Like, really, it gets more and more frustrating how people will address me with guy, dude, man, mate, or whichever. I have told some directly that it bothers me and most don't understand where I am coming from. After all, it is just a simple word.
I already been working on a personal blog for a while and wrote a thing about it. I plan on sharing it on Facebook (I already came out on Facebook, so they know) so people hopefully finally understand where I am coming from. Why it bothers and hurts me and I try to ask them to address me properly, without hurting them either.
It is quite a long writing, but would anyone mind to read it and to tell me if it is a good explanation with the suggestion to the readers to keep in mind that a simple word can still be hurting?
Can find it here:
http://thedifferentperspectives3000.blogspot.nl/2014/11/yo-dude.html
Thank you in advance :D!
Kirey,
(((HUG)))First off let me say I love your name. I do think that you explained yourself quite well and I agree it is hard for people who are not transgendered to understand how we feel. I find that a lot of people think that this is a conscious choice that I've made and everybody that is trans knows this is not a choice. As far as somebody calling you, dude. I find that very disrespectful, especially if you have already tried correcting them on this. On the flip side to that, though I do find a lot of my female friends call each other, dude Also. Of course they've called me dude also while just treat me as one of the girls. It doesn't seem to be a big deal for them. But I do get a bit self-conscious about it. I have found that the males around me are not calling me dude, so I'm happy about that. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angels always look upon you and help guide you on your path.
Hugs,
Melissa Ann
I am out at work, but not presenting there. Being called sir drives me nuts, and co-workers would some times say it humorously or as a habit. I told them it bugs me, but I addressed it with humor, whining or sarcastically glaring whenever they did it. They all stopped using it and most of them will say stuff like miss, senorita, lady, chick, etc. instead. It probably helps that I'm very effeminate looking thanks to HRT and hair down to just below my ribs.
I've found that if you chastise people for saying stuff like that to you, it will probably stress them out. Turning it into an amusement or a game encourages them to accommodate you. Many of the people at my work are quite a bit older (50+) with a few people around my age, in their 20s. None of them were terribly well educated on the subject and several are republicans and Christians.
Being really kind, friendly and humorous goes a very long way. Not to say that you haven't been, of course; I couldn't know. If you haven't tried this route, though, it may be worth looking into.
Sweet!
Someone had to do it....
And one of my nieces that's in college calls everyone dude.
Quote from: Sybil on November 11, 2014, 11:38:10 AM
I am out at work, but not presenting there. Being called sir drives me nuts, and co-workers would some times say it humorously or as a habit. I told them it bugs me, but I addressed it with humor, whining or sarcastically glaring whenever they did it. They all stopped using it and most of them will say stuff like miss, senorita, lady, chick, etc. instead. It probably helps that I'm very effeminate looking thanks to HRT and hair down to just below my ribs.
I've found that if you chastise people for saying stuff like that to you, it will probably stress them out. Turning it into an amusement or a game encourages them to accommodate you. Many of the people at my work are quite a bit older (50+) with a few people around my age, in their 20s. None of them were terribly well educated on the subject and several are republicans and Christians.
Being really kind, friendly and humorous goes a very long way. Not to say that you haven't been, of course; I couldn't know. If you haven't tried this route, though, it may be worth looking into.
But out of that I don't understand if you mean the text isn't good .. o.o.
Ehhhh...I've always thought of dude as gender neutral. It used to get on my nearves until I noticed that cis women get it all the time too. It's not like it means I look like a guy-I mean, I don't think I do-and you sure as hell don't. It's not good to censor people, if the language isn't meant to defame hon. I feel like I used to be bothered by it because it played with my insecurities, not undermined my identity.
I do understand the differences between when it isn't gender related but when someone calls me by my old name or when my sister comes in it goes like, hey girl, hey boy. Then it annoys me.
I was out for breakfast this morning and there was a table with three men and three women. The server addressed the group as "guys." People sort of do things like that. I have even been with groups (presenting male) that were addressed as girls. This is a lot less commom, but it does happen, and one has to get used to it. In my case the joke is on them anyway.
I can see your point in objecting to those who know better referring to you as "dude." Hopefully your text will help some understand.
Erin
"dude" is neutral in context. Like "whoa, dude!" not "hey dude."
"guy" and "guys" is neutral in context as well, but not as strong as "dude." eg. "you guys" and other plural situations. Singular tends to be gender specific.
"man" is somewhat similar...
All this IMO of course.
Please everyone don't focus too much on the words because they are translations and in the Netherlands, well, used in the same way but this doesn't count for every word. Although I do not like when me and my brother are getting called with guys, I do know it isn't gender related. Someone saying man at the end of their sentence, it happens.
I really just meant that some people call you personally, 1 on 1, incorrectly and trough my text I want to say that I understand that it can happen but that it also brings a bad feeling added to it if used to me directly. But I think I will have to adjust the text some then > _ <.
Quote from: Kirey on November 11, 2014, 12:04:31 PM
But out of that I don't understand if you mean the text isn't good .. o.o.
I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Could you please elaborate?
Quote from: Sybil on November 12, 2014, 05:52:41 PM
I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Could you please elaborate?
I understood what you meant in your message. I do agree humor and by not becoming agree about it, or seeing it as an insult, things are most likely to change faster. But I didn't understood if your message also answered the blog I wrote. Were disagreeing with how I wrote it down?
Quote from: Kirey on November 12, 2014, 06:09:49 PM
I understood what you meant in your message. I do agree humor and by not becoming agree about it, or seeing it as an insult, things are most likely to change faster. But I didn't understood if your message also answered the blog I wrote. Were disagreeing with how I wrote it down?
Sorry, I must have replied when I was on break and felt pressed for time. I didn't read the blog until now. I don't disagree with your blog at all. I think your perspective is fine.
I was only sharing my own approach to the issue of hearing terms that really bother me, thinking there was a chance it would be useful to you.
Quote from: Kirey on November 11, 2014, 10:45:59 AM
Like, really, it gets more and more frustrating how people will address me with guy, dude, man, mate, or whichever. I have told some directly that it bothers me and most don't understand where I am coming from. After all, it is just a simple word.
I already been working on a personal blog for a while and wrote a thing about it. I plan on sharing it on Facebook (I already came out on Facebook, so they know) so people hopefully finally understand where I am coming from. Why it bothers and hurts me and I try to ask them to address me properly, without hurting them either.
It is quite a long writing, but would anyone mind to read it and to tell me if it is a good explanation with the suggestion to the readers to keep in mind that a simple word can still be hurting?
Can find it here:
http://thedifferentperspectives3000.blogspot.nl/2014/11/yo-dude.html
Thank you in advance :D!
I feel your pain and definitely understand where you are coming from... however, I feel much of this "man, bro, dude" talk is coming from colloquialisms people use without even thinking about what they are saying. I have several cis-female friends that will use "man, dude, bro, brah" at the end of every other sentence when speaking directly to each other face to face. Yep... two cis-females calling each other man, and brah... I see this happening several times a day. Several of my closest cis-female friends (who have zero clue I'm trans btw) will do it to me every now and then... and it still makes me cringe. The delivery guy at work once called me "buddy" once (he has no clue I'm trans either) and I was in a bad mood, and I went off on him... he now calls Ms. Jennifer without exception. I had mixed feelings, but if you feel offended say something about it. Proper speech and pronoun use has been slaughtered by modern slang language. Being trans only makes it worse for us sometimes.
That cis women use these terms with each other does not make it any more acceptable for anyone to use them toward us. They have never been through the horrifying experience of having so much testosterone as to cause physical deformities. My mother can refer to my sister as one of the "guys" or use "man" at the end of a sentence with her, and my sister would not necessarily think she is being addressed as male (although one time she did, and was not too pleased.) However, I most certainly do see it as male terminology even when it is intended to be neutral in context.
No matter who a person is or how the person got there, it is very rude and disrespectful for someone to continue using these terms if the (recipient) person disapproves of them. All of these terms are personally very offensive to me. To have been aspiring toward a feminine ideal for so long, and then be addressed with a masculine greeting, makes me feel like all of my efforts have been for nothing. If people think you have not "changed" sufficiently to be addressed in female terms, it might help to remind them that gender is a mental identity, not a physical characteristic.
Quote from: Steph34 on November 14, 2014, 05:19:11 AM
That cis women use these terms with each other does not make it any more acceptable for anyone to use them toward us. They have never been through the horrifying experience of having so much testosterone as to cause physical deformities. My mother can refer to my sister as one of the "guys" or use "man" at the end of a sentence with her, and my sister would not necessarily think she is being addressed as male (although one time she did, and was not too pleased.) However, I most certainly do see it as male terminology even when it is intended to be neutral in context.
No matter who a person is or how the person got there, it is very rude and disrespectful for someone to continue using these terms if the (recipient) person disapproves of them. All of these terms are personally very offensive to me. To have been aspiring toward a feminine ideal for so long, and then be addressed with a masculine greeting, makes me feel like all of my efforts have been for nothing. If people think you have not "changed" sufficiently to be addressed in female terms, it might help to remind them that gender is a mental identity, not a physical characteristic.
But are you going to go thru life outting yourself to every person you meet that happens to say "dude, man, bro" to you on a daily basis whether intentional or not? When is it a part of the modern daily slang? I most certainly am not. I doubt most others will as well. Now if it is a personal friend or there is a repeated negative connotation, that's a different story.
Quote from: JennX on November 14, 2014, 09:15:50 AM
But are you going to go thru life outting yourself to every person you meet that happens to say "dude, man, bro" to you on a daily basis whether intentional or not? When is it a part of the modern daily slang? I most certainly am not. I doubt most others will as well. Now if it is a personal friend or there is a repeated negative connotation, that's a different story.
I do not discuss gender with anyone, really, but I do find these terms hurtful - especially "dude," which to me signifies a super-masculine rancher type. While I would never shout at a stranger, if it is someone I see on a regular basis I would try to let them know they are offending me. After all, failure to speak up for myself is the reason I have suffered so many years in someone else's body, and I finally realized that I cannot truly live unless I make myself known, however uncomfortable it may seem at times. Then again, I have always been very sensitive to having my feelings hurt, so I fully understand if other people are not bothered by this.