Hugs all :)
Just a little something I would appreciate some help with. I've read a lot of threads about passing but the kind of passing that worries me more right now is passing to myself. I'm pre-everythiing right now, up and down like a yo-yo. One minute telling myself 'yes! I AM going to transition' and feeling great for a while, then seeing myself in the mirror...CRASH. Don't get me wrong, I'll never be a super model I know that! And I don't really care about that, I mean it would be nice and all, lol, but it ain't gonna happen :)
but...
I need to at least have some hope that one day I'll look in the mirror and see ME looking back, the me that I feel hidden behind the revolting male mask I see right now. On a good day I can pick out a few 'not so masculine' features, most other days I just see a horror. FFS is not something I can afford now and maybe never, so I'm stuck with what nature,so kindly, gave me.
I'm 46 now so would especially love to hear from some of the older girls here how it worked out for them. Do you see what you hoped to see..is it just confidence, luck with the hormones or damn good make-up? :D
We are usually our own worst enemies. I spent many years believing I would never pass. I was 42 in the before pic, 48 in the after. Started HRT at 47.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fxmung.com%2Fimpossumbly%2Fgrace-banda.jpg&hash=254548e5f849439324c6041ef042c58defa93fd4)
It takes time, patience, confidence, the right presentation, beard removal, etc, etc - HRT helps too obviously but don't get hung up expecting it to be an instant magic pill.
Ms. Grace,
You have a beautiful happy smile in both pictures. You look great and are inspiring to those of us who are starting to sort our own futures out. :)
Amelia
Quote from: Ran14 on November 09, 2014, 09:44:04 PM
The thought of passing leaves me anxious. Like a psychological torturous method of attaining an impossible goal. Is there anyone out there who has given up on the external to work on the internal while still on hrt? . I'm so lost sometimes and fed up with social standards. Does anyone feel like transgender- ism has become another box to keep us conformed to a social construct? Is our desire to become women or pretty? Or busty or hippy or feminine. I know this is just a rant but,"damn it!" I Am woman hear me roar!
I don't understand the question.
As to 'constructs' of any kind, it seems to be a recurring theme leading me to believe that schools are now using this term far too often. How can '->-bleeped-<-' be a social construct?
.
There isn't a measure of transgender enough. You can be non binary or far out on the far limit of gender. You still belong. As to " passing be our base to our feeling the way we do", that may be true for you, I guarantee it isn't for me. For some passing is all important, for some it isn't.
Thanks for the clarification .
If passing is important to you, then that is fine. It does help with the social aspects. Some people are fine with just being themselves in whatever form that may be. For me, that is the extent of 'passing' that is needed. For others, how they are perceived by the world around them is very important and they will do all they can to fit into that perception.
Ms Grace..you look wonderful and happy:)
The thread seems to have gone off on a bit of a tangent. I wasn't making any kind of comment on the importance of passing publicly, but being happy with yourself, about eventually SEEING that person inside. As for my opinion on passing publicly, well, at my age and build etc, I don't expect to do well at that. I just hope I can develop the confidence to not care and that the happiness I hope to feel being who I am at last will carry me through the tough times.
It helps, that's for sure, but you still need to build your own fortitude.
Grace, that picture looks amazing.
But I can see the woman in the male picture. You already had that kind of "Shine" in your eyes.
As for the OP's question:
I started to see ME when I was about 12 months on hormones/electrolysis. One day I looked into the mirror and I saw ME, my true self shining through. With the help of hormones SHE finally came to the surface. She literally surfaced in my face. I never forget that moment.