takes me to task for being negative or realistic.
I agree with this.
Some people are able to see a silver lining on this. Good for them. It doesn't mean anyone is obligated to feel that way. It doesn't mean you haven't made "progress" if you're not happy about the hand you were dealt. Telling anyone what they "should" feel is presumptuous, and ignorant. A change in perspective can sometimes help one feel differently, but for the most part people are going to feel what they feel. The choice is in how to deal with those feelings.
Arch, I don't know how you perceive being trans.
For me, this is, in the most neutral possible of terms, a medical condition. Frankly, a birth defect. I would be rather put out if someone told me to be happy about being born with a birth defect. I'm happy I have access to treatment. I'm happy I have support. I'm not happy that any of it is necessary. And there's nothing wrong with that. I choose not to wallow in it, I'm still getting on with my life and enjoying it as much as possible. I'm trans, and happy, but not happy
about being trans.
Quote from: Pikachu on October 30, 2014, 02:33:30 PM
Happy to be trans? Well... I can't say I'm happy that I missed out on a childhood as my correct gender, or that I now have to live in a body ravaged by the wrong hormones, with the wrong genitals, that would require so much effort, time and money just to be perceived as the gender it should, but... Like everything in life, our experiences make us who we are. Who would I be today if I were born cis instead of trans? If I had never been forced through the trials that allowed me to develop my strength and character? Would I still be me? Would I be living a less meaningful existence if I had never known those hardships? Would I be less compassionate, no longer being able to relate to the pain others go through?
This exactly. I ask myself those questions, and my answer is always the same . I wouldn't trade my life for a different one.
I think everyone had a right to their own opinions and feelings about their Trans status, and people who say you should feel one way or another are on the same level as people who think you should feel happy about the sex and gender you're both into-- the world just doesn't work that way.