I am curious, how many of us have beards...by choice or necessity?
There is one under my hand, by necessity.
Facial or other hair?
Can't stand it on the body....just the face for me, and as short as I can.
This will be a strange topic I think, bet nobody posts.
Blessings
Satinjoy
I'll post just so you're not all alone in this thread, SJ. :)
I shave my face about every three days, so I often have a stubble-y look. Oddly, sometimes I pass by the mirror and think I look more feminine somehow with a bit of stubble. The reason I wait that long between is because it seems like I get a closer shave when I let it grow out a bit first, and I so love the feeling of that really close shave.
I mentioned that I've let it grow out this week in another thread. It's interesting, I think people treat me better with it, maybe I weird them out too much clean shaven...
I'm still the same person, even if I might have a short beard instead of 5 o'clock shadow that's visible by 11am. The way I see it, I could shave it off tonight(Friday night), if I really wanted to, and go in to work Monday like I just trimmed it a bit to close, but still have the beard look for work...I am going to keep it short so this is possible, and besides, long is ugly, unless it's like ZZ Top long, then it's cool.
I wish I could grow a ZZ Top-like long beard.
Quote from: King Malachite on November 07, 2014, 11:15:30 PM
I wish I could grow a ZZ Top-like long beard.
Not all MAAB can either, I certainly can't, and I'm guessing Frank Beard would if he could, as it's a bit ironic that he doesn't.
Hi.
Depends if your a female or not and having fluff on your face is..... well prefer not to, now i know some women cant help their hormones and the changes they bring and some do have more hair on their faces, so allso have to shave it off,
and many cant do lazer or other detail and i know the cost is pretty high and does not allways work , so im working on it, with epilating , and shaving just something to put up with , so maybe a little different for those of us who are women.
...noeleena...
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 07, 2014, 09:42:01 PM
I am curious, how many of us have beards...by choice or necessity?
There is one under my hand, by necessity.
Facial or other hair?
Can't stand it on the body....just the face for me, and as short as I can.
This will be a strange topic I think, bet nobody posts.
Blessings
Satinjoy
I keep waiting for your hand to move.?? I think its cool.
I have the option of a beard, but I usually like the feel of smooth skin, and mostly shave.
There's this one point in my beard, maybe after 2-3 days when it just looks awesome, I feel really confident with it.. But a day or 2-3-4 later, I feel like a crochity old grumpy Sea Captain or something, then I hate it..
Oh, and you added "other hair" to your sentence..?
Maybe once in a while, it just feels better down there...?
Quote from: King Malachite on November 07, 2014, 11:15:30 PM
I wish I could grow a ZZ Top-like long beard.
For the longest time after I first grew facial hair, I didn't shave. Mine still never came close to the dudes in ZZ Top. It seemed to reach a certain point and then stop growing.
I never have a beard ive had laser done just have to shave the blonde ones every couple days
Quote from: VeronicaLynn on November 07, 2014, 11:24:03 PM
Not all MAAB can either, I certainly can't, and I'm guessing Frank Beard would if he could, as it's a bit ironic that he doesn't.
Well if T can't get the job done for me, there is always a disguise!
Quote from: Pikachu on November 07, 2014, 11:42:17 PM
For the longest time after I first grew facial hair, I didn't shave. Mine still never came close to the dudes in ZZ Top. It seemed to reach a certain point and then stop growing.
My best bet would be to look to my males in my family and their facial hair, particularly my father and brother. Unfortunately, they usually shaved often so I couldn't see the full extent of how long their facial hair could get. It looked promising though.... not ZZ Top style, but still okay.
I have a beard. I generally trim it so it's around 1" (2 cm) long. It's softer if it's longer, but I think it makes me look uncivilized. (Yes, I want to look civilized, for some reason.)
I've thought a lot about why I don't shave it off, given that I wear skirts or dresses most of the time. So far, here's what I've come up with (subject to change w/o notice :) ):
- Shaving isn't comfortable. I shave my neck, but it irritates the skin.
- I"m afraid I'd have five-o'clock-shadow, or stubble, and I've never liked the look. (To be blunt: it grosses me out. I think it's that it comes across to me as a certain kind of masculinity that I particularly hate.)
- The rest of my body is too obviously male. Since I wear "feminine" clothing, I'm afraid that without the beard, my presentation would be ambiguous. For reasons I don't fully understand, an ambiguous presentation and/or social role/position makes me feel really anxious and unsettled, like I could be blind-sided at any minute. I dread being in a position where I imagine I could be "caught." I feel safer in the role of "guy who dresses funny" than in the "is it a boy or a girl?" role.
I've thought a lot about transition. I think if I believed I could effectively pass as a woman (not necessarily a good-looking one, just clearly female), I probably would do it. That would involve getting rid of the beard, and of all the things I'd have to "give up" if I transitioned, that would be the thing I would miss the least.
Actually, I've pretty much decided I'd like to start electrolysis, starting with the parts I already shave and progressively shrinking the area of my beard. But I haven't gotten around to finding someone to do it. (There's a severe shortage of "round tuits" in my house :) ) I'm also told it is "expensive," but I don't know what that means in dollars. After all, a $10 coffee is called "expensive", while a $10,000 car is called "cheap."
I developed a beard when I first started puberty. I didn't like it but I didn't want to shave it so I rocked a beard, mustache, uni-brow for about a year or so...I didn't want to shave because my parents told me that once you shave it, it grows back faster and thicker. I definitely didn't want that so ya, kept it for about a year. The summer before either 8th grade-10th grade, somewhere in there, I did finally shave it off. I have always kept it shaved since then. I just feel "dirty" I guess or scruffy or something when it starts to get really noticeable and I feel much better after it is gone. One of the first things I did when I found out about all this, started transition, was to start getting it removed via laser. It was a safe first step for me, even if I later figured out that I wasn't trans or stopped transitioning, I wouldn't miss facial hair at all, so can get it removed w/o worrying about anything cuz I want it gone anyway. But ya, I can't stand body or facial hair at all...
This thread is blowing me away, it is so encouraging. I didn't think anyone would post...
And having king m post is a treat for me. All of you my dears....
Hope taka and jayce and everyone else jumps in.
Mark I can't move the hand, I can validate my face heavy gq, but with my hair on, the beard hurts to see, I hate it full transition times. But if I show it, a powerful political statement, it puts me at risk of exposure to some very cruel folk.
Love to all here, this thread is making me feel better.
Socially, as genderqueer, I love having it, I feel so strong mixing binaries out there, it feels like getting even with the ice bullies by being in their face with it, shaming them with being relentlessly kind and filled with ... let's call it spirituality here. Joy.
Love to all here, big time.
Blessings
Satinjoy
I get a facial/body hair from having been on testosterone for four years, never been game enough to let it grow further than a few days at a time. Long story short, facial/body hair is a trigger for dysphoria for me, who desires the fem-andro look of feeling smooth and hairless. Most likely going to look at laser hair removal or electrolysis in the future. For now, shaving is suffice enough to keep the dysphoria at bay.
I have thought about rocking a mo' for Movember but it took five seconds for me to realize how much of a bad idea that would be.
Hav`nt got hair anywhere,shave it all,thinking about buying a home laser kit for my face hair too.Btw Satinjoy your face is so pretty,i love your cheekbones!Wish I could see all of you!
Definitely no facial hair here... Well not visible facial hair.
I never cared for facial hair and have little to no body hair (probably being more highly evolved :icon_evil_laugh:) don't take me too seriously there, just some of Auntie Shan's snarky sense of humor. I know body hair is a real pain for some, guess I'm just lucky. I had sort of reddish blonde hair before it all turned grey so I was stuck with a couple of years of bi-monthly electrolysis sessions and though I had pretty light facial whiskers I finally tired of electrolysis and feeling like someone's personal ATM and quit. I shave every day whether I have to or not and if I let it go for a week all I can see is a scattering of silver stars twinkling back at me in the mirror. I don't like how it feels when I run my hand across it, so the only time that ever happens is if I happen to go hunting with the bozos, which hasn't happened in several years now as I'm no longer so inclined.
I used to run a lumber yard, one of the many hats I wore during my working life. Several Neanderthals would come in with a chew of tobacco under their lip and breath that smelled like ->-bleeped-<-. They sported a lot of facial hair, beards and mustaches with part of their morning breakfast still stuck in it. I often had an Ewwwww moment as I wondered why they wanted to look like walruses, and found it rather incredulous that any woman would be attracted to these people who seemed like characters straight out of the movie "Deliverance." Don't let me get under anyone's skin here, it's just my personal take on things and I tend to be rather opinionated at my age. Sorry if I step on any toes!
Thanks teema.
Trigger triggered... a curiosity thread suddenly shifts on me into dysphoria pain, what a tightrope we may walk... and noone triggered me but my own self.
Mtf sisters be careful ..... don't suggest ful transition to me dears, the threads go to he'll when it happens.
When beard dysphoria hits, I have to look at component strengths and appreciate them.
Satinjoy is getting stronger in many ways daily, though Nonbinary reality is unshaken.
I lean hard on you when I feel like this my dear ones, it can get dangerous to me without the many here that help me get through the day, once the dysphoria passes to less than too much, the joy of living always returns.
A day at a time. Since this is the only way I can live, acceptance becomes crucial.
I won't trade the wife for full transition, the beard is my gift to her, and she , gave me the rest of my body, and her intimate embrace, and love.
It's worth the pain. Socially I need the beard too.
Uggghh.
Had a mustache for about 20 years. Really liked the way I looked until it started turning gray.
Mine is grey, I like that.
Already feel better, just looked at my transition ed body and whammo I am pleased.
Mercurial. And the wife knows I am doing full presentation and just lovingly joked with me about it.
My life is priceless... I do love where I have gotten so far.
I think I will take her out, and finish with candles and incense and satin. In her arms.
Uuggghh the triggers here for me, others... but if we don't open our mouths, what would happen to us?
Quote from: suzifrommd on November 08, 2014, 11:13:56 AM
Had a mustache for about 20 years. Really liked the way I looked until it started turning gray.
Seems like the texture changes and they get really course!
SatinJoy, an atta girl honey!
You look so lovely in your avatar, SJ. I'm sure you're even prettier in person. Your facial hair wouldn't change my perception of you at all, dear. :)
*hugs*
Quote from: Pikachu on November 08, 2014, 11:34:10 AM
You look so lovely in your avatar, SJ. I'm sure you're even prettier in person. Your facial hair wouldn't change my perception of you at all, dear. :)
*hugs*
Nor me, we have several long term NB folks with boobs and facial hair which is an outward sign of one's NB status for some. I'd be the last one to criticize.
SJ
If the beard works, and it clearly does, then rock it. However once I decided that I was NB, I felt best when I presented as more andro than GQ, so the beard and most other body hair had to go while I grew out my short hair. To me it is about sharing, signalling and expressing identity .. Sometimes nuance is enough... But for me permanently removing my beard has been important. ... Makes me look younger too ;)
Safe travels
Aisla
Quote from: Aisla on November 08, 2014, 01:40:09 PM
SJ
If the beard works, and it clearly does, then rock it. However once I decided that I was NB, I felt best when I presented as more andro than GQ, so the beard and most other body hair had to go while I grew out my short hair. To me it is about sharing, signalling and expressing identity .. Sometimes nuance is enough... But for me permanently removing my beard has been important. ... Makes me look younger too ;)
Safe travels
Aisla
Hey I figured out how to insert multiple quotes... lol
My very dear friend you have held me together so many times over the presentation stuff.. words cannot repay this.
And I think the andro thing for you is beyond perfect, the fit is so you, truly the wood elf. It just makes total sense to me.
Quote from: Shantel on November 08, 2014, 11:31:24 AM
Seems like the texture changes and they get really course!
SatinJoy, an atta girl honey!
first line.... are we talking hair or my personality over time HA!
second line.... from you an atta girl makes the day. But it is so interesting as a non binary core that I am always amuzed by it when I am "girled". And I love it too. Sh'e, h'er.... fits like a glove. Or like a 36b Calvin Klien unlined bra. Now if only I could stuff that, with me.
See the personality swing in me anyone? Fluid... I went cross spectrum in a paragraph.
Horsepower calls me now....
My hormones are up, climbing. Its about the physical transition needs I have, so I am emotionally adjusting. The boobs have refired. Much to my relief.
E cyp packs a wallop. I love it, but its still volatile, and closely supervised by the endo, not his assistant.
At least the chest hair is gone now. YAY!
We better keep an eye on me a little while, I know I am off a little, but its only like someone dialed up the emotion intensity meter. Still in manageable range, though someone hurt my feelings at work yesterday and I was surprised by tearing up. Female emotions, transgender emotions. Now there is a thread to start.
i wonder if i'd cry more with male emotions...?
i only cry over other people's tragedies, rarely because i am sad myself.
beard is... hmm...
nice? maybe.
haven't ever tried it really, but i'd probably both love and hate it.
might take a moustache pic if i find a brown mascara somewhere.
black isn't the right color for me.
Quote from: Taka on November 08, 2014, 06:25:31 PM
i wonder if i'd cry more with male emotions...?
i only cry over other people's tragedies, rarely because i am sad myself.
beard is... hmm...
nice? maybe.
haven't ever tried it really, but i'd probably both love and hate it.
might take a moustache pic if i find a brown mascara somewhere.
black isn't the right color for me.
Me too once my brain came back to center from a ninety degree jump to the female side. Although an occasional tearjerker film will get a tear or two. What really breaks me up is seeing the kids coming home from the mid-east missing limbs, it sends me into a Deja Vu moment.
Personally I can't stand facial hair on myself. I tried and it didn;t work for me. When I sweated it seemed to stink. It always seemed to make the corners of my nostrils itch.
I'm kind of like Aisla on this one. If it works for you then rock it hon. I tried and couldn't handle it. It seemed to always itch no matter how short. Plus I like the way I look without it.
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 08, 2014, 11:25:16 AM
Mine is grey, I like that.
The grey was bothering me quite a bit, maybe I will eventually grow to like it. I've never really liked shaving my face, it doesn't really make me feel more feminine, and I always feel like I missed a few spots.
I hate my beard n hate shaving it and it's never grown properly, it just feels n looks like hair, pubescent hair, plus I have a bald patch in it n plenty of light hair.
Quote from: Clhoe G on November 10, 2014, 11:16:27 PM
I hate my beard n hate shaving it and it's never grown properly, it just feels n looks like hair, pubescent hair, plus I have a bald patch in it n plenty of light hair.
I had a bald patch round the chin which never grew properly when i tried growing one so I could look like a bad ass biker.
I am so happy that my facial hair has all but stopped growing I do not miss shaving I only need a quick lick at night and am smooth nearly all day
Quote from: suzifrommd on November 08, 2014, 11:13:56 AM
Had a mustache for about 20 years. Really liked the way I looked until it started turning gray.
Hi Suzi,
Funny the gray hair was the other reason I couldn't take my beard anymore. My dysphoria was the other.
I had a beard since my early 20s and kept it for 25 years or so. I originally grew it to hide my transgender side. After highschool, I became very feminine looking, longish hair and thin. I loved it but people started to notice, I was caught by friends with shaved legs and I was terribly embarrassed. As a result I decided after a while to hide my transgender behind a beard. It drove me nuts but it does hide femininity.
Anyway I couldn't take it anymore and I kept cutting it shorter and shorter. One day I got rid of it, much to my wife's disgust. She mentions this often.
The one thing positive I can say about beards is that shaving time is much less. Now it takes me forever to shave because I have to get rid of all the stubble.
Paige :)
The original idea behind the beard was fighting being trans. Now I am stuck with it, but it has its uses, my presentation is quite startling at times.
Feeling better here, in between injections. Powerful stuff, hormones, and I think my boobs are growing again. I need that to happen, big time.
Lot of folks with hair isn't there. Interesting.
Nails out....boots on....
Blessings
Satinjoy
I can feel that. When I first actually grew my beard, it alleviated my dysphoria somehow. So I kept it for two years, not trimming or shaving or anything. Not quite ZZ Top, but it was long enough. ;)
I have no idea why it affected me the way it did. I didn't like how I looked, I never have. But being a bearded male was one of the most peaceful times of my life. I wasn't ever carded at a bar while I had it (before and after that, people think I'm at least ten years younger than I am), so maybe things like that just helped me relax or something.
Or maybe because I looked so scruffy, people just assumed I didn't give a damn what they thought of me, and so didn't bother sharing their judgements anymore. Whatever it was, I kind of need it back.
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 11, 2014, 12:17:03 PM
The original idea behind the beard was fighting being trans.
I hid behind a beard for over 40 years. The original motivation for it sort of escapes me at this point in time, but for the last 25 years it clearly was fighting being trans. When I got rid of it last spring I got all sorts of comments: "You look so much better." "You look ten years younger." "You look twenty year younger!" "Now what about the hair?"
So I have nails, longer hair (it does not grow very fast...) and some andro accesories. I get read male unless I put a lot of effort into presenting female. So, no more beard.
Erin
So far, only that peach fuzz making a beard outline and mustache getting darker.
Still hoping to get a beard like:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/483099898703646720/MQcIeY4H.jpeg)
Could grow one to save my life in my early 20s. Got rid of it with electro.
It was never really a trigger for me as it was so sparse to begin with (my GP asked if I had started electro the first time I discussed my gender issues with him). Shaving caused bad breakouts, so electro it was, to help manage dysphoria, and also have better facials skin.
I've got a beard a the moment, for me it usually comes down to wether or not I'm too lazy to shave it...
From the looks of things, I've been lazy for a couple weeks lol
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 11, 2014, 12:17:03 PM
The original idea behind the beard was fighting being trans. Now I am stuck with it, but it has its uses, my presentation is quite startling at times.
Feeling better here, in between injections. Powerful stuff, hormones, and I think my boobs are growing again. I need that to happen, big time.
Lot of folks with hair isn't there. Interesting.
Nails out....boots on....
Blessings
Satinjoy
You are never "stuck" with anything Satinjoy. That is the best thing about being human. We can decide what we do and what we look like. A Billy goat has a goatee and has no choice. A tom turky has a beard and has no choice. We are human with self awareness. We can choose how we look. Sometimes hon you have to lay
everything on the line I have and lost everything before and gained a lot more. Satisfaction with myself. Being able to embrace the true me. A self Identity that no one but me controls and ever will. Does the beard make you who you are? Is it something to hide behind? Is it just a part of you and an image?
I know, my friend, you think you have a lot to lose. Lose yourself though and you are truly gone. I know you will probably get mad at me but take a number hon. Family is who you make it. Yeah if you have children it will be harder but faking it for them is not really being true youself or to them is it? I don't know because I never could have children even as a freakin' man. Low T levels and I guess wussy spermatazoa. :-\ So yeah I really don't know. I really can't even know. But I do know you have to be true to you or you can't really be true to anyone else. If they have a problem with it that is their problem. I really hope I don't make you mad. I could never forgive myself if I triggered you. But the truth is you have to be you, not some image of you that someone else wants you to be. Does any of this make any sense. I lost it all. More than once even. One I hijacked even. I lost love or what I thought was love but found it again somewhat.
Yeah. I know I don't have children and don't really know. I can't have children because maybe I can't or have never been a real man. Never really wanted to be anyway. That hurts more than anything. I would rather have a son or daughter not accept me than not have any at all. There is always hope. Hope that they will come back. With me it is hopeless because there is no one other than an ex that was more of a bitch than me. Children can alwasy be shocked and come to their senses and understanding. I am screwed though.
OMG I am trying to help you and now I am down. :-\ Never mind Satinjoy. Forget all of what I said. I don't know because I have never had anyone love me that was truly as special as a child. Just other people and that just isn't quite as special though is it? Forget it. Hon. I never should have replied. I am just an idiot that think she knows what she is talking about when I really don't. Sorry hon.
No worries my dear. My dysphoria is dropping and it's ok. Until it isn't.
You shared your heart, thank you.
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 17, 2014, 08:30:56 PM
No worries my dear. My dysphoria is dropping and it's ok. Until it isn't.
You shared your heart, thank you.
Your welcome hon.
But what do you mean our dysphoria is dropping and it's OK. Until it isn't? My heart is here for anyone that needs it.
It means that my dysphoria fluxuates, and when it is as today, I am quite happy and comfortable, but tomorrow, if stress goes high, SJ will manifest to protect Satinjoy, and then, the pendulum will swing.
When the genders split it is unhealty. I talked of it with my shrink yesterday, we talked of many meaningful things.
Right now, on this forum, SJ has once again taken control of me. Whenever Satinjoy feels threatened, SJ takes control.
You have seen what he can do, the deep rage, the protector, but none of this is directed at you, and there is a point where that old political theater actor gets quiet and starts doing what he does the most.
Revealing truth.
As to your stuff, I am really sorry. And there are major sacrifices when you father a child. When you take a vow that means what it says, speaking only for me there.
I will break my mind before I break their hearts.
Satinjoy.
SJ, I am in very much the same mode of "let's see where these hormones go, and how they change you, but I always will need my husband (my wife says)".
So, as I begin HRT next month, the mustache I have had since college (sans 10 days when I was forty, and the kid's kind of freaked out seeing me without it) will remain as my one identifying characteristic to my about to be former, fully male, presenting self. Ironically, it will be my "beard", where people would certainly notice a huge change in me if I were to shave it off, but probably will only notice the facial hair and glasses, when all the new physical and emotional changes are out there right in front of them.
The time I finally shave off the facial hair will probably be the time when I identify to go FT, if that even becomes a part of me. For now, until whatever happens with these hormones, a non-binary, andro-type identity will be what I am going for, and outwardly I will still present as people "think", or want to think they know me.
I too, succumb, to yielding to my good, 25 year marriage by carrying the "beard". These are our own personal accommodations and struggles; that's why we are all so different in our journeys.
Quote from: Jess42 on November 17, 2014, 06:26:32 PM
Yeah if you have children it will be harder but faking it for them is not really being true yourself or to them is it?
Hi Jess42,
I have two teenage children who don't know I'm transgender, my wife does. So this point you raise is very interesting to me.
My therapist once told me that I have a very feminine personality. She could see it in my mannerisms, the way I talk, and the level of empathy I have for my family and others. I didn't realize this and it makes me think that if I'm faking I'm not doing a very good job. She also made the point that transitioning doesn't really change your personality much. You may drop some of the male acting, soften a bit, but her opinion was that 95% of you was still be the same person your family loves. She said, empathy was my transition block, but also one of the most revealing parts of my personality.
She also told me that many of the traits my wife and children have loved about me, were feminine. Most people don't notice these things about you because most aren't very observant. So long story short, you are who you are and nobody is really that good of an actor.
I'm not sure if my therapist is right about this, but it certainly helped me at the time.
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 18, 2014, 05:33:58 AM
You have seen what he can do, the deep rage, the protector,
Just curious have you ever consider the rage/protector is that of a mother bear and not of a he?
Take care,
Paige :)
It is neither he nor she. It is my core.
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 18, 2014, 11:50:06 AM
It is neither he nor she. It is my core.
Sorry I didn't mean to offend you. I guess I should have realized that since you're non binary.
All the best,
Paige :)
Not offended, it was cute
Quote from: Paige on November 18, 2014, 10:32:13 AM
Hi Jess42,
I have two teenage children who don't know I'm transgender, my wife does. So this point you raise is very interesting to me.
My therapist once told me that I have a very feminine personality. She could see it in my mannerisms, the way I talk, and the level of empathy I have for my family and others. I didn't realize this and it makes me think that if I'm faking I'm not doing a very good job. She also made the point that transitioning doesn't really change your personality much. You may drop some of the male acting, soften a bit, but her opinion was that 95% of you was still be the same person your family loves. She said, empathy was my transition block, but also one of the most revealing parts of my personality.
She also told me that many of the traits my wife and children have loved about me, were feminine. Most people don't notice these things about you because most aren't very observant. So long story short, you are who you are and nobody is really that good of an actor.
I'm not sure if my therapist is right about this, but it certainly helped me at the time.
Hi Paige.
This is fairly interesting because I have told people that some of the things our spouses fell in love with was the part of us that we hid away. In my case it was that I was feminine at the deepest level of myself. Long hair, she loved it. Hairless body, she loved it. Watching chick flicks together, she loved it. Going shopping for clothes and shopping and shopping some more, she loved that too when so many other "husbands" would get irritated. So she was really a lesbian and didn't even know it. When faced with it though, we were doomed. We have mutual friends though and they tell me about her and her new guy, real guy, and she bitches about all the things he hates that I loved. They even tell me she hates to hear about me. They tell me they think she is a wee bit more regretful than she appears to be. Too bad though.
So yeah, I think your therapist is probably right.
Quote from: Jess42 on November 19, 2014, 02:38:53 PM
Hi Paige.
This is fairly interesting because I have told people that some of the things our spouses fell in love with was the part of us that we hid away. In my case it was that I was feminine at the deepest level of myself. Long hair, she loved it. Hairless body, she loved it. Watching chick flicks together, she loved it. Going shopping for clothes and shopping and shopping some more, she loved that too when so many other "husbands" would get irritated. So she was really a lesbian and didn't even know it. When faced with it though, we were doomed. We have mutual friends though and they tell me about her and her new guy, real guy, and she bitches about all the things he hates that I loved. They even tell me she hates to hear about me. They tell me they think she is a wee bit more regretful than she appears to be. Too bad though.
So yeah, I think your therapist is probably right.
Hi Jess,
Perhaps this would be a good topic for a new thread?
Paige :)
some days i like having a beard
some days i just want it smooth
one time i did half and half
that was fun
Quote from: Asche on November 08, 2014, 07:43:04 AM
I have a beard. I generally trim it so it's around 1" (2 cm) long. It's softer if it's longer, but I think it makes me look uncivilized. (Yes, I want to look civilized, for some reason.)
I've thought a lot about why I don't shave it off, given that I wear skirts or dresses most of the time. So far, here's what I've come up with (subject to change w/o notice :) ):
- Shaving isn't comfortable. I shave my neck, but it irritates the skin.
- I"m afraid I'd have five-o'clock-shadow, or stubble, and I've never liked the look. (To be blunt: it grosses me out. I think it's that it comes across to me as a certain kind of masculinity that I particularly hate.)
- The rest of my body is too obviously male. Since I wear "feminine" clothing, I'm afraid that without the beard, my presentation would be ambiguous. For reasons I don't fully understand, an ambiguous presentation and/or social role/position makes me feel really anxious and unsettled, like I could be blind-sided at any minute. I dread being in a position where I imagine I could be "caught." I feel safer in the role of "guy who dresses funny" than in the "is it a boy or a girl?" role.
I've thought a lot about transition. I think if I believed I could effectively pass as a woman (not necessarily a good-looking one, just clearly female), I probably would do it. That would involve getting rid of the beard, and of all the things I'd have to "give up" if I transitioned, that would be the thing I would miss the least.
Actually, I've pretty much decided I'd like to start electrolysis, starting with the parts I already shave and progressively shrinking the area of my beard. But I haven't gotten around to finding someone to do it. (There's a severe shortage of "round tuits" in my house :) ) I'm also told it is "expensive," but I don't know what that means in dollars. After all, a $10 coffee is called "expensive", while a $10,000 car is called "cheap."
Women here wear same casual, at-the-beach as men. Look closely! We mix both, like ALL my cis-F sisters, cargo shorts, hoodies, tanks, T's, sandals.
Hair to shoulders, 6 earrings (cross gendered depending on day, mood), F garb, M garb, mix, cross. WISH THE 2ndary male pattern HAIR WOULD GO AWAY!
Not binary, not "normative" -- no confusion bout who I am, just real loosey goosey bout not drawing boundaries.
I'm in a rather unique situation, as hormone therapy has left me unable to grow a long beard, though after just a few weeks I can still get short amounts of hair that are quite thick. This has its advantages when I'm not looking to present in girl mode, though when I do want a more feminine look it means I can get a really close shave. However, due to a condition I suffered from (during a period when I was still coping with the aftermath of a failed transition in my late teens), I am left with a few visible scars* that a little shadow helps to cover, but it's not as if I want to be dealing with that when I'm trying to pass as female. While I'd rather prefer to not run the risk of saying anything that could be seen as triggering, I genuinely do feel that sometimes it would have been a lot easier if I'd just decided to go all the way and become a woman instead of being genderfluid. On the other hand, my partner means far too much for me to give up the safe, loving and supporting environment we've built for each other over the last nine years. Besides, we've spoken about "it," and the door is always open for me further down the line - it's not as if either of us are planning to go anywhere, so if I ever decided to attempt transitioning again then at least we'd try crossing that bridge together. For now, I'm happy identifying as non-binary, which suits me better, anyway. Also, there's too much we want to do that may not otherwise be possible if I took this up sooner as opposed to further down the line, such as hopefully one day expanding our family.
*For the record, this wasn't self-harm or anything like that. To be honest, I let my teeth get in a pretty bad state, resulting in one of my saliva glands becoming infected. I very nearly died from a heart attack brought on by a particularly aggressive bout of blood poisoning, and one of the drugs used to treat me in hospital caused an allergic reaction that I couldn't possibly have anticipated, one side of my face ballooning to a point where I'm still probably never going to fully recover, thanks in part to the fact no dentist will treat my various problems until I've gone six months without anything flaring back up. Nearly eight years after my initial period of illness, this has yet to be the case, so I'm resigned to the fact I might not even be able to restart hormones and undergo gender reassignment surgery, even if I wanted to.
P.S. Back in college, friends used to affectionately call me Snake because of my long hair and beard making me resemble the main character in Metal Gear Solid. I guess it didn't help that I also used to chain smoke about 40 cigarettes a day, with 10 cigars on top of this, causing me to sound very much like him as well. These days, I've managed to cut right down to about 10 unfiltered cigarettes a day, the rest of my nicotine intake now coming from less harmful alternatives - mainly an inhaler or the very occasional electronic cigarette, though I'm not using one of these at the moment because I found they started to taste horrible just before running out entirely. If this means I've more chance of quitting altogether then I shouldn't complain, right?
I have a beard I hide behind it I work a very blue collar job and I am growing my hair (think warrior prinsess) without the beard I am afraid I might be outed
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I took my time beginning electrolysis to remove my beard. It had been a connection to my father. I am a daddy's girl slash tomboy. As a kid I kinda wanted one but as I got one it killed me. I have been loving making my face smoother and turning the stubble blond. I have been considering asking my electrologist if she would leave me a beard of fine blond hair. I like the idea of having what a hairy woman would have. Also, for electrolysis day, I have to grow it all out for three days. I have become accustomed to that and it has shown me that I hate the feeling of man stubble on my face and don't like how my skin looks even shaved smooth in that area. But where it is softer? I'm fine with that.