i am going to the monthly meeting of the local transgender group tomorrow evening. Have talked to the foreman on the phone twice,
she is a very nice lady. It´s probable that by just showing up there i will have outed myself. i won´t go there dressed up, but am
trying to find something nice to wear for it. Very nervous of course and excited, but trying to keep my expectations down.
i have this irrational fear that i am going to be shunned, but i have made up my mind, i am going, can´t bear being in limbo anymore.
Am just going to sit and observe and speak when spoken to, be enthusiastic but reserved as i can be too talkative when nervous.
Wish me luck please, i am going to need it.
good luck
you have to start somewhere. Going there isn't going to out yourself. Realistically you will out yourself to a group of transgender people. They have probably been where you are and will understand what you're going through. I didn't go dressed up the first time I went either. I went to PFLAG which is less of a direct LGBT support group and more of a support group for people who support LGBT. However over half the people there that day were either Gay or Lesbian. They had no trouble accepting me.
Wish you the best.
Its a hard issue we have to deal with. The unknown.
Just be honest with yourself. Head held high.
Hugs
Good luck!!
Everyone knows someone who knows you in this place, there are so few of us and people like to talk,
but it´s okay, i am as prepared for it as i can be. If i am not out after this, fine, if i am, also fine.
Like you say Awilliams, i have to start somewhere and this is the best start i can think of.
Thank you sisters and thank you mrs izzy i will keep those words in mind :)
I came out to my TG freind last Monday, planning to others (build support group) over next few weeks. It was a massive weight of my mind... Hardest still to come though... :'(
Good luck :)
L Katy
Lindagrl, that's an awesome step to be taking. Enjoy the experience - there's nothing to be nervous about. Everyone in that room will have been (or will be) in exactly the same situation you're in. They'll understand, they'll know how you feel (nervous!), and they'll know how to make you comfortable.
I'm not a huge group fan - tried it a few times, maybe it was a strange cliquey group or something, who knows. But for those first few times I went out and dealt with how I felt, it was extremely empowering and reassuring to be in a group setting where there were girls in all stages of their transitions. It gave me the confidence I needed to push forward - it affirmed how I felt, and I left feeling on top of the world.
Nobody will shun you. If anything, you'll be inundated with girls who want to help.
Quote from: katrinaw on December 02, 2014, 05:08:45 PM
I came out to my TG freind last Monday, planning to others (build support group) over next few weeks. It was a massive weight of my mind... Hardest still to come though...
Good luck :'(
L Katy
That´s fabulous Katy, holding your hand, we are going to be fine, one step at a time
Quote from: Brenda E on December 02, 2014, 05:16:16 PM
Lindagrl, that's an awesome step to be taking. Enjoy the experience - there's nothing to be nervous about. Everyone in that room will have been (or will be) in exactly the same situation you're in. They'll understand, they'll know how you feel (nervous!), and they'll know how to make you comfortable.
I'm not a huge group fan - tried it a few times, maybe it was a strange cliquey group or something, who knows. But for those first few times I went out and dealt with how I felt, it was extremely empowering and reassuring to be in a group setting where there were girls in all stages of their transitions. It gave me the confidence I needed to push forward - it affirmed how I felt, and I left feeling on top of the world.
Nobody will shun you. If anything, you'll be inundated with girls who want to help.
Oh Brenda, i pray it will be like that. Thank you so very much, needed that
hugs
linda
I am so excited for you! Every step is a step toward self-realization and happiness! Peace.
Quote from: Cee Myk on December 02, 2014, 05:38:03 PM
I am so excited for you! Every step is a step toward self-realization and happiness! Peace.
Did not sleep much, so nervous.
This is exactly what i needed to read this morning :)
Thank you kindly sister
Quote from: lindagrl on December 02, 2014, 04:43:55 PM
i am going to the monthly meeting of the local transgender group tomorrow evening. Have talked to the foreman on the phone twice,
she is a very nice lady. It´s probable that by just showing up there i will have outed myself. i won´t go there dressed up, but am
trying to find something nice to wear for it. Very nervous of course and excited, but trying to keep my expectations down.
i have this irrational fear that i am going to be shunned, but i have made up my mind, i am going, can´t bear being in limbo anymore.
Am just going to sit and observe and speak when spoken to, be enthusiastic but reserved as i can be too talkative when nervous.
Wish me luck please, i am going to need it.
Linda,
Good luck tomorrow. And good on you for being so brave as to take this first step. Don't worry about outing yourself, since- as has been pointed out already- you'll only be doing so to a group of folks in situations similar to your own.
I still haven't been able to make myself attend an in-person support group. I keep telling myself next week. :-(
I hope your group provides you the comfort and clarity you seek.
-Teg
Good luck! The first steps are the hardest. I'm finding each one next to be easier as I go. :-)
Hugs Linda,
You brought thoughts back from my first time out. I was met by the head of the local transgender group in a safe pub. She had to hold my hand I was trembling so much!
I was terrified!
Goddess it seems so funny now.
I met her again recently when I was giving a public lecture, she came up to me after and said she was amazed, she never thought the frightened little closeted girl could cope, and there I was in front of an audience bantering away. Confident, happy out and proud.
You will be there as well one day - the first step is a doozy.
Taking it is tthe key to happiness.
Hugs Girl.
Oh, i am smiling from ear to ear now.
Bless you girls, thank you for your input each and every one,
feel privileged to be here among my peers.
It´s still 11 hours 44 minutes and 16 seconds away though :)
Only 10 hours and some now :D
Good luck!
Thanks for the reminder Adrian :)
Am busy shaving now, will probably do it a couple of more times today
and what to wear, i have no decent shoes. These are just fun problems.
Have a pair of pants that could pass for slacks, V neck half sweater maybe,
no too much, tone it down. Voice training videos to brush up on my speaking.
arrgh only ten hours to prepare :D
Quote from: lindagrl on December 02, 2014, 05:20:00 PM
That´s fabulous Katy, holding your hand, we are going to be fine, one step at a time
:-*
Good luck for 10 hours time and enjoy the moment
L Katy
Quote from: katrinaw on December 03, 2014, 04:34:24 AM
:-*
Good luck for 10 hours time and enjoy the moment
L Katy
i intend to :)
With so many girls rooting for me, i feel so much more confident already :-*
Please report back as soon as you can once the meeting has finished!
i promise, i will Brenda, however it goes.
Feel more feminine now after shaving, nobody will see it but it gives me added confidence.
Had a little beauty sleep too. ;)
hugs
you go girl <3
Okay, i just got back from the group and it´s safe to say that this did not go as i had anticipated. i knew that the meeting would start with one of the girls
doing a sales introduction lecture for a Omega fatty acid balance diet thingy, but it was not her doing it, it was two non transgender guys well known from the local
sports world. The girl that i thought would do the introduction is a exuberant very open type of person and as the first girls came in she announced to them
that i (said my birth name) was there already, she apparently had no idea that this was my first time out. In a panic i chased her to the coffee machine in
the hallway and told her that i was brand new and scared stiff and please not to do this because nobody there had seen me before. She said sorry and then
put a hand on my shoulder and told me not to be afraid, it would be alright. While she was doing that, i noticed an open office space a few feet from us where
a group of office workers overheard everything. No don´t go running out girl, i said to myself, don´t let yourself down and so i just smiled and went back into
the room for the nutrition thingy intro. The foreman showed up a bit late and did not attend, was doing something else and there were just four of us and those
two guys, one of which did nothing the whole time except send messages on his cell phone and that was just freaking me out. i had not been introduced to any
of the girls yet, was too shy to initiate that and they probably also. Anyway the intro took forever it felt like, but was probably an hour and a half. Thought i would die.
When it was finally over, we girls went into another room for a meeting and two others joined us there who did not attend the intro.
We had about 20 minutes to chat there and there i was asked about my situation and i answered the best i could, but there were other subjects
being talked about also, so it was all a bit hurried, not much left of the evening. i told of my frustration with the system here, that i felt like there was
no room for the likes of me within the recent law for transgenders, those who want to go on hormones but are not allowed to start until a committee of
so called specialists had decided if to allow it after 12 months of living as a woman. i had planned to be calm and sweet but ended up a complaining excitable bitch,
but i did manage to explain what a shock this evening had been for me and they understood and that was a good feeling. The foreman did not know that
these two guys would be there and it´s not her fault, it´s just how it is, it´s a tiny group in difficulty finding housing.
Somebody up there just loves to tease me.
So it was late and everyone had to go, but having heard that the foreman arrived by bus, i used the opportunity to offer her a ride home, which she accepted
and one other girl too who lives in the same neighborhood. During the drive i bitched some more, but we had a good laugh about the situation also and that
eased the tension much. Was really disappointed with myself having reacted like this and told the foreman that, adding that i hoped she would not think me
a total idiot, that i really am a nice person. i like her, she is a sweet woman, no complaints with any of the girls, happy to be in their group. i am invited as
Linda to a Xmas meeting that will be held in a few weeks from now. Am really happy about that, but goodness me i have to be calmer then for everyone´s sake.
So that was it, a long ride through a surrealistic kind of hell and then a short excited meeting with some very nice people.
All in all i am happy i did not run, at least i did that right, i hung on. Will have to tell my mother and father soon though,
i am as good as out to everyone now i fear and would rather they hear it from me than someone else.
i am laughing about this now, while shaking my head in disbelief but i am glad i went,
it has to get easier from now on, i don´t have nerves for more panic like this.
Hugs and kisses to you girls for cheering me on,
i don´t think i would have dared without your support.
linda
Awesome! I'm glad to hear it all worked out for you!! [emoji4] [emoji4]
Thank you Zordeles. That a nervous wreck like me can get through an evening like that and end up smiling,
then hopefully others thinking of making the step into the transgender community will not feel too daunted.
In my case it was worth it
Forgive me for not understanding, Linda, but where is this trans group? It's not at work, is it?
-Teg
Quote from: Sincerely Tegan on December 03, 2014, 10:27:53 PM
Forgive me for not understanding, Linda, but where is this trans group? It's not at work, is it?
-Teg
Hi Teg,
No it´s not, the meeting was being held in a new location, because they don´t really have a place of their own and have to meet where they can.
This is in Reykjavík Iceland, my home town. It was just an office building and i did not expect that at all, that people would be there that in no
way are connected with the transgender group. Am still in shock actually.
Wow, what a rough introduction to that group! But you did the right thing in sticking it out and overcoming your fears - it takes tremendous courage to do that, and you did it! That ability may come in handy later when you find yourself in new unfamiliar circumstances. And you even went the extra distance and made friends - excellent!
And now that the first time is over with it just gets easier from here :)
Thank you Eva Marie. i need that kind of encouragement now, i just got up and am feeling quite overwhelmed about what happened.
i hope it will get easier now. Been thinking of calling the foreman today, because i feel i did not behave the way i wanted to.
Don´t feel very strong and courageous at the moment, feel like i jumped off a cliff.
So glad you responded, am freaking out a bit.
Good girl!
Well you got a bit dropped in the deep end and survived. That is a very good lesson.
And Hey don't worry about RLE without HRT, download the WPATH SOC and give it too your therapists, (www.wpath.org has copies to download). We do RLE when we are ready - and with HRT.
It isn't that tough of a call to be honest, just seems it before you become you.
Oh my! That sure sounds like much more excitement than you needed for your first meeting. I'm glad you took the plunge though and it was OK in the end :)
Thank you Cindy, it took a little searching but i found that pdf document, am going to read it all. Nobody has heard of this here it seems, i think this is something
i need to share with the other girls as well.
hugs
Just a crazy cow hopping across a frozen lake on a pogo stick, strength and balance is everything.
Having you girls for support is invaluable to me. i cannot praise this place enough, thank goodness i found you.
i will feel better soon i am sure, just needed to vent a little.
Wish i could hug you all my sisters
Congrats :) It will only get easier. You'll see. I'm glad you got over this milestone & may your transition go smoothly :)
Sorry for the ranting and raving, will stop that now.
One thing that came out at the group meeting astounded and scared me. This is listed as a mental disorder here by the medical community,
the head doctor over the hormone and surgical treatment is a psychologist with no connection to the transgender world. i asked how it was
that he became this great dictator, the foreman explained that he was the only one that showed an interest in taking on the job.
Just bizarre. i know this guy from long ago, i hope he has changed is all i can say, but i don´t think i will ever be able to trust him.
The group is presently pressing for the classification to be changed and i am happy about that and in time i will hopefully be able
lend a hand with that when i feel more confident. Am not going to rush the next steps though, need to take my time.
linda
Hey that's awesome Linda... Seems as though you handled the situation and yourself well
Love Katy :-*
Thank you Jasmine,
You girls really fill me with much needed confidence. :)
hugs
Quote from: katrinaw on December 04, 2014, 03:04:30 AM
Hey that's awesome Linda... Seems as though you handled the situation and yourself well
Love Katy :-*
Sweet and kind of you to say so Katy, i will borrow from my sisters the evaluation of how i did and stop beating myself up now.
After all i did something i never thought i would have the courage to do and that does feel good and empowering.
love linda
Quote from: lindagrl on December 04, 2014, 03:04:12 AM
This is listed as a mental disorder here by the medical community,
Your medical community is woefully behind the times. In one of the revisions to the DSM-V transgender was reclassified to not be a mental disorder. GID (Gender Identity Disorder) became GD (Gender Dysphoria) as a result.
You might take a copy of the DSM-V to your medical community with the relevant parts highlighted to help educate them.
More information:
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/12/03/1271431/apa-revises-manual-being-transgender-is-no-longer-a-mental-disorder/
Great work getting to that first meeting! I did this recently too, piecing together a basic outfit, being so scared stiff that I said almost nothing for two hours. So very unlike the male me.
I've only been out a few other times dressed, but each seems easier than the first. Keep at it is the message I got from people there, so I'm passing it on to you now :)
Quote from: Eva Marie on December 04, 2014, 10:31:25 PM
Your medical community is woefully behind the times. In one of the revisions to the DSM-V transgender was reclassified to not be a mental disorder. GID (Gender Identity Disorder) became GD (Gender Dysphoria) as a result.
You might take a copy of the DSM-V to your medical community with the relevant parts highlighted to help educate them.
More information:
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/12/03/1271431/apa-revises-manual-being-transgender-is-no-longer-a-mental-disorder/
Thank you kindly Eva Marie. After a little bit of searching i found a free pdf document specifying changes from version 4 to 5.
Am not sure if the medical community will take much notice of this unless our recent laws here are revised.
What i can do is send this to certain Parliament members i think might show and interest in it and of course to our small
transgender association here. From there medical professionals can be advised to consider revising the medical term
to gender dysphoria and then hopefully a bill of law will be proposed. At best this will take a couple of years, but is doable,
now that the information is here. i need to check how the European medical associations are revising their strategies,
as doctors and lawmakers here look mainly in that direction.
Thanks again, this is helpful, gives us a starting point.
For anyone interested, here is the pdf file.
Changes concerning us being on page 14
http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/changes%20from%20dsm-iv-tr%20to%20dsm-5.pdf
Quote from: Alison AU on December 05, 2014, 12:26:21 AM
Great work getting to that first meeting! I did this recently too, piecing together a basic outfit, being so scared stiff that I said almost nothing for two hours. So very unlike the male me.
I've only been out a few other times dressed, but each seems easier than the first. Keep at it is the message I got from people there, so I'm passing it on to you now :)
Hi Alison. Oh i did not go dressed to that meeting, just wore some nice fitting pants and what i thought looked ok.
Wow, that must have been so difficult for you to do for the first time, but a nice feeling afterwards i can imagine. Gives me courage.
i am going to be dressed at the Xmas party, but am freaking out that i don´t have anything really suitable, need to go shopping and that scares me too lol
Quote from: lindagrl on December 05, 2014, 02:34:24 AM
Quote from: Eva Marie on December 04, 2014, 10:31:25 PM
Your medical community is woefully behind the times. In one of the revisions to the DSM-V transgender was reclassified to not be a mental disorder. GID (Gender Identity Disorder) became GD (Gender Dysphoria) as a result.
You might take a copy of the DSM-V to your medical community with the relevant parts highlighted to help educate them.
More information:
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/12/03/1271431/apa-revises-manual-being-transgender-is-no-longer-a-mental-disorder/
Thank you kindly Eva Marie. After a little bit of searching i found a free pdf document specifying changes from version 4 to 5.
Am not sure if the medical community will take much notice of this unless our recent laws here are revised.
What i can do is send this to certain Parliament members i think might show and interest in it and of course to our small
transgender association here. From there medical professionals can be advised to consider revising the medical term
to gender dysphoria and then hopefully a bill of law will be proposed. At best this will take a couple of years, but is doable,
now that the information is here. i need to check how the European medical associations are revising their strategies,
as doctors and lawmakers here look mainly in that direction.
Thanks again, this is helpful, gives us a starting point.
For anyone interested, here is the pdf file.
Changes concerning us being on page 14
http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/changes%20from%20dsm-iv-tr%20to%20dsm-5.pdf
Google EPATH they are a very active medical provider group that is a sister group from WPATH. European medic providers are pretty active (read very!!) and lead the world in the research area of transgender.
Quote from: lindagrl on December 05, 2014, 02:41:24 AM
Hi Alison. Oh i did not go dressed to that meeting, just wore some nice fitting pants and what i thought looked ok.
Sorry I misunderstood one of your earlier posts. But still I think for me stepping over the threshold of a group labelled trans* felt like an amazingly huge step to take, irrespective of the choice of dress. I just chose a double dose of courage, wow it was certainly confronting. But yes since then it has been more and more baby steps forward, each feeling better and easier to take than the last.
I'm sure you looked great - I actually felt over dressed there! I am more comfortable hiding behind makeup, but just keep doing what feels right for you.
Thanks for the info Cindy, i have found their home page. There will be a conference in Belgium in mid March,
would be great if someone in our local group could attend. i have much to tell the girls when we meet. :)
Quote from: Alison AU on December 05, 2014, 03:54:00 AM
Sorry I misunderstood one of your earlier posts. But still I think for me stepping over the threshold of a group labelled trans* felt like an amazingly huge step to take, irrespective of the choice of dress. I just chose a double dose of courage, wow it was certainly confronting. But yes since then it has been more and more baby steps forward, each feeling better and easier to take than the last.
I'm sure you looked great - I actually felt over dressed there! I am more comfortable hiding behind makeup, but just keep doing what feels right for you.
That´s OK Alison, i am not always precise in my writing or speaking, being a drama queen and all.
Oh yes this was a huge step and in spite of the initial shock am very glad i went through with it,
so glad you did too and i think you showed great bravery to go dressed.
Am counting on it becoming a little easier now, been a bit too dramatic for my frail nerves.
Hugs
Linda
Ain't nothing scary about shopping. It is Christmas almost. People going around shopping everywhere buying everything. People will just think you are buying gifts unless you are overt about it at this time of year.
Quote from: Seras on December 05, 2014, 07:08:30 AM
Ain't nothing scary about shopping. It is Christmas almost. People going around shopping everywhere buying everything. People will just think you are buying gifts unless you are overt about it at this time of year.
Whatever i buy, i will have to try it on first, in a changing cubicle of course. :)
But you are right, it´s no bid deal and since i was able to get through being displayed in front of non transgender folks at that meeting i can handle this.
Even then it is easy if you want to not be obvious. Walk around grab some gifts then head down to the rubbish section of rubbish boring clothes. Find something like a coat and some jeans carry that too and go find a cubicle. This is the sort of stuff I always used to do, I did things like this until I built up my confidence cause it used to make me really nervous. Nowadays I just brazenly walk in and buy whatever I want lol.
The main thing though is to just be confident. People won't care unless you are all shifty and weird about it. In my experience.
Linda, glad to hear that you survived. Sounds like a bit of a crazy meeting - not like anything I've experienced before. Stick with it, go to the next one, see if it gets better.
Are there any other groups in your area?
Quote from: Seras on December 05, 2014, 08:45:21 AM
Even then it is easy if you want to not be obvious. Walk around grab some gifts then head down to the rubbish section of rubbish boring clothes. Find something like a coat and some jeans carry that too and go find a cubicle. This is the sort of stuff I always used to do, I did things like this until I built up my confidence cause it used to make me really nervous. Nowadays I just brazenly walk in and buy whatever I want lol.
The main thing though is to just be confident. People won't care unless you are all shifty and weird about it. In my experience.
We just got home from a bit of shopping. The weather is awful, sleet coming down sideways, but we had a great time. Am so happy with myself today.
On a whim we went to a little lingerie store we have shopped at a couple of times, pretending we were buying panties for my wife, but this time it was different.
i wanted to practice being brave. i began by looking at some super soft fluffy socks for ladies and asked the saleslady if she had them in my size. Her eyebrows
lifted for a moment and she reached for the correct ones for me, but to be sure of whom she was dealing with, she also showed me some men´s socks,
but i showed little interest. No we love these i said, one pair for me and one for my wife and a couple more for gifts. To make sure she got it, i added hmm
i remember you had a stand with some various really nice panties at a reasonable price last time we were here. Oh, she replied and smiled, i will have those
after Xmas when my sale starts, but if you follow me there are some really nice ones over here and i followed her to a rack of panties. These have a nice shape
to them she said. Oh yes and a little wider at the back than some. That´s true she replied, the panty line won´t show much when you wear them and she gave
me a lovely smile. A bit too expensive though i replied, perhaps you will have some left over in January. i think so, you have a slender figure, i usually have
some in your size that don´t sell and another lovely smile was directed my way and of course i smiled my prettiest.
Wowee i am so amazed at myself, am still all smiles.
Buying clothes for the Xmas party will be much easier now that i released my foot off the brake a little.
Happy happy happy :)
Quote from: Brenda E on December 05, 2014, 09:47:15 AM
Linda, glad to hear that you survived. Sounds like a bit of a crazy meeting - not like anything I've experienced before. Stick with it, go to the next one, see if it gets better.
Are there any other groups in your area?
Yep it was crazy alright Brenda but perhaps just what i needed, to be pushed into the deep end.
No other groups in my area, but there are more girls in the group, many just don´t show up for the December meeting it seems.
Am so very happy to be in that group though, small as it is, no delighted is the word.
To feel and know that i belong there is an awesome realization for me.
Linda,
Look at you, girl. You are positively trucking along.
Quote from: Sincerely Tegan on December 05, 2014, 10:37:07 PM
Linda,
Look at you, girl. You are positively trucking along.
Thank you Tegan, i need to be told by my peers that i am doing good things.
You are kind and generous and i like how you write.
Linda, It sounds like group went well, congratulations. It is definitely a nerve racking experience.
I did not speak the first 3 meetings I went to and now I am at ease and share. So you did a lot better than me :)
I really like going to group and the interaction, knowledge gained and feeling of inclusion, just the way I am. The girls there know exactly what it is like to be TS.