Hi everyone!
I'm confused on who I want to be. The thoughts to be male surfaced in August but I think it's been in the back of my mind since puberty. I'm struggling because I don't know if I want to be male permanently or just switch back and forth. I like to crossdress but I feel like I need something more. I don't like being treated as a delicate girl...I want to be treated like a man. The problem with that though is that I'm sensitive to certain things...
I had two weeks where the male thoughts were pushed into the back of my head. But now that the thoughts have resurfaced, I'm becoming more desperate. I not only want to dress like a man, I want to smell like a man too. I want to wear men's deodorant and cologne. I cut my hair and use men's gel to spike it up a bit. I want to pass as a male...but I sometimes don't mind being female. That's where the confusion is coming from.
I've called a psychiatrist who specializes in LGBT, so hopefully she will be able to help me sort out my thoughts. I also want to learn more on this site. Only my mom knows my desire and I feel terrible that she feels overwhelmed by it all. My dad and little sister don't know so I can't strut around the house wearing men's clothes and having my chest bound...sometimes the urge to be male hit me at the strangest times.
I think I've written enough now haha. Anything else just ask.
Blaine
Welcome to the forum, Blaine! Glad to have you join us. I'm sure you'll learn a lot about gender from many different perspectives. :)
Here are some links to some useful information about the forum:
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
We also have a Youth Talk (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,496.0.html) section, if you're under 18 and would like to talk to others of similar age.
Blaine,
A big warm welcome to Susan's Place. You will find some beautiful people here that are or have gone through what you are feeling. There is a vast amount of information to be found here and its all at your finger tips. So pull up a chair, relax and let your fingers do the walking. It's always great to have another brother. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angles always look upon you and guide you on your path. Hope to see you around the forums.
Hugs,
Melissa Ann
Hi Blaine, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. Sounds like you have some genderfluid/bigender/two-spirit thing going on, or maybe you just haven't sorted yourself out yet. That's what people come here for. See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Welcome Blaine to Susan's family.
You are on the right path with professional lgbtq help.
It's a huge step moving forward and all the help you can get will make the path a little easier.
Hugs
Hey man :)
I completely get what you're going through. I'm going through it too. The whole desperately needing more and more things to make you look/feel like how you feel inside? My parents went on vacation a couple of weeks ago. I used their absence to order approx. $300 worth of men's old navy clothes...Yes, I know I have a problem :p
Keep buying that men's deodorant and shampoo. Keep doing whatever it takes to make yourself feel like you know you should. Life's too short to live it as the wrong person.
Hi there and welcome to our ever growing family here at Susan's! :)
Thanks for the warm welcomes everyone! I appreciate it!
Quote from: JoshD on November 11, 2014, 11:10:56 PM
Hey man :)
I completely get what you're going through. I'm going through it too. The whole desperately needing more and more things to make you look/feel like how you feel inside? My parents went on vacation a couple of weeks ago. I used their absence to order approx. $300 worth of men's old navy clothes...Yes, I know I have a problem :p
Keep buying that men's deodorant and shampoo. Keep doing whatever it takes to make yourself feel like you know you should. Life's too short to live it as the wrong person.
Haha, I would spend that money if I had it. And I do feel like I need more and more things to make me look/feel like the person I am inside. We should chat sometime!