Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: CannibalPrince on December 04, 2014, 11:32:07 AM

Title: Breaking down.
Post by: CannibalPrince on December 04, 2014, 11:32:07 AM
So, I'm suppose to be going to London to be getting my hormones, but they've informed me it's a year waiting list.
I've already getting my deed poll sorted to legally change my name and I'm just so frustrated now.
because everything will have MR JAKOB on my stuff, my bank details, my passport, etc. but my face, my voice will be all feminine.
I've been suicidal since I was 14 (2009, around the time I began to see myself as male) and i thought I'd be on T this time next year, but no. I'll be getting an appointment this time next year and maybe get on T in 2016
Is there any sort of alternative for now that'll lower my voice? or make my face more masculine?
It's just bull->-bleeped-<- that Transfolk have to get "approval" from Cis folk and then be forced to be on a long waiting list.

I just need something to help me pass more, my voice is just a huge issue with me.
I'm already getting looks because my Uni ID says Jakob and people just look down and up at my ID and then me.
Is there no hormone blockers I can have?
I just turned 20. and been in the program since I was 18 trying to fight to get on Hormones, it's been 2 years and then they said yeah okay we'll pass you through to london now, and then london is like "yeah you have to wait another year."
I've done waiting.
I feel like I'm about to explode and do something to myself, i've already started to harm myself again and I've just gotten out of Therapy for my depression.

I really don't feel I can wait that long. I've been waiting since I was 14/15 and finally acted on it when I was 18. I feel myself getting more and more desperate and depressed. but folks always yell at me like "There's other people who've been waiting longer than you, you can wait that little bit more!"
And that just makes me feel worst, but I cannot mentally wait any more. My voice, my face, my body is driving me mad.
Is there no loop hole I can fit through and get T early?
or some small alternative to help me while I wait?
I'm just so desperate right now, just wanting to rip out my throat to get rid of my voice.



Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: Devlyn on December 04, 2014, 11:37:34 AM
Big hug! If you're overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts, please call one of the hotlines. We want you around! Is there an option to go through a private physician to get on T? Maybe you wouldn't have to wait so long.

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: fitzyfoop on December 04, 2014, 11:40:11 AM
You could head over to the states to go on T, I dunno how long the waiting lists are over there but they'd probably be shorter than in the UK.
Hugs from Ireland, Natty
Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: Bran on December 04, 2014, 12:21:18 PM
No waiting lists in the us per se, but depending on where you go, it can be weeks to months before the doctor has an appointment open. And you'd probably bald to pay cash, so I expect it would be cost-prohibitive (it is for lots of folks who live here).

Jakob, if you're hurting yourself please get help. A friend, one of the hotlines, even the emergency room-- talk to someone. Because this *will* get better.   You do have a way out and it's time. You need a better way out, and you need to not have to wait.  But you do have a future worth looking forward to.

Can you talk to your GP about options in the mean time?  I don't know what loopholes or workarounds there might be in the system over there, but I bet your doc would.
Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: Bran on December 04, 2014, 12:22:32 PM
Whoa sorry re typos above-- tapatalk and autocorrect
Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: Elis on December 04, 2014, 01:08:42 PM
I'm also from the UK. Sorry but if you're using the NHS it will be up to a year waiting for the GIC. No way of getting round that. I looked up a private gic in London run by a Dr Curtis. It's a 2 week waiting list to see him according to his website. But with a price tag of £240 for the first consultation and £140 for subsequent ones it's probably unattainable. I've heard there are youtube vids of transguys talking about how to make your voice deeper so check those out. Also small things like having a binder, an stp and packer and nice male clothes has helped me until I get a job and book an appointment with curtis. Also hormone blockers are for trans guys going through puberty to stop female development,  so you're too old for that. If you're in London there's a wonderful LGBT barber in London I go too to get my hair cut. It's called barberette. And there's a website called how too look like a hot dude that's written by a trans guy about basically that. I used it to get ideas on how to get my hair cut like a guys. PM me if you want. I hope I helped.
Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: CannibalPrince on December 04, 2014, 02:27:49 PM
Quote from: Elis on December 04, 2014, 01:08:42 PM
I'm also from the UK. Sorry but if you're using the NHS it will be up to a year waiting for the GIC. No way of getting round that. I looked up a private gic in London run by a Dr Curtis. It's a 2 week waiting list to see him according to his website. But with a price tag of £240 for the first consultation and £140 for subsequent ones it's probably unattainable.

Yeah, sadly Im on the NHS route. The woman before wouldn't let me go forward at all because she was skeptic over "If I was trans or not" because I had bright coloured hair and clothing, so I had to make my hair brown and plain up my clothing and that took 2 years to actually convince her. She was a bitch, commented on my eyebrows saying that I should stop plucking them when they were natural and said I needed to stop wearing blusher when I never wore make up. Made me so self concious because all she did for Two years was point out my feminine features.
but how would I cancel the NHS route to get to the private doctor? Like I said, I'm desperate ): I'd pay for money if it meant being on T soon.
Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: Elis on December 04, 2014, 03:10:16 PM
Quote from: CannibalPrince pic=179155.msg1582132#msg1582132 date=1417724869
Yeah,Im on the NHS route. The woman before wouldn't let me go forward at all because she was skeptic over "If I was trans or not" because I had bright coloured hair and clothing, so I had to make my hair brown and plain up my clothing and that took 2 years to actually convince her. She was a bitch, commented on my eyebrows saying that I should stop plucking them when they were natural and said I needed to stop wearing blusher when I never wore make up. Made me so self concious because all she did for Two years was point out my feminine features.
but how would I cancel the NHS route to get to the private doctor? Like I said, I'm desperate ): I'd pay for money if it meant being on T soon.

Sorry that happened to you, you don't have to change your appearance for the gic as they're properly qualified gender therapists who know that gender is more than what you look like. Phone up the person who put you on the nhs list to cancel and then look up dr curtis's website and phone to make an appointment. You'll need a blood test done before you can start T, which I assume you can do on the NHS and then they'd send the results to curtis who'd give you a prescription. I was going to ask the trans guys on the ftm uk forum when I finally have money to make sure.
Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: Orangaline on December 04, 2014, 07:16:26 PM
Quote from: CannibalPrince on December 04, 2014, 11:32:07 AM


I feel like I'm about to explode and do something to myself, i've already started to harm myself again and I've just gotten out of Therapy for my depression.



Coming from a once-thought-to -have-been-recovered self-harmer, i am so so sorry that you have started that again. Please try to get back into therapy and to take care of youself, and try to keep from doing anything rash in the meantime.

i know this wasnt what you wanted to hear, but i have to other advice i know little to nothing about what your asking for. all i know is that i want the best for you and wish that you would be kind to yourself even though its hard.
Title: Re: Breaking down.
Post by: CannibalPrince on December 31, 2014, 10:56:43 AM
Thanks guys, I've got one last appointment with the gender therapist, I'll see if she'll know about private routes. ;-; but that's in march.