I am quite uncomfortable around the born-male. I am accutely aware that I am fundamentally different from them, and always feel that pressure from them to be like they are, which would be torture to me now, there is no way.... the more butch they are, if you will, the more I feel like hiding from them, running.
How about you, among those born in your physical birth gender? (at least, physical from the point of view of a couple organs that are used by docs to define us, wrongly.)
SatinJoy
Depends on the men in question, but I'm generally uncomfortable around the majority of them, especially when they are in a group. Sadly I had to go to a boy's only high school. :(
Same as Grace, I was the only girl in an all male Chritian College school, they just didn't know it.
Now, well I like men. I'm heterosexual and really enjoy their company. Definitely enjoy their company in certain situations but we had better not go there as I'm feeling lonely (cough)
Yes I get intimidated by drunks and the thingy situations that can happen, but most men I meet are really quite sweet. The men I work with are really nice and considerate.
I'm in the same boat as Grace & Cindy, Yay Catholic All-Boys school :/ (well all boys but one ;) )
Im pretty good at making friends with guys, although I am better at making friends with girls I don't have problems with either, generally I'm an overly friendly person anyhows :)
Although guys in groups definitely make me uncomfortable, and I do tend to avoid drunk or otherwise inebriated guys but I don't think thats really that unusual :)
there are two types of women. those who cling together, and those who don't.
i'm only uncomfortable with the ones that always come in groups, and keep assuming that i want to be part of that.
the other ones are just sweet.
I don't feel uncomfortable around women just because they're women. I feel like I don't click as well with them, but that's not the same being uncomfortable. I dunno I guess being uncomfortable around someone just because of what gender they are strikes me as sexist.
i'm only uncomfortable when they want me to act as part of a group of females.
not because they're women, that would be weird.
I never liked the company of men. Never felt I had much in common with them and harbored a deep unreasoned fear that they would discover that I wasn't "like them" even though I had no idea in what way I wasn't like them.
I'm not very comfortable at all.
I never really bonded with a guy,
My anxiety level goes up and I get quite nervous..
I talked to a friend from here on the phone recently,
And even though every part of me knows she's female(MtF),
The deeper voice gave me a lot of anxiety..
I do love talking with anyone though, its just a subconscious thing I don't know how to get over.?
Someday I'm going to be a therapists dream.!
I get on okay with most people, gender doesn't really play a role in my social connections. But then I'm a shapeshifter so it's kind of what I do.
In a casual social situation or work situation it is fair to say I am pretty comfortable. My local office has about 75 guys and maybe 5-8 women so it is a fact of life !
Intimately who knows not there yet ;)
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 09, 2014, 06:31:27 AM
the more butch they are, if you will, the more I feel like hiding from them, running.
SatinJoy
This is a real trigger for me. Loud, macho types really annoy me. I played football in High School trying to fit in. I quit my last year because I couldn't take the macho stuff anymore. There's something about men and team sports that never appealed to me at all.
I haven't transitioned and when I meet men in social situations I've learned the tricks. Talk confidentially, and make sure to shake hands right away. Many men think handshaking is a contest, some even try to hurt you with their grip. I can do this crap but it's such an charade and I hate it every time I do it. Fist bumps are another thing that makes my skin crawl.
Basically I just feel like an
actor actress all the time.
Paige :)
depends on what they are doing and talking about. in work situations which is where pretty much all my in person social interaction happens. im comfortable enough to work alongside someone else that is born male, untill the conversation or comments turn sexual or sexist in nature. or people start talking about sports and cars, or sex.
or today for example 2 guys that were sent to help me were having a argument over which of them has seen more girls panties and bra's. and started bugging me about it and pressuring me to let them "hook me up" to get me laid. at which point my brain just has to get shut off and i have to go on autopilot the rest of the night cause once they involve me in their conversation or comments, they will continue to bug me about it the rest of the night. is just inevitable. (ive gotten a couple to stop).
unfortunately the women dont want to be friends cause im still a "guy" (not transitioning yet) as ive already figured out when my only actual friend at work completely went off the deep end cause she thaught i liked her as more than just a friend (regardless of what i say) purely cause im a "guy" and was being nice to her. failed to occur to her that i was being nice cause perhaps thats how you act towards friends (specially your only friend at work) anyways. :) if i meet women that would actually want to be friends with me, id gladly find friends but, guys, from all the ones ive met, when they view me as another guy they inevitably start shifting the conversation.
So
Is there a relationship to self acceptance, proportional to your own comfort?
Is there a relationship to sexual orientation as defined as what is attractive to you to either mate with or to ..... boom.....?
Is there a relationship to bullying, or other persecution or social/religeous taboo breaking?
My first instinct is "are they a threat?"
My second is to stuff the sexual desire to look at ... what I'd rather not have...., and the reason for stuffing the feeling is loyalty to the wife. I am bi, made a decision based on love long ago I am glad I made. If it was not, the female component of me, that very strong physical desire, would trump or inflame discomfort.
I had to shut that down. My wife lost sex so did I, not possible on my hormone dose, but its not a bad exchange at our age, not when we are as close as we are, and maintain deep intimacy.
There is always another way to take care of the physical female need in me anyway.
So, Acceptance.... antidote? I suspect it look at the transition times of those most comfortable.
Thoughts dear ones?
Quote from: Paige on November 09, 2014, 09:19:51 AM
This is a real trigger for me. Loud, macho types really annoy me. I played football in High School trying to fit in. I quit my last year because I couldn't take the macho stuff anymore. There's something about men and team sports that never appealed to me at all.
I haven't transitioned and when I meet men in social situations I've learned the tricks. Talk confidentially, and make sure to shake hands right away. Many men think handshaking is a contest, some even try to hurt you with their grip. I can do this crap but it's such an charade and I hate it every time I do it. Fist bumps are another thing that makes my skin crawl.
Basically I just feel like an actor actress all the time.
Paige :)
Let me parrot this part of Paige's comment, it has become a gradual transition emotionally for me to get to this point. Most of my few guy friends are ok really, but I still see them as pathetic feckless dorks at times especially when they start in about the size of their male part or how great they are with a woman, I just want to slap them senseless.
Quote from: Shantel on November 09, 2014, 11:38:24 AM
Let me parrot this part of Paige's comment, it has become a gradual transition emotionally for me to get to this point. Most of my few guy friends are ok really, but I still see them as pathetic feckless dorks at times especially when they start in about the size of their male part or how great they are with a woman, I just want to slap them senseless.
The temptation for me would be to wink at them and say... prove it...
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 09, 2014, 11:42:28 AM
The temptation for me would be to wink at them and say... prove it...
But Shan and I can't do that, can we auntie.... ;)
I don't want to see the damned thing, as far as I'm concerned there is nothing pretty about either male or female genitalia and I've never been interested in looking at it.
Quote from: Shantel on November 09, 2014, 11:49:41 AM
I don't want to see the damned thing, as far as I'm concerned there is nothing pretty about either male or female genitalia and I've never been interested in looking at it.
Hope I was not offensive. If I was, I'd edit it fast. Which I think Id better.
Unfortunately, I am not like you on that one my friend. You are lucky there....
(Pulled the reference out already sweatie, sorry about that one).
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 09, 2014, 11:53:15 AM
Hope I was not offensive.
That goes both ways hon, I know I'm an opinionated ass at times, it's just me and I never intend to offend with my own opinions.
No worries. And I appreciate a good ass. Especially when its my new one.
;)
Pre-transition, I had a hard time with them. I always felt like an outsider in groups of guys, and they constantly did and said things that made me roll my eyes, and often made me downright mad that I had to be stuck being seen by society as a member of the same sex as them.
Pretty much every time I was in a group where machismo was going on, guys being guys, dirty jokes, stupid s***, too much drinking, bragging, showing off, swaggering, I just wanted to leave. I shrunk into the corner, as far away from them as possible, and just couldn't stand being around that behavior. Even though technically socially I was male at the time, I definitely always felt like the girl of the group every time I was around a group of guys, and just tended to shrink away from them and wonder what the hell could possibly be going through their heads to make them act like that.
So yeah... when machismo was going on, it made me pretty uncomfortable. I actually had to leave a room sometimes, go outside and cry for a while, maybe even just scream into the sky, just to get out the frustration of dysphoria that resulted from knowing that THESE were the people that everyone expected me to be like.
Not being forced to be male against my will, though, has significantly helped me get over my misandrist tendencies and view men and masculinity as different, yes, but still valuable. The big difference is that now when men act with machismo, it's not an insult to me anymore, it's actually a compliment, because it highlights my femaleness by contrast. Plus estrogen decided to make me attracted to guys, so I can't find it in myself to be uncomfortable around them anymore, I find a vast majority of the things they do to be downright charming and sweet. Getting over dysphoria heals a lot of hurt. I remember someone saying "I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." I guess I'm starting to feel the same. Guys can be guys, and I'm okay with that, as long as I don't have to be one of them. :P And where being treated like a guy by a group of guys ALWAYS made me feel uncomfortable, there's almost never a time where guys are treating me like a girl where I feel uncomfortable. (Aside from the ones who decide to hit on me and are very insistent about it to the point where even after saying no, I have other plans, they still keep pushing. That's the only time I'm uncomfortable around guys nowadays.)
I still don't really relate to them, and they still make me roll my eyes from time to time, but the actual discomfort and feeling of needing to get away has thankfully gone.
I strongly prefer the company of women to that of men. It's a double-edged sword. Women afford me in-group status, which is safer, and kind of nice. I like having female friends. But also it can be profoundly uncomfortable at times, and nothing will make me blanche faster than a casual, "You know how it is, girl!".
I am a vocal feminist, which some men don't like, and read as gender non-conforming ("butch"), which is equally unappealing to the same type of man. That, in combination with my sometimes-aggressive desire to accepted as a man/not-woman by other guys, sometimes leads to me getting into fights with that kind of dude. Especially when alcohol is involved. It's not uncommon for me to end a night waving a beer around and telling some ->-bleeped-<- to, eh-hem, "suck my dick." Lots of reactionary machismo on my part, but with such a low tolerance for offensive jokes or sexist remarks that I never manage to fit in.
I do have guy friends, and they're all good people. Wish I had more. But women tend to find me charming in ways that a lot of men find threatening, so that's rough.
Quote from: captains on November 09, 2014, 09:27:02 PM
I do have guy friends, and they're all good people. Wish I had more. But women tend to find me charming in ways that a lot of men find threatening, so that's rough.
I find from a retrospective self examination along with that of a lot of former male friends, that they have been ingrained with a lot less flexibility in mentally accepting different or odd forms of behavior from genetically born females. It has to do with the girl next door pedestal mentality and when that image is suddenly shattered by a wild non binary dickweed type, they flinch and scurry for cover. It's not your fault, it's something they all have to overcome and get over, those that can't don't get to be buds with you and it's probably their loss.
Quote from: Shantel on November 10, 2014, 02:09:37 PM
I find from a retrospective self examination along with that of a lot of former male friends, that they have been ingrained with a lot less flexibility in mentally accepting different or odd forms of behavior from genetically born females. It has to do with the girl next door pedestal mentality and when that image is suddenly shattered by a wild non binary dickweed type, they flinch and scurry for cover. It's not your fault, it's something they all have to overcome and get over, those that can't don't get to be buds with you and it's probably their loss.
This response meant a lot to me today. Thank you for your insight, Shan. :)
Although born male, I have been an active member of the League of Women voters for over 15 years. I am frequently at functions where I am the only male. I feel very comfortable and at ease in these social situations.
I can't imagine being in a similar group of men. I find sports bars intimidating.
At family gatherings, such as Christmas, when the men go to one area and the women another, I'm always with the women. My sisters-in-law and nieces phone me frequently and seem to forget that I'm not really a woman. I never hear from my brothers-in-law and nephews except in a most perfunctory manner.
Randi
I've never been comfortable with men. I've learned to deal with them, and even care about them sometimes, but when I'm with men, especially groups of men, I feel like I have to have my guard up all the time. It's like I'm hanging out with scorpions, who at any moment might decide to sting me for their own incomprehensible reasons.
I guess it's more accurate to say I don't really feel safe around men.
FWIW, I get the same feeling with some M2Fs.
I feel uncomfortable around cis-folk.
Sometimes, it's like walking on eggshells and nails.
I'm alright with my family and close friends.
My family at least loves and accepts me, unlike what I've heard happened with others
My mother is very understanding and helpful.
I work with men and women equally well. Many of the men in my life are affirming and generous. A few think I am strange and creepy, and a few think I am exotic and interesting. The people I play with are also mixed, and also mostly delightful. Sports bars - went into one once and left quickly. Not my venue of choice.
But I pick where and how I interact with folk male and female. I present as a woman and am treated mostly with respectful courtesy. It is sort of like the rest of my life. When I'm comfortable they are too. When I'm not comfortable it's ciao.
Julie
I don't think I have any real problem being around guys, but I don't see myself making that many new friends that are guys. I probably see myself dating a few in the future. Sometimes I do get kinda scared of a significantly large amount of guys, but I kinda did even before transition, I'm the one the cried in a locker during basic training when I was fresh in the Army.
.... I make more male friends. I only make female friends if they are much older or much uglier than me. Or they are very pretty.... but the average female doesnt like me. Usually. Its like they see me as competition... ugly ones just need any reassurance, and pretty ones are confident enough to not care. I dont see much of hate from females at the moment... just indifference.
Guys are usually my friend unless they are afraid of me... its like.... "oh my gawd he can turn guys gay" fear. Or... they really hate my guts.... that hasnt happen in over 8 months.... but it was because I was acting really annoying like I was 19. But i never let that side of me show anymore.... it was only during that era of my life.
-----
Nowadays people just like me... people may think Im just weak. Im just there right now. But if you talk crap about me.... at least 3 guys in my office will defend me. Lol.
----
Really... im accepted by all people. I adapt to my surroundings. I had poor white trash females as friends to hillbilly guys to hippy guys to gay guys to asian guys to straight military guys to urban ghetto guys.... yeah...
Quote from: Wild Flower on December 14, 2014, 01:05:25 PM
.... I make more male friends. I only make female friends if they are much older or much uglier than me. Or they are very pretty.... but the average female doesnt like me. Usually. Its like they see me as competition... ugly ones just need any reassurance, and pretty ones are confident enough to not care. I dont see much of hate from females at the moment... just indifference.
Guys are usually my friend unless they are afraid of me... its like.... "oh my gawd he can turn guys gay" fear. Or... they really hate my guts.... that hasnt happen in over 8 months.... but it was because I was acting really annoying like I was 19. But i never let that side of me show anymore.... it was only during that era of my life.
-----
Nowadays people just like me... people may think Im just weak. Im just there right now. But if you talk crap about me.... at least 3 guys in my office will defend me. Lol.
----
Really... im accepted by all people. I adapt to my surroundings. I had poor white trash females as friends to hillbilly guys to hippy guys to gay guys to asian guys to straight military guys to urban ghetto guys.... yeah...
You would be a gas to go have lunch with. Hee Hee ::)
Quote from: Satinjoy on November 09, 2014, 06:31:27 AM
I am quite uncomfortable around the born-male. I am accutely aware that I am fundamentally different from them, and always feel that pressure from them to be like they are, which would be torture to me now, there is no way.... the more butch they are, if you will, the more I feel like hiding from them, running.
How about you, among those born in your physical birth gender? (at least, physical from the point of view of a couple organs that are used by docs to define us, wrongly.)
SatinJoy
I am MAAB. I feel different when being around males. It feels like I don't fit in with them. I can act the part of being male for a bit but it causes me a lot of internal anxiety. I find it hard to have a conversation and feel comfortable. i feels so awkward and requires a lot concentration on my part. I can't relate to males, I try but it just does not feel right.
With cis-gender women or other trans* i feel much more comfortable and can converse. I don't feel anxiety or awkwardness.
Lately when I'm around guys I feel a bit uncomfortable. When I'm talking to a guy but there are also girls nearby I feel closer to the girls and the feeling of pretending is intense. Though I don't like girls that are bossy or try to take advantage of me (learn things I know without giving anything back).
When I'm around guys and they talk about typical guy things, about their girlfriends etc it feels awkward.
There is a girl that some time ago I had a crush on (but she has a serious relationship) that I feel kinda close. I don't know if she knows anything about my issues (I might have given a few clues now and then with wearing girl jeans, nail polish and making comments on her outfit but I don't know) but I feel comfortable around her - almost like a friend. Every time I notice she forgot something (like her blouse or some papers or other things) I remind her. I don't know if that behavior is "girly" but it seemed weird not to remind her.
Hi shimmeringbluorb, welcome to Susan's. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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I am kind of uncomfortable around ladies. It's like around those who are almost girly and always have small talk and chatter don't seem to understand how forward I can be, and I just generally don't get the chatter.
I also don't have that many female friends. I feel most comfortable around guys, a point that drove my mom nuts to no end.
She always got her pants in a wad whenever I spent the night with one of my best friends during high school college-- even though we were strictly platonic, and sometimes I needed it for shelter from her, since she's a little... overbearing at times.
We just played games, and drew, and discussed things. Nothing serious. :-\
I've never fully transitioned(yet) but I'm somewhat comfortable around men, at least the ones that I share some interests with. I'm more comfortable around more feminine men than masculine men, though, and I tend to be more comfortable around gay men than straight.
Groups of men do often make me uncomfortable, though. Moreso when I'm dressed or acting in any sort of feminine way. I often feel the need to pretend to be less feminine than I am when in groups of men. I'm probably most comfortable around women and other transgender people.
I'm uncomfortable around people! Doesnt matter if man or woman, cis or trans. Sometimes I dont think I was suppose to be human at all lol.
I'm really not a big fan of people in general. What is very weird, because both my jobs forces me to connect and talk to people. Weird... but I dont think that this has anything to do with my being trans. I'm just weird!
Can I be the one person that is so ultra picky in life I don't even see people in gender forms? While I'm comfortable in general with women and less so with my "brothers" I also get scared to heck in a large group of anybody. Also all but one of my friends in high-school were girls but there was one guy, who was so nerdy and so out there that we just clicked. Had he been gay I think I might had have a romantic relationship for once, damn. So I think with me it's more like "Are you an oddball in your community of people? Are you scorned or forgotten at the best of times and focused and laughed at the worst of times? Do you need some one to just listen to your issues/crazy dreams? If yes to anyone to any two of these questions, lets talk. No more then five applicants need apply!" more then "Oh you're a women, I like women, can I talk to you?" No, my people skills are too awful for that.
I look on males as being a different species, - a dangerous and unpredictable species who are best avoided, - so yes I'm not comfortable at all around cis-folk who match my assigned at birth gender.
Oh to see some of the old names and people i miss like Satin Joy and Julie on this thread, sigh.
My discomfort around cisgender straight males has increased since transition. All the years of having to deal with guys acting like guys because I looked like one are now years ago. What a relief not to put up with that competitive machismo! I love individual men. I am now much different, however, and feel far less confident about understanding their intentions.
When I did live as a man the feeling of being discovered as fake left me with sort of a conditional camaraderie among men, too often thinking if they knew the real me rejection would follow. That didn't turn out to be accurate either so there are insecurities of my own to face. Interesting ride.
Always more comfortable amongst women folk... just have always fitted in better.
Like other I was the only "girl" as far as I knew, in an all boys secondary education school and took the brunt of that!
L Katy :-*
Well, it depends on several factors.
Do I know them or they are complete strangers?
How many of them are there?
What is their social background (class, to keep it simple).
If there is one or two and I know or just am acquainted with one of them, that's quite ok. In fact, if there is only one guy, and he is kind of distant aquaintance and does not know about my background (I realised there are a couple of male co-workers in the same building whom I dont often bump into and they think I am a female colleague), then it's very much ok too. I can handle it and it's "male-female" interaction.
If there are many of them, and they have no clue about my background then for some strange reason it becomes almost physically difficult - almost like an acute innate feeling of "me - them".
And if they are complete strangers, there is a pack of them on the street, then I tend to stay as far away of them as possible.
In general I feel insecure around most men. Every now and then I will hit it off with one or two of them. If the conversations are about things I might be interested in, then I will join in regardless of the gendered people I am talking to.
Both is fine.I just feel (not uncomfortable but) bored when people start talking about sex,or gossip about someone in sexual way.So far it seemed somewhat easier to establish mind connection with boys(geeky types)..
This can work both ways. A friend for many years was surprised by my coming out and then he said; "it makes sense cause I don't get along with most guys but I did get along with you, shoulda guessed you were more of a girl" ;) ;D
For me it depends because I hang around a lot of very different cisfemales. The more androgynous they are, the more comfortable I am around them. I'm most uncomfortable around the ones who are very girly, either in their interests, mannerisms, or the way they relate to others.
And it's not the fact that they're girly--it's just that these things are so alien to me. Like, women have this secret language full of subtext and hints that I just don't get. And then if you don't get it, they get offended.
There is also the whole "one-upping" thing, like there is a competition of who is more feminine than the rest. You have to do your makeup well and dress well, and it's not a matter of impressing men, it's about outdoing each other, because you don't want to be "that girl" who looks unkempt or frumpy.
Other times they include me in their man-bashing because they view me as a woman, a team member who will get the jokes, and I hate it because I identify with men. It hurts.
But if they're androgynous, lgbt, or alternative/underground type women, then it's ok because they're not as socially conditioned, and they're easier for me personally to relate to.
I'm not uncomfortable around women at all. I love women and strive to be the best womanist ally that I can be. Although I identify as male, I'm mostly uncomfortable around cismen if anything. I don't pass yet, so when cismen find out I'm trans they act super weird -- like this immature mix of competitive and patronizing, I guess?
Basically death to the patriarchy and all its petty minions is where I stand.
Well, unless the guy is handsome, sweet, and charming, I generally don't feel comfortable with men. Maybe gay guys that are not gender conforming. People who are closer to me, I feel most comfortable, which could be more feminine guys and genderqueer people and lesbian women when I'm in drab, and moderately feminine women when I'm dressed (too feminine makes me feel inadequately feminine.)
Quote from: wanessa.delisola on June 24, 2015, 08:18:52 AM
I'm uncomfortable around people! Doesnt matter if man or woman, cis or trans.
I get that, I'm socially anxious. I think I am at my most uncomfortable when people are behaving in stereotypically binary ways. It's a bit worse with men because of the expectation that I'm a part of it, though.
My best friends tend to be people who -- even if they don't identify themselves as non-binary per se -- acknowledge some distance from the gender role and identity that society says they should have.
Quote from: wanessa.delisola on June 24, 2015, 08:18:52 AM
I'm uncomfortable around people! Doesnt matter if man or woman, cis or trans.
I can understand that. I feel like I'm always trying to prove my gender. When people misgender me, that makes me uncomfortable. But, I'm not sure if it's more around women. I just revert to the mentality that I'm a male spy whose undercover as a girl to make myself feel better. 8)
Sometimes I get the feeling that my overweight female roommate resents me for being trans... like she thinks I'm "wasting my thin feminine figure" or something. It makes me uncomfortable around her specifically because she's probably thinking, "Don't do that to yourself."
I'm not just uncomfortable around men, but, this is going to sound terrible, it's not just about how they identify, but how they interact with me. I met a transgender girl one time that my brain kept telling me "male male male". I didn't gender her as male openly, but I got that social discomfort from her I get when interacting with males. :-\
It depends on who I'm surrounded by.
Generally, I make it a point to associate with open minded, accepting, intelligent people with like-minded interests. Therefore, I try my best not to put myself in a situation where I'm surrounded by or associating with heterosexist, close-minded people.
As for comfort in general, I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable if they're not giving me a problem. If anything, I just accept people for being themselves and being true to their nature.
As far as an answer to the question is concerned, I would say I'm slightly uncomfortable with the social stigmas which seem to permeate certain social viewpoints of masculinity; Also, I'm uncomfortable with individuals whom frown upon gender non-conforming and/or transgender individuals.
On a further note, I don't try to base my comfortableness of individuals solely on their gender, but more so by the way they choose to interact with others and their openness and/or agreeableness on certain principles/ideas.
I generally try to give it a go, and be comfortable, around cis people of my birth gender (f,) but the conversation usually seems to drift toward standard gender-specific things that don't feel relateable to me. granted, i usually have a fairly femme presentation (androgynous for the most part) but am generally taken for a cis female. it leads to the side "oh, you know how guys are, etc"-type convo, which alienates me. I usually try to change the subject to something that anyone could find enjoyable, but no, i do not generally feel like i fit in.
Men's locker rooms . . .
We got chronically/long-term sexually abused, by a male uncle. Penis looks like a tumor. The whole "male" thing freaks me out (threatening, sex abuse). And we realize this is not a normal experience.
Being male, and male sexuality (aggressive/dominant) is alienating, intrusive, threatening for me.
Sex is scary/traumatic -- We get VA disability for PTSD, "childhood sexual abuse" -- That said, we like women. Wish we were born female. Fixated on the female form (because being male is threatening!), and so I often need to explain to women that I'm not leering at them, not lecherous . . .
I'M ENVIOUS ! ! !
Not necessarily fixated about "passing" as female. Instead, I just work/focus on "authentic" and "being me." Working on some anti-androgen meds -- get the [intrusive, threatening, male] libido under control. Grow my hair to my butt, earrrings, unisex dressing like the cis-women locally (recreational casual).
Cis-women, no problems. They treat me like a "sister."
Cis-men, I'm OK so long as it doesn't get out of control crazy macho. A few of them locally simultaneously terrify me and at the same time I feel like "they need to be set straight about how screwed-up their gender presentation is."
Yeah, we understand all the "buzz words" in the trans world . . . like "femme" and "tops/bottoms" . . .
I need to be ME, not interested at 67 to become somebody else (which we can't do in the first place). "Transition" for me implies becoming "somebody else." I realize quite a few of us feel like, "I'm becoming who I really have been all my life."
I understand that feeling. I'm just looking to be authentically me. That said, I don't have a "right answer" for which restroom I use. Both choices are wrong.
I am really uncomfortable too. Especially every time I have to let them know I would rather be referred to as male instead of female and Phoenix instead of Sparkle.
I get so jealous of being around really muscular, macho guys or seein them on tv whether its a live action thriller or an animated adventure.>.>
I feel covetous because I want what they got in terms of biology. Having a man's mind is not enough for me....as long as I remain in this woman body, I will always feel less than them....I will always feel like a castrated male. :embarrassed:
I guess I have never really been comfortable around men or women. They pretty much all treat me like I'm a guy.
This topic intrigued me. I used to be very uncomfortable around women, and noted many times that I had very few friends who were women, and those I had were on the masculine end. I was always more comfortable with men, though they were the opposite gender.
Now that I'm non-binary, I get along better with women than I ever did before. I don't feel the pressure to be like them (which always made me feel like a failure), and I can shrug off their attempts to bond with me around girl things. I also finally have an explanation for why I never felt like I fit in with them, so it no longer makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. And finally, my masculine side actually finds women attractive, so it's more pleasant to be around at least some of them. :)
Thanks for making me realize how the dynamics have changed.
--Sam
I've always felt much safer being with women than men, I could relate to them more, but I've always felt that I had to be like them and it made me a bit uncomfortable, even before I realised I was trans! And when I started realising it I got more uncomfortable of course. Now I'm that I'm more comfortable in my own identity I don't feel this as much any more, sure, we can be very different at times but at least now I don't feel the need to be like them. I still feel safer with women tho.
I'm just glad my group of best friends are of different genders.