I had begun my journey exactly 2 years ago on the cold winter morning of December 15, 2012 when I started HRT. As I think back to those dark days, leading up to that moment when I took the first pill, I see him standing on my apartment's roof crying his eyes out, broken, and helpless. The prospect of taking the plunge and finish it for both of us seemed enticing to him. I was scared that he would finish it for both of us. That's when I screamed so loud, like I had never done before that "I wanted to live". I just couldn't take being him anymore. I took both our hands, spoke to him softly, told him about the amazing life that awaited us. He listened, he knew what was needed. Tears in our eyes, hand-in-hand we got off the roof, we walked back to our house. With every step we took he began to vanish as if the wind caught each sliver of his being and took him away. As he left, in his place Sneha was born. She was finally here to experience life and live.
What an experience it has been over the last two years. I never realized the world was so vibrant and full of color until that day of December 15. When I started HRT, no one could make me believe that I would pass one day. I was 82 kgs (184 pounds), with me being just 5'3" tall was a lot. My waist line was 36 inches. At this 2-year milestone, I am 58 kgs (128 pounds) with a 28" waistline. I have finally gone partial full-time (I still socially interact as a guy in office). Have come out to mom, just few days ago (another post on the coming out story). So, for the people who are just starting out, I wanted to put my journey down here, so you know what to expect and for others, hopefully a nice read :). Of course please be mindful of the usual four-letter disclaimer YMMV as you read this post.
Face and Passing
I began passing half the time at about the 1-year mark with my wig. Though I never went out dressed until about a few months ago. People would call me a ma'am half the time. At about the 18-month mark, I experienced my first total-boy fail. Today, airport security automatically ushers me to the ladies check and I am barely clocked except by the people who knew me from before.
For facial changes, I have experienced a massive transformation through fat distribution. Before people would consider me an average looking guy, but thanks to HRT, friends say I am super cute (finding it hard to believe - blush blush). However, despite all the changes, I think I still need FFS for my brow, nose, chin, and jaw. Thankfully, my Adams apple never developed - which is amazing.
Body Hair
Facial hair had started to thin out at around the 6-month mark. But with laser, my facial hair is completely gone. I get some soft and light hair growth on my face from time to time. My body hair has completely thinned-out to a point where I need to wax only once every month. Hair growth on my back has completely stopped (been like 6 months since the last waxing session). Chest and hand hair too thinned a lot. However, hair on my legs is giving me a lot of headache. Am considering laser for them.
Head Hair
I have had amazing progress there. My male pattern baldness has reversed and generally my hair is growing longer and thicker. I recently ditched my wig and have got my hair styled in a longish pixie at the moment, which I am hoping will grow out over the next few years. I want a similar hair style to the wig I used to wear
Skin
My skin has become super soft. The girls in the salon are afraid to do my waxing because my skin becomes bright red. I get bruised really easily. In terms dryness, I always had dry skin - but now my skin feels like a desert starved of moisture, I need to moisturize 2-3 times a day. Also, people say I have become really fair than what I was before. Overall my skin is softer and more feminine to touch.
Breasts
Well the big topic. My breast had begun to form at about the 3-month mark, I hit A-cup at the 1-year mark and now my most recent measurement says I am a 36B. However, they look more like an A because of my wide male-ish chest. And yes, my nipples are so very sensitive, I love the feeling when I am go bra-less against a silk night gown or warm water in the shower during the cold winter mornings. I hoping that I can get a little more growth, if not BA is definitely on the cards for me.
Body Fat Re-Distribution
I think, I have a pretty okay experience here. I currently measure, 38-28-37. The changes I love include my smaller waist, the thinner rib cage and shoulders, and hip development. The only thing I hate right now - are my thighs, all the extra calorie I take in, seem to get deposited there. My thighs have become super huge. What I am really waiting for right now, is some more fat distribution in my bums. Hopefully, they can round off a little more.
Emotions
Pre-HRT people would often call me a cold-hearted person with no emotions. But, wow over the last 2 years, I am someone who can cry at the drop of a hat. I recently learnt the girl's secret power of tears. It's so easy to make a guy's heart melt. I don't practice it very often, but I sure am reserving it for those emergency days.. giggles ... Each one of my emotions seem super magnified at this point. If I am happy, I am really happy and the same for sadness. Also, I think have really calmed down, and people now ask me where was I. They remember me as being super obnoxious and short tempered all the time.
My Next Milestones Are:
Even though I may have come so far on my journey, I still have a long way to go before I hit the finish line. Here is a list of things that I planned for myself:
- Begin the process to come out at work - Jan 2015
- Legal name change - June 2015
- Fully come out at work and full time - Sept 2015
- FFS, BA, SRS - December 2015
These are the last 4 big points on my agenda, hopefully I can achieve them ASAP.
Wow - this is definitely my longest post on Susans so far. Thank you so much for reading this. Also, a BIG thank you from the bottom of my heart. I would have been so lost without help from the Susan's community. Thank you sooo much everyone just for being there and having the patience to really guide me .. I love you all :D ...
Thanks for the update - so happy to hear that things are going great for you! :D
Hey girl I'm so happy you're making good progress! Super excited for you.
congrats
Thank you for the long write-up, love to hear your progress and your overall tone of happiness in your post. May 2015 be the best ever for you!