They can't bring you closer to you, for the only magic potion able to finally heal yourself and discover yourself is acceptance of yourself exactly as you, not wish you were this or that, not strive for an ideal, but love what is in front of the mirror already, love the person that was born the day of your birth date, that was and that is...just as you are. For when you come to just accept and love and embrace, naturally, without effort yourself (and your past and your family, origins) without wishing for any change or modification, then you will have realized that she was always there, hidden in yourself, the only thing you needed to do was to love YOU. Run from yourself, fight yourself and you will feel more and more alienated from you, from others and the ones you love, you will fall into darkness, a place of constant hatredness, where a false sense of injustice roams. All that you ever yearned for is right in front you...simply say YES to what is in front of you, love it, every inch of you...and she will BE!
If you dream of a better world, a better life, a better outcome, if you pray to God, then you are turning your back on yourself...you are there. Love YOU.
The upcoming surgery, the beginning of HRT will not save you from your nightmare, will not suddenly turn you into you because you are already you...
Understand this message and you will end the struggle, a struggle that is unnecessary and absurd.
I stood in the front of this mirror this morning and once again was faced with HIM, I saw him, I hated what I saw and asked when they day would come that I would finally see her, when things would finally be right, I was consumed with anger...and suddenly, my mind completely stopped, I stopped running left and right and instead...stood right in front of myself and said yes, yes to me, to the face that I saw, the masculine...and suddenly I saw HER...she was him, he was her...I stopped wishing for change, for a better predicament. I just embraced my my overall shape, my cheeks, my nose, my face, my body and a smile, rare for me, shined through. I was blown away by just how what I had yearned all my life was there all along...waiting simply to be accepted.
Love you NOW, exactly as you are, you will be amazed by what you find out. Perhaps, my mind had reached the end where it was tired of fighting and wishing, it stopped...and I was!
I wish for everyone to come to this point because this truly marks the beginning of a new life...devoid of fear, sadness, anger. Where nothing is missing. :) Where struggle is absent and where everything is right again. ;)
Ehhhhh. Don't get me wrong, I think self love and acceptance go a long way.
But hormones save people's lives. Surgeries save people's lives. No amount of self love can fix a body that doesn't match up. It might make it easier to bear in the mean time, but it isn't a replacement for those things.
No amount of self love makes this go away. Your type of thought pattern is why I nearly died 2 years ago. Even my previous primary care doctor who tried to use religion to that tune clearly knew that I had to move forward to survive and that sticking to that old concept was only going to result in my death. Sorry, I'm hear to definitely disagree with you and say that hormones and surgeries do save lives.
Mariah
I would agree that self love makes transition less bumpy. Hating ourself just makes us feel even worse about ourself for no good reason. But self love or not I needed HRT to bring me peace. And I will need SRS to make me whole. You're correct; HRT, FFS, BA, SRS are not magical fixes - but for many they are still an essential part of the healing process.
KayXO,
I read you post and cried very hard.
I am happy for you; I hope some day I can be at that mind set.
I had a visceral rejection of testosterone, even before I "knew" I was trans. HRT helped immensely. Self-acceptance is part of the solution, especially after choosing to transition...but it's not a cure-all for many of us.
Quote from: ftmax on December 22, 2014, 01:56:26 PM
Ehhhhh. Don't get me wrong, I think self love and acceptance go a long way.
But hormones save people's lives. Surgeries save people's lives. No amount of self love can fix a body that doesn't match up. It might make it easier to bear in the mean time, but it isn't a replacement for those things.
Yeah, I would agree with that. Being able to start HRT and eventually having an orchi, (along with being able to change my name and gender marker) is what kept me around. The idea of "loving yourself" would just be an empty idea and would not have prevented my early death. BUT, the aforementioned things have. Sure, I could get hit by a bus or drop dead of a heart attack tomorrow. But at least I would die as my true self.
What I'm basically saying is that HRT and surgery won't turn us into girls/women, we are already that. HRT and surgery just confirms what we already know. Don't reject who you are, and your body no matter what results you get from the process, accept it, accept your past and within that acceptance, lies yourself, the woman or girl you have always yearned to reunite with. You are already HER. Even in the body of a physical male.
I tend to agree with Kay, self acceptance, at least for me has been a key to my success as a happy woman.
I will add some comments that are in the consent for genital reassignment that I have just recieved.
Quote
I acknowledge that I have been informed that this surgery will not change my emotional or psychological state, and has not been represented to me as a 'cure' for my gender identity disorder.
I have been informed that this surgery will not guarantee greater acceptance of me in the female role.
I have been informed that depression may follow surgery.
I acknowledge that this surgery is irreversible.
Unquote
Thanks KayXo,
UNDERSTOOD, And Agree. This is one of the most important messages I've seen here. I tried to get this across months back, must have been 2 months into hrt. It really was not about any changes so to speak along femininization lines. I was walking by the mirror (which I usually tended to not delve to deep into) and something caught my attention, I turned and looked, It Was In My Eyes. They were trying to tell me things, thanks for the realization of my need, I'm in here and I'm OK, (which means I'M OK), and they were SMILING. Changes had not occured, it was still the same face, but I WAS HEALING.
UNFORTUNEATELY, I firmly believe all too many do not get this for two reasons. Some due to the immenseness of the task, introspection is tough, and self acceptance is a very difficult thing to do because it means chipping away at insecurities/the reasons they exist, so for many that small window of opportunity can be ignored. For others age plays a big factor because wisdom alot of times does come with age and experience.
I only hope this light shines enough for all to see. Then.... yes, all physical changes as they happen just makes each new day a chance for her to look as she should. Dani
Wow, the more I read the more there is to ponder. I hope your journey gets easier! I just find this all so helpful! Thanks for sharing your experiences!
I suspect a few people misread the OP.
I agree, all the surgery and hormones in the world are of little use if you can't learn to love yourself along the way.
I love myself. I just don't love "him." However, he has had his purpose, and I cheerfully bid him adieu.
I don't see myself as he or she, just me.
And me is happier as a woman... ::)
Self acceptance and self love are critical components for mental health whether trans or cis. Finally accepting myself as transgender was my biggest hurdle to a more honest, genuine and happy life. And then without HRT i would still be stuffing bras and waiting for some magical happening that I gave up at age 13. While gender identity is between our ears I really needed to see and feel a different reality and ease the distress and dysphoria of having an incongruous body with my girly identity. Now I am much closer to my mental image of myself and experience tremendous joy just from looking down and having the girls be real.
Surgery and HRT are not magic and they will not solve all of our social problems but, as others have noted, they do provide for greater happiness and save lives. We don't get there easy and I would guess most of us feel we have thoroughly weighed the options along the way?