These past few months, I've been obsessing over the issue of passing-can I actually pull it off all the time, even when I'm not in full contouring makeup (as in my profile pic)? Will my tells every go away? Was this whole thing a huge mistake? I was at a party earlier this week; the hostess was a trans friend of mine, and she told a few of her friends about me, and how I'd been helping her with her own gender issues. I got to talking with one of them, and I guess it somehow came up that I'd been helping the friend with her gender stuff, and the girl I was talking too just looked at me in shock, and told me she would never have guessed! I've heard that more than once this past month; I guess hormones have actually worked for me!
Still, it's hard to believe that I've actually had some success in my transition. I'm not sure if I accept fully that I'm making progress, I'm still partially convinced any change that's happened since I started hrt is just in my head. But, I saw an old picture of myself today that I hadn't gotten rid of for some reason, and it took me a split second to remember who he was!
It's still hard to tell if I'm actually making progress though-or, perhaps I should say it's hard to accept that I am? This whole thing feels like an odd dream, and I still half expect myself to wake up.
Well you are looking absolutely fabulous in your avatar! Seriously!
We are our own worst critics and then some. Thing is, we know our perceived flaws and believe everyone else must see them magnified a hundred times. They don't, they just don't. You ask if this has all been a mistake, but only you can answer that and I'm guessing you know the answer is no it hasn't been. This point in transition is often the bumpiest, the head winds of doubt can really buffet your self confidence. The less you worry about your "tells" (real or not) the more you'll realise the majority of people never noticed or cared about them in the first place! :)
Oh how we are worse critics.
I had a new female employee start in my lab, and as she got more confident she asked that she heard there was a transgender woman in the Dept and could she know who she was so that she didn't accidently out her.
One of my male scientists was almost sobbing and looked to me and I just nodded.
He said "Cindy tried to be a guy for a long time before she gave that silly idea up" Poor woman looked so embarrassed; I'm her boss :laugh:
AP you are gorgeous, and never forget it :-*