I am Jenni or Jennifer or Jen. I am 43 years old from the Twin Cities area of Minnesota. I am a male-to-female transgendered girl. I am married, with a very un approving and non-accepting spouse and immediate family. My parents are accepting although I don't believe they fully understand what it all means. My extended family is unbiased and accepting for the most part.
I have been struggling with my gender identity for much of my life, as is probably the same story for most members here. When I was young, probably between 7-10 years old, I actively started cross dressing almost every chance I had. I didn't discover what it was called until much later in life. I had periods thru my youth and young adulthood where I suppressed the feelings so much that I thought they had went away and disappeared forever. I equally had some episodes during the years thru my mid-twenties in which I was very active in cross dressing and for the first time began wondering if there was more a reasoning behind why. In my later twenties I got married to try rid the feelings and a few years after getting married we had a couple of daughters, not 13 & 11 as of this date in time. It was a couple of years after my daughters were born that the feeling came back stronger than ever. It was in 2003/2004 that I first sought out counseling. I went sparsely due to financial reason, so the process was slow. I did a lot of self-research online and through various libraries. It was in 2006 or so that my therapist diagnosis me with G.I.D., which I had already kinda came to realize myself.
It wasn't for another two years, in 2008 that I finally accepted myself as a MtF transgendered girl. It was such a revelation and relief, and I knew what I wanted more than anything, I wanted to be my true self. Insert an unaccepting spouse and two young daughters and I've placed my family ahead of my desires to be the woman I know I am to be. My wife is tolerant of accepting as long as it outta site, outta mind. Unfortunately, over the years the desire and urge to be my true self keeps coming back stronger and more vigilant each time, and it's gotten to a point of no return. My wife and kids no longer talk to me, and I'm at a point where I no longer can stay as my old self. We are heading for divorce, which I believe will be good for us all, although the process of going through it will be rough as she wants to destroy me in the process and take my daughters in full custody without shared parenting, so we'll see how that goes. I intend to fight for my daughters with some form of joint custody at the minimum. I don't want my soon to be ex to poison them with false pretenses surrounding their dad being transgendered and what it all means, she's already started trying.
Anyways, I'm glad I found Susan's and it looks as though there is a ton of information to sort through and many friends to make. I look forward to getting busy and getting on with my life as it should be.
Hugs to all, Jenni R.
Hi Jenni, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm a Bostonian. C'mon, let's get you started on your journey, the trail is this way. Looking forward to seeing you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
A big warm welcome Jenni! Yes, a very familiar story almost as if we all used the same cookie cutter template. I was 47 when I finally succumbed to the transgender life. Yes, I lost family, wife, daughter and basically everything. What I gained though was even more valuable. I know that sounds callous and cold, but I finally found myself. That is the greatest gift anyone can discover. You will have some hard times ahead and that is where we all come in. When it hits you like a ton of steel tell us. When you have good days, tell us. When you think you can't go on anymore you will find someone here saying yes you can. You have found kindred spirits who understand you without a word said. Come to us as often as you need to. So, relax and dig right in, you are family now and forever. :)
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Devlyn and Jessica, thank you both so much for the sweet and kinda words, they are greatly appreciated.
I am ready to get going down that path. It's been far too long and put on hold for the what was perceived as the right reasons, although I think more damage was done than possibly having just let life and the ones I loved the most leave years ago. It's great to know we have such a strong family out there and I will definitely lean on you and share information as I move along.
Again, thank you both!
Hugs, Jenni
Hi Jenni,
A big warm welcome to Susan's Place. It's always nice to welcome another sister to our ever growing family. You will find many beautiful people here that are going through or have gone through the same feeling and emotions that you are. There is a vast array of information and some great resources on this site. Everything is right at your finger tips so pull up a chair, relax and let you fingers do the walking.I so hope to see you around the forums. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angles always look upon you and help guide you on your path.
Hugs,
Melissa Ann
Hello Jenni and welcome to Susan's.
:)